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Wedding Party Anxiety.


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I just wanted to share this.

So, my cousin asked me to be a groomsman in his wedding. I really didn’t want to because I am nervous an anxious in large groups of people. And even though I know I’m really not anywhere close to being the focus of attention, I feel like all these people will be looking at me…watching me…studying me. Then at the reception, I will be sitting with the wedding party center stage while we eat dinner. Then, the wedding party will have to do the traditional wedding party dance and I’m not familiar with any of the bridesmaids so that’s another situation that will trigger some real anxiety. It’s just bad, bad, bad all around. I feel like I'm not going to be able to take it. I’m not big on weddings as it is anyway. I usually spend them in a corner or outside getting fresh air, and that is if I even decide to show up to them.

But, there was no way I could tell him no. I mean, he’s my cousin and he’s getting married to the woman he loves! This is his and his fiance's day! And I should be honored that he said he specifically wanted me to be a part of it. So of course because I don't want to disappoint/offend/hurt him, I told him I'd be a part of it. I went and got fitted for a tux, paid the deposit, and the wedding is less than a month away.

and I’m F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G. out!

Anyone been in a situation like or similar to this before? How did it go? Did you get through it? What did you do to get through it? I just want to keep my promise to my cousin without freaking out or making a scene.

Edited by Mikey90
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Hi Mikey

This is really not an easy thing for anyone with anxiety to do. The best thing to do is to not think of the wedding as a whole and try not to think of all the things that you may have to do, as this will increase your anxiety. Also remember that anxiety beforehand makes situations seem worse than they will actually be. So it will not be as bad as you think. On the day just think of one thing at a time, like think only of getting to the wedding, then once you are there think only about the next step and so on, don't try and think about the lot.

Also try and go for bathroom breaks or step outside when you can, just to keep yourself together.

Trace

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That's one of my fears. My best friend has been dating this guy for 3 years now and they are living together I am just waiting for the day that she tells me she's getting married. I know I can't be in the wedding party and I don't even know in my situation right now if I would be able to attend the wedding.

At my brothers wedding, I wasn't in the wedding party, thank God. But I did need to bring down the gifts to the priest, I was a nervous wreck. Thinking everyone was staring at me. During the reception I never left my seat. It was terrible.

I hope you have a better experience than I did. Also at the time of my brothers wedding I was undiagnosed so I was not on any meds and not in therapy. I think that makes a difference, that is if you are on meds and in therapy.

Michele

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Even BEFORE my relapse with depression and anxiety, I had panic attacks if I was asked to be in a wedding. I remember standing at the altar at one wedding in my bridesmaid gown (and it was a very small wedding) thinking I was going to pass out and embarrass myself, I couldn't breathe.....anyway, a couple years later my best friend asked me to be in her wedding and of course, I had to say yes. But this time I went to my doctor, explained my dilema, and got a small, temporary prescription for XANAX! It got me through the wedding no problem! I don't know if this is an option for you, but it helped me immensely. Good luck to you. I know how hard it is to be in a crowd when you suffer from anxiety, as I now do and have for the past year and a half or so.

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I agree with taysmom. I would tell the doctor what's going on and get a temporary prescription like that. Back when I was in university I had to give an oral presentation for half an hour and I thought I would die. I would take sections of classes with harder profs just to avoid presentations, but only one section of this course, same prof every semester, and required for my major. My ex had OCD and so I took one of his valium pills 45 minutes before the presentation. MUCH better.

Not that I recommend sneaking someone else's meds. If I had it to do over, I'd have tried to get my own. But the point is, it helped a lot.

I hear you about the anxiety. I was nervous about my own wedding because everyone stares at the bride! I would have eloped but it's my second marriage/my husband's first, and he really wanted the ceremony with family. We had 17 there including ourselves, but I still got nervous about being on display!

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The best thing to do is to not think of the wedding as a whole and try not to think of all the things that you may have to do, as this will increase your anxiety. Also remember that anxiety beforehand makes situations seem worse than they will actually be. So it will not be as bad as you think. On the day just think of one thing at a time, like think only of getting to the wedding, then once you are there think only about the next step and so on, don't try and think about the lot.

Also try and go for bathroom breaks or step outside when you can, just to keep yourself together.

This is a good approach, if i could only manage my thoughts that way. I've been in wedding parties in the past. Between the last two and four years. The one two years ago, I was kind of nervous, but it never really bothered me, that was until the dance. but I got through it. This time around, I can't believe the increase in my anxiety. But I will defiantly try and take it one step at a time as you suggested. Thanks!

At my brothers wedding, I wasn't in the wedding party, thank God. But I did need to bring down the gifts to the priest, I was a nervous wreck. Thinking everyone was staring at me. During the reception I never left my seat. It was terrible. I hope you have a better experience than I did.

I tend to do the same thing at weddings, post up in my seat for most of the night.Feeling very uncomfortable. Or spend much time outside, by myself, smoking cigarette after cigarette. I'm sorry to hear how nervous you were. I defiantly empathize with you. Thank you for the positive wishes.

Edited by Mikey90
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I went to my doctor, explained my dilema, and got a small, temporary prescription for XANAX! It got me through the wedding no problem! I don't know if this is an option for you, but it helped me immensely. Good luck to you. I know how hard it is to be in a crowd when you suffer from anxiety, as I now do and have for the past year and a half or so.

My ex had OCD and so I took one of his valium pills 45 minutes before the presentation. MUCH better. Not that I recommend sneaking someone else's meds. If I had it to do over, I'd have tried to get my own. But the point is, it helped a lot. I hear you about the anxiety. I was nervous about my own wedding because everyone stares at the bride! I would have eloped but it's my second marriage/my husband's first, and he really wanted the ceremony with family. We had 17 there including ourselves, but I still got nervous about being on display!

Well, as bad as this may sound. I haven't yet been able to bring myself to see a doctor or anything.. Still working on it... I feel like going to a doctor and asking for something in this particular situation wouldn't work out and may seem awfully suspicious, if you get what I mean. Looking at the broader issue, I guess the logical thing would be to seek help. I wouldn't feel comfortable seeking meds from others, I mean, I know where I could probably get Xanax and probably wouldn't have trouble finding Valium, but I've never taken either of those before, and well, I don't feel comfortable taking it first time and being in front of a crowd. Seems like a bad plan.

Thank you both for responding and wishing me well. Taysmom, I’m glad to hear in your particular situation, everything went well. Shmooey, I’m sorry to hear you were so nervous on your own wedding day. But, what matters is you are married : ) Thanks guys.

Edited by Mikey90
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