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How Do You Feel Today #27


Trace

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I woke up OK, but then my mother came to pick me up for an appointment, and she did a lot of stuff for me with regard to a mysterious bill that would have been easier done by me. So, a bit of my mother's "freight train at full speed mode". And when she wasn't doing that, she was cracking jokes that weren't funny. Not vulgar,just that mode of trying too hard.

But when she dropped me off, she apologized.

But then I got home,and she called me up. Asking me primarily about a transit wbsite, which is fine. But then she just wanted to get really chatty with me, which thoughtI had gone through my share of with her today. I thought we agreed that I would email on Wednesday. With all the stuff about MY upcoming trip to Boise.

I'm just irritable. Tomorrow will be much better and productive. Today, just don't mess with me. I'm not in the mood to talk. Why? I don't know. Just let it be.

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I have some serious heart burn which is never a good sign. Usually that means I'm getting sick.

Other than that, this overwhelming sadness and desolation is completely bringing me down. It's starting to be hard to put on my happy face and my mind keeps on bringing me closer and closer to the darkness. Saturday was rough. I went looking for something/going back to some places I should not go, but luckily I had my head on straight and was able to get myself out of a situation that could've turned really poorly on my behalf.

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I'm ok Keep myself busy this morning. Had to prepare my supper quite healthy. Did 15min of exercise it was suppose to be more but I got up late. Tomorrow I'll set the alarm earlier hope my brother doesn't mind me exercising this early... lot of renovation at work it a bit annoying. but can't wait to see the final result. still bummed out about the registration for uni cant seem to get place its limited for us..

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I'm feeling really really good, but that's because I am currently in a manic stage of bipolar. I know that I shouldn't enjoy this and that I should probably (ok, definitely) go back on my meds, but my husband and I are having serious talks about having a baby and I want to stay "clean" for now until we make a final decision.

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I'm OK. Slept fine. I talked to a good friend on FB last night, which was great.

But right now, I am waiting somewhat impatiently for termite inspectors to arrive. But I don't have anything on my agenda until maybe 6pm,and maybe not even then.

But I'm OK. Lots better than last night.

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I experienced two panic attacks today within one hour of each other. I used CBT techniques to comfort myself during the attacks, but even so they have left me feeling weak and wrung out. I am debating whether to take the anxioltic prescribed by my doc. I want to try a little Mindfulness meditation first.

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I feel bummed out. I was all ready to go to work with my dad. then he said you seem tired better you stay. I said nope its ok. Then he said well you are not doing much anyway if you dont want to do anything better stay home. I think hes refering to yesterday , I was glued to the computer since I wanted to get place for my online class registration. anyway I stayed home today and I might stay for the next few weeks to come until school start. I find it odd from him. I wonder if my mom told something to him. anyway that odd that she went to buy 2 bags of cripsnthis morning for me.... anyway I'll try control it. Sigh.... for the next week I will be hiding in my bedroom listening to disco watching my favorite cartoon exercising and snooping on my mom convo... doesnt seem to bad after all....

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I feel a little low tonight. I'm missing my daughter and it has been a difficult day for me in some ways. Mainly in my head though, I feel 'alone'. I am alone and I am not great at being alone. It is a big trigger for me. I'm doing the right things. I went to work early so I wasn't alone, I had lunch with colleagues. I went to an exercise class. I spoke to my family on the phone. It just isn't the same.

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I hope you feel better soon Trace!

I'm doing okay, I feel a bit sluggish since I've gained a bit of weight and haven't been eating all that great. Trying to get back into smaller, healthier meals and a bit of exercising. Dinners the past few days have been smaller and healthier than what I was eating on my trip, and I already feel a little better from that. :)

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