Jump to content

Crush On Doctor

Recommended Posts

I don't know if this is the right place to put it but I have a crush on my doctor.

Recently I've had some medical issues and my doctor has been treating me.

I'm in my 20's and I think that he is 50 something, although he has dark hair and he looks like he's 40, I didn't know his age until I read something about him online like when he got his degree and stuff.

He's very nice and caring, replies to emails, when I had to have a painful operation he tried to comfort me and told jokes to make me feel less scared. He takes my coat, put his hands on your shoulder and say you'll be ok in a genuine way, and things like that, but again he does that with everyone, male or female because he's just a very nice person, he's probably one of the most compassionate people I know. He has very gentle dark eyes.

So, I can't help it but to be in love wtih him even though I know nothing will ever happen.

I'm pretty good at hiding how I feel so he doesn't know, sometimes I feel a bit nervous when I'm talking to him and sometimes I can't look him in the eye, but I can usually hide it and seem pretty normal so that he has no idea.

I know he got divorced sometime ago, although I don't know if he's in any relationship now.

And I know he's too old, I've wondered if he's even good in bed, and he is actually pretty fit so I'd like to think he doesn't have some issues there. I noticed the other day maybe his hands don't look like a 20 year old hands, like they have some moles and stuff on them but it's not that bad, and his arms are sexy and fit, with just the right amount of hair, and I just want to touch them.

He's really busy because he's a good doctor and a lot of people want to see him, sometimes I have to wait a long time to see him.

I googled him and saved all the pictures and videos that I could find of him and sometimes I'd just look at them and think about him. He looked really cute when he was younger.

I know that nothing can ever happen. I've had some depression issues in the past and when I think about the fact that I can never be with him, it makes me feel worse. Have you ever felt this way about anyone and how did you deal with it?
It just seems that I can't do anything about it, I just think about it, realize that nothing will ever happen and then feel really depressed. I thought that it might pass but it's been a while and it never passes, and I always think about him.

I'm a bit overweight and once I was at his office, and I remember feeling really gross and ugly.

I want him so much but I know that I can never have him and it makes me depressed, and I don't know how to deal with it.

Edited by courtneys
Link to comment
Share on other sites


I think all those feelings you're experiencing are very normal. It is very easy to crush on someone who is caring, supportive, humorous and good-looking on top of that! I've been crush on several of my teachers and it really hurts when you realize you can never be together with that person.

Are you in therapy or seeing a psychologist at the moment? If so, maybe you could try to talk about this with your therapist. It is his/her job to help you to work on your issues regardless of whatever they may be. I remember I used to talk a lot about being crushed on my teacher with my first psychologist and it really helped me to deal with it.

One a bit more radical alternative could be trying to concentrate on his traits you don't find particularly attractive. I was very hopelessly crush on one teacher while in high school, and I got over it only after I started to notice we had basically very fundamental differences. He had quite conservative views on certain issues and I realized that I would be really unhappy with him. This may feel a tad brutal, but works well in case your crush is about to become an obsession.

I hope you would find a way to deal with it. Please don't hesitate to talk to us again, if you need to open up. Oh, and welcome to Depression Forums!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there CourtneyS. Welcome to these forums. Oh the all familiar, sometimes painful emotional battle to love and to be loved can be so overwhelming. Today is Valentines day. Why don't you pop a Valentines card into his post box! Make a move, he can only say no!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, thanks for your responses :)

I'm afraid some bad things can happen if I tell him, like:

It'll be really awkward

and I don't want to lose him as my doctor. Even though it hurts me to think that we can't be together, I still look forward to seeing him on my visits

He has no idea that I'm attracted to him

I told him that I'm really glad to have him as my doctor and I feel comfortable with him, I don't think that's coming on to him or anything.

And I don't really plna to tell him that I'm attracted to him.

I thought maybe I can just enjoy it secretly but it's still kind of hard to deal with because I'm so in love with him.

Every time he touches me in any way (which he has no idea is affecting me at all) I just want to melt. He jus moved my arm the other day out of the way of something that I was blocking and even something like that, I feel something.

I think I'd like him even if he weren't a doctor, which makes it harder to forget about him

I don't really have a thing for doctors or anything, I've had other doctors in my life and never have been attracted to them just because they are doctors or something even if they were nice, it's just been this one

Sometimes I email him with a lot of questions, I really do want to know the answers to them but I can probably find the answers to some of them online, but he still responds to them. And when I email him I'm always anxious awaiting his response.

I've tried to think of some unattractive qualities but when I do that
I think that they don't really bother me that much, and they are things
that aren't his fault, like he's old, or his hands might be more
wrinkly, or there might be complicated from his previous marriage, or
something like that, or that he's already lived his life while I haven't
and it would be difficult to have a relationship with someone with such
different life experiences. I told myself that there's probably some
things that he might not be into that a younger guy would, both in terms
of interests and maybe in bed. I think he also has a genetic blood
disorder that I wouldn't want to pass on to kids, but I feel bad thinking about that.

