Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
flowerpower89

Are You Happy With Your Physical Appearance?

Recommended Posts

fwiw....i never acted like i was pretty...i acted like there was nothing special about me...i was modest and said thank u if someone commented but i didn't like to bring attention to myself.and i wld chg the subject and mk it clear i didn't want to talk about it.. because it looks are very superficial... what is inside someone is what is important and I wanted to be accepted for the person I was and not for my looks...i am a very special and good person...thats what i want people to see.but i miss feeling attractive .maybe i took it for granted.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Although I realise that very attractive people can indeed become extremely depressed, I think being good looking would decrease one's risk of suffering the disorder. I feel that if people had treated me better and given me more positive attention when I was younger, I would have more self-esteem, which would have protected me from the nasty comments I received in high school that ruined what little sense of self-worth that I had left.

Hi Salienski,

When I was working as a model in twenties and mid-thirties, I was considered attractive and guys were after me all the time. The wrong kind of guys, superficial and fickle.. It made me really and truly depressed and I started to hate my good looks. It knocked my self-esteem because nobody seemed to care for my inner values, only external ones. This made me suicidal many times.

I was studying for a master´s degree and when I started working in my field, things got better, but I had to prove myself over and over again. If I made a mistake, some people said: "She is after all a blonde." It was so hurtful, I cannot begin to describe it.

I agree it´s pleasant to be good looking and it is true you are treated well, but there has to be an inner confidence and glow, otherwise it´s just a plastic facade. After I hit forty, I felt better and better about my appearance and body and it´s part of my recovery from depression to look my best - for myself this time.

I do believe strongly it is the inner strenght and confidence that make you look good. It´s the personality that needs to shine through. With depression it´s a challenge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I won't beat around the bush : I'm view myself as fat, ugly and completely repellent both physically and personality-wise. Friends tell me I'm attractive, good fun with a great sense of humour and being fairly tall, can carry my weight. I've even had a guy tell me I'd be really pretty if I lost some weight (gee thanks, you've actually just called me fat and ugly). I can honestly say I could stand to lose 50 pounds and having actually lost those 50 pounds in the past, can say it still didn't make me feel any more attractive and I still remained single. Plus there are many, many overweight people in relationships, so it can't just be that.

That leaves personality. So many people bang on about looking for personality, so then I must be lacking in that as well. As I said, I have some great friends who seek my company and a boss actually told me he's disappointed when I can't make work functions as everyone has to try a bit harder so I can't be that yawn-inducing or awful.

So while I look in the mirror and see someone relatively normal looking with some ok features (with some extra pounds, granted) and hear people laughing at my jokes, and inviting me places, I still have the unshakeable truth that I must be a troll. After all, I've been single all my life and have never been asked out on a date.

So would my depression suddenly ease if I became more attractive? I don't think so, I would still be utterly repellent.

If you've ever checked out dimensionsmagazine.com or places like it, you'd meet a lot of people who think otherwise. It's just something that is still almost a taboo right now.

The way I feel about myself definitely affects me. Right now, I am not feeling too good about myself at all. I use to be in excellent shape and said I'd never be one of those people who gained weight & let it happen, but here I am 40 pounds overweight. My face is not beautiful, but still attractive enough to be 47, it's just my body that depresses me. I joined a group running program back in September to try to do something about it. Because with the group you have coaches and other people to run with and to be accountable to. I was doing good. By some miracle I was doing it! I had lost 5 pounds and was meeting new people, but then after 8 weeks I got a stress fracture to my ankle and that put an end to that. I don't belong to a gym...hate them, and all I have at home is a treadmill, but because of my ankle I haven't even been able to walk, so needless to say, I gained that five pounds back, plus gained another 5 pounds. I can't win for losing. I'm hoping to try to start walking then eventually running again around April, but this time, I'll be on my own, so dunno if I'll be able to do it or not.

