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I'm Pretty Sure I Did The Right Thing


Fethis

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A bit over 2 years ago I had a big falling out with a group of friends, over the careless transphobia/homophobia of a couple of members of that group (one passive, one malicious). I've had little to do with them since, though the malicious one tried to insert himself into a women's group I was involved with to try and stir drama (he had no place there, being male, so it was pretty obvious that he was trying to bait me).

Things pretty much died down after that and he apologised. But leopards and spots and all that... he ended up having a go at my best friend on Facebook and I got involved because I always have my friend's back.

Anyway, recently there was some nasty stuff posted about me online on a vicious, trans-hating blog. I suspected it was him and I tried to match an email address to the avatar (you can do this on Wordpress blogs; it's handy for figuring out who anonymous commenters are, if you have any idea who they could be).

One of the address I tried was the other guy's address (the passive transphobe/homophobe) and it popped up a piece of my artwork as his avatar.

I was pretty annoyed by this. This guy is supposed to hate my guts and think I'm the devil incarnate (as you'll see further on) but he was happy to use my artwork as his avatar!

I emailed him and very, very politely asked him to stop using my artwork (seriously, it's one of the most polite and brief emails I've written in my entire life). A couple of days later, I got a response.

The response was about half a page long, compared to the two lines of text I sent him.

It was full of the work 'f**k' and it was aggressive and abusive. It accused me of hacking emails, stalking people, threatening people, etc, etc. The best word I can use to describe it was 'frothing'. I imagined a rabid animal on the other end of that email, snarling and biting at the screen.

But he did say he would take down the artwork (and he has since).

Instead of retaliating in kind or refuting his claims of my supposed evilness, I simply replied "Thank you for taking down the image" and signed off with my name.

I felt like I did the right thing. I felt like I was the reasonable person and he had behaved like a child.

Did I do the right thing though?

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Thanks, it's always nice to have someone vet a decission as a sound one.

I've been trying to not let this get to me, but it's hard knowing that someone thinks you are basically Satan and they're not shy about telling you that.

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In the book "Buddha's Brain", there is a section where they talk about throwing the second dart.

Throwing the second dart - responding in kind to being treated unkindly, disparaged, what you will - just results in the air being filled with darts.

Always be true to yourself. Be the kind promoter of human fluorishing you want to be, and move on.

IOW, well done! :smile:

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You handled it very well, and much better than many of us would have.

I'm very sorry you have been subject to so much trauma. ((hugs))

Thank you Shmooey (love the user name btw).

The sad part is that I felt I needed to delete my Elfwood art account, because it had my real name on it as well as a lot of my art.

Hopefully this is the end of it all though and nothing else pops up online about me. I'm really, really tired of dealing with these people.

Anyway, thanks for your kind words ((hugs))

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In the book "Buddha's Brain", there is a section where they talk about throwing the second dart.

Throwing the second dart - responding in kind to being treated unkindly, disparaged, what you will - just results in the air being filled with darts.

Always be true to yourself. Be the kind promoter of human fluorishing you want to be, and move on.

IOW, well done! :smile:

That's a really good way of looking at things! I know I get drawn into drama easily, but I've made great progress at holding in my darts :-)

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