Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
BlackPony

Am I Just Lazy?

Recommended Posts

I wonder sometimes if I am simply weak and lazy, because everyone else seems to be unaffected by the things that affect me.

I've had nervous breakdown while at the workplace recently. Complete with crying, shaking hands and babbling incoherently "please leave me alone". Yet I do not feel that it was really a good excuse to insist that I should be allowed rest on the weekend (despite working full day during weekdays too).

Thing is, we have another deadline to meet (as it always happens), and I happen to be responsible for meeting it (now this is new). I know that I am needed there during the weekend. Plus, my manager, who is younger than me, a full-time college student, somehow finds time and strength to stay much later than I do, and to work during weekends without complaint. She was very upset that I am leaving her during the crisis.

Funniest thing, I am actually paid an hourly rate and can, in theory, choose my working hours as suits me - this has always been the arrangement. Nevertheless, I frequently worked more than 40 hours during the week. But compared to everyone else, it is simply not enough. I really can't stay longer, yet feel like slacker.

My job is extremely unsuitable for me - I am a shy, socially anxious person who currently has to make calls and pester people to answer a questionnaire. Makes me feel like a human spam, and, well, spammers are rightly regarded as annoying and worthless. I've told my boss and manager several times about the degree of stress it is causing me, but, being extremely extroverted and having rather forceful personalities themselves, they do not seem to "get" it.

Besides, I do not think I actually have any marketable skills or qualities. I should be grateful to have any job, and the boss who would tolerate me at all. I am really not in position to be choosy. People like me should have 2 or 3 awful jobs and be happy. Maybe I am just a spoiled lazy middle-class kid.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No job is worth it if you have a strong personal aversion to what you do. You are no slacker either because you are trying your best and putting in work hours which is more than what can be said for many people. Are you opposed to the idea of looking for another job? What you're feeling is ok in my book. Hang in there. :console:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you.

I am definitely not opposed to looking for another job. In fact, many people were telling me that I should do that. However, I have several considerations against it. First, I want to be able to visit my friend in America this summer, and I need a job in order to do this. Even if I'll get a new job before that time, I'll have to work there for at least half a year before becoming entitled to vacation. Second, I have promised my boss that I'm not going anywhere for about a year, and I don't want to appear unreliable. Third, I honestly doubt that I would be able to find another job. Latched to this one about 6 months ago because they were the only ones who agreed to hire me.

I just feel so useless that working overtime seems to be the only way to justify keeping me on the job. And, again, everyone else seems to be both more capable and work more with less complaints.

Anyway, thank you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You sound like a very loyal person. I would love to have you on my payroll if I owned a company. After reading your post I completely agree that staying true to your commitment to see your friend in America is something that you might want to keep up. Imagine how great you will feel when you get to see your friend. Maybe all of this time at this job you don't like will seem worth it then?

You're using that dreaded D word again (doubt). Times are very tough indeed, but if you can get this job surely you can get another one; just not perhaps in the time you would like unfortunately.

And I don't think you should worry so much about what your other co-workers are doing. You have your own life and there is no need to compare know what I mean? :smilingteeth:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i don't get you as well... you're being PAID to be human spam. I get socially anxious and can't do small talk but I can certainly talk about work because that's what i'm there to do. I work for a 24/7 company and have to frequently work late or rush through jobs without taking lunch. when you work for a company that provides you with job security and a fair amount of overtime, one hand washes the other, if that's not the case for you, **** em, do your straight 40 and get the **** outta there. Maybe you picked the wrong job

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
@jasonh

Thank you. You seem to have a high opinion of someone you've never met :)

Yes, meeting my friend would make it all worthwhile. If I won't mess anything up in the remaining months...

I know, in theory, that my life is my own, but the other people can compare too, and find it curious that the least experienced and skilled employee is for some reason the one that needs the most rest.

@fouralarmblaze

It's not even about payment. The simple fact of holding a job is what is important to me. And that I do feel some responsibility for the current project. I would leave at once if it was an issue of money, 3.3$ an hour is not worth it.

@Luis

Thank you. But that is the usual work week. I mean, everyone works 40 hours and more if they are able to get a job, that kind of comes with being adult... If I cannot handle this as normal, there is something wrong with me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are not lazy. No one who battles depression is lazy. Please try not to compare yourself to others because your situation is unique to you. You are a different person and everyone deals with different things in different ways. If they were in your shoes, who knows how they would react.

