Jump to content

The Nice Guy Who Always Finishes Last.


Icarus21

Recommended Posts

Hey my name is Kyreem and I am new to this site. I hope everyone is having a good night. Here is my story. I am 21 right now and been severely depressed since I was 5. I have been on medication since I was 7 and been had dozens of different therapists and counselors. I'm currently attending a 4 year University and I'm a PSychology/Social Work Major. I came from a horribly childhood full of abuse. As I was growing up I felt different than everyone. I was always the outcast. I was on the outside looking in. I have always been a nice guy. I have pretty high standards for myself and believe I should always do my best to be a good person. I am very honest, fair, kind, helpful, empathetic, and genuine but I have realized people use me. They use my niceness. Growing up I was always the target and was always bullied. I was just more sensitive than everyone else. No one understood me and at the time I was confused as well. Thought of it as a character flaw. I would be the person to give give give but found out when I needed someone people were not there for me. I have trouble trusting people, because throughout my life people showed there darker side and treated me with disrespect and kept belittling me. I have noticed everyone keeps picking out my flaws as well. I know I'm far from perfect. But People pay too much attention to picking out my flaws then worrying about there own. I start to believe people and their negativity towards me. I start to believe there accusations towards me such as calling me weak or overdramatic or a baby. For me I understand everyone has flaws but I compliment people instead. I understand that we all need to work out things so it doesnt make sense to keep putting others down.

Keeping friends has always been the hardest. As i said before I have trust issues. Usually when I make a friend we are usually good for about a month and then when they find out I have depression or when I'm in a low mood they say things like get over it or tell me how its myself and not them and people just keep hammering me with blame. My feelings are never validated ever. I beat myself up because everyone is expecting so much out of me but I cant sometimes. The depression weighs me down. Then me and my friends get in fights because sometimes I am a burden and the only way to be friends is to keep my mouth shut. Anytime I stick up for myself or say what I want to say a fight happens. I'm not saying its always there fault. Sometimes I can snap too but I feel like what I have to say isn't respected. People get hostile with me when I stick up for myself. People use the guilt trip on me or try any tactic they can to make me feel dumb or anything so they can control me. This would not effect me so much but these kinds of stuff happens with about 99.9% of my friends. I make new friends and the cycle continues. I feel everytime something good happens in life something bad follows shortly after. Like after I just recover or heal slightly something else knocks me down. I don't think I'm a weak person, I just been through a lot. Reading this it doesn't seem like I been through a lot and I am very fortunate in a lot of ways but still my life has been trouble since the day I was born.

To be honest I cannot remember a time I wasn't depressed. Over the summer was the first time I felt "normal" but my depression came when school started. I really do not know what its like to feel "normal" and I'm quoting that because its hard to define normal but I mean not depressed. I try my best to be reasonable with people and be fair but I learned life is far from fair. The odds seem to be stacked up against me. Sometimes I question being a good person. It seems to do more harm then good. Its like the purpose I was born is to make other people happy but not myself. People tell me all the time that I make them happy. Which is great but once I'm that nice person they expect me to be happy or always be there or always make them smile. I have needs too. I sacrifice my happiness for others. If I don't people get hostile. I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I've been on medication all my life but they only seem to help to a degree and I have a therapist now but don't see him as often. I've had a lot of bad psychiatrist and therapist over the years who did me more harm than good. The therapist I have now is pretty good and I like our talks but can't say the same about my psychiatrist. I shouldn't feel sad though. I have a loving mother, somewhat healthy, get good grades in school, financially well. The negatives seem to outweigh the positives most days though. I just wish for once someone will be there for my like I have in the past and hopefully when I'm older run into more mature people who are more caring and understanding. I wish one day that society will change for the better but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

