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Fear Of Death/dying; Anybody Else Like This?


Doommantia

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I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, if not I apologise to the admins. Though my thinking of death/dying and the fear caused from these thoughts seem to go hand in hand with depression.

Anyway lately I've been thinking a lot, (well not really thinking the thoughts just come into my head and then I dwell on them) about dying. As in, I think about my own mortality and the fact that one day I will cease to exist. Which leads to an overwhelming sense of fear. I usually break out into a sweat, start crying and shaking, sometimes feel nausatious too.


This can happen at any time, I was eating my dinner with my family tonight and it happened. I just froze and blanked everybody out, and just stared at my plate as these thoughts took control. Its getting worse.

I've been plagued with this for many years. I remember exactly when and what I was doing the day I realised that I was one day to die. I was 9 years old and playing a video game with my dad. I think it was around that time, I became extremely discontent with life and who I am. Maybe that came a couple years later.

I've also been having feelings of self loathing and that I'm a complete failure and worthless a lot lately too. More than usual anyway. In fact I'm convinced that I am all three.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow, for an unrelated problem but maybe I should bring this up too.

Does anybody else have these episodes of overwhelming fear and if so how do you cope/deal with it?

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Hello,

I have the same thoughts which create an overwhelming panic.

I work as an RN/Paramedic and have witnessed awful things. For me, it's not so much dying itself, it's what will I have to go through before I die. This has been going on for years.

Recently I lost my mother and this event triggered a massive ongoing panic attack. Death has become very real to me and I can't stop thinking about it. The loss of my mother was so traumatic, I still haven't come to terms with it.

I feel like something can happen to me or my loved ones at anytime and I obsess over it. I'm in a constant state of panic waiting for the "other shoe to drop". I've been to numerous therapists, but I can't find one who understands my problem.

At this point, I try to stay busy and focus on other things, keeping my mind busy really seems to help. I've tried numerous medications and the only one that helps a little is Klonopin.

I know how difficult it is to gets these thought out of your head!

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I think about death and dying a lot – every week in fact. I have learned that this type of thinking is all part of the depression package.

Sometimes I get this immense fear of death, wondering what will happen if I die, what lies on the other side, will I just cease to exist or is there some eternal punishment waiting for me for all the bad things I have said and done? I also fear for the well being of my wife and daughter if I die before them. Then I tell myself, “No one really knows what happens after we die, it may just not be so bad!”

Other times I spontaneously welcome the prospect of sudden death so that I can escape the emotional pain that I often find myself in during the moment. I actually welcome a sudden heart attack or a car wreck, just to escape. But this is only when I am having a really low depressive episode, which is also a weekly occurrence lately.

What freaks me out is that an estimated 200 Billion people have died since the beginning of humanity. That is a lot of death. Our turn is coming one day, it cannot be so bad!

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I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this, if not I apologise to the admins. Though my thinking of death/dying and the fear caused from these thoughts seem to go hand in hand with depression.

Anyway lately I've been thinking a lot, (well not really thinking the thoughts just come into my head and then I dwell on them) about dying. As in, I think about my own mortality and the fact that one day I will cease to exist. Which leads to an overwhelming sense of fear. I usually break out into a sweat, start crying and shaking, sometimes feel nausatious too.

This can happen at any time, I was eating my dinner with my family tonight and it happened. I just froze and blanked everybody out, and just stared at my plate as these thoughts took control. Its getting worse.

I've been plagued with this for many years. I remember exactly when and what I was doing the day I realised that I was one day to die. I was 9 years old and playing a video game with my dad. I think it was around that time, I became extremely discontent with life and who I am. Maybe that came a couple years later.

I've also been having feelings of self loathing and that I'm a complete failure and worthless a lot lately too. More than usual anyway. In fact I'm convinced that I am all three.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow, for an unrelated problem but maybe I should bring this up too.

Does anybody else have these episodes of overwhelming fear and if so how do you cope/deal with it?