I hate gyms. I always feel completely inadequate. If I go there, I either have to be working with a trainer or have a friend go with me. Otherwise, I spend the entire time feeling like everyone's watching/judging me and how bad I am at everything. Working out alone is always really hard for me to do as well.

Since early puberty I have been dissatisfied with my appearance. Now that I'm out of high school, I don't think I am as ugly as a lot of horrible people tried to make me feel. I consider myself to have an average to slightly above average looking face. What's tearing me apart right now is the realisation that it will be near impossible for me to achieve the body I desire if I go back to taking my old medication (Mirtazapine), due to the weight gain and metabolic retardation it causes. I am not overweight and don't consider myself repulsive, but my body could definitely be better.

Although I realise that very attractive people can indeed become extremely depressed, I think being good looking would decrease one's risk of suffering the disorder. I feel that if people had treated me better and given me more positive attention when I was younger, I would have more self-esteem, which would have protected me from the nasty comments I received in high school that ruined what little sense of self-worth that I had left. It's no secret that attractive people are treated far better than unattractive people, and although I dislike the fact that our society places such great emphasis on superficial traits, it saddens me to know that I do not possess the characteristics that other human beings seem to value so highly.

Wow that sounds exactly like me. In high school I was seen as ugly and weird. Now I'm in my 20's I think I look much better, although I could be 20lbs heavier and 2 inches taller to be in the ideal range. It angers me to know that many people are living a fairy tale of a life just because nature gave them certain features and characteristics that are so highly valued in today's society.

Honestly, a lot of people grow into themselves. I don't think I'm ugly anymore, just on the lower end of average looking. I'm not fat, but I often feel like it. I'm really only carrying an excess of like 20 pounds, but without a lot of muscle tone it feels gross. I used to be obsessed with my weight, but am not anymore. I would like to lose weight from my stomach and butt (the first places I gain and the last places I lose), but it's hard for me to stick to exercise routines. And as I said, I hate going to gyms. I have gained a lot of strength over the years, and that helped make me feel better about myself, but I think I could still stand to gain muscle.

I would also like to be taller. I'm not short, I'm 5'8" "(okay 5'7 3/4"), and always wished I was a bit taller. My dad's 5'11", and had I not been a pre-me (3 months early as a twin), I probably would be taller than my dad. My biggest problem is my skin. It's combination skin (dry and oily), and I break out a lot. Most creams and washes leave my skin dry and irritated and only work for a short amount of time before they start to cause more acne (stopping using said cream/wash for a while clears up my skin). When I move out, I want to buy some Proactive and Insanity. I think Proactive would be great for my skin, and Insanity would be a good exercise program. I don't want to start them now because I don't want to hear any lip from my parents about it. My parents bug me enough about how the few 15-20 minute showers I take maybe once or twice a month are ruining them financially (as opposed to the twice daily hour long showers my parents and little sister take, and the one to two hour shower my sister takes every other day). And every time I go to the gym, they always assume I know absolutely nothing about what I'm doing and try to poke holes in it. And they think whatever protein powder I use is steroids.

I generally find the people I hang out with to be better looking than I am despite their body type. A big part of that is that they have all had girlfriends before, and I've watched girls hit on them. No girl has ever hit on me or expressed an interest in spending time with me. And all the times I've tried to talk to girls up till now haven't gone well, with them usually acting really nice and then afterwards pretending I don't exist or vanishing. It's always embarrassing.

