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How Do You Feel Today #31


Trace

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Went to the psychologist who told me we don't have an infinite amount of sessions so he recommended that we should have our next appointment in two weeks. 
I looked it up and it looks like I only have 11 sessions covered by the insurance. 
So that freaked me out. 
Then I needed to sleep and when I woke up I freaked again because I was supposed to do some work (write some e-mails, basically) and the stress just rendered me unable to think or move so my boyfriend brought the laptop to the bed and really it wasn't a big deal so I sent the e-mails and felt a little bit better. 
Still, not such a great day. 

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It's very hot and my AC has completely failed. It will no be resolved until tomorrow. I am on the verge of tears, tbh. Trying to listen to good music and remain calm throughout the day. But I need to go out and buy shoes today, as well as fix my glasses and grocery shop. Plus, tomorrow, I meet with my father.

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I slept for 12 hours straight, from 3AM to 3PM. I am still tired and stressed. Tonight is the weekly rehearsal of my girl group and the girls are asking when and where we should meet up and I just don't want to... But I have to. I can't leave them hanging just because I feel like I'm already slowing things down. 

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Feelind PO'd.

My family is callous and often voices disgusting sexist, racist, and ableistic point of views. I am ashamed to be related to you. How did I end up with you for parents? I find it very difficult not to feel superior to people who casually talk about things like violence, m*****, and shoving aside the poor while eating dinner. Y'all claim to be Christian and don't have a kind bone in your body. Pathetic and sad. Whatever happened to pity, compassion, and kindness? I know pagans with ten times the gentleness as you. I'd like to see you face poverty and then see how you handle it. Maybe you will understand that these people are lonely, desperate and often don't have three hot meals a day. Maybe it will open your eyes and break that stone heart of yours.

I am also sick of hearing you whine about how no one knows what the troubles are like of taking care of a child with 'special needs'. I'm autistic not stupid and deaf. I can hear you, and most likely understand dozens of topics that are beyond you. I have done nothing to earn this attitude, I cannot help that I'm autistic. Compared to other people's kids I'm unproblematic, but all you can do is whine.

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Sad. I did get my AC looked at, and the problem was a plug that I didn't see. #89. I felt like a dunce. Today, I was trying to watch a webcast of a soccer match and logged into my cable provider account like it said to do, and nothing happened. So I could not watch.

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