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An Inspiring Message From One Of Our Members


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Thank you so much for sharing this.  After a desperate need to reach out and find SOMETHING to help me through my increased state of depression and anxiety today (despite recently going back on sertralin), I was reminded of how this illness constantly plays with one's mind because upon reading your message, I felt SURPRISED at how precisely someone else was expressing my same thoughts and feelings!  How silly of me....OBVIOUSLY I'm not the only one!  But as you said, one forgets and tends to feel it's a personal thought pattern and string of feelings.

I recently moved from the USA to Sweden and mental healthcare is quite lacking.  Socialized medicine has it's good and bad (as any system I guess) but this is where it needs improvement.  I am given a finite 9 therapy sessions with a $20copay.  After that, I guess they figure you've received enough help and have been given the necessary tools to carry you through the rest of your days ?  Private therapy is the other option and it is to the tune of $130 per session which I can't afford.  So here I am hoping to get some sort of support as I find ways to help myself through this illness.  (I'm grateful for your thoughts on this aspect too, because I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I shouldn't feel embarrassed or feel less than normal.  But the thought of not being able to deal with life the way normal people do ...or should do....is still a struggle.)

Anyway....thank you kindly for this site which already calms me a bit in knowing there is support out there.

 

Edited by PJN
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  • 2 months later...

I've been suffering from a severe depression for the past 3 years. It all started when qu was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer at the young age of 32. I went through chemo, double mastectomy, hormonal therapy, artificial menopause. I lost my hair. I turned to alcohol for comfort. I've been in complete remission for more than 5 years but I haven't been the same person since then. I used to be happy, optimistic, energetic. Now I feel a. Instant sadness, low energy, some days U can't even get out of bed. I feel like a zombie. I am on medication (lithium) but I still feel depressed.

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On 2/4/2013 at 0:12 PM, Forum Admin said:
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'budfox', on 03 Jul 2010 - 23:03, said:snapback.png


I was going to write this post as a journal entry to myself as I'm
feeling very low and panicky at the moment. However on the off-chance
that it might be of benefit to some of the good, nay great, folks on DF I
thought I might as well post it here.

I read a lot of the posts
on this forum and one very common feature of what people are going
through is the fear and panic they feel at what is happening to them.
Browse through the posts and you will see a lot of, 'I don't know what's
happening', 'Something is not right', 'I'm losing my mind', etc. I've
made similar statements in some of my previous posts on this very forum
in the past.

Even though I've suffered from depression for more
than 10 years I am still freaking out at how bad I'm feeling right now.
Surely by now I should be an expert at managing this? I have had enough
experience after all.

So, this is what I'm trying to tell myself
(and for what it's worth I know this to be totally true, it's just that
depression sometimes casts a dark fog over our thinking):

For all
the terrible symptoms it produces we are all suffering from the SAME
basic condition. Of course depression and anxiety affect us uniquely,
such is the nature of a disease of the most amazing and complex system
known to man, the human brain. However, even though we probably all feel
like we are going through something totally personal to us, and I don't
deny that in a sense we are, essentially we're all suffering from the
same underlying illness, caused by abnormal changes in our brain
neurochemistry.

The reason none of us can just 'snap out' of
depression is that it's an absolutely real illness. Stop thinking of the
symptoms you are experiencing as being a manifest reflection of
something that is deeply wrong with you. You're just ill. In the future
they will be able to precisely elucidate the neurochemical changes that
are going on within the brain. For now, they have kind of a rough idea
of what's going on but not much more than that.

Some days I wake
up and can hardly get out of bed. I mean that quite literally. I feel
numb to everything, no energy, utter hopelessness for the future and no
interest in anybody or anything. Then a day later I can wake up and feel
totally normal. Nothing in my life circumstances has changed from the
bad day to the good day, it just so happens that for some reason that is
inexplicable to me on the first day my neurochemistry is screwed up and
on the second day it is within normal ranges.

So whatever weird,
horrifying, disturbing symptoms you are suffering from please try to
remember that you're just ill. If it was an illness of the body you
would feel pain or you would have difficulty walking or impaired vision.
However, because illnesses like diabetes, arthritis, etc affect organs
other than the brain the symptoms they produce, while they can of course
be very serious, are still more uniform and less confounding than an
illness which affects the brain, an organ many many times more complex
than anything else in these bodies of ours.

