Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
allalone6

Why Are Birthdays Hard?

Recommended Posts

Mine is in a few days, and im dreading it. its giving me a stomach ache. its just a day to remind me that im a loser with no friends. im working all day that day so my mind should be occupied but my coworkers all know its my birthday and since they are not talking to me, it will be just like any other day. so not sure why im bothered by it all. even if i pretend in my mind that its just a regular day, my feelings will still be hurt at the end of the day.

why cant i just celebrate my bday and not care if no one else acknowledges it? how do i stop letting things get to me. i hate that im so d*** sensitive, i wish i was just cold hearted and alot of my problems would go away.

on top of all that, it makes me sick to my stomach to think im another year older and still have nothing in my life. no hopes of a boyfriend or family of my own. I dont think i can live like this. ive lived alone the past 6 years and its just so lonely. coming home to nothing, eating by myself, no one to talk to, not sure i can adjust to this being my life forever.

Edited by allalone6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know what you mean! Every year I absolutely dread my birthday and I become more depressed and reclusive in the weeks and then days leading up to the day marking another year I've been on this Earth. A few of the things that make me follow this pattern of depression around my birthday:

- I don't have many friends. It was worse when my family expected me to have a party and I had practically no real friends to invite.

- I'm embarrassed for no reason other then the fact that it is my birthday. I'm not used to attention and birthday's make you a prime target for some form of attention. Anxiety doesn't help the situation.

- It's humiliating to realize I've gotten older but made very little to no progress. Depression is still "ruining my life". <<< That one is a major issue all the time. I feel like "If I hadn't gotten depressed, I could've..." But at the end of the day it's always on me and not on my depression. A dyslexic person can learn to read and write with considerable effort, even get an English major. A depressed person can do anything with considerable effort, too.

Anyway, I see people on forums and things say this same thing about becoming depressed around their birthday all the time and I always feel like a hypocrite for telling them to enjoy their birthday. But I mean it! Enjoy your birthday, celebrate the opportunity that is life. Sure, it's handed you a lot of s***. Millions of people out there are (possibly) better off than you financially, physically, socially - maybe all three of those and then some. But you have your mind, you have the ability to think and plan forward - so do it. Plan for a better tomorrow, and subsequently, plan for a happy birthday.

Last year I had a bad relationship with my family, the year before that I spent my eighteenth birthday alone wishing - really wishing - that I would die. This year? This year my mum and sisters sang me happy birthday, baked me a cake, and reminded me that they love me even though I've never managed to hold down a job for more than six months, even though I've never finish high-school, even though I seem to have no friends, even though I barely even talk to them when they're my family. Eating cake and drinking a cup of tea for a few brief minutes with my family is one of the best things to happen to me this year. It was about five months ago now, I was depressed nearly this whole year, but talking about my simple little birthday brings a smile to my face, and hopefully one day it will bring one to yours. Next year I want to have my first birthday "party" for the first time since fifth grade (The last party I ever had with "friends" was over ten years ago!). I still don't have many friends, I'm still not socially adept, I'm not successful in any area of life that counts, I'm still chronically depressed, and yet I'm planning to have a good birthday next year. Maybe it wont happen, maybe it will be five years till I have a good birthday - but my aim is next year. Why not try it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i can totally relate to the "humiliating part" i totally feel like i havent made progress either with each year.

i try to be happy on my birthday, I really do, but I end up feeling hurt each time when the entire day goes by like any other. I dont expect a party or gifts or anything, but just a "happy birthday". and it only hurts cause the people I will see that day know what the day is.

im gonna be 32, i used to never care about age, but i do now cause i have no one and no family of my own. I used to tell myself it was no big deal i didnt have a boyfriend, that by 30 i would be married and have kids...there was plenty of time. and now im beyond that point and still dont see a family of my own in the future.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i can totally relate to the "humiliating part" i totally feel like i havent made progress either with each year.

i try to be happy on my birthday, I really do, but I end up feeling hurt each time when the entire day goes by like any other. I dont expect a party or gifts or anything, but just a "happy birthday". and it only hurts cause the people I will see that day know what the day is.

im gonna be 32, i used to never care about age, but i do now cause i have no one and no family of my own. I used to tell myself it was no big deal i didnt have a boyfriend, that by 30 i would be married and have kids...there was plenty of time. and now im beyond that point and still dont see a family of my own in the future.