Thank you for reading and sorry for the long post. Needed to Vent. Does anyone else feel this way?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey my name is Kyreem and I am new to this site. I hope everyone is having a good night. Here is my story. I am 21 right now and been severely depressed since I was 5. I have been on medication since I was 7 and been had dozens of different therapists and counselors. I'm currently attending a 4 year University and I'm a PSychology/Social Work Major. I came from a horribly childhood full of abuse. As I was growing up I felt different than everyone. I was always the outcast. I was on the outside looking in. I have always been a nice guy. I have pretty high standards for myself and believe I should always do my best to be a good person. I am very honest, fair, kind, helpful, empathetic, and genuine but I have realized people use me. They use my niceness. Growing up I was always the target and was always bullied. I was just more sensitive than everyone else. No one understood me and at the time I was confused as well. Thought of it as a character flaw. I would be the person to give give give but found out when I needed someone people were not there for me. I have trouble trusting people, because throughout my life people showed there darker side and treated me with disrespect and kept belittling me. I have noticed everyone keeps picking out my flaws as well. I know I'm far from perfect. But People pay too much attention to picking out my flaws then worrying about there own. I start to believe people and their negativity towards me. I start to believe there accusations towards me such as calling me weak or overdramatic or a baby. For me I understand everyone has flaws but I compliment people instead. I understand that we all need to work out things so it doesnt make sense to keep putting others down.

Keeping friends has always been the hardest. As i said before I have trust issues. Usually when I make a friend we are usually good for about a month and then when they find out I have depression or when I'm in a low mood they say things like get over it or tell me how its myself and not them and people just keep hammering me with blame. My feelings are never validated ever. I beat myself up because everyone is expecting so much out of me but I cant sometimes. The depression weighs me down. Then me and my friends get in fights because sometimes I am a burden and the only way to be friends is to keep my mouth shut. Anytime I stick up for myself or say what I want to say a fight happens. I'm not saying its always there fault. Sometimes I can snap too but I feel like what I have to say isn't respected. People get hostile with me when I stick up for myself. People use the guilt trip on me or try any tactic they can to make me feel dumb or anything so they can control me. This would not effect me so much but these kinds of stuff happens with about 99.9% of my friends. I make new friends and the cycle continues. I feel everytime something good happens in life something bad follows shortly after. Like after I just recover or heal slightly something else knocks me down. I don't think I'm a weak person, I just been through a lot. Reading this it doesn't seem like I been through a lot and I am very fortunate in a lot of ways but still my life has been trouble since the day I was born.

To be honest I cannot remember a time I wasn't depressed. Over the summer was the first time I felt "normal" but my depression came when school started. I really do not know what its like to feel "normal" and I'm quoting that because its hard to define normal but I mean not depressed. I try my best to be reasonable with people and be fair but I learned life is far from fair. The odds seem to be stacked up against me. Sometimes I question being a good person. It seems to do more harm then good. Its like the purpose I was born is to make other people happy but not myself. People tell me all the time that I make them happy. Which is great but once I'm that nice person they expect me to be happy or always be there or always make them smile. I have needs too. I sacrifice my happiness for others. If I don't people get hostile. I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I've been on medication all my life but they only seem to help to a degree and I have a therapist now but don't see him as often. I've had a lot of bad psychiatrist and therapist over the years who did me more harm than good. The therapist I have now is pretty good and I like our talks but can't say the same about my psychiatrist. I shouldn't feel sad though. I have a loving mother, somewhat healthy, get good grades in school, financially well. The negatives seem to outweigh the positives most days though. I just wish for once someone will be there for my like I have in the past and hopefully when I'm older run into more mature people who are more caring and understanding. I wish one day that society will change for the better but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

Thank you for reading and sorry for the long post. Needed to Vent. Does anyone else feel this way?