Two days ago, my friend Kyle told me his ex-flame's younger sister (who just turned 18, so there's a 4 year age difference), said out of the four of us she'd like to date me the most. I've learned not to get my hopes up, lest they be dashed again, and don't think he was telling me the truth. Plus, on the offchance that he was, she just broke up with her boyfriend, and this is literally the worst time for me to have a prospective chance at a relationship. I'm broke, my car needs fixed, and provided I buckle down and do what I need to do this semester, I'm not going to have any free time. There's no real way I can talk to her anyways, and I don't want to add her on facebook. Just about everyone who's ever friended me (including family) has hid me from their profile view for a reason. It would just be hitting her in the face with my depression right away, and from my experience that NEVER works out well and only serves to creep people out and drive them away. I'd have to get to know them first. And besides, I wouldn't want to change my profile. It represents me. Bottom line, I want someone who likes me for me. Even if myself, as I am, isn't popular with people. The only plus is that she used to listen to deathcore. And I don't know any other girls (in person) who like that kind of music. But for most other people, it's just an adolescent "phase," and then they switch to listening to "REAL" music. So for all I know, she listens to country, pop, and rap like everyone else around here. Big negatives against it are A) they used to make fun of me for thinking she was cute before because she was underage, and B) if she takes after her older sister or mother at all, she's an "easy" junkie who constantly calls people for favors and gets away with it for being cute. I don't neccessarily want a relationship with that type of manipulative person. Also, we really don't know each other at all. I've only seen her twice. And we never talked at all, so she might not even know who I am or anything about me.

P.S. I think your appearance doesn't matter so much as self-confidence. As a guy with a p*rn problem, I can appreciate most body types, and if you pointed a random girl out to me I'm confident I could probably list at least one attractive thing about them. The only real body type I'm not attracted to are heavily overweight women (300-400+ lbs), and even then a cute face makes all the difference. That and heavy steroid users. I like muscular women and thick/curvy women and everything in between, and I think a gut/pooch is sexy (until folds/rolls develop). I think the most important aspect of a person's appearance is their face, and contrary to what many believe most people have nice looking faces. But as other people have said, I think personality reigns supreme.

Really self-confidence is something that EVERYONE wears well. It just changes everything about them. I wouldn't say I have an image problem anymore, so much as a self-confidence problem. Think about it this way. I'm sure everyone's seen someone that they said to themselves, 'I'm not interested in dating them,' and then seen their self-confidence and changed their minds. At least I know I have.

Edited by darkdaxter

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No I am not. Even at the peak of my physical fitness I was still insecure about my body. I looked fit with my clothes on but with my shirt off I looked flabby even despite heavy cardio and weight training. I am even worse now, 3 yrs later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, not really, but I don't think that if I was considered more attractive I would magically be happy. Everyone seems to want to be taller here, but I'm 6'4" and that hasn't seemed to get me any women in the past, so I'm not sure I see the big deal about height. Sometimes I think I'm nasty and ugly and unforgivable, and sometimes I think I'm fairly attractive. I think it depends on the state of my depression at the time. Regardless, projecting that you know you are attractive and holding yourself that way is at least as important.

I weigh just under 200 last I checked, so for my height and frame that's about right. It's kind of a middle ground for my usual, which varies +/- 30.

People say I'm handsome now and again, but more often I get "cute" if anything at all. Can't be afraid to go with that. Can't be afraid to dress a little nicer either. When I started doing that, guys I know would look at me weird like "why are you dressing like that?" Women seemed to appreciate it more, though, and I got some compliments.

Attractiveness or no, you're not going to get any of the relationships you're looking for by just standing there and looking pretty. Can it help? Sure, of course it can, but not if you don't do anything but stand there and look pretty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To bluntly answer the question: no, I have thin hair, my ears stick out too much and I have bad posture...Fortunately, I am married so I don’t have to feel bad about not being handsome and not being able to attract a partner. I am by no means ugly; I would give myself 6 out of 10 for looks, so therefore I do not have a low self esteem issue when it comes to looks. My self esteem lacks in other emotional areas...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I won't beat around the bush : I'm view myself as fat, ugly and completely repellent both physically and personality-wise. Friends tell me I'm attractive, good fun with a great sense of humour and being fairly tall, can carry my weight. I've even had a guy tell me I'd be really pretty if I lost some weight (gee thanks, you've actually just called me fat and ugly). I can honestly say I could stand to lose 50 pounds and having actually lost those 50 pounds in the past, can say it still didn't make me feel any more attractive and I still remained single. Plus there are many, many overweight people in relationships, so it can't just be that.

