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ukclimber

Depression / Ocd

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Hi there :)

I'm really hoping somebody here can give me some help, I feel so scared and down in the dumps.

When I was about 12, out of nowhere, one night my OCD started. I laid in bed after watching a scary film and remember thinking "I know I'm sane, but what if I flipped out and killed my family?". This was so scary and I remember my heart beating at what felt like 100mph, a dull feeling in my stomach and sweating alot.

Well,after a few years of my teenage years and battling this alone, it seemed to disappear. How great, I can stop having these stupid thoughts now.

A few years after this, they all started again, out of the blue. Well, I decided this time it was time to tackle to problem so went to CBT therapy, which wasn't overly successful but I did get some benefits. Since then, it has been on and off until I hit rock bottom yesterday.

All day I felt down, depressed, almost as if there was no point in carrying on. Anyway, after a couple of self talks I got to the end of the day, got in bed feeling pretty tired then woke up, again my heart beating so fast, sweating, not being able to think straight. All night on and off I had this feeling, and hoping and praying that I would flip like some of these people you read about and do something horrible.

I really don't know what to do.I feel so rubbish. Please help.

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Hi ukclimber,

I know exactly what you are going through. I have had thoughts about pushing strangers in front of trains, harming loved ones, harming myself. The thing to try and do is remember they are just thoughts and that everyone has them. The only difference between you and them is that you react to the thought whereas they dismiss it as the rubbish it is.

I wouldnt try to surpress the thought. I would just notice it being there by saying something like 'that's just a mad thought. Everyone gets them. I am never going to act on it.' And let the thought go again.

You mention that you feel depressed. That can make things more difficult. I know that I can practise all the right things with regards my OCD but it doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference as I am so depressed. Sometimes the best thing is to just keep going and let time take its course.

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