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SpaceAce

How Is Your Outlook Towards The Future?

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Hello everyone,

This has been on my mind a bit lately and I was hoping to get some opinions/tips/advice about how everyone else view's their future.

At the moment I would say I view my future in a realistic way but in reality it is a very pessimistic view. I don't think the future is hopeless but I don't hold much hope either. I think even if I can get that degree/job/achievement it can be taken away in a flash. For a long time I had my depression under my control with medication and therapy but about 5 months ago I felt like my depression broke me into pieces like a wrecking ball. I think even I can claw my way back into some kind of normal life at any time it could just all come crumbing down and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

I don't believe in myself any more, in fact I'm really scared of moving forward because if I just stay where I have nothing I have nothing to lose. I know this isn't a good way to live life so I just wondering what makes you feel hopeful for the future? I can't see anything to look forward to and there isn't anything I enjoy at the moment. Being optimistic would just feel like I would be lying to myself but who knows maybe I need to lie to myself.

What do you think?

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I like to believe that in the coming years I will get a good job, a nice apartment, a girlfriend and then go on to live a conventional life with marriage & kids etc.. but I'm starting to lose my optimism because as every year goes by, everything is exactly the same. I will probably end up a lonely old man with cats who spends his life on the internet.

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There are so many people who have the good job, the nice apartment, and the girlfriend and then go on to get married and have the "perfect" life with a house and children, and then end up feeling empty. If that's your idea of a perfect life, than fine but that seems really two-dimensional, and not for me.

The point is, you should look to the future and have goals, and dreams, but remember that we live on a chaotic planet and that sometimes things will happen that interfere with your plans. People sometimes go into "tunnel vision" and if their life doesn't look the way they thought it would, when they thought it would, they get extremely upset. This cognitive dissonance (how the world is versus how you think it is) is, I think, a contributing factor in depression.

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not good. and this is where a lot of my anxiety comes from. my feelings about the future, in a word=doomed . I feel defeated. This is the depression talking but still, it's like i did too much too soon and i've kinda f'd everything up. i have little faith in myself to be honest. sorry to be a downer

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not good. and this is where a lot of my anxiety comes from. my feelings about the future, in a word=doomed . I feel defeated. This is the depression talking but still, it's like i did too much too soon and i've kinda f'd everything up. i have little faith in myself to be honest. sorry to be a downer

You're just being honest, no need to apologize :)

I think making mistakes is really important by the way. As you said, people "f up" and that's a good thing. If that never happened, no one would ever have practical experience from their mistakes, and they wouldn't be able to move forward. You are not defeated by your mistakes, you are liberated. Think about that.

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I had a lot of trouble with this question because as soon as I got out of depression, I was like "well what now?" But I started reading and getting ideas on how to get my life back on track. I'm much more optimistic and motivated as I'm doing things my own way with most control. I'm still at Uni though so I got a lot of time to build things up and work on with nothing to lose. I strongly advise you to read and find solutions to the problems you are facing because you will just make yourself anxious over the worrying thoughts. I actually found the goals I set really easy once I came out of depression and things started flowing together. It's hard work to start but you'll see the positive cycle and it will push you further.

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When i get anxieties about the future, I make a list.

I list my priorities, goals, tasks. It gives me perspective and I can breath again.

Sometime I try to build a routine, like a time of stability.

The good thing about lists is that when you are done with a task or a goal you can cross it of and feel accomplishment.

It reminds you that you have changed, you are better that yesterday.

So my outlook it to be better than yesterday and accomplish at least a few of my goals.

-ink

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My outlook on the future is pretty bleak, at least as far as my own future is concerned.

I've pretty much abandoned all my hopes and dreams and allowed myself to stagnate. The only part of my life I look forward to now is the end of it.

