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Anyone Else Who Doesn't Have Any Friends Like Me?


seashellocean

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Ever since I graduated from high school, I've noticed that my close friends have started to disappear. I know people go separate ways after graduating but even the friends that did stay in town have rarely talked to me. My ex-best friend disowned me simply because he apparently only associates himself with successful people and my current best friend is in jail. I am more alone now than ever. Even my family doesn't enjoy my company anymore. They complain that I am always in a bad mood. Well maybe I am in a bad mood because I have no one to vent to.

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I haven't had a friend since the 8th grade, exept my guitar teacher who I see every once in a while,

but he's definately not a close friend.

most of the time my emotions and loneliness feel subdued, so I can at least bear it.

It just takes a lot of effort to be around people who are new to me,

due to social anxiety, so I usually don't bother.

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My depression started at 13 years old and now I'm 25. Throughout the years I've been gradually losing friends one by one until I found myself with literally none around me. That was two years ago and now my parents and the aquaintances at volunteering whom I meet every Tuesday are the only social contact I have. I literally have no friends that I could call or meet in my life right now. Is anyone else this way?

I didn't choose to stop befriending people but once I started having depression I've felt it harder and harder to make new friends or keep old friends. I'm also getting really busy these days in my life so I tell myself that I don't need friends but that's just a lie to keep me going for a little while.

Anyways, for the people out there, how do you deal with the loneliness? Do you ever feel ashamed of being this way? (I have sometimes).

I used to have many friends myself. Then I graduated high school and they all went to prestigious universities around the world while I stayed behind. I went to a neighborhood community college knowing full well that I was 'starting over' with nobody that I knew already. I thought maybe things would take care of themselves and I would get to know some people, but the environment was so different that that never happened. It was so depressing. I decided to move to trade school in Utah in hopes of getting out of my depressive funk. It worked like a charm. I made wonderful new friends. The problem? When I was done with my trade, I moved back home and all the friends I made were now two states away. I was back at phase one. I went back to the community college I was at, knowing that that's where my depression became severe, and knowing that that's where I could easily fall back into those habits. Fortunately this time things were different. I made an incredible new friend. She was attractive, intelligent, with a wonderful personality, and someone who seemed genuinely interested in being friends with me. I knew she was my reason for staying on top of things in our German class, where I met her, because she was my equal in pretty much every way in class, and I wanted to 'keep pace,' if you will. The problem? She is now in Germany! It's a great thing for her, but it was a lousy proposition for me, because now I was back at the beginning.

As you can see, I've struggled to maintain friendships too. It requires a lot of work, much more than I have the energy for. I don't feel ashamed about being 'lonely' though, because it's not in my nature to have to work for friends. Throughout my life friends just came to me. But conversely, throughout my life friends never stuck for long or became very close, because I never worked to keep them. I'm looking at things from a different perspective now, though. I have a goal in my life. It's a very achievable goal that has the potential to change my life for the better. If I focus my energies on that, the rest will take care of itself. And if it doesn't, I will have all the time in the world to make new friends once I achieve The Goal.

Edited by Luis
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I agree with you, Luis. Too bad we all couldn't meet since we all have something in common :)

Having said that, Luis could bring, Sonia, Lyndah, Matt and Froy. We could all go repo some cars together :) ** for those who don't get it, it's from the TV show "Operation Repo" **

Edited by Struggles
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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for openly sharing, everyone. It’s helpful to know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. (Funny how most of us seem to hold similar contradictions!) I too can say that at this point I have acquaintances, but not close friends. I’ve had some in the past, but it’s difficult to find genuine connections and even more difficult to maintain them.

It’s not easy (for the reasons we’ve all mentioned) but if anyone here wants to give it a try being online friends send me a message.

PS to ladysmurf: I’ve recently experienced a similar rejection. It does hurt deeply, but I agree that if a so-called friend wasn’t loyal in thick or thin, then it wasn’t meant to be… Hang in there!

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Recently I was watching a show where a bunch of friends were helping each other with something and after laughing I said out loud "Ah Imagine if I had friends." It was a pathetic moment.