You wake up every day and you face your struggles. You have gotten through every single day of your life; You have won each day of your life. There are a lot of people who exploit their issues in order to use other people for their own gain.That is lazy. You are not one of those people. You are not lazy because you are mentally determined to get through this. Remember you are strong enough to get through each day and nothing has defeated you.

There is nothing wrong with you, and there isn't anything bad about you. You seem to be an amazingly determined person and are human just like everyone else. Plus, your profile picture makes me smile.

I've also worked a job that I despised and me feel awful just to be there, but I made some great friends there who, surprisingly, could also talk a lot about politics with me and they gave me some of the most meaningful social advice I've heard. I know this may not be possible in your situation, but if you feel like you are just "human spam," why not make the spam a little more interesting? Try to find a goofy introduction to your calls or sneak in some silly questions during the questionnaires. If your boss gets angry, simply explain that your customers enjoy getting the call and that will make them more willing to listen next time. People usually don't like to listen to those calls because it's like speaking to a machine. Put some of your personality in there and don't let your shyness get in the way because they don't know who you are and have no way of finding out! So have fun with it :) Maybe take some time finding creative things you can say and write them down. It sounds pretty goofy, but if you feel like you have to stay in this job, you might as well! Of course it's always easier said than done, but I hope I've at least given you another option.

Stay strong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone told you that. That you're lazy. Your actions don't say lazy. They show someone who is fighting very hard to get free from that word, because it's a bad word. It's a word that is associated with someone who could do better, but doesn't, and that's not you. You're doing everything you can and it's burning you out.

Not all jobs are for introverts. I was in tears this morning, because I didn't think I could handle talking to people today. I felt so tired and wiped out that the idea of stomaching a pleasant "Hello" was more than I could take. It's not like that all the time, and in fact I love my job (it's way better than the multitude of cruddy ones I had before, and I know exactly where you're coming from). It's hard not to judge yourself based on what other people are able to do. My friend had a baby when she was 14, and she raised that kid through school, then went to college and worked full-time at the same time. If I tried to judge myself based on her life, I'd be in sad shape, but instead, she's always the one telling me how cool and funny and smart I am. It must take up so much energy to be those things, because I don't feel an ounce as capable as her.

I know you're smart and hardworking. I've gathered as much from your posts. And don't worry about the experience thing, there are places where it's to your advantage to have no prior experience (because that's where bad habits are born). You ask the right questions and demand better things for yourself, and I know you'll get there. One word of advice though, fellow introvert: do something to stand out. Your current employer can't give you the shining reference you deserve for your hard work if they can't remember you. That's what happened to me. I did my work without complaint, and always did all and only what I was told. When future employers called to check out my history, it was like I never existed. Now it sure felt like my time was worth more than that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Writer2451

I'm glad that you like my profile picture :)

Your advice about trying to make it more interesting might be good. For now I've been trying to do the opposite - to act as close to neutrally smiling robot as possible, to put as much emotional distance between myself, my job and people on the phone as I can. It did help to be a bit less stressed by refusals, but perhaps it is not enough.

@Mortbane

Through all my life I could do better, but didn't. I'm only in this situation because I took easy options. Did not go to challenging college. Did not work while I was studying. Did not... well, the list could go on, and it's pretty irrelevant now.

And that's exactly the thing - unless I'm physically unable to do more (and I am able), I know that I am NOT going all I can, which is what worries me. I am capable, technically, of staying for that weekend. So if I won't, I'm not doing all I can... But I won't. I'm sorry.

We are a small company, so at least my employer definitely remembers me, despite my attempts to stay unnoticeable. He is the first "real" boss in my life, so I am more than a little intimidated by him :)

You are right about experience, and it is better for me to think that I don't have to be stuck with this job for ever (even though I will for quite a while, if I'm lucky)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well Blackpony, don't be stressed with refusals. People forget to remember that there is a human on the other side of that phone. It's becoming a trend here in the United States to mess with these callers as much as possible. Putting the phone down while they talk, doing humiliating things. People are rude, but if I got a call from someone with your personality, I know I wouldn't hang up that phone. People are just rejecting the notion that their pristine little lives cannot be interrupted for even a second. It's always been my disposition to answer and respond to questionnaire calls. Some people just aren't like that.

