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Trying To Make Friends


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Starting tomorrow, I am going to try to turn my life around. I am planning on going to the gym for three hours after my summer class. If I can work hard on that, that will pan out just fine. However, my major problem right now, is trying to meet new people. I am basically going to try to make myself "vulnerable," so to speak; I'm going to try and open up more. I can attempt to conquer my fear of rejection, but I have never really tried to get myself to try and meet new people. It is extremely difficult, almost near impossible. I don't have any social skills. None. It is extremely frustrating for me to see everyone else having at least someone in their life, but not me. I just don't know what I am doing wrong. I am not making excuses for myself anymore, I know I can do it. I am just curious what you all have done to meet wonderful new people in your lives. I am sick of being alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is not healthy for me, and I can't take it anymore. I am so upset about it that I just want to lay in my bed and cry every night. :( Preferably for me, I would love to meet a girl and become good friends with her, maybe have a relationship in the future. I would be so happy, but right now, I am just hurt over the feeling I get that nobody wants me around. :'(

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Hi Kidsurvivor,

You have made a strong (and rather difficult committment) which I commend you for, but I think I would start the working out a little more slowly. Why not try with an hour a day and work up to three hours. Where do you plan to make yourself vulnerable? At the gym? If so, I'd be cautious about that, in that people don't always like to be "social" while working out. Sometimes when we try too hard, it comes across as awkward.

As for how we meet new people, I'm not naturally social, although I've met most people through work, and while I was in school. How about school friends? Maybe you will make some new friends in your summer class.

I hope this all works out and I understand being alone is depressing, but I don't think this will last forever for you.

Sincerely,

MaddieLouise

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I hope it doesn't last forever. That is my intention of making friends while I'm at my summer class. I just wish I knew how to do it and do it successfully. As for gym, I want to keep it at 2-3 hours so I can work on every part of my body and be physically healthy. The truth is, if I continue to be alone and out of shape, I am not going to make it. I just want a true friend right now.

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Nothing is going right, big surprise. I haven't slept well and I haven't been going to the gym because of that. I am trying to talk to people in my drawing class, but it feels like some invisible barrier is preventing me from talking. There is a girl that I could be friends with, but I feel uncomfortable about it because I am 26 and she is 18.

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Sometimes, even when you are exhausted, you have to force yourself to go workout. I assure you that you will feel better afterwards. Just don't plan on three hours! Start slowly, and then I think it will be a more reasonable plan.

As for talking to the girl in class, just make light conversation maybe about what you are learning and about what you like to draw, or art in general. Just talking to her (no matter her age) shouldn't be considered a threat on her part. It's just conversation.

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I use to be extremely shy and I only had like one friend wich made me feel very lonely as well. But when I entered college again this year I made the decision to put myself out there. Just be yourself, be nice and introduce yourself to as many ppl you can, even if you think you might not like them because actually my two best friends in college, I didn't even liked them at all at first! Well if you meet someone you like just have some smalltalk and if you like talking to them just ask them to hang out again, well and if that is fun it just goes naturally. I've made two great friends so far by just doing that :) I know I might make this sound like it's very easy but I know it's not. So don't be too hard on yourself and take small steps. If I can do it you can definitely do it as well. Don't give up and good luck. 

Edited by Broken_girl
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Hi Kid.

Ok, so you're going to hit the gym, I like that, it's a good idea. I started doing that a couple of years ago and really got into it. It gave me some goals to accomplish. But I agree with Maddie that 3 hours is too much (that's almost too much even for pros). What you'll want to do is start a bit more slowly. I do not recommend spending more than 1 hour in the gym. And I do not recommend lifting weights more than 3 days a week for the first few months.

I have quite a bit of experience in weight-lifting and bodybuilding (have done tons of research on routines and dieting), so if you want help just ask.

But, one thing to keep in mind is to do this for yourself and not to meet women. Sure, there will probably be women around the gym, but that shouldn't be your sole reason for doing this. Look at it as a self-improvement and lifestyle change.

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I definitely agree, I think one hour will be fine (whenever I go back that is). Putting gym aside though, right now, my number one desire is meeting people. The problem is, I got so much anger and anxiety in me that I can't let go. The feeling is too strong and it is making me tired and wanting to give up.

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I definitely agree, I think one hour will be fine (whenever I go back that is). Putting gym aside though, right now, my number one desire is meeting people. The problem is, I got so much anger and anxiety in me that I can't let go. The feeling is too strong and it is making me tired and wanting to give up.

The thing is, you can't force the issue. The people who are the most personable are the ones who are *already* happy with themselves. Those people are the ones who draw oither people in. So I would suggest working on your anger and anxiety issues first and then getting to a place where you feel comfortable with yourself and your life. At that point you should have a lot less trouble meeting people -- and when you do it will flow naturally and not appear forced.

Exercise is a great remedy for depression, so I highly encourage you to continue going to the gym in the meantime.

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I definitely agree, I think one hour will be fine (whenever I go back that is). Putting gym aside though, right now, my number one desire is meeting people. The problem is, I got so much anger and anxiety in me that I can't let go. The feeling is too strong and it is making me tired and wanting to give up.

The thing is, you can't force the issue. The people who are the most personable are the ones who are *already* happy with themselves. Those people are the ones who draw oither people in. So I would suggest working on your anger and anxiety issues first and then getting to a place where you feel comfortable with yourself and your life. At that point you should have a lot less trouble meeting people -- and when you do it will flow naturally and not appear forced.

Exercise is a great remedy for depression, so I highly encourage you to continue going to the gym in the meantime.

That is what is going to be the problem, trying to fix my negative emotions. It has to be fixed because my negativity tends to rub off on others.
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I have been getting help but I keep failing at every piece of advice I get. When it comes to my negative emotions, that is something I am going to have to fix, hopefully.

I went to a therapist who said she sends people out into the world all the time knowing they are going to fail.

Guess it's a good thing to try anyway.

What are your strengths? if you really want to put effort into it, you could pick a strength, find a non profit that you can help with that will capitalize on that, and then go volunteer. (or you could just pick one).

If you think you fail socially at least you won in another way by helping others, right? And also you got a chance to be around people and practice social skills. (I personally think it's cool that you want to do that, by the way.)

Also- fact- usually there are good people in a nonprofit group who will have compassion, patience, and/or love for others around them despite weaknesses.

you could probably find people like that at a church as well. All congregations are different, but still.

Edited by Megan286
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