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What's Wrong With Me? Why Do I Feel Like This? I Feel Ruined.


MrAnonoto

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Let me start from the beginning and god i hope this doesn't sound stupid. In school i was never popular.. Well. I never had like 20 friends.. I had friends, maybe like 6 or 7 but i never felt important in school.. I never felt wanted or needed.. I had plenty of girl friends but i was always nervous and always worried about things people were not even close to thinking about.. Only one girl made me feel comfortable. People in school were not nice and it did not help one bit. I was also a slow learner and i have ADHD. Not really hyper anymore like i was. I've calmed down a lot and grew out of it.. I graduated from high school and everything was fine there.. But now time has passed.. I had a hard time getting a job and often didn't have the enthusiasm or "spark" to really try and find one. I can't start college without a job and I'm not using student loans.. I got a job for about 5 months and then i got laid off. It sucked. Now i'm 22 and still trying to get a job.. Hoping i can start my life and move on.. But i feel like it's better for me to just "stop trying" and give up rather then trying. Which brings me to the reason i wrote this.

For the longest time (as long as i can remember) I've always had a lot of anxiety but not to an extreme case. I don't worry my health will plummet and all else will fail. I mostly worry that people will think of me in a bad manner. Like i'm weird, or not equal to them. I also worry some one will see me as being dumb or stupid.. I also become intimidated easily which you can imagine is not good for the job world, but i do okay. I worry that i won't be able to support my self.. That i don't have what it takes to go in the real world and for the life of me i can't figure out why i feel like this.. I'm not overweight, or ugly. I'm a nice person if your nice to me.

But i also believe these feelings, the way i think is slowly destroying me inside.. I can't stop but wonder what others will think and it makes me be and feel weird and yet i can't help it. I do things because i feel weird.. Yet it's what makes me feel weird in the first place!!! It also makes me feel very sad.. I will think how i may not be able to be as good as everyone else. Like no one will ever look up to me. In fact i can get so nervous my hands will shake but that does not happen often at all. I will actually put my self down thinking i am not as good or won't ever be successful and have a life of my own.

So my questions to you is not a solution, because i know a solution will not be as easy as a Yahoo Answer or a forum post. Just tell me what you think is wrong.. I believe the only cure for this is to get what i'm afraid i can't get. To be happy and on my own.. With some one who loves me for me being me. to higher my self esteem and feel better about my over all well being. Break the barriers that make me like this. Some tell me i am just fine, that everyone goes through this and others will say i have depression and need to get it treated or looked at. But i don't know.

The above was posted on Yahoo Answers a while ago and while i still got answers i was not pleased with the answers. So i figured I'd come to a much better place for that. The above is all true. I'm telling you this like your family.

Edited by MrAnonoto
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Hi MrAnonoto, and welcome to DF! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful community, filled with kind caring people. You will receive a lot of emotional support here.

I really think you should see a doctor about your anxiety and depression. They may, or may not, recommend meds for you. Also, therapy would probably help you as well.

There is a lot of information about depression here on the forum, and there is an Anxiety room here that you may find helpful.

Please take a look around the site, and post wherever you feel most comfortable.

Edited by AquaViolet
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MrAnonoto, I'm a recovering agoraphobic. The "what ifs" and "what other people think" are big things for that or social anxiety disorder. At one point when I was younger I was housebound from the fear of other people. I figured it out on my own and did a lot of reading and self help. It got me out of the house and then an individual and group therapy program helped me most of the rest of the way. The program I was in preferred that participants not be on medications which was fine with me because all the times before that when I sought help the side effects of meds were worse than what I was going through, but sometimes they can be helpful.

I still have issues with people with authority over me, especially doctors because of bad experiences, but I can deal with them anyhow. I share this because it helped me and might help you with the anxiety part.

Best wishes to you.

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