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This Is Seriously, Seriously Depressing


EastDream

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For the last two weeks, I have been really feeling like my friends have just been ditching me. Or they have been unavailable, or irresponsible, ignoring me ..staying up late and drinking or partying, some of them, and just when I wake up to see how they are, to hang out and be a good friend, one in especially is just wasted asleep until 3pm. I've given up going over to his house to see how he is, because he just doesn't care about me. all he cares about is what he does. i thought we were good friends. I was supposed to contact and link up with a few other people over the memorial weekend, and i basically got jerked around the whole time. I ended up spending the weekend alone . these guys i was going to jamm with made a plan, then cancelled, then told me they would contact me back and didnt'. so i called back the next day and then they said they'd set something up, they didn't. so i got mad. then they got mad at me....and now we don't talk anymore. same with my other friend. we were supposed to hang out - and he just completely flaked on me. didn't call or anything. so how hard is it to have some social time? ? Of course I'm sinking into being depressed....and when I am - no one is there . No one is ever there to be found.

I'm so mad at my 'friends' right now. I can't even describe it. I feel like everyone has ditched me. I've been calling others, and everyones on a different schedule. one of them has plans with his gf the whole weekend, the other one is just on an entirely different schedule. This is so depressing its not even funny.

I lterally hate this place and I'm starting to hate everyone in it. I'm so sad inside I could cry. When I need my friends the most, no one is there to be found.

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I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like your friends just really aren't very good friends at all. The only real advice I can give is to go out and find yourself some people that can understand and treat you better. Easier said than done I know, but it's possible. Good luck.

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EastDream, I'm sorry this happened! I agree with Exelion that maybe you need to find some new friends, that you can depend on! That's what friendship is about, being able to depend on someone to be there for you!

Please don't hate the world! There is so much good here, and so many good people. Don't paint us all as being as flaky and unreliable as your supposed "friends"!

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Thanks I hear you guys, I really do and I know how it sounds to an outside observer. The truth is that some of my friends may 'not' be reliable or good friends at all. The truth is up until recently I have kind of made friends anywhere and was not really careful over where I met them, etc. I think that's why its turned out badly. ..You know how your mom tells you to go to a book club to meet a nice girl? and not a bar? Well yeah... same logic.

But what I'm starting to see is that I feel like this type of thing is insidious. Like that its just everywhere. This is just how people are. ..I really don't want to believe that but it feels like it. My one friend in particular, I'll call him J. I thought we were BEST friends. I mean we were really hanging out for awhile, did everything together, even slept in the same bed and watched movies all night long, etc. We were like best buds, even cried together. had many deep conversations, etc. But I haven't seen him in like 2 weeks. And right now I've been going through a 'friend withdrawal' because I've tried and its been a miserable 2 weeks no plans i've made with anybody have panned out. I've just been alone, and i was even stood up a few times by people. My best friend doesn't do this to me but I feel more than anything I'm suffereing from neglect that I feel from our friendship. He is nice to me, but we don't hang anymore and he still texts me back when i text him. but he never makes time to hang out with me and is always staying out late drinking and partying or something. He says he feels the same way but i know alot he says is just sometimes bs meant to make you feel better, i mean obviously if he felt like i did he would've made the extra effort to come see me, which he hasn't. I know his heart is good...but I can't start to suspect to him - i am just another of his 'friends' that come a dime a dozen. To me this feels horrible and I don't want to believe it.

I've started to lash out and because I've suspected this. I think I'm pi**ing him off or at least annoying because he stopped responding to my texts. The truth is - he's never available and its hurting me. Its obviously not hurting him - which I can't understand. .. so i just don't understand this. and all of this stuff hurts bad. to feel all these things constantly. honestly this friendship is hurting me more than its helping (right now).

He makes me so mad that I can't just see him every once in a while. Our friendship obviously doesn't mean as much to him as it did to me.

Anyway I'm trying to sort of start anew and this time I AM being really VERY careful over where and how I start to meet my new friends. I am looking for sincere people who are mature enough to be a friend. Who can give and receive. Who are stable and don't like the party scene, because i can't stand it. I am almost about to join a strongman gym, which is something i've been interested in for awhile. I have a feeling I will MEET TONS of cool people there, that are also very nice. I am also going to join a choir for my church, i think. So hopefully this will get better. It also seems that none of my friends are available when i need them most. I mean how can you communicate to the person that you love that you are upset - or that I feel the way I do, so that they understand?

Edited by EastDream
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I have been off meds now, or up and down on them. I've tried a couple in the last month and neither have really worked out. Its just really screwed with my system right now and I'm trying my best to cope with my mood disorders. ..my anger and impulsiveness, ups and downs and depression and irritability, etc. I'm trying SAM-e right now as a last ditch effort to control my moods and depression.

ive read alot about it and know its a powerful treatment...but i also have read it helps a lot of people and for a lot it makes them worse or they feel more anxious and can't sleep, etc. So I'm very stressed right now . I just can't seem to regulate myself. and i don't know if what i'm doing is , how its effecting my system. I'm just kind of hoping for the best.

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