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Getting Worse....


amanita

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I'll admit I'm really struggling now. I feel so utterly hopeless, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel fat and stupid and pointless, I keep getting paranoid thoughts about people close to me not liking me anymore, I have no interest in socialising and have started self harming again. I want to die. I have no prospects and no talents, the future doesn't hold anything nice, I have NOTHING to look forward to, only sadness and disappointment. And I just feel defeated, like I could deal with all these things before but now I just can't. I hate waking up in the morning. I feel isolated and alone, I can't speak to my parents or my friends or my teachers, I don't want to eat or dance or skate or do anything I used to enjoy. I've lost all interest in school and my WHOLE family is going onto me about doing the HPAT, so I can study medicine in college, I keep telling them its a waste of E115, because I'll never get the points in my Leaving Cert, but they keep putting all this pressure on me. My coach wants me to do a competition and is expecting me to do well and I don't feel up to it... Everything seems to be crowding me and I don't have time to do any of it, I don't want to do any of it. I cry a lot to myself, I really wish something nice would happen, something hopeful but everything is bad, and I can't see how it will get better.

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Hi aminita,

Are you seeing a doctor for your depression? If so, are you able to call and talk to him/her?

You sound like you're in a very dark place right now and there is help for you.

I've been where you are and I know you feel there's no hope, but I can tell you there is.

A lot of us can't beat these feeling on our own and need others to help us out.

Do your parents know how much you're hurting inside? If not, I suggest you tell them and get some help.

Please reach out to someone and let them know what you're going through.

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Now my ballet school is doing a show in May, we've started rehersals and I have to tell my teacher that I can't do it because of exams, so I'll be letting her down :'-( I'm not seeing a doctor, and I don't talk to my parents about my depression. How do you talk to people who don't know what you're going through? They'd just think I was being self-piteous.

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