Hello Kyreem! Welcome to the forum! This place is very helpful here and I'm sure you'll find a lot of support here and maybe even meet friends who will understand you better. This is the first post I read tonight and already know how you feel. Here's my story but I'll keep it brief: I've been depressed since I was youger as well and I never knew why I felt so sad. There were days where I was happier than ever and than out of nowhere I felt sad for no reason. Last year I was dignosed with bi polar disorder which may differ from you but I know about having trouble making friends and even keeping them cause people grew tired of my depression as well. I'm 29 and still suffer from depression but I try hard to keep it together. So trust me I know how you feel and your not completely alone. I sent you a message just to say hello. Just letting you know that I'm here for you and always willing to listen if you ever need someone to talk too. You sound like a very sweet person and I'm sorry that people misjudged you. Continue to keep posting, everyone will offer their support and be here for you. Were all listening. :hearts:

Always,

Sam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Sam for being so understanding. Being bipolar can be extremely rough. Thats what I'm diagnosed with too although its mostly been all downs lately. its a very confusing thing to go through. I am sorry for people who have to go through this and wouldnt wish it on my worst of enemies. I'm sorry about your friends as well. Its very tough losing a friend who you thought was a good one. I will be more than happy to talk to you as well and will do my best to help you out as well when you need it. I believe it is nice to help one another out. It helps not feeling so alone in this. I also wish you the best as well. I still feel a glimmer of hope and I hope you do too. :)

<3 Kyreem

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Sam for being so understanding. Being bipolar can be extremely rough. Thats what I'm diagnosed with too although its mostly been all downs lately. its a very confusing thing to go through. I am sorry for people who have to go through this and wouldnt wish it on my worst of enemies. I'm sorry about your friends as well. Its very tough losing a friend who you thought was a good one. I will be more than happy to talk to you as well and will do my best to help you out as well when you need it. I believe it is nice to help one another out. It helps not feeling so alone in this. I also wish you the best as well. I still feel a glimmer of hope and I hope you do too. :)

<3 Kyreem

Yes, I believe there's hope for me. I try to support people on here as much as I can.

Not just to become a Mod on here or anything. I just want to help out cause I felt so lost and lonely when I was depressed.

People need others to talk to them, give them a shoulder to lean on and tell them to keep going.

Everyone needs courage, if we didn't have it we'd feel lost and alone.

People now a days are cruel and everyone judges others over silly things.

I'm sure you'll get lots of support here. I'm up to becoming friends and being here for you.

Feel free to look around the forums and contact one of the mods if you have any problems or questions.

Always,

Sam :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...

Kyreem this is Nghia ( Nia ) I'm a 20 year old asian male, and let me tell life is a Biotch... I was depress when i was 8, due to my parents fighting all the time, and my mom would beat her anger out on me when my dad isn't home ... the only place i was happy is school, since I make friends easily, and everyone know me as "the amazingly asian nice dude" I was funny, I was kind and carry, I didn't care if people use me, but for some reason no one used me but rather. The day when I finally made up my mind was grade 4... I loved this beautiful girl, she had blue eyes, and a amazing smile on her face all the time.... I swear it was like a blessing.. I was her close friend.. we would play skipping rope everyday at school, and that would be a happy day were i could just forget my pain and move. The girl that I truly treasure deep inside my heart till today died she was only 9, and she was amazing.. she loved life even when she knew she was going to die. It changed my life to the "nice guy always finish last" I would always smile, and when my parents fight or when they beat their anger on me, it would hurt, but i let those emotion bury till i can't hold it in anymore and i would cry, and the cycle would repeat... I treat everyone kindly, and and helped tons of people... but i really never knew how to helped myself. but you know what.. Im really happy knowing their is people like me who went through a hard child hood. the "Mr.nice guy" will always finish last, you right about that. But when he does finish. He helped people along the way rather then hurting or leaving people behind to achieve this goal. I rather be the Mr.Nice guy, because the world need people like us, and people do respect people like you kyreem. you know why? BECAUSE I RESPECT YOU FOR HELPING PEOPLE, AND I KNOW YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS, NEVER GIVE UP!!!! because your not alone

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Helping people should be the number one priority of everyone. I grew up with parents who lived by the "golden rule"...not in the religious sense, but in treating others as you would want to be treated. I've taken that to heart and yes, I've been walked upon--repeatedly. But the most important thing in life is how you treat people, not how they treat you. Who knows? One good turn on your part could start an avalanche of other people doing the same!

I, too, have been depressed since I was a kid, and have suffered a lot of health setbacks over the years. But I try hard to be cheerful around others and help out whenever possible.

