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unawaredeprssed

It Sucks To Have Depression But Unlike Many What If You Don't Have The Habit Of Hard Work Drilled Into You....

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i realize this might seem strange to many but in my case, from a young age, i was never taught for some reason the habbit/importance of hard work.I was raised in a very loving, affectionate and supportive environment but my parents were always at work and also didn't believe much in being forceful /strict with kids (which i believe is necessary at times) I am 25 and learned that i' ve had depression. Im well aware getting out of it requires work but i don't have that sense of work ethic or being active mentality i see in so many other depressed people that helps them go on with life.

I am aware that depression itself actually rots away a person ability to be active and to work but i find that having been habituated to that belief system PLUS having depression completely dessimates any productivity level i have . At times when i don't feel depressed and i know i have to get a lot of work done, i don't simply b/c its feels like going against my habituated mind set .............

The biggest thing that gets me about this at times when i see someone like a co worker of mine who has depression and had several extreme bouts work like 50 hours/ week and i work avg 16-24 hours ... it feels really bad. it really sucks b/c depression by its very nature just ends up giving more power to this habbit :verysad3:​

I just wanted to throw this out there. Any ideas, comments, suggestions on this?!

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The importance of hard work? This is a very open-ended question. First of all, define 'hard work' in a particular context. In most cases, the only thing required out of anyone is what that person wants to get out of the job they are tasked with or otherwise have in front of them. For instance, if a high school graduate has aspirations of moving onto post-secondary education, he or she has a variety of options. How hard does the person in question want to work? Does he or she want to spend every opportunity studying, doing well in class, and applying to the most prestigious universities around? If so, the sky is the limit. Would he or she be satisfied with a neighbourhood junior college, a possibility which comes with its own set of pros and cons? If so, then he or she would probably have to work substantially less hard.

Assuming we have a fixed definition, how do you impress upon someone the importance of hard work? The best way I can think of is through example. One must set goals and stop at nothing to achieve them. Anything less would be not trying particularly hard, or not hard enough.

And what about motivation? Should a person living for him or herself 'work' as hard as a person that has to work in order to provide for a large family? Presumably the person with the large family would have a much bigger motivation than the person working for their own self. Circumstances are different in each situation, and they all matter. Therefore, we go back to the issue of, "What does 'hard work' mean?"

Regarding your co-worker, do you know for sure that he or she is depressed because of their hard work? Might it be that he or she is depressed because of circumstances unrelated to the extensive number of hours? What is their situation? Perhaps he or she has big goals that they feel they aren't quite reaching despite all the effort. At least that would probably be the way I would feel.

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luis

thank you for taking the time to read and reply to the post

the co worker situation feels bad at times b/c she has major depression (unrelated to work) and despite it she somehow manages to work ~50 hours/week while i can only grind it out for ~16 hours/week ...i am very new to being aware of depression but as i recently started reading more and more about it i always thought my poor work ethic and general laziness/inactivity is due to depression. after seeing people like this in the world who work like crazy night and day even when suffering makes me think a part of my inactivity could just be due to my upbringing and personal beliefs

i got diagnosed with depression in 2011 ... a year has passed by and i feel like i haven't tried my hardest to face the world (one example being through work) and i wonder at times if part of that is just my laziness ... have anyone else ever had this feeling?

its a feeling i wanted to express infront of the outside world

thank you any and all for reading/replying my post

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Sounds like that's the big part of depression, I wouldn't compare yourself to work harder or you're going to make yourself feel worse. It's the usual guilt trip - where everything seems to be your fault that is the illusion of depression. It's normal to feel guilty so you work harder yet make yourself feel worse in the long run so I advise you to not compare yourself to others as of now.

You do have a lot of strength as you are dealing with depression which depletes your energy so I wouldn't think you're a weak person or anything. If you truly want to get out of depression you have to make that decision on your own to fight it no matter how tough it gets - nobody can make that decision for you. If you don't do anything to help yourself, you're most likely going to keep feeling bad. If you aren't doing anything to help yourself out of depression, ask yourself why and analyse and see what you find. It's these questions that help you get to the root of your problem so you can eventually take action and fix them. If you need any tips or help for that bit, PM me and I'll be happy to help. This is coming from a person who overcame depression on their own w/o meds or any help thus far, still an everyday battle though.

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I can relate. I've always been horribly lazy, depression just exacerbates it. The best thing for me right now is to work hard and focus on my studies; not only will it benefit me greatly in the long run, but it will keep my mind occupied and free of negative thoughts. That's the theory; the reality is that I find it almost impossible to focus on anything at all, let alone college assignments. I end up doing everything last minute or not at all, which obviously makes things even worse. I am my own worst enemy!