That leaves personality. So many people bang on about looking for personality, so then I must be lacking in that as well. As I said, I have some great friends who seek my company and a boss actually told me he's disappointed when I can't make work functions as everyone has to try a bit harder so I can't be that yawn-inducing or awful.

So while I look in the mirror and see someone relatively normal looking with some ok features (with some extra pounds, granted) and hear people laughing at my jokes, and inviting me places, I still have the unshakeable truth that I must be a troll. After all, I've been single all my life and have never been asked out on a date.

So would my depression suddenly ease if I became more attractive? I don't think so, I would still be utterly repellent.

I can relate but in the end we have to see the inner beauty. Stop worrying about how you look and let your inner self out. Be the loving and good person that you are and eventually someone will love you. Oh, and my husband reminds me of a cave troll and I love the heck out of him. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was still vulnerable about my human body. I seemed fit with my outfits on but with my clothing off I seemed ugly even despite large aerobic and human body building.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This isn't easy to answer. But ultimately, No, I am not happy with how I look. However, it's one of my successes in overcoming things that it doesn't get me upset as I can see how I can fix it, or improve it, so at worst it gets me a little down at times and can set off my anxiety in certain situations. I probably look more concious of it since I hurt myself as I do suck my gut in a lot depending on what I am doing. Physio got me started on pulling stomach/abs in to strengthen core muscles and stuff. I do it subconsously without thinking so one moment I have no gut then next a alcohol gut. So I can appear very paranoid about my appearance, or so I've been told.

Generally I hate a few facial things, my chin area being one. Going from 140kg to 106kg I still have a little flub there, chin isn't fully seperated from my neck and detest pictures being taken of me, mainly because it reminds me of being over weight. I still have chineck instead of a chin and a neck. I like my legs though, got a major compliement from my physio that aside from a little less muscle definition they are like one her clients that plays professional football.

I get bugger all attention from females in real life and little bit of attention online. One thing I don't understand is how I attracted females when I was 140kg, the night my ex and I broke up I was separted from a female and told "too soon, too soon, it's only been 4 hours mate". How the hell did I do that? Even before depression set in, how the hell did I get my last girlfriend. (these two stick in my mind as they were very attractive girls that were very superficial how they viewed men, they would normally run away from obese males). Yet now, technically I am in better shape and get no attention. Maybe i need to put the weight back on.

Apparently I am a good bloke or would be a good catch according to a few females but am perceived as being a bit odd/weird/eccentric due to my humor. Especially when I am not bogged down with depression. Not sure what the right word is or best way to describe it. Lois Griffen from family guy could be an example, generally the families rock but would on occasion go feral.

I dunno, I just try to believe that someone will accept me for me oneday. Even if I occasionaly pop into similar topics on here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am absolutely not satisfied with my appearance, and I think it greatly influences my self-esteem, which in turn contributes to my depression. Thing is, I am very fat, as fatness is considered not only unattractive physically, but also a sign of moral failings - laziness, weakness of will, gluttony, lack of self-control. Just another sign of the fact that I am loser.

In addition, my weight strains my relationship with a friend (long story). The change in our relationship and my attempts to lose weight also add a lot of stress, and I suspect that change in my diet increased the severity of my depression (a word of advice - don't try Atkins while depressed, especially if you used to rely on sweets to get you through hard times)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was at home I was quite overweight so felt physically sick aswell as feeling depressed was an awful feeling. Cutting the weight down for me personally is a must, it affects every area of my life but my happiness isn't depedent on it. I'm not really fussed with the way I look, I'm happy with my image. To me it's more of how I feel in general, weight loss helps every other aspect such as productivity which ultimately boosts my happiness triple-fold.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have never been happy with my face and head. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I certainly have some good days and bad. On my good days I'd say it's like slightly above average. But my bad days.... holy hell I look like a swamp creature.

