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How Do You Feel Today #25


Trace

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Started the day in an okay mood, but I feel so lonely now. Been having thoughts of SI tonight if I'm being honest, I just hope that I can hang on in there.

Sorry to hear that, Firework. :console:

I´m feeling great tonight, will be doing yoga just before bed. Did a lot of work, so I´m tired but feeling good.

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I've felt a bit down today, for the first time since I got home for the summer almost a week ago. Looking for work, finding new hobbies and stuff to do, and trying to settle into a bit of a rhythm/structure-type thing. Gah.

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Grief. Social grief. I'm sorry I keep posting minute by minute accounts, so it seems. But I had to part ways with someone that was important these past few months. Plus the stress of what this weekend might bring. Trying to maintain a brave face for my mother for her birthday/my grandmother's birthday/mother's day. I'm trying tomake sense of it all. Maybe I should do as Doogie Howser did and start a journal on my computer. Maybe I need to get on some meds. I just don't know. Everything's a huge question right now, and I just need to remember that transition is always hard on me, as is trying to be all responsible and put others first.

I've been having all sorts of seemingly important thoughts careening around in my head all day. It's annoying, since I'd love to be able to harness it all. Hence, I guess, my Doogie Howser reference.

I guess that's all. :(

Oooh, hey. An Arcade Fire remix on the radio! Might this help?

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((((((Handon Frypan)))))))))

I'm feeling good today. No stress and all my results came back good at the doc.

Glad to hear that, Trace.

I feel tired and am concerned about foot pain manifesting again, but emotionally quite accepting. I woke up really anxious at 5am, took anxiety meds, and once they kicked in was able to sleep some more. Thank goodness for medication!

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I want to go back to bed. :sleep_1: I'm also a bit peeved at my mom for talking about me and blaming me for setting up this garage sale. If she didn't want to do it that badly then she doesn't have to do it, but don't dump all the blame on me! She's such a meanie sometimes. She comes back here where I am and the only thing she says is 'I'm tired of this junk everywhere'. :stare: If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all you meanie!

There isn't even that much stuff back here. :ermm:

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Doing much, much better today. Trying to be more forward and present thinking. Not thinking in the past. Not a perfect day today, but lots better. Making better decisions about my health today. Not eating like crazy. I also miscalculated the time on my hands, and I appear to have more than I thought. I'm also less anxious about this meeting with a family friend from 30 years ago on Saturday.

I will say that I am having trouble entertaining myself. I'm not feeling social, but I would love a movie. But there's nothing playing that appeals to me tonight.

And as much as music really helped me settle into more positive feelings yesterday, I'm having trouble getting into a musical groove today. Probably partially because I'm not in a self-rescue mode like I was yesterday. Nothing on the radio or my iTunes stash is quite hitting the spot.

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I'm great, it's Friday and I have had a whole work week with no acid reflux, because the client that causes all the stress and unnecessary pressure is away, so I am not getting anything from that side this week. I am considering giving this client to someone else, as he is making me ill and costing me a lot of money every month on really expensive acid reflux meds. I don't think anyone will take him over though, he is that nasty. I think I should just quit, I don't need this job anymore and I don't need to be sick all the time because of it. This week has been such a pleasure.

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I'm....nervous.

Finally decided to tell my girlfriend flat out how I feel about where our relationship is. I understand her depression, and I am trying to be patient, but she sometimes shows no interest in even trying to improve. I'm not asking her to fix herself overnight;I'm asking that she tell me

1) What her goals are

2) Whether she thinks my and her goals are compatible.

Her first answer was pretty vague and more or less annoyed...but she told me this morning that she wants some time to think about what I've told her and decide what she wants. I hope she wants to move forward and have a life with me. I want to stay with her. I want there to be hope for us. I'm scared.

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I just woke up, and I'm trying to form an opinion of the day ahead. That's probably a fairly futile task. But I'd say I'm not scared today like I have been the past day or two. I think by the end of the day, I'll have enough reasons to post in that "what are three things that went right today" thread. I could be wrong.

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After a sort of flat day, I'm really excited about Louis CK's new stand-up CDs. He's one of my favorite comics.

Other than that, though, today was really pretty blank...oh well. The weekend will be a bit more eventful. Which is good, in this case: performing, has nothing at all to do with school, and with some really good friends. I'm sure it'll be a great weekend.

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This weekend that I've been chronicling so much has gone fairly well thus far. The mother is being a little annoying, but what's new. My fault, really.

Today, we went and saw my family friends from 30 years back. It really did my mother good to see these folks, and I admit, it was interesting for me to see them. Times have changed, and that was kind of weird. But everybody seems well, and I had an OK time. Wouldn't mind seeing them again.

I am a bit drained, as I tend to get around my mother. She and I just have very different personalities and interests. But I have a break from my parents tomorrow, so it's all me tomorrow.

Then my mother's birthday on Monday.

It's not over yet, but I think I'll be OK.

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I woke up with my stomach kind of curdling and having a severe case of bloating. Mysterious. And maddening, since I need to be well for tomorrow, and need to go out to shop today. Yesterday I went to a huge picnic of maybe 100 people near the U.S./Mexico border. Not sure if some of them were sick.

Slept fine, but as SOON as I started waking up, I made no effort to go back to bed, which might have been advisable. I'm already going to a movie tomorrow, but kind of wanted to do one today, by myself, too. But I think that may be too tall an order.

Edited by Handon Frypan
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I've been feeling strange all day. There's times when I feel fine but then I start crying for no reason at all which brings back past memories, which has once again led to temptation of SI (which I've managed not to do now in near enough two weeks).

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