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Peony

I Feel Like Crying Crying

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I am afraid to get out of bed and get things done... it's always the same every weekend.... I'm so tired of feeling this....i hv so.many important things and responsibilities i need to attend to...if i don't apply for that fulltime job that is coming open i will lose the opportunity... I have put off applying for last 2 years.... why can't I be like other people and just get up and get things going..... why can't I have a routine that I stick to.... little steps little steps these won't do I keep telling myself little steps and I never do anything! please help me thank you

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Is this depression or procrastination? Create a to-do list of maybe 2-3 things to do everyday, that might help build up to what you been putting off. Why have you been putting it off for two years exactly? Address your fears, challenge and overcome them

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procrastination is part of anxiety and depression

Lack of motivation, of course.

Start small and work your way up, the fact you acknowledged it's an issue is the first step. Now think of an action plan (suggested above) to overcome it and do ensure you apply it. However, the logical thing will be to treat your depression first so the motivation/energy will naturally come back - are you seeing anyone?

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I have that problem. I've been doing okay with it recently. I wish I could tell you what changed, but I don't have any idea. I just... started. It's weird. It's been incredibly weird. I was like you, putting things off and making to do lists that were never going to be completed and pretending I was about to do something to try and nudge myself into doing it. But now, suddenly, I think about doing something and then I find myself doing it. I was so shocked to find myself actually at a pub quiz turning acquaintances into friends that I blurted out the answer to a question. Which I never do, either. I'm always afraid I'll get it wrong.

I think one thing that made a difference was a decision I made. I always get caught up thinking how far 'behind' my friends I am. My mother died when I was fourteen and it interrupted my growing up in a lot of ways while at the same time made me grow up a lot faster. So I'm a weird mix of maturity and immaturity. Anyhow, I always think my contemporaries are way ahead of me, busy living better than I am. So I decided to just slow down. I like going slowly. I like looking around me and taking things in and sometimes it takes me a little bit longer to get somewhere, to understand something, to complete something. Once I'd stopped expecting myself to get everything done at the time I meant to do it, stopped trying to catch up, stopped trying to be someone better it all started to fall into place.

I have a hell of a lot of trouble still, sometimes my head just won't let me do things, I get scared or I forget or I just don't quite do it. I still feel the same, I still feel the same hurts, the same irritations and frustrations with who I am and how quick things are going. But now I can take a few moments to let the frustration or fear overwhelm and then I remind myself that I'm doing okay, that things are happening, that it's all right to be slower.

I don't know if it's part of depression, but I find things go far too fast. I think people are so busy getting somewhere that they never really get anywhere. As soon as they arrive they rush off to the next port of call, the next thing that has to be done, the next excitement. I think people need to slow it down. To take a breath. The world is rushing life. Society shoves you from school to work to retirement to all these goal posts and things you have to 'achieve'. The real achievements, though, are the ones that society doesn't count.

If you need to get a full time job, then I don't have advice. If you need the money I don't know what to do because I have no plan for myself in that regard. But if you want to work, if you want to do this for yourself, then it's easy. Just take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Now, go sit somewhere quiet and don't move for five minutes. Don't do anything, don't put the TV on or look at the computer or listen to the radio. Just sit. It's hard, isn't it? It makes me panic. I find it difficult. Once five minutes are gone, if you still need to do something, anything, put your shoes and coat on and walk a hundred yards, two hundred yards, around the block. Then, only when you're not desperate to just get the application done, then you can sit down at the kitchen table. Don't open your laptop or look at the job advertisement. Just sit with a pen and paper. Write down why you want the job, where the job is, how it will help. Just a few sentences. Then look at your experience. Make bullet points. Note any work or hobbies that back it up. Then think about your strengths. Now, only once you've done this away from the application, now you open up your laptop or get out the add. Look at cover letters you've written, CVs, whatever you need.

Start the application by filling in your name. Then jot down your address, phone number, all the easy to fill parts. Leave the difficult part till last. Don't force yourself to finish in one go, it doesn't matter if it takes weeks. Even if the deadline passes without you managing to finish it doesn't matter. There will be other jobs, sometime in the future you will have another chance. It's a cultural myth that you only get one chance at something. There are always opportunities. So take your time. Finish, even if it takes months finish the application. Once you're done, you've filled it in, it's complete. Time doesn't matter, you've achieved something. For yourself. the next one is easier, the one after that even more so. The more you fill in the better you get even if you're rejected for every single post you still achieve something for yourself.

Looking for work has got to be the most difficult thing to deal with along side depression. Rejection is inevitable and will always be painful. It's not personal, though. It's not because you're useless or not good enough or don't fit the job. It's because something about someone else's application caught the eye of the employer.

[i just got a text from a completely crazy person I've never met. He keeps trying to meet up with me. there was a chance about a week ago that we'd be flat mates, which is why he has my number. Another difficult part of life; looking for a room in a house share.]

I hope this ramble helped you somehow. I know that everyone has different ways to do things and it's always easier said than done. This is just one of the ways I deal. I hope it's of some help and that you manage to do something you feel is worth while. I think that for us anything we manage to get done is an achievement. So, you managed to send a message into the internet ether, that's something not everyone in your situation musters the courage for.

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mlover ...right now its the fear of not getting the job..teec ....the fear is winning..i m.tired of.it winning....i think i nd to stop thinking about it and just do it

......im glad to know u hv been thru this...thx for.the responses.

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Have you tried medication? When it works it really helps give me a boost to tackle those hard things in life. Please don't beat your up for not doing the things you "should" be doing it will only make you feel worse. Take care.

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I can't offer much advice - just a cyber hug. :hugs: I completely understand and you are not alone. I feel horrible on a daily basis the same exact way. I don't know what to say - but that I know....I know.

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Love your post Teec. I find it hard to do nothing too...but at the same time, doing something will at least make me feel somewhat better, with regards to say financial security and seeing people.

I like the way you say you're a mix of immaturity and maturity, that is totally me - me, I'm incredibly like honest and truthful, see no value in showboating or lying or anything like that but I'm very needy, tasteless, pressing (sometimes) amongst other things, I find that makes it hard to associate with other people because I feel like I'm never quite on the same page (either they annoy me too much or I them). Just keep taking those little steps mate, do stuff when you can, even if it's just impulsively, just go for it then see what happens, you'll feel better for it despite any mistakes you might make.

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I think one thing that made a difference was a decision I made. I always get caught up thinking how far 'behind' my friends I am.

BINGO!!! thats exactly what i feel thts why im always rushing things up.. i feel that every one around me is 'ahead' of me somehow and i have to hurry up if i am to be at the same level as them. everyone always telling me to slow down

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I can't do anything either. I have so much that I want to do, that I need to do, that I could easily do, but instead I do nothing. Not even read the stack of magazines that go back to last year. I discuss with my therapist why I can't get anything done and yes, it's depression, but what else? Part of it is fear. To do something means new things will happen some of those things could be good and others could be bad. Not to do anything gives you an outcome you know and there's an odd comfort that exists in the certainty of our misery.

That said, she suggested rather than put everything I want to read in bed with me, just pick up one. This is along the lines of what Teec is saying about filling in your job application. Do one thing at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with the stress and anxiety of something. Let it take three hours if it has to.

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