You sound really depressed. :verysad3:

I logged out and saw that you replied so I decided to log back in!

I'm going to quote-reply you on a bunch of stuff since, well, I don't know. Maybe you feel like listening to the profound reasoning of a depressed Australian man? Ha. (Also I have some questions, questions give me better understanding of what I'm even discussing and trying to apply advice to!) So, here goes...

its just a day to remind me that im a loser with no friends.

It's also a reminder that you need to kick into gear and make some new friends! I know, this sounds like the typical "personal development" advice that's on so many useless self-help blogs - but you have to admit that it kind of hits home. Personally, I have a few friends. They aren't friends I see very often, I'm also probably their "last resort" friend. But hey, they're friends all the same and even if I'm that weird friend they secretly try to avoid, they're still true mates in that I know they wouldn't leave me to die on the side of the road and they enjoy my company in doses. Why do you think you're a loser? Also, why do you have no friends? That's a bit lonely. I lost a lot (Literally 99%) of my friends during a major depressive episode because I cut of all ties while I "decided" to sleep for the better part of six months - but in the end a few of them rekindled ties with me when I reappeared - Maybe you could seek out some long lost friends?

im working all day that day so my mind should be occupied but my coworkers all know its my birthday and since they are not talking to me, it will be just like any other day.

You have a job? Good work, keep it up! Despite depression you're still contributing to society, that's better than a large number people, depressed or not. Why aren't you on speaking terms with your co-workers? Are they new at the job, are you new at the job, is there a major age gap? Are they all major jerks? What?

why cant i just celebrate my bday and not care if no one else acknowledges it? how do i stop letting things get to me. i hate that im so d*** sensitive, i wish i was just cold hearted and alot of my problems would go away.

Hey, at least you're female so it's acceptable to cry when things take a toll on your psyche. You know when that lump wells up in your throat for no reason and you just know that the second you open your mouth sobs are going to burst out while tears well up in your eyes? That's a problem with the part of your brain called the "Amygdala" - mine is totally stuffed up and makes me cry for the stupidest of reasons even when I quite honestly don't want to or have any real reason to cry. It's one thing to be a sensitive guy, it's another thing to be a twenty year old man sobbing in front of an ATM because you dropped your card. I'm not sure how telling you that helps, but yeah, I can at least relate?

Having someone acknowledge you on your birthday is (usually) drilled into you from when you're a kid, so it's kind of hard to deal with the idea of being ignored on your birthday. It's also the anxiety of not knowing if someone knows its your birthday and is going to say something, or look at you and think of saying something, etc... <<< Yeah, I explained that horribly.

no hopes of a boyfriend or family of my own.

If it helps to know I've never had a girlfriend. Sure, I'm about ten-ish years younger than you so I've got a little more time to work on that but I have a lot of problems that impede on my chances of a relationship - or I at least think my problems will prevent me from ever finding love (I'm too ugly, stupid, poor, depressed, uneducated, etc) but I'm always reminded how many people think just like this when I see the countless posts by people saying the exact same thing, and honestly, it gives me some hope. "Here's this lady who thinks she'll never get a boyfriend!", scroll down a few forum threads "Here's this guy who thinks he'll never get a girlfriend". Hello!? So many people are looking for love, you're bound to find it eventually, or it you.

I dont think i can live like this. ive lived alone the past 6 years and its just so lonely. coming home to nothing, eating by myself, no one to talk to, not sure i can adjust to this being my life forever.

I've been doing pretty much the same routine as you, by myself. I've thought and planned my suicide countless, countless times. It's realistic to say that in a few weeks I'll be writing on this forum about depression bringing me down. But here's what I have to say as someone who has come very close to suicide many times and been thankful when I've slipped out of my depression to realize what a waste it would have been to succumb to depression... Well, not so much say, but show! After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I have a crooked smile and it probably would have been a good idea to brush my teeth after dinner, writing backwards on the notepad probably would have made what I wrote a little more legible but whatever. I'm smiling now even though I've never had a girlfriend, I've been out of a job for eight months, and my mental health issues go well beyond depression. I sincerely hope you smile on your birthday and appreciate being born. Because if there's one thing I hate most about my previous birthdays, it's that I so strongly wished I'd never existed to begin with - and that's the worst feeling to have on your birthday. So instead be happy about it, d*** it.