Edited by courtneys
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i googled more about him and found today that hes in a relationship, at least it says in an online profile about a year ago

and there is only one girl in his circle and ive seen her in other pictures, she is blonde and kind of cute, i mean shes not ugly, i think shes young, in her early 30s so she is like a lot younger than him and they are together

i think she is from another country, maybe spain, brazil or russia, she has a lot of pictures from there and her name is a foreign name

i felt really heartbroken and i cried for a while

even if i knew nothing could happen even if he were single, still i'd feel better if he were single and it hurts knowing that hes in a relationship

she works in the same field but not as a doctor, i think shes an assistant or nurse or something, maybe even in the receptionist, and they go to a lot of conferences together and sometimes she is touching him in the pictures (like hugging or she has her arm on him or he has his arm on her)

it makes me really upset when i think about it and i cant stop thinking about it

im not really sure know to deal with this, has had anyone experienced anything similar?

thanks for reading

Link to comment
Share on other sites


You have the right to be sad and upset. It is a natural reaction in this kind of situations. However, if you feel your sadness is going to take you over, could you think about changing doctors in that case? I apologize for sounding quite heartless but based on my own experiences, it may help you mend your broken heart. "Out of sight, out of mind." Nonetheless, after all it's only you who knows what will be best for you. Tons of strength to you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to have to be blunt with you but you either have to change doctors yourself or tell him about your feelings so he can arrange different doctors as this is rather destructive behaviour towards yourself and the more he is in your life the worst it is going to get for you.

There is no future, there is no chance, so move on please and do something pro-active about sorting this problem out for your own sake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for your replies

the thing is that i cant change doctors, because it took a really long time to find him, before that i had a lot of bad doctors and it took many years before i found out about him, because i had some issues that isn't that common and not a lot of doctors know about it, and hes one of the few, and i live in a small town where theres not that many doctors so it would make things really expensive or not practical to change, and i may never find a good doctor again

hes really a good doctor and i trust him professionally

why is there no future or no chance? just because he's with someone else now, maybe they are in a serious relationship, i dont really know

but they aren't married or engaged

i know hes old, but it doesnt really bother me that much

i dont really have a therapist, i tried in the past but it got too expensive for me after a few sessions and its hard for me to talk about it with others

i wouldnt tell him that i googled him

do you mean cautious about telling my doctor that i googled him or telling someone else like a therpist that i googled my doctor (and if the second one why?)

i read about transference, but im not sure if its that? he doesnt really remind me of anyone else in my life, im not sure what feelings im transferring? i just really like him

Edited by courtneys
Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for your replies

i read about transference, but im not sure if its that? he doesnt really remind me of anyone else in my life, im not sure what feelings im transferring? i just really like him

That's why it's important to talk about it. You're probably not even aware of the underlying causes of this. This could go a long way to helping your therapy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

btw, why does it have to be transference, just because he's a doctor?

i would like him if he weren't a doctor, because im attracted to him physically, his eyes make me melt and his hair looks really soft, and his arms.. oh god

i think that if he didn't look this way, that if he were ugly that i wouldnt be interested in him

he has dark, gentle eyes, the way he smiles is really cute

i havent ever been attracted to any other male doctors, even some that were younger and ive had several male doctors in the past

i know about transference but i dont think it is :/

ive been thinking about the things that turn me off about him to get my mind off it, it helps a little but still im hopelessly in love with him

but i dont show it at all and he has no idea

and despite how much it hurts to see him with someone else id still rather have him as my doctor than to not have him as my doctor at all and never be able to talk to him again

most of the negative things about him are related to the fact that he's a lot older

but his girlfriend is only a couple years older than me, so maybe im not too young for him

Edited by courtneys
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nothing will ever come of it as he will never ever want to risk his job for a client, so all this is just one huge waste of time and setting your own mental health backwards.

You need to talk to your doctor about this as like PulledPork has said, it could help with your own recovery, but right now keeping this crush to yourself and it getting to a point of Googling him and thinking that there could be a possibility of a relationship with him is hurting your own mental health and should be discussed, after all that is what he is there for and trust me, it won't be the first patient (both male or female) that has told him they have a crush on him or they're in love with him.

Edited by katersbee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

thanks for replying

i know he wont date a patient, but if he liked me then i could change doctors at that point in the future if necessary, if i switched doctors in the future then there is a possibility of a relationship right? maybe still a very low chance, but its not out of the question?

couldnt we still just continue talking like this and then he can get to know me better? not romantically, but i just like knowing him and being able to talk to him

i mean doctors and patients are just people

i want to just keep him as my doctor so we can still talk, and then maybe one day, no matter how small the chance might be, if he ever becomes single, then he can refer me to another doctor at that point and then we can date? maybe at that point i wont care anymore about him, ha

when i email him they are pretty professional, i mean i stick to medical related things, sometimes i mentioned some personal things like i want to lose weight, some medical issues that my family has had (and since hes a doctor its ok to talk about this) and sometimes i told him like my travel plans and my aspirations, but i talk to a lot of people so its not really that personal, outside of medical things there isnt really anything personal that ive only told him, so our relationship as doctor/patient is pretty good i think

ive noticed in his emails he doesnt cc his whole office anymore, he just replies to me personally, when i first met him he used to cc everything to his assitants and office

i think he has no idea, because our conversations and emails are pretty normal (im really good at hiding it so he has no idea and honestly i can probably hide it forever so he'd never know)

the other day i saw a band and he asked me how i was doing, so i told him that i saw a band that weekend and i just joked that the lead singer of the band was really hot, so he doesnt think im interested in him

i dont want to lose him as my doctor or for things to be awkward

also i am in touch with some of the assistants at his office and they are nice to me

and then maybe in the future if i switch doctors then maybe there is a chance of a relationship?

Edited by courtneys
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...