Phone Phobia?

[Cupcake_girl]

Ok I don't know if this is the right forum for this so excuse me of it's not.

Anyways so I was wondering if any of you are scared of the phone as well. I've been having this problems as long as I can remember. I mean whenever I have to make a phonecall I get so nervous, my heart starts pounding and when I dial the number my hands even start shaking. When the phone rings I get nervous as well but it's less then when I actually have to make the phonecall myself. I try to avoid the phone as much as I can so when I'm home alone I just let the phone ring and if there's any way I let my parents make the call for me, at 21! Even if I call up a good friend I get nervous, it can take me up to an hour before I finally have the courage to dial the number! Usually when I call for a while I get calmer but as soon as I hang up I start analyze every single thing that has been said... Even if the other person says he/she enjoyed the call! Lately I've started to call ppl up more often just for practice because I will need to make lots of calls for my new intern but it just doesn't seem to get easier. I stumble with my words and I just can't focus on what that other person says because I am too busy trying to distract myself from my nerves. This is so weird to me because I don't have any problems with a reallife conversation. Does anyone have this problem as well, our has some advice?

[Epictetus]

Hi Broken girl,

I have a sort of fear of the phone too. For me, however, it is usually incoming calls. I was raised by perfectionistic parents. So for me, in the back of my mind at all times was the thought that I had to be the "perfect" son, the "perfect" student, the "perfect" person and the "perfect" telephone conversationalist. As a child I did not realize that perfection was impossible and even as an adult I didn't really realize it.

When a person is raised to be a perfectionist, then events in life can become like "trials" and "tests" to see how well one performs. So, if the phone rings, it causes me anxiety, because I know I am being tested and evaluated by the person on the other end of the phone. If I feel they are dissatisfied or bored or unhappy with my responses, I blame myself. Unconsciously, I guess, I know that no telephone interaction is going to be perfect, that in every telephone interaction I am going to fall short of this ideal I was raised with. So I experience anxiety before, during and after the call. Like you, I go over the call and analyze it. What did I do wrong?

It wasn't until I learned to give up or try to give up unrealistic expectations about perfection that I got any peace. I don't see life as a "test" anymore. I don't see a telephone call as a requiring a "performance" from me. There are good calls, bad calls and everything in between. I also realize that a conversation is a 50/50 proposition. A telephone call with an unhappy outcome is not necessarily my fault or even mostly my fault. Even so, and now I am an old man, I still get a pang of anxiety when the phone rings and I still get a little nervous sometimes. Old habits don't disappear easily.

I think you are alright if you feel nervous during telephone calls.

One thing that helps is to lower expectations and set attainable goals. If you make the outcome of a phone call a life or death situation, of course, you are going to feel nervous. So set a very little goal for yourself. I mean, the goal can be very very very easy: I will say hello and goodbye during the call. That's the goal. Anything else is extra. If you are on the phone and say 'hello' and 'goodbye,' then mission accomplished. You can always set higher and higher goals as your nervousness decreases. Just take little steps in the beginning, even baby steps. I think you might find your anxiety going down a lot.

Anyway . . . I hope at least some of my words will be helpful to you.

So you can set a goal for yourself of saying "hi" and "bye" during a call and aim at nothing more, nothing higher, nothing more difficult. It can take a lot of pressure off of you and make you feel more relaxed. I don't know if this will work for you, but you might give it a try.

All good things to you Broken Girl. Sorry if my advice wasn't helpful to your situation. Best!!!

Edited August 15, 2012 by Ep1ctetus

[matters]

I also have telephone phobia. I don't like to make or receive calls. I find them awkward and agitating. I put off the outbound calls and then stress out when I finally force myself to make them. When a call comes in, I'll only answer if I know the caller ID. I much prefer texting these days, because there are no awkward pauses and I can take time to think of my responses.

[Cupcake_girl]

Yeah I struggle with the having to be the perfect everything as well... I'm very critical on myself so I guess that's part of the reason why I have this issue. And you are so right, when I do make a phonecall I'm always like, this HAS to go perfect otherwise the friendship will be ruined, our I screw up my career chances.. Like this whole part of my life depends on ONE phonecall. So stupid.. And I never really thought about that actually, that it's 50/50. I always automatically think that if something goes wrong it's my fault. I will probably have to change that so setting small goals would be good.. I'm gonna try that with my next phonecall.

Anyways thank you Ep1ctetus, I appreciate it! :)

Edited August 15, 2012 by Broken_girl

[Cupcake_girl]

I also have telephone phobia. I don't like to make or receive calls. I find them awkward and agitating. I put off the outbound calls and then stress out when I finally force myself to make them. When a call comes in, I'll only answer if I know the caller ID. I much prefer texting these days, because there are no awkward pauses and I can take time to think of my responses.

I am sorry you have the same issue..

I only pick up the phone if it's a close familymember our a close friend, other then that I don't. If ppl need a way to contact me I always give them my email instead of phonenumber, I always say I don't use my cell.. This is so stupid! Because like I said I have no problems with talking in reallife, that's why it's so weird to me but yeah. A friend told me once though ppl have 3 diffrent personalities. One online, one over the phone and one in person lol. I guess she has a point in that because a few friends of mine are a lot diffrent online and over the phone then in person. I think I just have an akward phone personality then..

[MeohS7]

I can relate. Going to the mailbox used to freak me out to. I was always afraid of what might be in there like bills. I had such trouble paying bills. now i do almost everything automatically or pay my stuff on the net.

used to worry about my bills with the check inside getting lost.

[BKLD]

I have a phone phobia as well. Just answering a simple phone call sends me into a full on panic attack. I try to contact people via email as much as I can. Still, my phone phobia has been a huge roadblock, since I'm trying to find my first job. I need a job, but I'm absolutely terrified of being called back.