Good to have on board, by the way!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to DF, Kyreem! You'll be amazed at how many of us here can empathise with your story. Many of us have been in similar situations to yourself, albeit in different amounts.

What you say about not being respected in your opinions is something I totally understand. I have quite the mouth on me when it comes to debating, and usually I'm quite outspoken, but because a lot of what I think tends to go against the grain I often get shot down or ignored. It feels as though nobody cares or everyone thinks I'm a joke.

Remember, though, that you're not at joke whatsoever. You have every right to speak your mind even if somebody is going to disagree. As long as you're not forceful in your observations or beliefs then nobody has a reason to treat you as though what you have to say should be discarded.

There are people in this world who will respect both what you have to say and what you have to offer as a friend. Keep your guard up, but not so much that you shut everyone out. It's a difficult balance to get right. If you suspect someone is taking you for a ride then you don't need to stick around for them. They're not worth your time.

Sorry if this reply is a little rambling. I'm on the phone while I'm typing and there might be random words thrown in here that are completely unrelated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I get this. Morality is something I think about. There doesn't seem to be any incentive to be a good person in this world. It always seems to be bad people who get all the good things in life. This is especially a big problem for men more than women. Good guys always get 'friend-zoned' and typically fare worse in the work place than bad guys. It's very demoralising. I'm a good person myself and always thought it made me better than most people, but now I know better. Now I wish I had been born evil and selfish like most of humanity.

Children's stories where the good guys always win are incredibly irresponsible. They program your young, naive, impressionable brain with the exact opposite information you will actually need in how to conduct yourself. I can't even watch movies all the way to end any more if the good guys win, I have to press stop where the villains are still winning.

I know what you meant about therapists. I've seen two or three myself and they just made me worse. Made me 'dig up old corpses' as I like to put it, but provided no answers. I wish nothing but the worst for these overpaid wastes of space.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you guys for responding! This was my first post on DF. I can't believe it was bumped up. I still feel similar to this day.

Nghia, thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad to hear that there are still positive genuine good people around and not the wolves in sheep's clothing kind. I'm sorry you had a toxic environment at home. You didn't need that. You seem very strong to be willing to continue to stick to your true genuine self. I wish there were more of you around. Very encouraging. Sadly, the world, mostly college years, has turned me somewhat bitter and I feel backed in a corner. I will read your post to remember who I was. Have a great one!

Ladyslothbottom, you weren't ranting at all. I agree with pretty much all of what you said. I have walls upon walls built up but finding that balance is tough. I always regret taking them down though. It is like people see the permission to squeeze me dry until I place my walls up again. When my walls are really high, people want my attention to the point they are annoying. Then when I finally give in and let them down, I find people to show their true colors and be nasty. I go to college, and people here do not listen. People are self centered and self entitled. People interrupt all the time. Like you, I have a lot of opinions and feelings that go against the grain. I get shut down and ignored or interrupted. I never feel my input or opinions matter and never learned to believe in myself. Last three times I really spoke my mind all hell broke loose and I didn't feel safe to talk anymore. I didn't say anything mean or unreasonable. You are very insightful. Thank you!

JD, It seems we grew up with the same strong morals. I didn't get them religion either. I was always raised to treat people the way they wanted to be treated. I took it to heart as well. I look around and I don't really see it from others. More and more people are out to win for themselves. They do not care who they ruin in the process. I'm glad to be on board. You seem like a very kind fellow. I love how positive you guys are!

Mark, I love how honest you are. This is an unpopular opinion, but I have been ruined by psychiatrists and other corrupt professionals. No one believes me but that stuff does happen. I'm sorry you feel like this. I can tell you really hurt. I hope my post gave you something to relate to. I have trouble finishing some movies for the same reason. I usually relate to the villains more in some movies and roll my eyes on how the hero is this great person when they display such arrogance, narcissism and violent behavior as well. You seem very smart and seem like one who thinks outside the box. I believe that is some reason you feel this way. I feel like that and I think differently but I receive a lot of backlash for thinking the way I do. Keep up the fight. Don't let those people change you to become like them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...