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Disco197826

How Important Is It To Stick To Your Ideals?

4 posts in this topic

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I was the a popular kid at school. People used to cheer all the time when I walked through the door. Unfortunately, it was usually when I was walking out.

Good day all. Fate Blackwell here with a slew of unnecessary information cloaked in the guise of an interrogative. It's either this or a visit to the fridge.

As is the case with my usual daily routine, I am subject to an intense amount of stress as a result of the single social circle in my life placing me on the pedestal of worthless subjects. I have yet again been relegated to living with a family member who clearly has no desire in the scope of foreverdom to let me leave my cell, devour food beyond their daily rationing of dinner leftovers after the main pack has had their fill, or have an opinion that strays beyond the confines of saying "You are absolutely correct and beautiful, sir!".

Thus, my attempts to conjure up gainful employment have fallen into complete disarray. Transportation is no longer open to me. Even having clean clothes has been stripped away as this household does not believe in churning out washing machine cycles towards the cleaning of my few outfits without building a full load alongside it.

All of this would go away if I would accept the guidance of those who see my ideals as absolute rubbish.

The situation gets complicated at this point.

Throughout all of my developmental years, I never once stood up for myself or made others take notice of me. Taking the role as the softened egg trampled underfoot during the egg hunt. Left behind to rot in the baking sunlight to be eaten by ants and become a smelly pile of goo that can only hope to be eaten by a dog before the flies gather. ... OK, I'm trailing a bit off of my point here. But the ultimate umbrella hanging over this lake of words is that I gave up everything to make others happy. That life ended on the day I did something that would be inappropriate to mention here. Afterwards, I swore to myself that I would never compromise myself just to please a world that never showed any interest in putting value on me as it drove me to removing all value I put in myself.

It's a bit of a selfish point of view, but with it I also swore never to lose my interest in helping other people if I ever gained anything in this world. My worst enemy could be hanging off a cliff next to a billion dollars, and I would let the money fall while saving them. It isn't possible for me to look at somebody else who is suffering because of me, and not put myself in their place.

But enough of me polishing my shiny statue in tribute to my glorious all caring personality. I know I have flaws. Anybody who says they don't is truly deluded. My problem arises from the simple fact that I have been backed into a corner with no route of escape outside of giving up my ideals, which include:

- Not being a doormat.

- Wanting to do something good in my life that doesn't involve fried potatoes and a trailer for the next 40 years.

- Belief that I can win without punching all my opponents in the face.

- My religious views.

- My political views.

- My philosophy on life.

- My belief that every person in the world is equal regardless of their origins or personal views.

- My plan to not become an aggressive intimidation junky who controls others through fear.

- My desire to drink grape juice.

All of these things are extremely important to me. But the people surrounding me see them as childish thoughts formed from a childish mind. I am on the opposite ends of the thought spectrum from the community surrounding me, from my own family. And nothing short of winning the lottery will help me escape without becoming one of them.

So when do you, my fellow board members, decide to throw in the towel? Is there a point in your life where the cons outweigh any pros you can think of to such a tremendous scale that you would simply toss aside everything you believe in just to get back on track? Do you simply think it's not worth it to hold on to those ideals so tightly in the first place that you would sacrifice everything else just to stay true to them? Or are you of the type that thinks betraying yourself is the greatest betrayal of them all. And is among the first steps towards total self-defeat?

For me, a return to the life I once lived before would be an entry into the grave, an attempt to bring back what I know could not succeed at life. The prevailing theory is that success for the life I live now lies elsewhere in the world, within a community that isn't so skewed towards the opposite of my world focus. Of course, that path to that glorious utopia of similar ideas and easier access to grape juice lies beyond a toll booth that charges much more than I could ever hope to afford in my current situation.

Thank you for taking the time to read and regardless of whether you reply or not, I hope you have an awesome day!

Fate Blackwell

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Posted · Report post  

orry to hear your sad life situation. You said transportation was taken away. Does this mean there is no access to public transportation? Would you be able to obtain professional help for the defeatism emotions/thoughts you are having? I am sure they would take you to the doctor if you were ill and needed to see one. As for your laundry, can you doi it when no one is at home? They probably wouldn't know about it as long s you put a few of your soiled clothing in with theirs.

It sounds like you spaend a large portion of your time alone and isolated. Now that you've joined DF, you're no longer totally isolated. We're here to listen and give you support. We will never judge you.

Sheepwoman

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Hi Fate Blackwell

You write exceptionally well! Your ideals are yours and they are very good and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. It is important to stick to what you believe in, no matter what anyone says. You are able to see that you are different from your family. That is a good thing, as it is the foundation for being able to start to break away from their dysfunctional patterns and create your own future. Stick to your ideals, they give hope and possibility and if you work towards them one step at a time, who will be able to achieve what you want.

Trace

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Posted · Report post  

orry to hear your sad life situation. You said transportation was taken away. Does this mean there is no access to public transportation? Would you be able to obtain professional help for the defeatism emotions/thoughts you are having? I am sure they would take you to the doctor if you were ill and needed to see one. As for your laundry, can you doi it when no one is at home? They probably wouldn't know about it as long s you put a few of your soiled clothing in with theirs.

It sounds like you spaend a large portion of your time alone and isolated. Now that you've joined DF, you're no longer totally isolated. We're here to listen and give you support. We will never judge you.

Sheepwoman

Hello Sheepwoman and thank you for the reply! I do indeed have a complete lack of access to public transportation as I am quite a few miles from the nearest city. Walking is also out of the question as the house I currently reside within is alongside a busy highway. My single attempt to travel along this road was met with flashing lights and a lecture from the boys in blue indicating to me that if I were ever caught attempting that journey again, I would find myself in the "recurring problem" crowd.

Therapy has been on the table before in my life, but unfortunately each attempt was met with complete failure as I would always end up outsmarting my therapists and in general would gain nothing. Thus I now enjoy a permanent status as "crybaby" with my family, and any request to try to seek out another foray into the world of mental support is met with exasperated sighs and total inaction. Unfortunately, my financial situation is already in quite a terrible state, so seeking anything out on my own is destined for failure.

I have indeed begun to sneak through the night like a dirty laundry ninja to conceal my linens in with the house load. Although it looks like they will wait until the last possible moment to clean their clothes. I don't trust myself with their washing machine as it likes to smoke on occasion and as I am currently unlearned in the arts of washer fire prevention, I would rather place risk and potential blame on the ogress who currently reigns over this patch of land.

I am certainly thankful for this community. I've found myself bound up into absolute misery in the past few days, and having a neutral place to unload that won't judge me or try to call me out on how immature I am is very refreshing.

Hi Fate Blackwell

You write exceptionally well! Your ideals are yours and they are very good and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. It is important to stick to what you believe in, no matter what anyone says. You are able to see that you are different from your family. That is a good thing, as it is the foundation for being able to start to break away from their dysfunctional patterns and create your own future. Stick to your ideals, they give hope and possibility and if you work towards them one step at a time, who will be able to achieve what you want.

Trace

Thank you very much for the encouraging reply, Trace! (: It is an immense help to see that I am not alone in the way I view things. And I do hope that some day I can actually strike out of this toxic environment. I'll just have to keep the hope in my mind that even after failing to escape for almost 20 years, that escape is still possible, albeit slightly difficult.

Fate Blackwell

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