You are a great person, so putting a little personality in your calls will surely keep them on the phone :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Preach on! Seriously, you're talking to a perpetual "B student." I could have had straight A's, but I wanted more time for myself. I think I did more math calculating just how much effort I needed to put into keeping my grades above a C that would make my parents worry than I actually did on my math homework. Yeah, I regret it a little bit, but I knew my limitations. I knew I was incapable of the kind of focus it would take to do really well at that point. A sign of an active mind. Just like the way you are restless with this human spam job. Your mind is wasted on that work. I'm not saying go out for a really intensely mental job either. You'd never have time to think about the things that you actually want to think about. Just something that at least lets you use what you've got. Something tells me you have a lot to offer the world when you have time to be fully charged, but unless you're incredibly lucky, nobody winds up with the perfect job right out the gate.

Y'know, with very few exceptions, I've always taken the easy way in life (or at least the safe way). The solid work ethic my mother drilled into me kept me chained to some miserable jobs because I always imagined that lots of people would **** to have the job I take for granted. Every time I said "Forget what anyone thinks, I need a change because this isn't working for me" I ended up someplace better. It was truly painful to get through, but on the other side there's always been a step up. If those people would **** to have that job, let them have it. Don't let the job **** you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry, I've meant no offence. And I do understand that my thoughts about that are rather stupid.

I don't know who you're apologizing to or whom you think you've offended and you don't have stupid thoughts about any of this from what I understand. You're going through a tough time, don't feel stupid about they way you think. There's nothing stupid about it :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're not happy about your job at the moment and it's making you feel like this, have you considered quitting and looking for something a lot more rewarding and to your style? If you had the choice to be in a uncomfortable situation each day but making more than you would be in a job you're completely comfortable that allows you to build self-esteem & confidence, what would you choose? This may be stupid of me to say as I don't know your situation but working for the wrong people for a prolonged period of time is really a waste of time. Getting by is easy but it comes along with the price of misery and uncomfort feelings you're dealing with now, there's always another option. If it's not okay to quit straight away, try to atleast look for another job that you may see yourself being comfortable with.

Edit: Also please don't put yourself down by comparing yourself to others - it will drive you nuts! You're obviously NOT lazy, you've got good work ethic but you come off as just REALLY uncomfortable in the place you're at, that seems like it's the issue. I'd forget about the comparison to society, because if you look at it this way - they mainly just want money and status. If you want to go for something a little more, you need to make a change in what's causing the issue. Easier said than done but not impossible infact might be the best decision of your life...

Best of luck

Edited by MusicLover2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. As I've mentioned, quitting right now or anytime soon is not the option, though I definitely want to quit eventually. Even have some ideas about what I could do that would be less stressful to me. But for now I just have no idea how to get through another 3 days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just take it one step at a time BlackPony, don't worry so much about the future. Try your best to focus on each moment. Spend more time thinking about the things around you.

I was in class today and was waiting for it to start. Everyone was there not talking to each other and checking their phones and not even looking up. And there I was staring up at the clouds just taking in the beauty of them moving across the sky. I looked around at the bottom of the window and imagined the time the room was being built. I saw a gum wrapper left on the table and thought about how all the atoms are buzzing around an object that is so still. I was at peace in those little moments and all I was doing was waiting for class to start.

The point of that is to just focus on all the little things around you. Time can go by in some surprising ways. Efforts don't seem so daunting when you appreciate all the tiny little things that go into that effort.

Best of luck to you; I have a feeling you will go to great places!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Try not to feel guilty about not working the weekend. It seems that employers are expecting more out of people while not considering the employees themselves. As you said, they expect you to work late and on the weekends. That causes burn out, more mistakes, and more health issues and doesn't help productivity in the least.

Try to stick this job out until you can find something that's better suited for your personality. Remember that your job is only part of your life; you can decide what to do with the rest of it.

