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So I'm at my old home trying finish getting my stuff. He's fighting me about my cats. Saying there his because he's paid for all there food and stuff this last year. Then goes on about everything else he's paid for. Telling me I don't deserve any of my stuff he's bought. All I did was sit around,. It seems like all that matters to him is money.

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I'm just coming out of a relationship. I was supposted to get married in just a couple of weeks. I have been in a deep depression for a very long time. I never talked about it and never got help. Since the break-up I have came out of my little closet and been honest. He thinks its just an excuse. That I was lifeless this past year because I was lazy. I have my first dr appointment today. I'm hoping the first meds I get work. From what I hear it can take months to find the right ones that work for me.

Yes I'm a major cat lover. We have 10 cats 8 of them are mine and he's fighting me for 3 of them.

He's also fighting with me about my dog. He doesn't want him, but he doesn't want me to have him either. We got him from MY best friend and he plans on contacting her to see if she wants him before he will allow me to have him.

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Hi Kittendoll, it sounds like he is more interested in pitying himself rather than trying to understand your struggle. He probably doesn't understand depression. People commonly seem to confuse the lack of motivation and energy, caused by depression, with laziness. I've heard of two cases so far where parents have kicked their child out of the house because they were supposedly "too lazy to get a job", but they were in fact suffering from serious depression. I think you'll be better off with someone who is more sensitive and caring.

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The dr gave me fluoxetine. She also told me I HAVE to start going to AA and getting therapy. She told me my issues were to deep to simply just take medication.

Im trying to look at it from his point of view. It really hurts though that he dont believe the truth, or at least wont admit he believes the truth. Hes been saying alot of really cruel things to me. But after my dr appointment he did tell me to drive safe, which was surpriseing.

This last year has caused him a lot of pain though. He thought I just stopped caring about him, he only stayed with me as long as he did because he loved me so much, even though he thought i stopped loving him. I guess he thought I would wake up one day loveing him again (i never stopped loving him, i just felt lifeless and empty) . Hes been crying for months and months not knowing what to do. To him all I did was wake up and hit the couch and never do anything else. I hardly got dressed, left the house maybe once a month, never helped clean. Just about the only thing I did was my own laundry which I stopped doing even that about 2 months ago. Every once in a while i would do the dishes, but that was less then once a month. He thought I was using him, a nice comfortable place to hang out and not have to work. All of this came out the day he blew up and broke up with me. This was before me finally talking. Since I have talked he hasnt said much except blow up some more here and there calling me lazy and depression is just an excuse.

I took his mother with me to my dr appointment today, shes way supportive of me getting help. Hopefully now with a diagnosis of major depression it will help him let go of all the hatred that has built up.

I may have never talked to him about being depressed, but he never even tried to talk to me to see if something was wrong. Just let anger build up.

At first a few weeks ago i was blaming myself. I should have got help a long time ago and i know it, but i never did. But now I feel since he didnt even try to talk to me he is partially to blame.

I dont expect anything between us to happen again, but i do wish he would learn how to forgive and understand.

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Sounds like it may have been a big learning experience for him... Don't sympathize with him too much though; When there's a problem in a relationship, he should sit down and talk about it calmly and rationally, not blow up and say cruel things to you. I also find it quite low of him to try to take away your cats and dog. It seems like a petty revenge tactic to me. He didn't even warn you that he would feed them only under the condition that he would claim ownership over them. Even if he did it'd be a selfish condition. I think you deserve better than this.

At first a few weeks ago i was blaming myself. I should have got help a long time ago and i know it, but i never did.

Depression has a tendency to make you feel as if you are completely hopeless (and hence untreatable) and guilty for things you actually had no control over. Most people wait for a long time before getting help because of these things.

But now I feel since he didnt even try to talk to me he is partially to blame.

Absolutely.

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I cant help but sympathize with him. What if he did absolutly nothing for a whole year while I did everything? Not knowing whats going on, I would have thought he was just lazy and using me.

He has been nicer since my dr appointment. Still says i was just lazy, doesnt believe depression is as dibilitating (is that the right word? lol) as it is. I think he does believe at least something now, just wont admit it. I think hes confused and doesnt know what to do or how to handle it. Hes so broken and torn inside, his anger that built this last year doesnt help. He still wont talk to me, and he wont talk to his mom. I think becasue he knows she will just tell me. Poor lady still believes theres a chance for us, I lost hope in that around the time i realized i had to get help for me and not him or anyone else (i do have hopes for a friendship though). She still tells people im her daughter or daughter in law.

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I made a huge mess! Huge Huge Huge! I was going though my boxes and noticed some of my props are missing. I blew up on him, he blew up back. He had started to be civil and not so mean, i have a feeling thats over and now hes going to cut me out. I have been starting to feel really good, now i feel like im back to where i started. I havent cried in 3 days now im a crying mess. I keep staring at the little bottle of pills wondering if i should even continue to take them. Hes the second person im my life i have ever felt loved by and now hes gone. Depression is not my fault but it has taken away the only good thing thats ever happened to me.

Whats the point in life if theres no love?

Edited by kittendoll
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Kittendoll, yes you should continue with your meds. I'm sorry things don't seem to be working out, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I don't know.

But DON'T stop taking your meds! There IS love in your life. I think your family loves you, don't they? I know you mean the love of a man that you love back, but perhaps that's not in the cards for you right now. What you need to concentrate on now is your own health. That means taking your meds!

Keep talking to us Kittendoll!

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No I mean just love in general. I dont believe my mother loves me. I havent felt loved since my grandma died when i was 13 or 14. I believe my mother might actually slightly hate me. All the abuse i recieved as a child, and now i feel like have became a burden to her. It feels like shes rubbing her happiness in my face, shes contuously making me feel guilty, and shes always drinking. There is more alcohol in this house then in a bar, well maybe not that much, but theres alot. Im an alcoholic and I cant find AA around here, my dr said I have to start before my next appointment. Another thing with my mom she acts like im invisible, I swear she almost had sex on the kitchen counter with me in the kitchen! Its a bad bad day for me.

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