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My future... I used to think I had one when I had what I thought was a stable job doing what I liked, and a significant other. I figured things would fall into place eventually. I wasn't pining after a fancy house or something material. I just wanted to live life comfortably with someone I could share my life with and be able to travel once in awhile. Nothing more, nothing less. I did not realize until too late that my simple dreams and hopes could be so easily taken away by forces beyond my control. I've written on here about how my ex turned psycho, and how my entire industry went south thanks to mismanagment and is undergoing a period of severe layoffs and bankruptcy (no, I don't work in finance.. thank god, ugh... I was part of a series of layoffs though). It's disappointing that although I'm very much in control of my immediate life, too many variables have my future by its balls and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Edited by AntiNorm

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I have no future, because my life ended 5 years ago (SSRI induced Anhedonia... means cannot enjoy anything, and I lost everything that made me human.. no emotions or feelings of any kind). When I wake up, I have nothing to look forward too, just another painful day... gotta find stuff to do to **** time, and then fall asleep... and repeating the process over and over, and over...

Edited by handsup

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I have no future, because my life ended 5 years ago (SSRI induced Anhedonia... means cannot enjoy anything, and I lost everything that made me human.. no emotions or feelings of any kind). When I wake up, I have nothing to look forward too, just another painful day... gotta find stuff to do to **** time, and then fall asleep... and repeating the process over and over, and over...

I also struggle with feelings and intimacy. I am good at pretending and fitting in even without emotional input, but i want to change that. Some day i want to look in the mirror and recognize someone who i used to be. Don't give up.

-ink

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My future is blank. Because no one would even want to be with an ugly girl, yeah its harder for ugly girl to get respected, even when I try to be sociable and nice my ugly appearance always get in the way. I'm even too ugly for ugly guy lolll oh well maybe I will never have a boyfriend, and people will always hate me or ignore me for my appearance but before I die, I want to make at least one positive impact for others. Everyone in this world have a good purpose, if you help one person or a thousand at least you put a smile on their face. I guess that would be enough for me.

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It will be more of the same misery. For me its just a question of when and how I will **** myself.

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My future... I used to think I had one when I had what I thought was a stable job doing what I liked, and a significant other. I figured things would fall into place eventually. I wasn't pining after a fancy house or something material. I just wanted to live life comfortably with someone I could share my life with and be able to travel once in awhile. Nothing more, nothing less. I did not realize until too late that my simple dreams and hopes could be so easily taken away by forces beyond my control. I've written on here about how my ex turned psycho, and how my entire industry went south thanks to mismanagment and is undergoing a period of severe layoffs and bankruptcy (no, I don't work in finance.. thank god, ugh... I was part of a series of layoffs though). It's disappointing that although I'm very much in control of my immediate life, too many variables have my future by its balls and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Same thing happened here with me.. But ive been laid off many time and had many ex psychos.. Now have just 'given up' and am depressed.

How much do you think 'normal people' think about the future? Why are you so overly caught up in the future more so than everone else? That is the real question.

Theres an old saying - most people only care about whats for dinner.

While i would scoff and snark at that statement in the past, now i want to be that person who only cares about whats for dinner. I want to watch silly reality shows and listen to music again. I want my old self back. I do not want to 'wake up' and realize the impending doom coming.. I've been doing that for 5 years now.. And no.. It never came.. 2012 never came either. Industy always leaves as new ones get created. This is the realiy of the private sector and is nothing new. Sure id be a teacher if i could go back and do it again but i cant. Theres no such thing anymore as a stable job in the private sector but honestly its been like that for over 20 years now.

But again.. Why are we the only ones getting extra upset and depressed and panniced over things that most of everyone else goes through regularily in life? I wonder if we 'induce' this on ourselves... bring ourselves into this state of depression. Why dont NT's do this?

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How is your outlook towards the future?

Pretty grim.

In fact it is this grim outlook which really floors me. I am going through the most horrible time imaginable and I can't look forward to a time when things are going to be better. A lack of hope.

I have lost count of the number of different types of medications I have been on but none of them have worked. I see a counsellor on a weekly basis but no inroads have been made in my depression. It has been raging for 15 months now.

