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Dealing With Anxiety And Depression In Life And In A Relationship


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I am new here -- I just wanted to write what I have been going through over the past few months and my whole life.

Ever since I was a child I have been anxious -- "Mommy, are we lost?" "Daddy, Did you take a wrong turn somewhere, where are we?" "Oh no - this store in closing in 5 minutes, are we going to get locked in?" "Mommy, Shane isnt home yet and its pass curfew, whats wrong, where is he?" "Daddy, Shane says he is going to run away- go get him!!!" "I hear an ambulance, where is Mom, Dad, Nana and Shane? -- Oh My, I cant get a hold of one of them, it must be them" --- All of this was before I was a teenager.

This has been carried through my whole life - I've gone to many Dr's and explained whats going on with some mild depression, and they would all say that this is situational. Not until I was older did I get put on some medications and started seeing a therapist. I started seeing a therpapist when I was about 20 after this guy I was in love with CRUSHED my heart. Mind you, growing up I was shown/taught that one will be married by 18 with babies by 20, etc etc. So I started seeing a therpist off and on - as well as taking meds off and on. It wasnt until I got into a serious relationship that I really started going haywire.

At one point my boyfriend said to me, he was bipolar - "I dont think your therapist is working for you." So, I found a new one - who helped me through the anxiety in the relationship. The relationship finally ended. But it did get me out of my hometown and into a better town/state for me. Which was another crazy thing for me - I questioned everything! Why, did I move? Is it right? Should I stay here? Etc Etc.

Things finally settled down and I was comfortable where I was in life and physically. Ok, that is a lie - I wasnt comfortable in life, but I was getting there. I started seeing a new therapist that really helped. They helped me get things in perspective. I am going through life day to day - dealing with daily anxiety and little bits of depression. I think I have been depressed my whole life but have either been hiding it, or playing it down as my anxiety. I am always tired and my mind always races. I dealt with it with Yoga, doing Art and being outdoors.

One thing that I have realized is that I have trouble dealing with little things. Life I hate conflict...any type of conflict sets me off - sad crying etc.

So here I was doing pretty good on my own - just me and my cat, that is all I had to deal with, oh yeah work too! Then out of no where I met the one, I knew in my heart at a fairly early stage in the relationship that he was the one. I woke up one morning and said to my self - "This is the happiest I have ever been, this is the man I am going to marry!" When we kiss I get a flutter in my heart - my heart feels "full" and feels very bubbly most of the time.

Oh - let the anxiety begin! Is he the right one for me? What should I do in this situation? What happens if I'm not overwhelmed with Joy every time I see him? Should I get those flutters and heart full feeling all the time? Every-time he touches me should I quiver? Omg - He doesn't want to see me tonight, what does that mean? Omg - he didn't text me back right away, does he not love me? And it just keeps going until I am overwhelmed and exhausted and have little no hope. I tried to hide my anxiety from him the best I could - I wanted to deal with it on my own. But the closer we got and the more serious things got it kept creeping in. But, he is still here and loves me and is very patient. We work through our problems as a couple, which can be very hard for me because and I am so sensitive. Like if we get in a fight or have a discussion - no matter the outcome I am upset- physically crying at least for the next day. I hate conflict because I never want anyone to be mad at me - or upset with me. But, I now know that in life this is impossible. I stopped taking care of myself, in the emotional sense when the relationship started because i thought, hey I found the one - everything will work out - this will fix all my problems -- yeah, bull ! I am CRAZY!

Over the past 2 months my anxiety and most importantly, my depression is at an all time high - Work has been rough, money issues, the relationship started having some problems, nothing that we didnt fix and moved on from - but the honeymoon period was over - we were fighting more -- etc etc -- usual couple stuff as I have been told. I was just under the assumption that everything was going to be FABULOUS once you met the one - oh it was going to be like a disney movie -- singing Mice and all! This really freaked me out as well. I also had to break my lease and moved into a new place all in one week -- can we OVERLOAD! I also had to borrow money from the Bosses to pay the down payment on the place - Can we say helpless? Thats how I felt. Ever since the move - Ive just been down - and it is freaking me out thinking that there is something wrong with my boyfriend and I. Oh and did I mention that my previous landlord has threatened to take me to COURT! Just keeping piling it on please - but dont crush me.

