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Trace

What Do You Want To Do Right Now #3

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Time for a new thread, last few from the last one.

Eat! Thank goodness it's soon lunchtime.

I agree with the eating! I made a special trip to get my Fruity Pebbles. Had 2 bowls already...

have the fat sucked right out of me. Yep i have self esteem issues ---

Sleep until I can't sleep anymore and then sleep some more.

To do something fun and then wake up in an apartment I share with my friends, just as my girlfriend texts me that she's coming over and needs to cuddle.

But if that happened, I'd just wake up afterwards here anyway lol.

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I want to be back in bed with my boyfriend, snuggling in the warmth of our bodyheat and duvet and not come out of hibernation for six months until it's bikini weather!

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Kiss passionately a man of my dreams. The only problem is, that I lack the man *sigh*

This makes me think about my friend who wanted to cheer me up --- so she sent me a picture, via snail mail, of Keanu Reeves!

Only draw back! Paper has a tendency to crinkle and rip! lol :smilingteeth:

Though :huh: strangely enough ----- I did 'gasp!' when i pulled the picture out of the envelope! The only excitement i felt for the year LOL

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I just really feel like crying right now. I feel like such a failure. I feel like nothing is ever going to change, like I'm going to be stuck here forever. I feel like I'm just slowly dying, and like nothing I can do can stop it. I feel like no one I know is ever going to understand how I feel till I'm ****. And I feel like that's what I'm really here for. So that when people mourn my passing and realize what little they could've done to help keep me alive, they'll finally get their acts together. I'm tired of feeling like I'm 60 years old. Getting out of here isn't getting any easier, and I feel like I can't do anything. All I know is that if I want to have any hope, I have to leave. I have to leave. I have to leave. I've always had to leave. I'm tired of always working so hard and having NOTHING. For once can someone else work hard? Or at least help me out. Why is it always, Matt works his hands to the bone? Last semester was a cakewalk, but this one will be hard. This time I haven't had two of the classes before. I just hear my parents in the back of my head saying I can't do it. Over and over. I wish there was a way I didn't have to go to school in 8 hours.

Gotta get a job

Gotta pass this semester

Gotta fix my car

I wish I had at least one reliable thing. Besides this place. It would be so much better if I didn't live here. Can't relapse like I always do when the pressure gets too high. I don't even have a reliable car to do it in this time.

But yeah, I'd really like that look in the future. If I knew that 2, 3, 10 years down the road I'd actually be happy, then I'd actually have a purpose. Instead of just blindly hoping and failing and hoping and failing. Something needs to stick. Just please this time, give me something I can work with. Something that won't blow up in my face. Semester's already off to a bad start...and it hasn't even started yet!

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Move to our capital, Helsinki. Most of my friends live in the area and I'm much more at home in cities than in the countryside or small towns. But without a job I simply can't afford it. Maybe next time...

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I want to resign from my job where I am desperately unhappy. I just want to walk out. Seeing my therapist or psychiatrist is not going to take the unhappiness away that I feel here at work. But I cannot resign as I have given my whole life to this organization and my current skills are not sufficient to find a job that will pay me what I am earning now. A horrible, trapped, emotionally painful feeling overcomes me today, especially being Monday.

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To get a hot stone massage to take away the stress for the day .... but then there is another stressor of not having enough money to pay for the massage :censored:

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