I have a very big head and face, and sometimes when I wake up, my face is all puffed out. UGH! I have noticed that when I eat better, this doesn't happen as much either.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One thing though that has certainly boosted my confidence about my looks is that I've done better in the dating scene in the last year or so. Girls that maybe never would have given me a chance back in high school have gone out with me. Granted, they didn't develop, but the fact that I have gotten hot dates at least shows to me that I'm not repugnant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I tend to fluctuate between loving and hating myself and it's pretty random really. I have been given such wonderful compliments by previous partners and people I've met that are out of state.

Some people think that I'm really cute and handsome and I've been complimented on my body as well. I do love my body, but I am quite skinny. In high school I was constantly pestered about being anorexic when I was not. I have a very high metabolism and only get hungry once or twice a day. It seems this society can't accept skinny or overweight people. I've also been told directly that I have a weird face. Luckily that was only once but I've carried that with me since. It seems insults always carry more weight than compliments. Everyone has good features, and people are often very afraid to point them out. People tend to love my jawline and broad shoulders the most and I never thought for a second that they were anything special before I heard someone compliment me on them. People do think nice things about you, it's just very hard to say.

Sometimes people adore me, sometimes I get looked at like I'm some sort of criminal. The trick is to just stare right back at them--makes them really uncomfortable ;D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's weird because I've been told that I'm stunning and beautiful at times but I don't believe it inside and I guess because of that

a lot of people don't see it too. I have low self esteem and am not assertive enough and so have never capitalised on my so called good looks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not happy with the way I look at all. I was born half-blind, and can only see out of my right eye. That's something I might have been able to live with, if it weren't for the fact that my left eye is noticeably smaller than my right eye, especially when I open my eyes wide open. Sometimes I'm able to make it less noticeable, but only when I consciously try, and usually only by squinting my right eye, which is very uncomfortable. I am very self-conscious about this.

When I was young, this was never an issue. However, as soon as I went through puberty and started liking girls, this became a major issue. I became aware of it and self-conscious of it, and it didn't help matters when I got older and got wicked bad acne that I still can't get rid of to this day. Somehow, someway, from ages 14 through 16 I managed to get a girlfriend, but I haven't had one since I was 16, and to my knowledge, no girl I've known since then has ever even been interested in me.

In addition to all that, my teeth could use dentist attention, I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I have embarrassing bunions that I can't get rid of because I can't afford the surgeries to get rid of them. I don't even like smiling because I hate the way my smile looks. Whenever I'm expected to (such as for photos) I usually give teeth-less smiles. My appearance is certainly not one of my favourite things about myself, and yes, if I could get them all fixed, I would feel substantially better about myself. I am relatively certain that this has a lot to do with my depression. I try to make up for it by displaying intelligence, intellect, and passion, because subconsciously I convince myself that people will respect that from me, but instead that usually ends up giving people the impression that I am cold and calculating, like some kind of emotionless robot.

Edited by Luis

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a nineteen year old girl, 5"10, 130 lbs, and was recruited by a modeling agency last year.

I don't really view myself as attractive. When I have the energy to put make-up on or even leave my house, I get lots of looks from guys (but it's probably because I'm so tall). When I look in the mirror, I always find flaws in my face. I was really heavy-set as a kid and was bullied a lot for it. I still can't see myself as attractive.

Lots of guys tell me that I'm pretty, but nothing really amounts to much because my medication makes me a bad conversationalist. I also can't tell if they just do it to cheer me up, as I'm usually quite down.

Am I doing something wrong here?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For the most part I don't like my appearance, it isn't so bad that i can't give my self the very rare compliment once a millenia but still.

I don't think I've ever seen a photo that i liked of me. and I hate looking in the mirror for multiple reasons.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a nineteen year old girl, 5"10, 130 lbs, and was recruited by a modeling agency last year.

