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TryingToFindTheAnswer

Why Are Some Guys People Labelled As Creeps?

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What's a creep? I thought all humans were precious and worthy and don't deserve to be mistreated and labelled by others? Confused again...

I'm loosing faith in my fellow humans and trying to figure out if being around them is unhealthy.

Edited by TryingToFindTheAnswer

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That's the beauty of individuality. Some will love you while others will not. Try not to take it personal. Its all semantics to me. I've come to learn that when you put your trust and faith in others, most often they will disappoint you.

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I asked a girl at work that I was interested in to coffee one night and she accepted. I was leaving the company in a few days so there was no chance of having one of those problematic co-worker affairs. I looked forward to the "date" and hoped for the best. Anyway, while we were there she refused to let me pay for her drink. I was kind of disappointed about the implication of having my gesture refused. We had a rather awkward conversation that had a totally different vibe than the ones we had when we seemed to click at work. She was really guarding herself. Towards the end of the night she said something that insulted me. She said that if I was looking for a relationship with her then she would think of me as a "stalker", If I were only looking for a friendship then she would be alright with that.

Now, I thought a stalker was somebody who kept calling you despite rejection. Somebody who waited outside of your house waiting for you to come out. Somebody so obsessed with you to the point where it disrupts your everyday life. Not somebody who wanted to explore if they had a chance with you. Not a person who put his fear of rejection on the line to offer himself to you. And certainly not somebody who you accept an invitation from to meet outside of work.

All stalking aside, I guess there are some people out there who think I'm a creep. There isn't anything I can do about it, even before my MI took hold I have always been a little off. With that said, there are people who I would label as heartless, shallow, unenlightened, or even ignorant. There is nothing they can do about it, I think they were just born that way. So for me it is a two way street, I can have labels that I apply to them, and they can drum up a few for me. Labeling others is a good way for me to consider the source, and in a way it protects my self esteem. As an example, I later saw the girl who rejected me as naive and conceited for using a term that didn't apply to me. It helped me get over a demeaning situation.

I firmly believe that labels serve psychological and cognitive functions in society, and I'm sure more than a handful of researchers have studied the concept. Finding some of these articles could help you know your enemy a little better, and make society look more interesting rather than seeing it as a hopeless aspect of civilization.

Edited by Shattered Soldier

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No idea.

I can't even get near a girl without her friend zoning me instantly. I'm 23, had one girlfriend and that lasted 4 years until she made me eat my own heart and pushed me off a metaphorical bridge into an abyss of pain.

So whatever, sod 'em all. I say.

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I'm positive I've been labeled a creep for most of my life. Even my sister says I have this habit of saying the strangest unrelated things that can even come across as insulting from time to time. A lot of it has to do with my social anxiety and my inability to pay attention.

It's gotten to a point where I simply accept that people think I'm a creep and leave it at that. I've never been not a creep to people, so it's become a fundamental part of me.

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I asked a girl at work that I was interested in to coffee one night and she accepted. I was leaving the company in a few days so there was no chance of having one of those problematic co-worker affairs. I looked forward to the "date" and hoped for the best. Anyway, while we were there she refused to let me pay for her drink. I was kind of disappointed about the implication of having my gesture refused. We had a rather awkward conversation that had a totally different vibe than the ones we had when we seemed to click at work. She was really guarding herself. Towards the end of the night she said something that insulted me. She said that if I was looking for a relationship with her then she would think of me as a "stalker", If I were only looking for a friendship then she would be alright with that.

Now, I thought a stalker was somebody who kept calling you despite rejection. Somebody who waited outside of your house waiting for you to come out. Somebody so obsessed with you to the point where it disrupts your everyday life. Not somebody who wanted to explore if they had a chance with you. Not a person who put his fear of rejection on the line to offer himself to you. And certainly not somebody who you accept an invitation from to meet outside of work.

All stalking aside, I guess there are some people out there who think I'm a creep. There isn't anything I can do about it, even before my MI took hold I have always been a little off. With that said, there are people who I would label as heartless, shallow, unenlightened, or even ignorant. There is nothing they can do about it, I think they were just born that way. So for me it is a two way street, I can have labels that I apply to them, and they can drum up a few for me. Labeling others is a good way for me to consider the source, and in a way it protects my self esteem. As an example, I later saw the girl who rejected me as naive and conceited for using a term that didn't apply to me. It helped me get over a demeaning situation.

I firmly believe that labels serve psychological and cognitive functions in society, and I'm sure more than a handful of researchers have studied the concept. Finding some of these articles could help you know your enemy a little better, and make society look more interesting rather than seeing it as a hopeless aspect of civilization.

She was little too flippant with the term stalker (which by the way makes her neither conceited nor naive; only careless with words and their effect on people), but in a world where women are literally killed by men who feel scorned you can't blame her for being cautious. But you both did the right thing. You asked her out, made your intentions known, she refused and offered genuine friendship. No one is "wrong" in this instance. A creep would have pretended to be a friend while all the while harboring desires and she made it clear she didn't want that in her life. Since you clearly won't be doing that, no, you are not a creep (that's the definition, by the way, for the original poster).