Edited by Violet31
Photo in post

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whenever It's my birthday I get about 3 "happy birthdays" on facebook from my parents, aunt and sister! I have about 140 "friends" on there including the several people I hang out with regularly in real life. It really pi$$es me off!

The last birthday party I had was when I was 6! My 18th was a disaster, I tried to organize a night out with my "mates", but I could tell no one really wanted to go out. After driving around for a bit trying to find a club or bar to go to, everyone pretty much gave up and I ended up at a Mcdonalds drive thru at about midnight with 3 others before they decided to call it a night and go home.

To me, birthdays are just a yearly reminder of how little people care about me and how I am gradually getting older without any positive changes to my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whenever It's my birthday I get about 3 "happy birthdays" on facebook

This is what I'm afraid of. Since I've been on facebook, I block everyone from being able to post on my wall. I know I don't really have any "real" friends, I don't need to actually see it. Heck, I take off from work a few days before and the day of (unless it ends up as a paid holiday for new years) so I don't have to put up with people wishing me a happy birthday.

I don't understand the "happy birthday" anyway. My life stinks, I'm not happy to be on this planet and I don't want to be reminded that I"m adding another year to said stinky life. I had no choice on whether or not to come into this world, if i did, I wouldn't be here knowing how my life is turning out.

Just once, I want someone to say to me "crappy birthday! I'm sorry you have to live this life" or something to that effect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally understand where you are coming from. My Birthday is in 2 days, and I am dreading my 26 birthday. I have no friends to celebrate it with. Sure i have my parents and I love them to death, but I want more. I am thinking of everybody from my high school graduating class. I am the only one who is still single. Most of them have kids and are married. I know I will never find any man to spend my life with. Why do I continue living? 26 will come and go and nothing will change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally understand where you are coming from. My Birthday is in 2 days, and I am dreading my 26 birthday. I have no friends to celebrate it with. Sure i have my parents and I love them to death, but I want more. I am thinking of everybody from my high school graduating class. I am the only one who is still single. Most of them have kids and are married. I know I will never find any man to spend my life with. Why do I continue living? 26 will come and go and nothing will change.

your bday is wednesday?? thats mine! i feel the same way...everyone from high school is married with kids and i feel it will never happen for me too!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's also a reminder that you need to kick into gear and make some new friends! I know, this sounds like the typical "personal development" advice that's on so many useless self-help blogs - but you have to admit that it kind of hits home. Personally, I have a few friends. They aren't friends I see very often, I'm also probably their "last resort" friend. But hey, they're friends all the same and even if I'm that weird friend they secretly try to avoid, they're still true mates in that I know they wouldn't leave me to die on the side of the road and they enjoy my company in doses. Why do you think you're a loser? Also, why do you have no friends? That's a bit lonely. I lost a lot (Literally 99%) of my friends during a major depressive episode because I cut of all ties while I "decided" to sleep for the better part of six months - but in the end a few of them rekindled ties with me when I reappeared - Maybe you could seek out some long lost friends?

i lost all my friends cause i withdrew for a long period of time and they all took it personally and kinda put a wall up to me, and even though i got help, and they knew i was getting help, they got mad and frustrated that i wasnt "getting better" that they all turned away.

Why aren't you on speaking terms with your co-workers? Are they new at the job, are you new at the job, is there a major age gap? Are they all major jerks? What?

they are the friends i talk about above. they were my only friends

Hey, at least you're female so it's acceptable to cry when things take a toll on your psyche. You know when that lump wells up in your throat for no reason and you just know that the second you open your mouth sobs are going to burst out while tears well up in your eyes? That's a problem with the part of your brain called the "Amygdala" - mine is totally stuffed up and makes me cry for the stupidest of reasons even when I quite honestly don't want to or have any real reason to cry. It's one thing to be a sensitive guy, it's another thing to be a twenty year old man sobbing in front of an ATM because you dropped your card. I'm not sure how telling you that helps, but yeah, I can at least relate?

wow you nailed that description on the head. the crying sucks, theres just no control, and you are right it is probably easier on a girl than a guy.

thank you for the pic :) it did make me smile. and you dont have a crooked smile

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My 18th birthday is upcoming in August, and I'm dreading it. I just know that when I wake up that day, I won't want to face up to people because I'll be the centre of attention. It's just another reminder of how another year of my life has been wasted. I wish it would just go past like any other day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...