It's not entirely true because I do have friends. Although honestly they're all more like acquaintances. It seems everyone already has their group of friends and things they do, it's hard to get a permanent spot. It takes so much effort to keep up and after some time it just feels like they disappear. My high school friend moved in a few houses down and we started hanging out but it's just hard to keep up with all the successful people. We live a minute walk away but I haven't spoken to him in over a month now. My Facebook sees no activity, I don't even bother charging my phone these days. I'm with you guys, friendless.

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I suck at friendships. It's so hard to make true connections with people you genuinely enjoy/appreciate/understand. And if you can make some semblance of a connection, it's nearly impossible to maintain. I have acquaintances at work, but I know if either of us left the company, we would not stay in contact. I've had a few friends as an adult, but I don't really like them. I've decided recently that I probably just won't have any true friendships. I don't know if it's a bi-product of modern western civilization or my depression...probably both.

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  • 1 month later...
  • 1 year later...

I'm 34 years old and down to 1 friend. That friendship is cooling off now too, where she's not responding to my text messages for a couple of days now. At first a little over a year ago, it was nonstop. I've gotten to the point where I'm not even asking anymore about why she doesn't text back. Especially when I see she's on fb or has been on there recently.

I'm a single mother, who lives with my parents, with 2 young kids on the autism spectrum, so I have no time or energy either, but it's annoying.

Since she's my only friend, I know I have worn her out with my problems and deep discussions constantly. My life has been filled with trauma, difficulties, a few great accomplishments and mostly terrible relationships and deep depressions, with small periods of mania since my late teens. I make friends very easily, and have a lot of energy to maintain them during mania, but when depression hits it's very hard.

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I have one really good friend who I don't see much and she doesn't mind that I don't answer her back for days on end. Other than that, I don't have any friends outside family.

I blame myself though. I can't be bothered with the upkeep of it all. Depression does that.

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I only have two friends offline and they may move in the near future, since they're living much more active lives than I am. I was able to make a number of friends when I was younger simply because we had so many reasons to be together and so much mutual need for each other, but as they've moved out of state or further away we've drifted and I haven't filled in the spaces. It happened so slowly as to be almost unnoticeable until I got to the point where I was often spending weekends alone, and not by choice.

Ironically, I think my saving grace when I was younger was that I was an emotional mess and it wasn't hard to see. My biggest problem as an adult is that I'm reserved and more interested in thoughts than feelings in a world where people bond over emotion and the sharing of personal details. I'm viewed as disinterested, mysterious, aloof, and a number of other things even when I don't think I'm behaving that way because I'm sharing quite a few thoughts and ideas, especially on the topic of what other people are saying.

Even with the friends I still talk to, the numerous gaps in communication due to periods of isolation have changed things. When they went to separate colleges they met new social groups while discovering new interests with the old, and I've always been the one who wasn't big on parties, clubs, and noisy social outings. I'm a little out of touch with the people they are now.

Edited by Licorice
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This is so me. Up through my high school days, though I was never the most social person, I had friends. But that kinda changed in university, wheh everyone had different schedules and workloads, etc. It became tougher. I did start meeting people through the Christian group on campus, but I never felt extremely close to anyone. I even had to back off talking to high school friends once my depression hit, because their lives felt so far ahead of mine and I felt inadequate. Church is always a possibility, but the group is just too big, and it feels tough to get to know anyone.

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I go through phases where I actively try to do what "proactive" people do, and go looking for friends. It worked when I was a busy working career woman in my 20s (then again, it wasn't hard to meet people back then, and my depression was held largely at bay through a couple of years of decent jobs), but now…it just seems like a song and dance ritual I'm not in the mood to put the energy into anymore. I did it just a month or so ago, as a matter of fact, and everyone I met through my attempt I have not had any contact with in recent weeks. I found it too exhausting to constantly try to match their fakey upbeat high energy act (even though still - one of them was pretty boring, and it was like pulling teeth to find anything we both had in common). I like to express my good mood or happiness to see a friend in ways that don't involve going into hyperactive spasm and nonstop toothy grinning.