I lost my girlfriend, the girl who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and have kids with. She couldn't handle my depression. I think I will never find another like her. Then I think about my fear of flying and being abroad and I wonder who would want me. Finally I wonder about my libido which has been non existent since this depression begun. I feel like I am destined to be alone and never experience the joy of having a kid of my own.

I was advised to go on sick leave by the doctor at work. I have been off now for nearly four months. I am doing interviews for other jobs at the moment but I am afraid that any new job will be too stressful for me given my depression.

I just wish I could get a lift from somewhere, some bit of hope to cling on to but I am becoming resigned to the fact that it's unlikely.

Edited by bubba14

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Lists and goals are the key issues here like ink said.

Once when I felt I had no future, I read a book called "Making the most of yourself" and found lots of good advice how to make a new future for myself.

I learned to write down what I wanted to do and find the way to make these goals possible.

A spark of interest in a hobby or work can make all the difference.

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If I let myself think of my future it can get me down more than anything. Nothing positive has changed for me the past few years, can't imagine anything else happening. I'm going to most likely die completely alone and broke with nothing to live for.

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Whenever I think of the future, my mood plummets to depths so low I can barely rise up again. I've taken a kind of new approach to this lately. The future does not exist - literally - for me. And, in fact, that is true. The future really doesn't exist except in our thoughts (the same can be said of the past - it is over and done, and only exists as memories, in our thoughts), and so if I choose not to go there in my thoughts, it does not exist. Sometimes that's hard, granted, but I have been practicing on making them what I want them to be.

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Lists and goals are the key issues here like ink said.

Once when I felt I had no future, I read a book called "Making the most of yourself" and found lots of good advice how to make a new future for myself.

I learned to write down what I wanted to do and find the way to make these goals possible.

A spark of interest in a hobby or work can make all the difference.

Can i ask how this is working out for you thus far? Have you achieved whats on the list? It would be great if you could share.. Im also looking for pointers.

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Listing makes me feel like a dreamer, I open my mind to possibilities. Having a perspective or a map of your goals helps calm my anxieties. It is important to keep your old lists so that you can look back at them someday and appreciate your hard work. Put all of you goals there no matter how insignificant they are, and even though no one will give you a praise at the end of the day, but you will start feeling like you are finally breaking through a wall, brick by brick. It is sort of like playing a role of a classical hero, going against all odds, relying on your wits and skills.

I haven't achieved everything on my lists, but I did accomplish a lot of it. My lists may seem pathetic to many people but they mean a lot to me. I usually put hard and easy tasks on my lists so that I always feel challenged but not too overwhelmed. Here are a few old lists:

8th grade list:

- learn English: it was my first year in an American school. I made small goals to improve my English like hanging out only with English speakers or watching English shows. Movies were so hard for me to understand with all the slang and different state accents, but by the end of the year i could watch scooby-doo. I would read a lot too, but since i was an auditory learner music and movies were more effective.

- learn to swim: at the end of the year I was 3 in the school competition for freestyle and 5 in breaststroke.

- join a club: I joined drama, and basketball, for a little. I kept missing practices, so I was kicked out. Later that year i joined the soccer team, they couldn't afford to be too picky. I was a pretty good athlete and student, but had a lot of attendance and participation issues.

- Read 20 books: I read only 8 that year

- start dating: That didn't happen. Apparently i was too young or too great of a friend.

10th -12th grade list:

- join student council: the first year i was rep, second a president, third vice

- more clubs: i was in journalism, debate, book club

- figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life: that didn't happen

- stop smoking and drugs: success, though i started drinking a lot

- guitar lessons: i gave up

- piano lessons: gave up

- save up $3000 for college: I saved over $5000 + a partial scholarship!

