Violet31 Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Started the day in an okay mood, but I feel so lonely now. Been having thoughts of SI tonight if I'm being honest, I just hope that I can hang on in there.Sorry to hear that, Firework. I´m feeling great tonight, will be doing yoga just before bed. Did a lot of work, so I´m tired but feeling good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gambist Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I've felt a bit down today, for the first time since I got home for the summer almost a week ago. Looking for work, finding new hobbies and stuff to do, and trying to settle into a bit of a rhythm/structure-type thing. Gah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Grief. Social grief. I'm sorry I keep posting minute by minute accounts, so it seems. But I had to part ways with someone that was important these past few months. Plus the stress of what this weekend might bring. Trying to maintain a brave face for my mother for her birthday/my grandmother's birthday/mother's day. I'm trying tomake sense of it all. Maybe I should do as Doogie Howser did and start a journal on my computer. Maybe I need to get on some meds. I just don't know. Everything's a huge question right now, and I just need to remember that transition is always hard on me, as is trying to be all responsible and put others first.I've been having all sorts of seemingly important thoughts careening around in my head all day. It's annoying, since I'd love to be able to harness it all. Hence, I guess, my Doogie Howser reference.I guess that's all. :(Oooh, hey. An Arcade Fire remix on the radio! Might this help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 ((((((Handon Frypan)))))))))I'm feeling good today. No stress and all my results came back good at the doc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyboots Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 ((((((Handon Frypan)))))))))I'm feeling good today. No stress and all my results came back good at the doc.Glad to hear that, Trace.I feel tired and am concerned about foot pain manifesting again, but emotionally quite accepting. I woke up really anxious at 5am, took anxiety meds, and once they kicked in was able to sleep some more. Thank goodness for medication! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkRain Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 I want to go back to bed. I'm also a bit peeved at my mom for talking about me and blaming me for setting up this garage sale. If she didn't want to do it that badly then she doesn't have to do it, but don't dump all the blame on me! She's such a meanie sometimes. She comes back here where I am and the only thing she says is 'I'm tired of this junk everywhere'. If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all you meanie!There isn't even that much stuff back here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiritual_Wanderer Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 I am not doing well. :( Sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Doing much, much better today. Trying to be more forward and present thinking. Not thinking in the past. Not a perfect day today, but lots better. Making better decisions about my health today. Not eating like crazy. I also miscalculated the time on my hands, and I appear to have more than I thought. I'm also less anxious about this meeting with a family friend from 30 years ago on Saturday.I will say that I am having trouble entertaining myself. I'm not feeling social, but I would love a movie. But there's nothing playing that appeals to me tonight.And as much as music really helped me settle into more positive feelings yesterday, I'm having trouble getting into a musical groove today. Probably partially because I'm not in a self-rescue mode like I was yesterday. Nothing on the radio or my iTunes stash is quite hitting the spot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 I'm great, it's Friday and I have had a whole work week with no acid reflux, because the client that causes all the stress and unnecessary pressure is away, so I am not getting anything from that side this week. I am considering giving this client to someone else, as he is making me ill and costing me a lot of money every month on really expensive acid reflux meds. I don't think anyone will take him over though, he is that nasty. I think I should just quit, I don't need this job anymore and I don't need to be sick all the time because of it. This week has been such a pleasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exelion Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I'm....nervous.Finally decided to tell my girlfriend flat out how I feel about where our relationship is. I understand her depression, and I am trying to be patient, but she sometimes shows no interest in even trying to improve. I'm not asking her to fix herself overnight;I'm asking that she tell me1) What her goals are2) Whether she thinks my and her goals are compatible.Her first answer was pretty vague and more or less annoyed...but she told me this morning that she wants some time to think about what I've told her and decide what she wants. I hope she wants to move forward and have a life with me. I want to stay with her. I want there to be hope for us. I'm scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I just woke up, and I'm trying to form an opinion of the day ahead. That's probably a fairly futile task. But I'd say I'm not scared today like I have been the past day or two. I think by the end of the day, I'll have enough reasons to post in that "what are three things that went right today" thread. I could be wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkRain Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I feel like crying for some reason. Been this way most of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranter Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Suspended, isolated, vulnerable and detached from reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gambist Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 After a sort of flat day, I'm really excited about Louis CK's new stand-up CDs. He's one of my favorite comics.Other than that, though, today was really pretty blank...oh well. The weekend will be a bit more eventful. Which is good, in this case: performing, has nothing at all to do with school, and with some really good friends. I'm sure it'll be a great weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 This weekend that I've been chronicling so much has gone fairly well thus far. The mother is being a little annoying, but what's new. My fault, really. Today, we went and saw my family friends from 30 years back. It really did my mother good to see these folks, and I admit, it was interesting for me to see them. Times have changed, and that was kind of weird. But everybody seems well, and I had an OK time. Wouldn't mind seeing them again. I am a bit drained, as I tend to get around my mother. She and I just have very different personalities and interests. But I have a break from my parents tomorrow, so it's all me tomorrow. Then my mother's birthday on Monday. It's not over yet, but I think I'll be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkRain Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Very tense, almost emotional. Distraught. Don't know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evalynn Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 scared, alone, anxious, and hopeless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 (edited) I woke up with my stomach kind of curdling and having a severe case of bloating. Mysterious. And maddening, since I need to be well for tomorrow, and need to go out to shop today. Yesterday I went to a huge picnic of maybe 100 people near the U.S./Mexico border. Not sure if some of them were sick.Slept fine, but as SOON as I started waking up, I made no effort to go back to bed, which might have been advisable. I'm already going to a movie tomorrow, but kind of wanted to do one today, by myself, too. But I think that may be too tall an order. Edited May 13, 2012 by Handon Frypan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cupcake_girl Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Ok. I can't make something better of it. I don't feel aweful but I'm not feeling good either.. Hope tommorow is a better day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkRain Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Trying not to think about how trapped and depressed I feel. Trying to focus on the positive things in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handon Frypan Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Hmmmmmm. Well. It's Mother's Day. No good movies playing. Way too much time on my hands, as well. My stomachhas settled, I think, but I'm going to watch it today and not go out, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Mozzer Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 So So So tired Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firework Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I've been feeling strange all day. There's times when I feel fine but then I start crying for no reason at all which brings back past memories, which has once again led to temptation of SI (which I've managed not to do now in near enough two weeks). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trace Posted May 14, 2012 Author Share Posted May 14, 2012 Very non productive. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkRain Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Achy neck. Other than that I'm on a creative "sugar rush" for some reason. I wonder how long this creativity will last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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