I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that in order for me to make true friends, it has to be at the right time and place, and that place no longer exists in my life. I no longer have access to a situation that would put me in the same circles with people I'd really enjoy getting to know anymore. Their interest in practicing English conversation with me is not strong enough a reason to stay in contact with people, I'm sorry to say. I don't even think hanging in there past the small talk would do much good. It would just be struggling to find something to talk about….again, and again and again.

I'm good at making friendly acquaintances, such as my neighbors (actually, I'd love to get more friendly with a couple of my neighbors, but they're both constantly on the go!), and those acquaintances do quite a bit to lift my mood when I see them, even if we're not "friends." My baristas at a Starbucks I visit twice a month or so. They don't have to go out of their way to remember me - but they do, and it's much appreciated. The regular cashiers at my local grocery stores (and no, I'm not one of these biddies who holds up the line by gabbing desperately at the poor cashier at the register. ;) ) are very sweet natured, and sometimes it's nice just to see their smiling faces and a look of recognition. Anyone I see in passing on a pretty regular basis - I'm actually comforted by the fact that they don't know anything about me, but are willing to put themselves out there to be kind to me when I'm just going about my business. They don't have to do that, even if the job requires them to. Saves a whole lot of oil spill mess that can come with getting into an actual friendship with people here where I live.

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Let me just raise my hand and join the party.
I haven't had a friend in real life for a few years now. There are a few people I talk to via internet, but only randomly... and I feel like as "permanent" as those relationships will remain to be... they aren't very close to me. We never talk about anything serious beyond ex-boyfriends and current love interests (which I am unable to have anyway). ... if you can even consider those topics "serious."

I should be able to make friends. I have very specific interests. Unfortunately, the real world doesn't usually have social clubs that meet outside of bars or chapels.

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I haven't had a real friend in years. During high school, I only had "friends" who would hang out with me when they needed something or had no one else to hang out with so they'd come to me. Right now there's people at work I talk to who are mainly acquaintances, but I wouldn't exactly call friends since I don't hang out with them or anything. I did hang out with a few guys from work twice this year at a nearby restaurant/bar, but that's been it since the 3 years I've been at my job. I don't have anyone to hang out with on a consistent basis, just on rare occasions mainly. Also, there's a few guys I've known for years from my old neighborhood who I guess I can call friends, but I only chat with them online these days since they live an hour away & either have a girlfriend or have a huge group of friends that I don't know about and only chat with me when they have nothing else going on. And it seems I've been chatting with them less & less lately. Now in my late 20's, it's practically impossible to make friends since most at my age already have their own group of people they hang out with or have girlfriends or are married.

Edited by GAJ123
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I want just one person at least but I have none. I want someone who is more than a friend but it doesn't look like there is any possibility of that ever happening and I'm going to be alone forever. I never had a chance my whole life, most people took one look at me and turned away and others spread rumors and picked apart everything I did as well as endlessly made it known how disgusting and stupid they thought I was. I don't even know what I did to deserve it, it was all their default judgement. People are very hostile to me for no reason and I can't seem to trust anyone because they're all fake. They put on masks to lure me in and then hurt me. This has been my experience with everyonewho ever came and went years ago. I now never see anyone but when I go out and I see how they hate me from their default judgement in their eyes. I have to be careful and always be on guard unless one decides to attack me for being alive. Never mind I can't function correctly all year but the world is to naturally hostile against me to survive in.

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I know exactly what you mean. I have people that I consider to be friends, a couple that I'd even consider best friends, but I also tend to put walls up, which I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed and want my alone time. Sometimes I even get paranoid and somehow manage to convince myself that I have no friends left, even though later when I calm down I realize that that's not true. It's just my anxiety I guess.

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I feel invisible for the most part, like even if someone looks at me they're looking through. Even with people I've known for years sometimes. I always feel tense around people even if it's just one on one and it feels they can't wait to get away after the obligatory small talk. I've lost a lot of friends through my actions and theirs. As the saying goes born alone die alone. Try not to rely too much on other people if you can help it.

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