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I worked as a first grade teacher, have a four year old and went to school full time...and my mind and body gave out. Fighting depression is hard work in itself...the hard work is retraining the brain with therapy, meds, and exercise. Be compassionate to yourself and do not compare yourself to others. You can only assume they have it together, but you don't know. Everyone is walking around in quiet desperation.

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I know exactly what you mean, i think some people just have a natural tendancy to get things done and others like myself have to summon up every ounce of strength. I'm going through a bad bout of depression well just feeling low and to be quite honest the thought of hard work scares me to death however we can be mentally tough, we've survived this long so we must have some steel inside.

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Sounds like that's the big part of depression, I wouldn't compare yourself to work harder or you're going to make yourself feel worse. It's the usual guilt trip - where everything seems to be your fault that is the illusion of depression. It's normal to feel guilty so you work harder yet make yourself feel worse in the long run so I advise you to not compare yourself to others as of now.

You do have a lot of strength as you are dealing with depression which depletes your energy so I wouldn't think you're a weak person or anything. If you truly want to get out of depression you have to make that decision on your own to fight it no matter how tough it gets - nobody can make that decision for you. If you don't do anything to help yourself, you're most likely going to keep feeling bad. If you aren't doing anything to help yourself out of depression, ask yourself why and analyse and see what you find. It's these questions that help you get to the root of your problem so you can eventually take action and fix them. If you need any tips or help for that bit, PM me and I'll be happy to help. This is coming from a person who overcame depression on their own w/o meds or any help thus far, still an everyday battle though.

.... what if you're scared to make that decision?scared if you would be able to handle whats coming next or not?

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Sounds like that's the big part of depression, I wouldn't compare yourself to work harder or you're going to make yourself feel worse. It's the usual guilt trip - where everything seems to be your fault that is the illusion of depression. It's normal to feel guilty so you work harder yet make yourself feel worse in the long run so I advise you to not compare yourself to others as of now.

You do have a lot of strength as you are dealing with depression which depletes your energy so I wouldn't think you're a weak person or anything. If you truly want to get out of depression you have to make that decision on your own to fight it no matter how tough it gets - nobody can make that decision for you. If you don't do anything to help yourself, you're most likely going to keep feeling bad. If you aren't doing anything to help yourself out of depression, ask yourself why and analyse and see what you find. It's these questions that help you get to the root of your problem so you can eventually take action and fix them. If you need any tips or help for that bit, PM me and I'll be happy to help. This is coming from a person who overcame depression on their own w/o meds or any help thus far, still an everyday battle though.

.... what if you're scared to make that decision?scared if you would be able to handle whats coming next or not?

That's very normal to feel terrified, I definitley was. But it is your choice whether you want to keep suffering or try to help yourself each day, even a little step can make a huge difference with patience and perserverance.

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I completely understand where you're coming from. I have a very strong work ethic and was taught at a young age that if you want something done, do it yourself. I'm very independent and don't like or trust others doing things for me. But I've had depression for years and it's such a fight when I have things to do or feel like I need to get things done to feel accomplished. I'm a full time student and working part time. I have a busy plate and have to put a smile on and get through it all. I'm almost glad when I have a full schedule because it doesn't allow me time to ruminate and over-analyze myself, making my depression worse. Once I start to let the lazy, unproductive side effects of depression effect me, it will take over; I'm constantly fighting it...which is exhausting.

It took me a long time to go to a therapist and actually get help and accept that I might be depressed. I thought I could "fix myself" on my own; I was very resistent to asking for help. It wasn't until I had a complete breakdown, that I gave myself over the professionals. For those weeks where it was the worst, I literally couldn't even focus at work at all.. I was a zombie, I did the bare minimum so that no one noticed something was wrong.

And I know it's so bad, but I'm always comparing myself to others. I'm struggling mentally, and my classes aren't that hard. I have friends that have crazy hard exams and doing a million other things; I look at them and wonder how they're still functioning. My life looks so bearable..why can't I handle it?

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Hi ((((((((((unawaredeprssed))))))))

unawaredeprssed:

i realize this might seem strange to many but in my case, from a young age, i was never taught for some reason the habbit/importance of hard work.I was raised in a very loving, affectionate and supportive environment but my parents were always at work and also didn't believe much in being forceful /strict with kids (which i believe is necessary at times) I am 25 and learned that i' ve had depression. Im well aware getting out of it requires work but i don't have that sense of work ethic or being active mentality i see in so many other depressed people that helps them go on with life.

I have read your post and you seem to be a very wise person. More and more young people havent learned «hard work», motivation to start, persistence, i.e., but it's never to late.