I don't really view myself as attractive. When I have the energy to put make-up on or even leave my house, I get lots of looks from guys (but it's probably because I'm so tall). When I look in the mirror, I always find flaws in my face. I was really heavy-set as a kid and was bullied a lot for it. I still can't see myself as attractive.

Lots of guys tell me that I'm pretty, but nothing really amounts to much because my medication makes me a bad conversationalist. I also can't tell if they just do it to cheer me up, as I'm usually quite down.

Am I doing something wrong here?

Probably not. A lot of guys have trouble approaching hot girls, especially tall hot girls. :) Lack of confidence on their parts!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a nineteen year old girl, 5"10, 130 lbs, and was recruited by a modeling agency last year.

I don't really view myself as attractive. When I have the energy to put make-up on or even leave my house, I get lots of looks from guys (but it's probably because I'm so tall). When I look in the mirror, I always find flaws in my face. I was really heavy-set as a kid and was bullied a lot for it. I still can't see myself as attractive.

Lots of guys tell me that I'm pretty, but nothing really amounts to much because my medication makes me a bad conversationalist. I also can't tell if they just do it to cheer me up, as I'm usually quite down.

Am I doing something wrong here?

Probably not. A lot of guys have trouble approaching hot girls, especially tall hot girls. :) Lack of confidence on their parts!

I agree with PulledPork. I was a model when I was in University to pay for my fees, because it´s easy money. I still do some extra work on films when I have the time. Men found and find it hard to approach me. I don´t know why and it bothered me. Maybe it´s low confidence on their part and something they sensed - that I didn´t value myself when I was a model.

Now I´m more interested in inner values and the glow of confidence that comes when you really start loving yourself.

I wish you all the best with your modelling career. Have fun with it. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh such a loaded question! Yeah...hmmmmm I can honestly say I loathe my body. I'm told I'm beautiful....buuuut that's with my clothes on. Underneath the fabric lies a tiny frame plagued with excess skin due to two large babies and losing weight. Its pretty devastating to have an intimate moment with a guy and he thinks he is bout to score with a bombshell aaaaand then the clothes come off and you can literally see the desire drain from his face quickly replaced with repulsion and disappointment. Oh humanity is cruel! Lol everyone says it doesn't matter but sadly it does. How the hell can someone look past poochy saggy skin and totally be turned on just on emotion alone? I'm thinking its impossible and I'm destined to be like the hulk n wander this planet alone n unwanted. Does anyone else suffer with this deformity of loose skin???? Please tell me I'm not the only one......it inhibits my every move and I'm literally paralyzed by this affliction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Simple answer - NO - if you suddenly became what you perceived to be beautiful tomorrow, you still won't be happy. The entire dynamics would change and you would have to get used to a different level of dating.

Work on being happy and mingle in public so people can see your personality (as one wise poster put here), when they see you're happy it will attract people to you; more importantly the right people! If that person really doesn't like something about you then you can decided whether to change for her or not.

To this day I am still in the dark about whether or not my last love was sexually attracted to me or not, when we broke up I lost a lot of weight, toned up and got fit! I feel just as unattractive as I did before now and rational sense is telling me that my love was in love with me how I was anyway, not how I become.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Meh, physical appearance never meant much to me. For me at least...it's only biology telling me "she's fertile, go git her!" As a consequence, I never brush my hair, wear clothes that don't match, and don't really take care of myself particularly well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

when i was younger i was very attractive but im no longer that attractive. its easy for me to see myself as ugly now, but i realise that in reality im not ugly, but just average looking. but in a way, even though i think of myself as ugly, i kind of enjoy thinking of myself as ugly, becuase i feel like the way i look belongs to me and nobody else. i enjoy having some more unusual and plain characteristics in my looks, because i am what i am, and im sorry if other people dont like it, but thats too bad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...