As long as I can remember, I've never really feared death. Rather, I've almost invited it. It started with fantasizing about getting very sick or hurt when I was a kid and how my family would rally around me. As I got older, it got more and more detailed and became commonplace, and I slowly realized even that wasn't enough to garner attention. So I thought about my funeral with everyone around me, finally realizing exactly what they missed out on. Pretty soon, I imagined my death every day in all sorts of gruesome ways thanks to depression and SI. Also, growing up I tried to desensitize myself to fear because it wasn't manly. I did my best to imagine things like falling from great heights and drowning and suffocating. I would stand on top of really high places and go into cramped places on purpose, so that I wouldn't be afraid anymore because I was afraid of EVERYTHING (Because of my mom). I don't fear death anymore, I welcome it. If it comes, then good. I've certainly wished for it long enough, and it clearly isn't going to happen to my parents. When I feared my dad dying, he got very sick. Once I started wishing he would, his health began to return and now he's more or less fine.

The only things I fear now are success and rejection/failure. They go hand in hand. I fear rejection and failure because I catastrophize things and make mountains out of molehills, so it always seems worse than it turns out to be. And I fear success because I worry that I won't be able to handle the responsibility and will let everyone down. Right now, the only one who depends on me is myself. If I become successful and get a family and it's too much for me to handle, I'll just have brought them into this world to mess them up!

As for getting out of panic attacks, the only thing that works is finding a way to relax. That's really hard for me to do normally. When I try to control my breathing, I feel like I'm hyperventilating. What works best for me depends on the scenario. If I can, I go to sleep or take a short nap. I've learned to half-sleep while still being alert to my surroundings, and if I do that for a while, it usually helps. If I can't do that, I run until I'm tired. Then I get in the nearest private place (usually my car) and scream my head off until I can't anymore. Once all of that energy is gone, I feel legitimately tired and my heart rate slows down, and I can breathe normally. Those aren't really practical solutions, but normal things don't really work for me. And I can't just calm down and stop panicking; it's not that easy for me. Thankfully, I don't have many panic attacks anymore.

Edited by darkdaxter
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Whenever I get on one of those really big roller coasters I get this anxiety when I start going up the big hill. I'm afraid of heights and when I start up I feel trapped (not like I can get off) and terrified. This is the exact same feeling I get when I think about death.

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As a person that almost died nearly a year ago I now can i say I can look at it from two different points of view. Before getting sick and nearly dying I had a fear I never told anyone. I think in a way it was more than a fear though, I just KNEW I was going to die. My mother died in front of me in a very traumatic way a few weeks before her birthday. I knew then that I was going to die and I always felt that it would be either on the death date of my mom or her birthday. I began to just wait. I didn't obsess over it but I just knew. I remember when a new movie would be announced I would often say to myself "Will I be alive to see it?" A family event such a s a birth in the family? I would wonder if I would be there to meet that baby. I then got sick the month of my mothers death and I knew this was the time. By the time her death date rolled around I was too sick to honor her. I was dying by then and I knew it. My body was slowly shutting down but I was afraid to do anything. I had a phobia of doctors but I also had a fear of what I thought was the inevitable. It was that fear of dying on her birthday that finally sent me to the ER two days before her birthday. Had I waited those two days I would have died.

I have made it through the other side. I have been through the terrible things you go through when you are dying. I have fought and made it out. Death is no longer something I fear but it's no longer something I long for. When I was going through the hardest part of my recovery there were days I wanted to give up and days I felt like I wished I had died but no more. I still wonder what my purpose is, why I was spared but the fear of dying is gone.

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Yeah, I can relate. I believe in life after death, so it isn't quite as overwhelming. But if I really start to think about it, I can start to get overwhelmed. Sometimes it just hits me, like, what is REALLY going on here?! There's got to be something I'm missing.

I also believe in life after death, but can anybody be sure of that?

I've seen many people die and I have to say, the peacefulness that surrounds them is amazing.

I do believe we go to a better place.

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There is an interesting documentary called "The Day I Died". I think you can see it on Youtube. There are interviews with people who have supposedly died and came back. There is an interview with a woman who was undergoing brain surgery and could describe the instruments used during the procedure. There is an interview with her surgeon and other doctors.

I think there is a book called "Proof of Heaven" by a brain surgeon who died and came back. He met a person there who turned out to be his sister. He was adoptive and didn´t know he had a sister who died until he came back.

I can send you the links via PM if you like.

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Yes I know that fear, sometimes when my mind begins to wonder it will suddenly hit me that one day I WILL die and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's the things I can't control that scare me the most.

Oddly, I haven't had that feeling in a while. I have started to not care and just feel angry and sarcastic about getting old and dying, like a F*&% it attitude!

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I use to be very afraid of death.... coda meetings and books help me to understand that so much in life is out of our control.... including how I die and death. I trust my higher power which is God that he will make it alright for me when the time comes to go through dying and then death... I believe in an afterlife.