When I was young, I «diagnosed» my depression as a «wrongly developed habit». I think that was very, very good for me. In my thoughts I had to develop new «habits» and learn new things to overcome my depression. I did overcome my depression!

In few words I want to tell something about how I did it. I suppose you know that some people are more vulnerable to depression than others and that heredity can play a part in the D (it's enough to have a great-great grandmother who was affected). I had my part of MI at my family's side, but I also had inherited a very strong «never give in trait» from my ancestors. That trait ( the «never give in trait») was the dominant one. If you havent inherited the will to fight (some do have more of that trait then others) you can learn.

Two links about motivation from a psychologist (just to inspire you):

http://www.2knowmyself.com/motivation/will_power_misuse

http://www.2knowmyself.com/motivation

It seems that to have a goal to fight for is essential to develop the strategies that take one there. My goal was to have an education I wanted very much and to get rid of the depression along the road while working to achieve my main goal (the job after the education).

Do you have a long-term-goal? If not, why not start thinking about one or just choose one so that you have something to fight for (it's only meant to give you something to think about. It's not an order. :smile: )

When I was younger I, like most depressed people, had difficulties in getting up in the morning. Since I had to get up in the mornings if I wanted to be a student, I decided to exercise getting up in the morning. LOL It might sound stupid, but I put the alarm on, went to bed, and rose up when the alarm rang and then I did my usual morning ritual. When finished doing that, I went to bed again at once and did it all over again, and again and again, day after day ... It did work! Training

always helps! (We had to train to learn to walk, to learn to speak , to learn to swim ... i.e.). To train is a very natural thing for us when we have to learn something new.

If you want to try it, I think that you will not be disappointed, as long as you allow yourself to fail and don't punish yourself if it doesn't go forward in the tact that you wish. But we are all different. To me the morning training was a good place to start. May be your start will be from another point.

As time went, I found it very useful to have a schedule both to manage my studies and my spare time. That was also what the University recommended for all students, healthy as well as not healthy. Schedules are also something that some therapists recommend. The really difficult «thing» when making a schedule, is to not make it too strict. As others have mentioned on the thread; depression is hard work in itself. A schedule shall have set aside time to eat, exercise, work, rest, have fun and have some «me-time» («me-time» is time one can use to work/think through ones problems). When I was reading as a student and suddenly started to think about my problems, I told my thought: "I'm occupied with my studies right now. I have time for you (the thought) later this evening in my «me-time»." As time passed it worked, but I had to try over and over again to make it a norm for me. Nothing comes for free!

It is important to remember that some days are so awful that the only place one fits in is in the bed, crying. Tears might even bring stress hormones out of the body. It's no use to attack oneself for laying in bed crying in stead of following ones schedule. We need to learn to be kind to ourselves and give us a pat on the shoulder when we need it. We are OK. To be depressed is hard.

I also learned myself relaxation techniques, self hypnosis and so on, - lots of things that were good for the unique person that is me. So it has to be with you too. There will be tools that are more suitable to you, as the unique person that you are, than to others.

I used a therapist who shared my «world-view». That was really good help!

With these tools and more, I reached my aims and had some really good years afterward. Once upon a time, however, something so awful that it's impossible to describe, happened to me. Some of my so called good «work-mates» became envious at me and made my life turn into a hell in a few months. That's why I use Depression Forums now. Life comes with no guarantee. So it is. Even if it is so, we have to fight for a better life. It can always be better, even if it's only a little bit, and we have to learn how to fight for our way, our goals! :smile:

Think of an physical sick old person on his or her death-bed. It's painful, but what a wonderful moment it is when the persons grandchild comes and gives a kiss at the cheek. Even laying in bed knowing that death is around the corner, can have it's beautiful moments. Hope you understand what I mean!

I wish you all the best and want to recommend you this book as a «travel-partner»: Breaking the Patterns of Depression by the psychologist Michael D. Yapko, Ph.D.

Good luck with the hard work that living with Depression is. :flowers:

Edited by Rosegirl

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thank you for contributing everyone...

right now my goals are to decrease my negative thought patterns and to learn to be more active/involved ...

also i gotta say im kinda almost envious of the people who cry... i feel like crying at times ... never can.... i know crying lightens a heavy heart but its the weirdest thing... no matter how hard i try or bad i feel, there are no tears .... :tear2:​ im also envious of that smiley right now :smile:​

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uawaredeprssed said:

right now my goals are to decrease my negative thought patterns and to learn to be more active/involved ...

Well, then you have started and you can be proud of that. Everyone has to start some place. The big
picture on how one can puzzle all the bits together might take some time.

Congrats for starting! :flowers:

Best wishes!

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