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Not Sure Who To Talk To Anymore, But Freaking Out


court692731

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Ok, I am new here, I'm 28 and have 3 kids, and I'm pretty sure I probably should have been on meds most of my life. (I've been in denial). Well, I have been chugging along, ignoring symptoms and making excuses, and basically functioning all these years. Last week, I decided to be smart and quit smoking almost 2 packs a day.....Cold turkey. That has been the single, biggest mistake of my life. I was recently prescribed an anti depressant that I plan on filling tonight and starting first thing in the morning. The issue is that I have been a non-stop, raging lunatic b***h to everyone in my family for the last 9 days. I am almost wanting to start self harming again. Just so that I quit taking this rage out on my family. So, I have been desperately trying to decide if I want to start smoking again, just long enough for the meds to kick in, and quit again? Or do I want to keep going with my quit, and risk harming myself til the meds kick in? I totally over react just to my kids asking for a drink. I don't beat them or anything, but I do a lot of yelling, and I think I would rather start smoking again and deal with physical withdrawals again after this medicine starts to work. But I feel like I am a horrible person for even considering it. So it comes down to either start smoking again, and quit again in a couple weeks, or continue on this path and hope for the best in terms of mood.....I am so confused. I obviously know smoking isn't good, but isn't it better than possibly physically harming yourself (you know what I mean), or your family?

Edited by AquaViolet
TOS
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Court:

I wish I knew more about the best protocol when it comes to quitting smoking. I follow what you are saying about your dilemma.

Is there a way to quit smoking other than cold turkey? Is that compatible with the medicine? I'm not an addiction expert, but I do know that with other types of addictions that tapering off is an option (like benzos or other drugs).

I also think that smoking for a few more weeks while the medicine works, rather than cold turkey and risk other kinds of self-harming is a reasonable trade off.

Be gentle with yourself. This is a big challenge that you are undertaking.

Best to you.

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Tim, thank you so much for not flaming me. I've been frequenting quit-smoking support forms a lot over the past week and a half, and those people are adamant about not smoking, no matter what, in order to not relapse. So it's basically made me feel like crap for even thinking about smoking. Of course I didn't mention why I so desperately wanted to smoke, because for them, there are no exceptions.

The medicine I am starting is Prozac, I didn't post this in that forum because the question wasn't specifically related to that medicine. Anyway, I know that Wellbutrin and Zyban help with quitting, but I didn't ask for those because at the time of the appt I was doing good cold turkey. I don't know much about Prozac, but since it's not for smoking, I assume I'd be fine smoking while taking it. But my hope/assumption is that the medicine affects seratonin, like cigarettes, so basically the medicine can replace the cigarettes....Does that make sense?

I have successfully tapered cigarettes in the past, not to quit, but to at least cut down, so I believe I could do it that way, as opposed to cold turkey. I did great until about the 5th day, and even though I could get through the physical cravings, out of nowhere my mood did a 180. Everybody says, "Well, go off alone for a few minutes, or take a walk, or meditate when you feel a craving".....That's just not practical for me. I can't leave my toddler to her own devices... You know? So, although I really want to quit, I think at this point it would be better for me to wait and see if the mood issues are from quitting, or if they are able to be controlled with meds long term, and not really related to quitting.

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Court:

I think you have a plan. And that is the most important thing. You can always adjust your plan based on your life circumstance.

What little I know about all this is that it takes most people multiple efforts to quit smoking. If it were easy, people wouldn't have such a challenge doing it.

I'm not a betting person, however, my bet is that you are going to suceed.

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Yeah, just starting a new anti-depressant can really mess with a person. I'd wait to quit smoking until after the med kicks in and you feel more stable with the anti-depressant. I know it's hard, but try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm really hard on myself too, so I can relate. It just seems like you need to do one MAJOR thing at a time. There's no rush. Be good to yourself and your kids. Play with them. You still can quit later. Hang in there! Wendynu

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