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Am I Just Lazy?


BlackPony

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It turned out that I'll have to work at this weekend too. I've tried to refuse, but my manager became very angry with me, saying: Don't you care about the project? What am I supposed to say to the boss? What are you going to say to the boss? That we did not feel like working?

I so hoped that it all will be over when the weekend comes, I literally counted hours and minutes. It came as such a surprise - dished my hopes - I could not compose myself, I broke down crying, and the manager is angry with me. Because she is working hard, she is staying over the weekend, and I am trying to refuse, she clearly thinks I am lazy. I think I will be fired, they are all so upset with my refusal, even though I agreed in the end, because I am the laziest here, now I won't be able to go to America this summer, I'm so pathetic, don't know what to do, don't have anything to look forward to, I'm so sorry, I wish a car would hit me and it won't be my fault, its all my fault I am so lazy...

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BlackPony, none of this is your fault. Your manager clearly used guilt to try to manipulate you. Managers are supposed to accommodate their employees. It's been shown that employees working at their own pace are FAR more productive than those that are being worked beyond their capacity. They are only hurting themselves by forcing you to keep working. You're dealing with depression which immediately makes you not lazy. You have to fight through something that they do not every single day of your life and I wish that they could understand you like we do.

Personally, I don't think that your employer deserves someone like you. They are lucky to have you and if they cared more about you, they would see their productivity improve. None of this is your fault and I for one, would miss you if something were to happen to you.

I have a feeling everything will work out just fine for you, and you have all of our support. Please don't give up on yourself! :hugs:

Edited by Writer2451
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After I've had a major nervous breakdown at work the boss told me to take a week off because "She has no desire to deal with my hysterics". At least she does want me back by next Monday, so I am not fired, yet.

Still, feel bad about that. Blast it, I should be glad about getting some rest. But A) Boss is clearly upset with me B) I do feel guilty about all
this.

I do understand, logically, that no matter what she thinks about me it is not much different from me breaking a leg or something. The last week has shown rather clearly that I am not capable to go on. But broken leg is not something people are expected to snap out of, while mental health is... different. I do feel guilty for not being strong enough, composed enough, for breaking down, especially considering that most people seem to handle similar strain just fine. I really would understand my boss if she fired me, not even because she's angry with me or whatever but because she might rightly decide that if I am not capable of handling it then she has no need of me.

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Okay, I would really like to have a word with your boss. She is being incredibly rude to you and NOT doing what a boss is supposed to do. She is ethically required to care for her employees and provide them with options in a caring way. I'm really sorry that you're getting this treatment.

Also, no single case of depression is like another one. That's why we have psychologists in the first place. If we were all the same, there would be one single pill that we could take and we'd all be happy in our "Brave New World". You have 1,000 trillion connections in your brain, with each dendrite actually moving to another one every time you simply have a thought. It is impossible for one person to react exactly the same as someone else in any given scenario. When we compare ourselves to others, we lose sight of the fact of this amazing complexity.

Spend this week writing out an action plan for yourself. Really think over what you want to do and how you are going to do it. Eat good food, take walks, spend plenty of time of the forum. If your boss intended to fire you, she would have done so already. She wants you to work there, she does see value in you. I think she's only capable of being rude to you and not helping you with this, so that is why she let you have a week off. She wants you to work it out yourself so please at least write out an action plan. You can even show this to your boss and I bet she'll be happy to see that you are working hard on this.

I don't have any sense that things aren't going to go well for you. You're going to be just fine :)

Edited by Writer2451
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I thought boss is supposed to care about work being done, not about their employees well-being.

Besides, I usually have a good relationship with her. She is being nice by letting me have some rest and not firing me right now...

I do have a lot of things I've intended to do during the week to take care of myself. Get rest, read and trying to figure out additional sources of income, for one.

Thank you for good wishes

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