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Obsessive Attachment To A Friend

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Hi Everyone,

23 year old gay male here. Just recently move to a new city for graduate school, and I've found it very difficult to get my social life back on track. I was dating a guy as soon as I arrived here whom I met on the internet, but he broke up with me after about a month. He was the first person I ever dated, and after he dumped me I sank into a deep depression. I finally got out of that depression when I found myself making more friends. However, I've developed attachments to two of the friends I made around that time, and this is causing me to be depressed more than I was before.

I'll focus on one friend for now, whom I'll refer to as "D." He's also gay. I might have a slight crush on him, although he has a boyfriend so I've tried to hold back. We've become pretty close friends in a short amount of time, and I've developed an unhealthy, obsessive attachment to him. It's sort of like being on a drug (although I've never been on drugs so I don't know exactly what that's like). I'm very happy when I see him, but afterwards I begin to feel sad. If he has to cancel plans or can't hang out with me for some reason, I become very depressed and want to act spiteful towards him. This has led to many mood swings over the past few weeks. I also have many irrational thoughts, such as thinking that he doesn't like me or doesn't want to spend time with me, even though he consistently demonstrates quite the opposite. The rational side of me knows that the irrational thoughts I have a wrong, but my emotions seem to be siding with my irrational side, hence causing me to be depressed. I know this sounds kind of confusing.

I really do like spending time with this person and I don't want to have to give him up as a friend because of my obsessive tendencies, but it's getting more and more difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with him. Any advice would be appreciated. Not many people understand this condition...



Edited by wombat
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Hi and Welcome to DF Wombat

It does not sound confusing at all. There are many people here that completely understand the obsessive thoughts in regards to relationships and friendships. I think that is good that you can realize that the thoughts are irrational, as that enables you to be able to work on them. There are a few rooms that may help you. We have a Relationship Room, a OCD Room and a GLBT Room. They may all be pretty useful in connecting to others that feel the same way.

Please make yourself feel at home.


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Hi Wombat, and welcome to DF! We are glad to have you here. This is a wonderful community, filled with kind caring people who can relate, and offer you emotional support.

I can't add much to what Trace and Lauryn have already said. Just know you are not alone.

Please take a look around the site, and post wherever you feel most comfortable.

Take care.

Edited by AquaViolet
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