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I know people who can be labeled as "creeps." The funny thing about being labeled one is that the person would never know it was them, and they think some of their actions are perfectly normal. I have one friend who liked a girl I was really close friends with, and he would constantly tell me how sad he was because she would stop talking to him, deleted him off (at the time) Myspace, etc. This all between me and him. So one day I met up with the girl and somehow I was able to get the conversation close enough to where I could bring him up and be subtle about it. I asked her "what was the whole thing between you two?" She was like "eww, he's a creep. He would keep stalking me and wouldn't leave me alone when I told him I wasn't interested. He even followed me to a park one day, so I deleted him off Myspace to see if he would get the point but he still tried to add me back!"

He never realized this, and I even tried to strongly hint one time I was talking to him if he possibly did ANYTHING that would have freaked her out, and he was like "no, not at all." I found it humorous, but he just saw himself as a respectable guy, whatever he did was okay in his book.

BTW, Shattered Solider, hopefully this doesn't sound too creepy, but where in South Jersey are you from?

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She was conceited enough to believe that I'd waste my time stalking her, as if asking her out to coffee made her something that important in my life. Naive to the world of human relations, some people ask members of the opposite sex out for coffee to get a feel for them to see if they're really going to fit into their lives. I don't think she had a feel for that. Part of this story that I omitted, I asked her why she would say something like that, she said "in this little girl's mind, this is how she sees the world." She couldn't help not being an experienced woman who has been in situations like this before, kind of naive to the correct way of handling them. She wasn't flippant, she said it in a causal manner, flippant usually applies to a type of sharp response to a particular statement. For example- Me: I had fun, maybe we should do this again as a date. Her: You really think I'd date a stalker like you?

Andrewfootos, I'm from Voorhees (Camden County area)

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That's the beauty of individuality. Some will love you while others will not

Sure there's beauty in individuality but labelling someone with an extremely hurtful word is not beautiful to me. It's downright ugliness and this type of mistreatment people give to one another doesn't exactly make me wanna stick around.

A creep would have pretended to be a friend while all the while harboring desires

So having feelings for a gal friend makes you a creep?

She was little too flippant with the term stalker (which by the way makes her neither conceited nor naive; only careless with words and their effect on people), but in a world where women are literally killed by men who feel scorned you can't blame her for being cautious

I guess I would counter by saying that a lot of women probably over-use the word "stalker". I don't think the word "creep" should ever be used because it has such a wishy-washy definition and also is a very hurtful name to call someone. A guy gets called a creep enough times he'll start believing it while his self-esteem gets lower and lower until he wants to hurt himself and possibly others because he feels mistreated by the world. In these cases I think some women are feeding into the situation and causing misery for others by making such insensitive remarks. Men who behave oddly may have a mental illness or are just very depressed. Maybe women should try to reach out show kindness to these people (within reason) instead of adding to the misery.

Edited by TryingToFindTheAnswer

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A creep would have pretended to be a friend while all the while harboring desires

So having feelings for a gal friend makes you a creep?

No, pretending to be a friend so you can use that proximity to try and get with her makes a person a creep. That's not a real friend.

She was little too flippant with the term stalker (which by the way makes her neither conceited nor naive; only careless with words and their effect on people), but in a world where women are literally killed by men who feel scorned you can't blame her for being cautious

I guess I would counter by saying that a lot of women probably over-use the word "stalker". I don't think the word "creep" should ever be used because it has such a wishy-washy definition and also is a very hurtful name to call someone. A guy gets called a creep enough times he'll start believing it while his self-esteem gets lower and lower until he wants to hurt himself and possibly others because he feels mistreated by the world. In these cases I think some women are feeding into the situation and causing misery for others by making such insensitive remarks. Men who behave oddly may have a mental illness or are just very depressed. Maybe women should try to reach out show kindness to these people (within reason) instead of adding to the misery.

Relationships are difficult to "regular" people, much less people like us who start out a down. Little things others might shrug off, we cannot. That doesn't make the person who says them at fault, it just makes the situation unfortunate. It's not the responsibility of a man or woman to constantly consider, "Oh, this person may be depressed so I should really be careful in what I say." In a perfect world everyone would be nice, but in a perfect world we wouldn't be depressed to begin with.

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Relationships are difficult to "regular" people, much less people like us who start out a down. Little things others might shrug off, we cannot. That doesn't make the person who says them at fault, it just makes the situation unfortunate. It's not the responsibility of a man or woman to constantly consider, "Oh, this person may be depressed so I should really be careful in what I say." In a perfect world everyone would be nice, but in a perfect world we wouldn't be depressed to begin with.

I have to disagree with you on that one. Regardless of whether someone's depressed or not you shouldn't mistreat others. That's a pretty fundamental rule for living in a society and is taught at a very young age. To not consider that some people struggle with mental illness means being a bit oblivious. To think that it's not someone's fault for him or her mistreating another and it's just the fault of an unfortunate situation boils down to not being responsible for your actions and their effects on others. Of course when you mistreat someone you're not responsible for their actions. But I think you would be fooling yourself if you don't think that you've contributed to it.

Edited by TryingToFindTheAnswer

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