If you feel totally
down or anxious when reading this then just accept that there is little
that you can do about the way you feel right now to feel instantly
better, although of course things like exercise and certain fast acting
medications can help greatly. But also know that your brain chemistry is
in flux and you are not going to carry on feeling like this forever.
There's no point trying to analyse the way you feel or trying to think
the way out of your depression, anymore than it would make sense to try
and think your way out of diabetes. The depression or anxiety is there,
it is making you feel so bad and when it goes you will feel better. I
realise that we might all have developed depression for different
reasons but I doubt there is one person on this forum that can say that
his or her life circumstances are absolutely unique and that the life he
or she has gone through is worse than that experienced by many of the
millions of people who go through terrible things but don't ever develop
depression.

Accept that the depression or anxiety is there for
now, stop thinking about it and learn to function as best you can even
with the worst depression or anxiety that you have ever felt. And take
hope in the knowledge that this will get better.

Many posters are
also blaming themselves for something that is not in the least their
fault and saying things like 'I feel like a loser', 'I don't feel
worthy', etc, etc. I say to you 'Nonsense!!!' You are just ill. In fact
you are more worthy than most because you're dealing with a horrible
illness and still managing to keep going. Most of you deserve medals, I
tell you that. You're soldiers. Yet because our society is so nasty and
backwards, we are still expected to function as well as people who don't
have depression at all. When I think about how I am, I mean how
functional I am on a good day as compared to a bad day, the gulf between
the two is massive. The bad day Bud cannot possibly hope to compete
with the good day Bud. It's like trying to be in a fight with someone
with one hand tied behind your back. So be realistic and don't be too
hard on yourselves. When you're down then do what you can but don't
expect too much. Be gentle. As for what everyone in your company or your
social circle thinks, to hell with them. They're not experiencing this
and you are. Human beings like to go around feeling superior to others
and judgmental, especially in modern workplaces. Their lack of sympathy,
empathy or understanding is a sad reflection on them, not on you. I
tell you you are all wonderful people and it pains me to see you suffer.
Well maybe right at the moment you can't help the suffering but you can
avoid compounding it.

Let's support each other through this and
take the view that we are in it together. Know that if you post here
you'll get a reply, so however incapable of understanding people in your
lives might be, you'll always have this forum to come to. I don't know
about you but I at least find great solace in that.

Thanks for listening.

B

Thank you so much!

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  • 1 month later...

 I cannot believe I haven't read this until today. It has totally  touched my heart and made me cry… Not bad tears, but the tears one  cries when a certain truth resonates within. I hope everyone will read the original post. It is truly and illuminated message of love!

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Thank you for sharing this. I feel like most people who suffer from depression and/or anxiety have a certain depth to them as a person. It's as though because we feel so deeply we can also lend empathy and advice; even if we don't know how to take it ourselves. I recently stopped seeing my therapist because I realized in our last session that there wasn't anything left for her to give me. She helped me so much- I am not knocking therapy, I will absolutely go back someday when I feel it's needed. However, after years and years of therapy and different medications and research, I realized that I was pretty much just paying her to tell me things I already knew. There is no magic "fix". It's a lifelong battle. I'm hoping to get the support I need from others in this forum, like you. I think we all need to be repeatedly told everything that you just said. Affirmation that we aren't broken, that we aren't the only one in the world that feels like this. Thank you for that. It made a difference in my day and you should feel good about that.

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As somebody who knows the difference between medication and no / improper medication can be the difference between a real life and no life at all. I agree with everything you said. I don't necessarily think the world is nasty for not understanding something that (as somebody who suffers from sever anxiety and bipolar depression) I don't even understand myself. I don't know why I am the way I am but I know it's sure as heck tiring to live this way. But then I have no idea what it's like to live daily as a person in a wheelchair. I get it it has got to be tough but I'm sure I have NO idea what that really means. It's hard to expect others to understand that's why sites like this are so valuable.