- break up with all of my friends and find more wholesome characters: I still keep searching and my old friends still annoy me

- learn french: didn't happen

- learn to cook: didn't happen

- Get passing grades: 4.GPA!- to everyone's surprise

- learn to ski & skate: apparently I have no talent for winter sports

Graduation list:

- fin college before 25 with no dept: I did it!!!! took a lot of odd jobs....and I am broke now

- find a great job: still looking

- grow my hair: It's almost shoulder length now

- lean to cook: I am pretty good at it

- get over my closed door habit: (cant stand open doors and cabinets) I don't mind cabinets, but doors are still a problem

- be more tolerant with stupid people: I still snap at them

- learn to drive: I did and have a car :) (i never thought this day would come)

- figure out whats is happening to my health: its still a mystery diagnosis

- write a book: just started

- paint: can't find the time

- stop drinking: I only drink alcohol now

I also make lists for each day to reach my final goals, like reading 20 pages a day from my book list collection, or cooking a new recipe. I know that is i do a little a day, I will reach my goals some day.

So for every one who sometimes feels down about the future, don't give up! Try listing, keep at it and one day look back and surprise your self at how much you have accomplished.

For those who want to try it out, here are some suggestions:

- start a dream diary: a small notebook to carry everywhere, for listing everything you like and what to achieve. When I feel down I sometimes forget what i wanted, so it keeps me motivated. like one day i want cake, i write it in the book and some time that week i get cake.

- plan out a routine to reach your goals. I sketch each day so that some day i will be a great artist.

- reward your self, when you reach bigger and harder goals: I usually go drinking with friends

- understand your self. If you cant do something today, its OK to do it tomorrow, so do something you can do today. Tackle small tasks first to build up your confidence and momentum.

- don't forget to breath, the world doesn't end tomorrow. Remember that and take your time. You can be the turtle that beets the rabbit :)

best of luck

-ink

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- get over my closed door habit: (cant stand open doors and cabinets) I don't mind cabinets, but doors are still a problem

- be more tolerant with stupid people: I still snap at them

To me it seems very clear you have good chance of having ASD. I highly, highly suggest you look at some vlogs on Youtube for Aspergers and see what you find. The closing doors/windows rituals are a clear give away.

The thing is, most neurotypicals want to get married and have kids and is a source of a lot of depression for people. Not that Im downplaying your list or anything.. but the source of your 'searching' could be a disorder which is extrmely hard to 'realize' as you figure you have it all figured out already.

If you do have black and white thinking, yours is of another type then what the NT depression sufferer is experiencing as you think in black and white by nature. for NT's its very difficult for us to be trapped in this mindset. So while lists and goals are normal and logical to someone with ASD, they are not to an NT for reasons an ASD will not be able to understand.

But yeah id go look at some videos.. Those with ASD are very prone to relationship problems later in life.. They usually have a great younger school life though and are told they are gifted and special. Many will never fully embrace their disorder and unfortunalty ASD the most debilitating mental disorder. ADHD is second.

Depression? Meh.. A common 'cold' of the mind that can be fixed... Temporary. ASD/ADHD is there all the time 24/7.. You dont kow life without having it.

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Someone earlier mentioned the likelihood of becoming a lonely old man with cats who spends most of his time on the internet. I think that's what I may become.....

I'm age 45 now, will turn 46 in April. Living in Greece, stuck in chronic unemployment, living off a small rental income. I had relationships with women in the past, but never proceeded to having a family due to that I never felt my economic situation to be secure enough (never created a profession or career). Now I've been 5 years without a relationship.

I spend my day just going to a nearby Starbucks with my netbook, having a coffee, and spending hours on the internet, Then at night I go to bed early. Sleep is my greatest pleasure, and when the morning comes I don't feel like waking up, nor is there any need to. Today I was in bed till about 12 pm. Then woke up, watched CNN and did some yoga-like stretching exercizes, then ate some oatmeal, and now I'm here at Starbucks near my neighborhood. I will stay here for a few hours socializing on the internet, then walk home, and go to bed early.

And every day goes by like this....

The years passed by too fast. I feel that if I were 20 years younger, I could motivate myself. Now I feel unmotivated and with nothing to look forward to, except being set free by death....

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It varies. Sometimes I think up all these great plans for the future, but then other times, I think, "Meh, who am I kidding; I never actually accomplish anything I intend to!"

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