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numb2stuff

Is It Over Yet?

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Why does this miserable existance keep dragging out? I am reminded CONSTANTLY that I am single and alone. I picture all those happy couples holding hands, sharing a kiss,tt showing affection. I want this longing to stop. WHAT MAKES OTHER PEOPLE BETTER THAN ME? I can only think that God has his favorites. And to those out there that say God is enough, well, I can't curl up with 'God' on the couch, or give him a kiss on the cheek, or massage his back after a hard day's work. Really, if I go through this life alone, I'd as soon as rather not been created.

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Hi numb2stuff,

I have a few points I would like to make in relation to your post.

- All those "happy couples" you talk about, were all once single and lonely too and were once in the same position, you are in at the moent.

- No couple can be happy all the time. This is humanly impossible. Relationships involve emotions and every couple experiences the full range of emotions including the positive emotions such as joy, care, love but also negative emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness etc.

- There is no rule that says that you must be in a relationship to be happy. People in relationships have problems and pain that single people do not need to worry about. There are unhappy and happy couples just as there are unhappy and happy singles.

- If you would like to find a partner to love and care for, how about taking action and doing what you can to find that special someone? The following quote from Joan Baez (musician, humanitarian and environmentalist) conveys this idea nicely: "Positive Action is the antidote to despair".

Lots of Hugs, Rainbowstar :holiday:

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I feel for you, I've been alone for four years. I've had few few brief relationships since then, but the love of my life, who left me in 2008 has moved on. She's gotten married, has two kids, and probably never thinks about me at all. Sometimes I feel as though I didn't work on myself enough in order to keep her. My stronger feelings suggest that I just didn't fit the mold she created to fit her perfect partner. I was everything she wanted in a lover, but I fell short of her requirements as a lifetime partner. So I'm alone just like you. I also understand that God can not fill this void in my life, I feel our most powerful experience of God's grace is being in love.

So, enough about me. I am curious to know, what are the reasons why you feel that you've been forced to be alone for so long? There is a reason for everything, and reasons take a variety of forms. Is there something to blame? Does it serve a purpose? Is it, as you stated, merely favoritism? Or, to cite another statement, do you feel inferior to others who have received this precious gift? Or does your longing for love only exist to needlessly torture you?

You mention wanting romance, affection, closeness, and happiness. You say you desire the simple rewards of returning home to your partner and having the opportunity to display your affection for him. You base your existence on these desires. Do you really believe that the purpose of your creation is to fulfill your wants and perceived needs? Don't worry, I don't believe it, we all use all bit of creative license in our posts to get our point across. But you really need to find a way to get yourself out of this mindset. You say you want the longing to stop, then find yourself, find your purpose. Take one of your interests and expand it. Find your inspiration the love you ache for.

I used to play guitar every day and every night as my future love listened on in my mind. I used to draw pictures and think of how impressed she would be. I looked everywhere to find a purpose in life with her as my inspiration. Eventually I perfected a skill that fulfilled me, and was inspired by the less fortunate. I worked with the developmentally disabled and I was a natural at it. A wonderful, kind hearted woman noticed my compassion and dedication. We fell in love. I never expected anything in return from my work but a paycheck. Years later, the future love of my life saw the same qualities in me. What I've always referred to as my selfless calling brought with it unexpected rewards.

You need to figure out what you can do that makes you stand out from everyone else. Try to hear God calling you. Be spiritual if you can, study spirituality, google it. see what it's like. Spirituality teaches you how to fall in love with God. Focus on opportunities to perform selfless acts. I know it's not fair. All of those lovers you're so jealous of probably never had to do this. But after suffering with the plague of loneliness, the more fortunate realize that it's time to work on ourselves.

Let me finish with this. Are you ready for arguments? Are you ready to compromise? Are you prepared to be ignored from time to time? Are you prepared to experience the coldness of pining over how things used to be? Are you ready to be jealous? Are you ready to hurt? I've been working on handling these aspects of a relationship. When I do finally find somebody, I made a promise to myself to find a therapist because I can't handle the challenging aspects of a relationship on my own.

I wish you the best of luck in obtaining what you desire, please don't take my post as antagonistic or self-righteous. I truly want you to feel better.

