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Relationship Over, But Still Talking.


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I’ve recently been dumped. And I feel miserable. Here’s the back story. It’s a little lengthy, sorry in advance.

I met this girl almost two years ago. We hit it off immediately and became really great friends. We grew very close as strictly friends over the span of a year and a half. And we eventually started dating. We were together for only about a month or two. And for the most part, it was great. Without getting into the details, she dumped me but we kept our friendship intact. After some time went by, we started becoming physically involved with each other, but only as friends. Usually, friends with benefits seem to complicate things, but we had an understanding how things were between us, and a mutual respect for each other outside of the physical relationship and our friendship seemed to only grow stronger. After some time she expressed a desire to make it official and said she was ready to pursue a serious relationship and wanted to fall in love with me. Overjoyed, I took her back.

Immediately, our relationship took off and we were madly into each other. In the few short months we were together, I can never remember ever being more comfortable or happier with anyone. (I have dealt with depression for the last 5 or so years of my life and when I was with her, it didn’t disappear but it seemed to not be as prevalent.) She showed me so much affection and I was able to return it to her liking. We seemed a perfect match. However, as time went she dumped me again. In short, I’m a full time student and I work and don’t have much spare time to offer and she says she wants to fall in love but can’t because of our busy lives an inability to see each other often. I was able to fall in love with her, but can understand why she feels this way.

However, this time, I immediately spiraled into a deep depression. I haven’t much of a social life because of my social anxiety and my introverted nature. So suddenly finding myself alone and realizing that she isn’t available to talk to me whenever I instantly threw me into a depressive mindstate. It’s only been three weeks and every night I spend alone seems so long and so painful. We still talk occasionally. And she still expresses a desire to be with me. Says she doesn’t want be just friends, but we both acknowledge that a relationship can’t work between us at this point in time. She asked to stay the night with me a few days ago, but she “forgot” and it didn’t happen. I saw her briefly today and gave her a ride and we were supposed to hang tonight, but it didn’t work out. I feel like she’s giving me mixed signals and if I try to talk to her about it, she avoids the subject or just flat out says she doesn’t want to talk about it.

We haven’t talked much about the relationship ending, but we are both obviously interested in keeping some sort of involvement. I am in so much pain, and every time we make plans, and they don’t go through, I end up sitting at home feeling miserable, lonely, and depressed. She too is off and on with her own depression and is on various medications and this affects things as well. I can’t stop thinking about her, and every moment of every day, no matter what I am doing, I am thinking about her. I can’t take it anymore. Part of me wants to just move on and forget her, but the idea of leaving her out of my life just makes me depressed. However, the idea of keeping her in my life as just a friend tears me apart.

I guess my question is. What seems like the best course of action? Both of us are depressed. We miss eachother. We both seem to have feelings for each other, but we agree our relationship wasn’t able to work. Neither of us seems to be able to let go. Before we were able to be friends with benefits, but that was before we developed strong emotions so I don’t know if I can handle that emotionally this time around, and I really desire more than a physical relationship with this girl. I don't wanna loose a friendship because we just start using eachother as a lonley hook up. Any option I consider ends up with both of us hurting. I am so confused and so hurt and don’t know what to do. I am at the end of my rope and spend every night thinking about it and working myself into a crying fit, or send myself into a panic.

Really any advice, insight, or anything really would help. Thanks for reading.

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Hi Mikey90. She is giving you major mixed signals. It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. In a way, it seems like maybe the two of you should try to move on. Do you think you could just hang out every now and then as friends only? It doesn't seem like it. One of you (at this point it seems most likely you) will want more and get hurt. It's a tough situation and I agree that now it seems someone or both might/will get hurt in the end. But if you both really do miss each other, then why not try to make it work and just accept that right now you both are busy and might not get to spend a whole lot of time together. If people are together for a long time (or even married/committed long-term) there will be times that you have to accept you'll see more of each other in different periods than others.

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We have been really good, close friends longer than we’ve dated and I don’t want to lose the friendship, because well, I don’t have many friendships. I'm kind of an introvert and don't do well in social settings, anxiety and all. I try to hold on and appreciate the few people I do have. But, yesterday, I kind of had an “aha moment” and I’m starting to come to the reality that a relationship between us doesn’t work, and am accepting and actually becoming more comfortable with it. However, it still hurts. But a friendship does, at least it did, work very well and I would much rather have that than nothing. Although, in the back of my mind I wonder if im rationalizing it, or if im in denial just convincing myself I’m fine with it.

I was faced with a tough decision, as she got ahold of me and asked me to come stay with her last night. Staying together obviously implies certain things, but I declined. She seemed pretty upset. I said we definatly should hang sometime, just not tonight, and all she really said was hopefully soon. Going to "stay" with her would've made me happy for the night, but it didn't seem like the best decision, and I spent the rest of the night feeling just awful.

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I think you did the right thing and it must have been difficult. It would have turned into something more and you ending up hurt.

It was difficult. We talked over the phone a bit today. And we're going to meet up and talk tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about that.

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mate there are a lot of people who are continuing their relationships from miles away... If she ever loves you that much, amount of spending time wouldn't be a problem ...

Simply Think like this; 10 hours with meggan fox once a week or all day with anygirl ? Which one would you prefer ? ... The fact is being a precious or not, rests are just excuses.

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In a situation like that, (as unrealistic as it is) I'd prefer all day with a girl I know, over 10 hours with megan fox once a week.

I don't think she loves me that much because perhaps she wasn't able to actually fall in love with me because of our lack of interaction. Since she never got to that point of completely falling in love, it would be difficult for her to continue a relationship such as ours. But idk.

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