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  • 3 weeks later...

thank you for posting this. I took great comfort from reading this. I opened up to my parents about my current state of mind and instead of understanding and support they just decided to ignore me. So i am so thankful for this message of support and you hit the nail on the head so much. I am deadly for blaming myself for everything. every single bad thing. Im trying to learn to love myself and focus on my good points and not rush my recovery. It was a long time coming, bad thing after bad thing happening in my life for years and not dealing with the feelings i had, burying them deep down, first it was anxiety and now the depression is sinking in. I am determinded to fight these bad thoughts though. remember people, focus on the good, every tiny achievement. 

 

support is always here. I am here anytime anyone wants a chat or a boost or even just to listen just message me. 

 

Positive vibes and love everyone :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm a new member to this DF community. I appreciate all the posts I've read so far, very encouraging that I'm not alone in the feelings I'm having.

I google'd "I have no support system" and found some incredible posts from the DF site. The posts I read were exactly what I was going through, which made me think about the way people would try to "support" me, or even the specific words they would use.. How could they support me? What could they say? What would make me actually feel better?

Sounds basic, but it's the relatability, the understanding, and the common ground that would make me feel better. "I feel that way too sometimes.."

My personal experience with depression is that I often feel like the people I speak to will tell me to just shut my mouth and deal with my problems. Meanwhile, I feel like people are complete hypocrites and will complain way worse than I ever would.. I'm stuck supporting people through problems and get no support in return.. I'm losing my mind.

My hope is that empathy and understanding spreads faster than any flu virus ever could. Too many people suffer from depression for the block of showing empathy and understanding towards people who are hurting from this.

Next time you talk to someone, show how empathetic you could be. Remember the struggles you've faced, and just relate to them.

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi All - Just joining the conversation.  I keep expecting holidays to bring good times, as they did when kids were little.  Its nice having them come home from college, but family time is limited to meals.  Its a difficult transition phase and I wish I could talk about it more with my wife.   Looking for others to talk with about this difficult transition and lack of direction as we approach 50+.

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  • 2 months later...

My experience with anti depressants and depression so far is that they do not help or the help they provide is minimal. From the books I've read on depression its best to try a change in lifestyle by incorporating aerobic exercise (3x weekly at least) social interaction, omega 3 supplementation, getting sunlight or light therapy, at least 7+ hours of sleep daily, and anti ruminative activity such as playing a game. I also have tried mindfulness and yoga/meditation to cope. I still have bad days and get frustrated but at least I'm DOING more to feel better rather than waiting around for the medication to cure me.

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Hi @Jason1976

It is true that medications alone may not do a lot. You listed the greatest non med actions which is great. I think where the medications come in is to get someone ABLE to get out of bed and to get started on an action. 

Me personally, am on a nice little cocktail as i have bpd so its a little more complicated in my case. At least i believe so. 

Meds are a funny thing arent they? Different effects for different people, finding the right one or getting the right diagnosis from the beginning. Its a whirwind of unknowns.

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Hi Natasha1

For me, I went through a bad withdrawal from paxil. I made the transition to prozac but its been a struggle. Only

after talking with my therapist did I begin to detach from believing anti depressants were the solution and began

taking action to try to feel better. You might be right that the meds helped to get me going at least but I'm becoming more

skeptical every day about anti depressants. I don't trust that my doctor knows enough about these meds and I don't want

to go through the hell of withdrawal or transitioning to other meds without at least talking to a psychiatrist who I assume are the

ones who know the most about these drugs. I am waiting 3 months to speak with one. Till then its a daily fight to keep the depres

sion away as much as possible.

 

 

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Paxil is known for that. I went through it too. It has a short half life.

If im not on my meds its a fteaking nightmare for me and anyone who is in my path. Again i dont have depression but i know many who do. They get the same effect when going off. No motivation to do the good for you things. And it just goes downhill.

But yes you are right...they are not a solution on their own. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi I'm new to the forum too. Thanks for your post. I made me feel a little better. You're right when you say people feel like a loser. I've been feeling like that for so long now. I also feel terribly lonely and it has made a huge difference reading the posts. So a big thank you for sharing your post. Sounds like you've helped a lot of people including myself.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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