I feel as though I am having trouble balancing my life - emotionally and in other ways. Im a freaking mess. I have been talking to my therapist more often and got started on new meds and I have also realized that I need to start looking out for me more often, taking care of me - because no one else can.

Thank God I have a great boyfriend who deals with all of this swimmingly - but some days, I think he is going to leave me if I dont start helping myself.

I just dont want to feel alone in all of this - I want to feel better right now, but I know that this takes time. I want to make sure that all of this is semi-normal here - am I living a pipe dream on this one?

Any feedback would be great! :)

Thanks! :)

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I am on Wellebutrin and Celexa - I am not sure what you mean by what kind of therapist. I have seen 3 different therapists in my life. Right now we are working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I think. It is a a lot of putting things in perspective.

Thanks! :)

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Your story seems very close to mine. I think I have been depressed all my life too. In my late 20s I met my current partner and we have been together 20 years. I've always worried, been overly anxious and been emotional and hypersensitive. A "normal" argument would have me sobbing for days. I would even get upset if he didn't eat the lunch I made him!!!! In the last few months my depression got the better of me and I have now been on a medication that is helping me and I recognise my behaviour was irrational (although my partner was never a complete saint either). I'm not sure how to help you, but just wanted to share my story and say hang in there. I am now 44 and wish I was treated earlier. You are in a much better position because you are getting treatment earlier. My partner is very stable and does not react in the same way to situations as I do. I always worried he would leave me too, but I guess after 20 years now, that won't happen. So, yes, I would say your situation is normal, as it was very much like mine. Hang in there and take one day at a time. Try not to let things overwhelm you (I know, easier said than done). Take baby steps and big breaths. Tell those anxious thoughts that nothing is going to happen and just go day by day. All the best.

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Your story seems very close to mine. I think I have been depressed all my life too. In my late 20s I met my current partner and we have been together 20 years. I've always worried, been overly anxious and been emotional and hypersensitive. A "normal" argument would have me sobbing for days. I would even get upset if he didn't eat the lunch I made him!!!! In the last few months my depression got the better of me and I have now been on a medication that is helping me and I recognise my behaviour was irrational (although my partner was never a complete saint either). I'm not sure how to help you, but just wanted to share my story and say hang in there. I am now 44 and wish I was treated earlier. You are in a much better position because you are getting treatment earlier. My partner is very stable and does not react in the same way to situations as I do. I always worried he would leave me too, but I guess after 20 years now, that won't happen. So, yes, I would say your situation is normal, as it was very much like mine. Hang in there and take one day at a time. Try not to let things overwhelm you (I know, easier said than done). Take baby steps and big breaths. Tell those anxious thoughts that nothing is going to happen and just go day by day. All the best.

Hi Renster,

Thank you so much! It is great to know that I am not the only one that is like this.

;)

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For what it's worth I know exactly how you feel. I too have a similar story. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety on and off since I was a kid, and more recently especially as a young adult. I always had insecurities dealing with women and relationships, and would sometimes fall into the mindset that just finding 'the one' would make everything peachy and fix my problems. Which, don't get me wrong, I love my partner very much, but like you said is bulls---.

When I started dating my partner I was excited to get a second chance with her (I was a jerk the first time we met and hurt her several months prior to our giving it another go, long story lol) but then after a few casual dates it hit me, 'I REALLY like this girl." And like you said, let the anxiety begin lol. It can be hard sometimes. She's always good about being open with me and letting me be open with her about our feelings, and I love that we can share anything without pretense, but I am still plagued about doubts and insecurities, "Does she still like me? OMG She's such a cool strong woman, am I good enough for her? She hasn't texted me back, she still likes me, right?"

We're both in love, and that I don't question. I can just tell, that she really is 'the one' ya know? But I've also come to realize that it's an ongoing process dealing with these anxieties and insecurities. I'm very happy to hear your stories because it makes me feel alot better to see that people who suffer from depression and anxiety can have meaningful lasting relationships. As we've all come to know, being in love and in a relationship is one of the best things ever, but it also takes a lot of work. The initial novelty of being in a new relationship does wear away over time, but the love never really does. And fights and hangups will happen, what's important is that you both can work them out.

So, here's to finding love despite it all. I wish you the best :)

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