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To set the record straight I am a guy looking for a woman. I poorly worded part of post. To answer about what I am doing. I have never been a social butterfly and I really dont connect with the majority of people. Having said that, there is this cute girl I work with I connect with, similar humor, very fun to be around. Now I start to wonder 'what if' But if my history in relationships has shown me (which is no history) is that I wont even stand a chance, no matter how good or funny or nice I am to her. It frustrates the hell out of me. I can count a handful of women I really connected with in that way and EVERY time I walk away disappointed. Am I ready for arguments? Yes. Am I ready for the emotional rollorcoaster? Hell yes. I have been replaying every scenaio imaginable in my mind and most couples I talk to agree that the rewards in a relationship FAR outweight the negatives. I am not a big subscriber to online dating. It doesnt feel organic enough. And regular dating sounds so negative. Countless articles about dating rules, do's,don't's,requirements, leads me to think there isn't anyone worth dating. Its such B.S. I really dont know what to say. I HATE being reminded, either by coworkers or online posts, about how wonderful 'x' husband did for the Ms. Or my favorite: If it wasnt for the kids, there would be no reason to live. I mean how does that make us childless people feel? Insensitive...

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Oh, I see where things got mixed up and I thought you were a girl, sorry about that. Anyway, thank you for replying by answering the questions I posed to you in my reply and not dwelling on the simpler, less thought provoking sections of my post. I am grateful that you put the same time and effort in your response to my efforts to try to comfort you and help you think on a higher level about your situation. The only other thing that I would like to share with you is that I never had to connect with a girl, it always seemed like I was just chosen. Like they saw something in me that was bright, caring, passionate, and evolved. The ones I had deep conversations with always turned out to be friends. Our purpose was to share, teach, and reinforce what we know. The conversations would also be about who we are, what we like, what is inside of us. Like minds are always interested in those like them because the ways and means of the connection are always a mystery. More information equals more comfort, but also more ambition. With our lovers, it is more common that we create a connection. This creation is usually referred to as the spark. It is the shedding of apprehension, discomfort, and fear of rejection that form a small part of the intense emotion. You'll probably have to wait until you're chosen. A lot of us are not allowed to choose. It doesn't hurt to try, but it will probably end in futility as always.

By the way, internet dating is not organic in the chemistry sense, in that it contains no carbon molecules. However, it is organic in the hippie sense in that it uses absolutely no pesticides with the exception of the site howapplesandpearsmeet.com.

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HI numb2stuff, I feel your pain.

I seem to have managed to go my entire life without anyone having been interested in me romantically. I honestly don't know why. I always try to be considerate of others, I always try and inject humour, I have some wonderful friends, I have a great job I love and people have told me I'm funny, smart, attractive, good company...??? So go figure. I've actively tried to find someone through online dating, I've put myself out there to guys I thought were interested (now that was humiliating), and I've just tried to get on with my life and if it happens, it happens. None of those have helped me either find love, or ease the pain of constant and prolonged loneliness which pretty much equates to constant rejection.

I wish I had a solution or at least some words to help ease the pain, but there's really nothing anyone else can say to you, it has to come from within. If you find out just how to do that please share it with me as I'm still trying to reconcile myself to it too.

I hope you can find a way to find your place with or without someone by your side. I'm an atheist so unfortunately all the God talk does nothing for me and I can't offer you any solace from that quarter. But aside from all that, it is possible to live your life alone and to get some small modicum of enjoyment from it. Since starting to work full time at 19, I've visited over 60 countries and still love to travel. Find something you enjoy and do it because you enjoy it, not because you may meet someone there.

Good luck to you.

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Hi numb2stuff,

I have a few points I would like to make in relation to your post.

- All those "happy couples" you talk about, were all once single and lonely too and were once in the same position, you are in at the moent.

- No couple can be happy all the time. This is humanly impossible. Relationships involve emotions and every couple experiences the full range of emotions including the positive emotions such as joy, care, love but also negative emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness etc.

- There is no rule that says that you must be in a relationship to be happy. People in relationships have problems and pain that single people do not need to worry about. There are unhappy and happy couples just as there are unhappy and happy singles.

- If you would like to find a partner to love and care for, how about taking action and doing what you can to find that special someone? The following quote from Joan Baez (musician, humanitarian and environmentalist) conveys this idea nicely: "Positive Action is the antidote to despair".

Lots of Hugs, Rainbowstar :holiday:

Hi numb2stuff,

I am sorry if my post was insensitive. It was my fault. I can tell from your reply post that finding a woman who loves and cares for you and whom you love and care for is very important to you. My insensitivity was definitely unintentional.

I agree with you how about how married couples or couples with children can be at times be unintentionally insensitive to people who are single or childless. It is an interesting issue you have raised.

I hope you do find that special someone. Praying to GOD for assistance, may assist you in your journey to find that special someone.

Best Wishes.

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