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The older I get the more anxiety and fear I get about dying, especially lately. I'm scared of dying and more direct, I'm afraid of having a heart attack. I have both high blood pressure, high cholesterol and I'm 40 pounds overweight, so that puts me at a higher risk. And I'm afraid of what it'll be like after I die...will I really not know or feel anything or will I be trapped in my body and can't get out. It's funny because I also believe in God, so how can I not believe my spirit will leave my body after I die, but still I'm scared and I obsess.

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Thanks for all your responses and sharing your experiences with this issue. I think Physicist1985 hit the nail on the head with his analogy, thats exactly how I feel, trapped.

I'm sure my fear will subside with time as I get older, I'm only 24 and shouldn't be thinking about the end of my life at what is essentially the start of my life. Though I still get these episodes of anxiety and fear.

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Now that I'm pushing 40, I'm really scared! Heart disease and stroke runs in my family. My father's first heart attack came when he was only 43. It was so serious, that he needed a quadruple heart bypass. Ten years later, he had another massive heart attack and died all alone in a hotel room while he was working out of town.

I'm the same height as my father was (6'2") and same weight (just over 300lbs). Any time I experience any type of pain in my chest, I start to panic, thinking that I'm having a heart attack and will die alone in my apartment. I've already had my heart stop once, at child birth, so what's stopping it from happening again?

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I think about this subject a lot. The closest I have come to a comforting thought on the subject is the following: death is The Great Equalizer. If you think about it, everyone in this planet who ever lived, lives, or will live, will die. It doesn't matter who you are, what race, what gender, or even what age. It doesn't matter whether you were a good person or bad person in life. In a world where there is so much discrimination from so many places, the one thing that never discriminates is death. We will all have to go through it whether we were loved or loathed in life. I just think it's somewhat comforting to think that in a world where there is so much disparity between people that it sometimes seems unfair, the one thing that is fair is that we will all eventually suffer the same fate.

The second-most comforting thought on the subject is: so many people ponder the question "What happens after we die?" but not enough people ask, "What happens before we're born?" How do we ever come into being in the first place? No one knows what it's like to be in a state of 'non-existence,' if that even makes sense, but everyone that has ever been born has been in that state...somehow. Was it painful? Horrid? I don't know, but presumably not. I don't remember being in any pain, anyway. So therefore, what reason do I have to believe that death will be bad in any way? I don't. And that being the case, why worry about it?

What I usually conclude to myself on the subject of death is that if we live our life to the fullest, maybe we can leave this earth in a better state than when we were born. Perhaps future generations will eradicate all diseases somehow and extend human life spans to hundreds of years. We've seen human lifespans be extended by decades already, so it's conceivable that we can continue to make great strides as a species. Meanwhile, while our generation focuses on transitioning the earth from our parents to our children, if we can manage to make a difference, we can live forever through our legacies that we create.

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I have been anxious, afraid, a worrier, and stressed out since I was a child. And if I had $1 for every time I have thought about dying a long ugly death I would have as many dollars as Carter has little liver pills.

I have seen people go out of this life after long term and horrible suffering. And there are a few who just went to sleep and didn't

awaken. It is the dying process that I fear; going out after long suffering and with excruciating pain.

I think I have a head start on the rest of you all as I am closer to dying. I am almost seventy years old. I think I will welcome it

however as all of the fear, anxiety, worrying, stress, and depression will finally be gone...over. Oh, how long and hard I have hurt and

suffered with this "stuff."

I too believe in God and pray every day that when my time arrives that I will go out quickly, painlessly, and in my sleep.

Edited by taut1
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In my country of birth, the average life expectancy is currently 42 for males and 43 for females. There are about 66 000 ******s a year. We have the highest HIV AIDS infection rate in the world and one of the highest serious crime rates in the world. I am 47 years old so I am 4 years into "bonus" living according to the rule of averages. I consider myself privileged in this country for many reasons. Regarding death, my biggest fear is how I will die and what will become of my wife and daughter. They are my main reason for living. Sometimes my depression is so bad, in the manic phase I actually welcome the prospect of instant death. Most times I just continue to live my simple life for what it is worth and I try to make a difference where I can. My hope is that I will die in my sleep one day or in a hospital bed with lots of morphine flowing through my veins. But I may not be so fortunate when my turn arrives in a country where life is cheap and death is abundant.

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