Best of luck to you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blast it, I really cannot help it. Crying right now just thinking about going to work in about an hour. I know that I might feel decently enough if I'll tell myself it is not my concern, if I'll simply go through the motions and read a book in between, but then I wouldn't be doing all I can about that blasted
project, and the boss will be right to be upset with me. But if I do care about it... well, I've cried for several hours yesterday. And the
project is such that each passing day it becomes more futile, so I'll be more and more upset by the lack of result. Don't know how to get through 8 hours, much less 3 days. I need this job, or I won't get to see my dear friend, and if I won't get enough calls I'll fail this project and the boss will be upset with me and I will be out of job, so I can't just shut it out...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I had more experience with this so I could tell you how to get through it in a way that's best for you, but I've always found something to enjoy when I was working in the job that I despised. I would hate myself for being there and decent customers where a rarity, but I had friends there to have fun with. I'm sorry this job isn't working out for you. You know that this community will always be here for you. You've managed to get through each and every single day of this job. By the time you're reading this, you've already gotten through another day. No matter how much you hate that job, you always come out okay. You're still the good person you are.

Please stay strong, I know you're going to make it to great places and it isn't going to take long. Take this one step at a time, I know you can do this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If your friend could see what you're going through (have you told her/him?) there's no way they'd let you go to this much trouble. Don't worry about letting your friend down if you can't make it. How often does your friend come to visit you? Or have they come to visit you and it's your turn now to make the trip? I'm sure if it's a friend worth this much effort, it's a good friend who will understand that you're having trouble right now. Just tell them "I miss you, I love you, but I'm suffering at this job. It's going to take me some time to get established at a new one, and I hope you'll forgive me that I can't see you right now, but this is something that desperately needs my attention."

I've missed out on trips to visit people who I hadn't seen in a long time due to illness or stress or sometimes my boyfriend's social anxiety (we're really bad for each other, because we always manage to talk each other out of going to these gatherings). He always tries to come up with some kind of story to tell them about why he can't make it, but I tell him "These are our friends. They know how we are. It's best to tell them the truth. Let them know that we love and miss them, but that we can't handle so many people right now." And they always understand and send back messages of love and offer to meet with less people later.

I'm sure if your friend is worth this much struggle, they've got to be a great friend, and they wouldn't want you doing something that makes you cry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My friend knows what I've been going through (If anything, they are the only confidante I have), and yes, my friend is very worried about me. However, visiting them was pretty much the only thing I've been looking forward to in the last two months. The last (and the first, chronologically) time I've been able to visit went so well... I've been happy, for a time. And cried all the way back on three planes because it was over. My friend definitely would understand if I won't be able to make it, but then I won't have anything to look forward to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You say your lazy. However according to your location, you live in Russia. Well I'd just like to note that your written English is better than most people that grew up in the US! Learning two languages is hard. I struggle with Spanish everyday. It angers me to no end that other people can learn another language so easily and I cannot. You did it! You learned English as a second language and that is not characteristic of a lazy person. You learned two HARD languages, two languages that are not even similar. That is not a characteristic of a lazy person, or someone who is not driven, or someone who does not want to succeed.

Rarely will someone ever have a job that they are totally happy with. Sometimes there are no other options and so you just have to Put your head down get through it. Take it one day at a time.

You soundlike you're stressing out hard on this project, but you just have to take it one day at a time. Break it down into small sections so every time you accomplish a small part of this big project you can be proud of yourself for doing that, and eventually you will get through it. Eventually you will get to visit your friend. If failure is not an option than success is the only option left.

A little hardship now will lead to your ultimate goal of visiting your friend. If you just stay focused on that goal you'll get through it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. Learning English was not exactly difficult to me - I simply read a lot, because there were many books I wanted to read and games I wanted to play that are not available in Russian. Plus, spell checker helps :)

I do hope that I'll be able to stay on this job for a few more months, and won't do anything silly enough to get me fired. But right now I'm really not sure of my ability.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. Learning English was not exactly difficult to me - I simply read a lot, because there were many books I wanted to read and games I wanted to play that are not available in Russian. Plus, spell checker helps :)

I do hope that I'll be able to stay on this job for a few more months, and won't do anything silly enough to get me fired. But right now I'm really not sure of my ability.

I took Spanish all through elementary school, and four years of French in high school and I can't say a sentence in either of those languages. BlackPony, I think you have a particular talent here...

And of course you are definitely well suited for this job. Over suited from what I've gathered. You have more than enough ability to keep it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...