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Well Basically Hi, My names ben

Im 16 Ive had deppression for I dont even know, At least 2 years, as well as very severe social anxiety

I dont know how to structure this Topic so I guess i'll start by saying stuff about me: (i'll underline the main important stuff if you dont feel like reading)

About a month ago my girlfriend who I was with for over a year just completley changed and broke up with me (in a very very hurtful way)

I feel so sad / weak / un motivated and alone all the time

most of the time I can hardley be bothered to eat, and its making me very ill

I completley hate myself, I think I am SO ugly, I have no self asteem or self confidence. I fear going outside because people will think im ugly or hate me or something and so I constantly hold my head down to avoid people seeing me.

Im doing so bad in school because im too un motivated and preocupied by sadness

I do have friends, but I never feel like they're my friends, sometimes it seems like loads of people like me and are all my friends, other times it seems no one wants to talk to me or do anything with me, usually its the latter. All my friends dont properly know me, no one does. and it seems like no one wants to properly know me. Everyone at school has different opinions about me, the majority is im "just some ****** who avoids people and always has his head down" thats pretty much the opinion of everyone not in my year, for people in my year many of them think of me as some weirdo, when i started developing these problems in secondary school I didnt know what to do, and I pretty much did act like a weirdo and was very attention seeking because i didnt know how to deal with this stuff or even talk to people properly, over the years up to know I got gradually less weird and attention seeking and more avoiding people. and So everyone I know thinks of me as some different person, That isnt even me at all. Despite my confidence and self asteem issues (which are mainly about my appearnce) I think that people will actually like the real me, But like ive said it seems to me that no one wants to get to know me, and I find it so so so so so hard to talk to people (not that anyone wants to talk to me at all)

I am ashamed to say, The only way I can be at all social is with a drink. I know that is incredibly bad but Its so hard for me to talk to people and be around people and anything like that at all. I rarely am invited to hang out with friends but the times I am and there is alcohol involved, I can go and its fine and people like me. Once again I know its so bad! I know I shouldnt drink and I dont anymore. I wish I could be social without alcohol, I wish I was happy, I wish I could be social and had friends who wanted to know me and talk to me.

just some extra info: im on sertraline (zoloft) and have counseling, neither of which seem to help, and I have many times attempted suicide

Im just SO alone, I need someone to talk to, please I feel so alone.

I know that if i could do something about my appearance it would majorly boost my confidence enough for me to be able to go in to the playground at break/lunch (instead of sitting somewhere crying) and talk to people, then maybe they might get to know me and maybe people can like me or whatever.

But at the moment everything just seems so hopless. I feel so lonely.

I cant take it! no one wants to talk to me!!! no one wants to know me!!! im so sad all the time!!! No one would ever want to be with me!!! all I do is sit at home being sad!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( please can I have some people to talk to please :'( please :'( i need people to talk to :'(

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Hello benjabby! welcome to DF and thanks for sharing your story! I think if you're on medication and in counseling and both things aren't working to help you then you need to talk to the councilor or doctor and ask for new medication and maybe some new form of counseling? This is what comes to my mind as I am reading your post, and I hope these suggestions will help you.

How long have you been on the medication and in counseling? These things do take a bit of time for them to start working in our lives, but if you have been doing this for a long time and haven't seen any improvement, then you need to make sure to get some new medication or some new counseling help.

Best wishes,

Evin

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Ive Had counseling for about a year i believe, Im not really sure at all.

and ive been on my current medication for 3 months, I was previously on fluoxitine (Prozac) for im not sure how long but that didnt help

(and i have no Idea why If fluoxetine didnt work they prescribed me another SSRI)

:(

Ive considered talking to my doctor about changing medication but im too scared

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Ive Had counseling for about a year i believe, Im not really sure at all. and ive been on my current medication for 3 months, I was previously on fluoxitine (Prozac) for im not sure how long but that didnt help (and i have no Idea why If fluoxetine didnt work they prescribed me another SSRI) :( Ive considered talking to my doctor about changing medication but im too scared

I think you should definitely talk to the doctor about getting some new medication. It's important to try out different ones until you find the one that works for you. What works for others doesn't have to work for you, so please look up different medications with your doctor until you find the right one for you.

Evin.

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Hey Benjabby,

I agree with Evin, if you are having suicidal thoughts then you need to go see your Dr about changing your meds. You may have to change your meds around several more times before you find a combination that works for you!

We are here for you to talk to Benjabby. We care and everyone here understands what you are going through. You are a good, worthy person. You deserve to feel better about yourself! What is it about your appearence you don't like? I mean, if you could change things, what would you change?

Also, try not to make up stories in your mind that may not be true. For instance you said "many of them think of me as some weirdo". Is that true? Did every one of them come up to you and tell you that? You have no way of knowing for sure what people think. Don't let yourself get upset or depressed about something that may not even be true!

I'm glad you came to the DF to talk. We are here for you Benjabby!

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Just everything about my appearance, If i could change it I would change everything I just feel so ugly and i do know people agree because theyve said it

try not to make up stories in your mind that may not be true. For instance you said "many of them think of me as some weirdo". Is that true? Did every one of them come up to you and tell you that? You have no way of knowing for sure what people think.

and yes I do know thats true, Ive heard many people say it to friends when walking past me and even directly too me

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Well, pooh, pooh on them! :-) Some people just don't realize the harm they do when they throw out rude comments like that!

Don't be scared of going back to your Dr about your meds. It's important that you get them set up right so you can get the maximum benefits! That is what you need and it's what you deserve too!

You are your own unique self. There is noone else on Earth who is like you. That doesn't make you wierd. It makes you a very special person! I know it's really hard, but you need to try to see the good in yourself. You need to look at yourself every day in the mirror and say three good things about yourself. I've tried to do that and it is really hard for me! But I keep trying to do it, and I think it would help you to do that too!

You've listened too long to the ugly, hurtful things people say and you believe them. What they say is not true Benjabby. Not at all! When you hear those things or think them, then say or think the absolute opposite! If they say you are wierd, then tell yourself you are unique and wonderful. You are different and special.

The more you tell yourself positive things the more you will believe them.

((((Benjabby))))

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Can I please get one last bit of help from you guys Please.

Im planning on talking to my doctor about my medication but the thing is I see 3 people, I dont know which to talk to;

my counseller person who I talk to about things and was the one that prescribed me the antidepressants, talking to him about it would be really really hard because quite frankly I dont like him, neither does my mum, We think hes useless and so does another boy and his family that i know go and see him, Its really hard to talk to him about this stuff normally because hes SO condesending.

I also see a consultant about my CFS (i didnt mention my CFS in this topic because i thought you might move it into the CFS forum which wont have as many replies on) She helps with my depression and generall feeling like s***

Or my GP, I would much rather make an appointment with my GP and talk to him about because everything that happens with the two other people i see inevitably has to go through him anyway and he can always relay the things i tell him to both other people and they can confer about it.

So do you think its okay to just talk to my GP about this? if i make an appoinment and go see him (I was going to write down what i wanted to say and show it to him becuase like ive said its hard talking to people) and then he can tell the other 2 people and stuff will be sorted? Is this okay? I was just wondering

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Benjabby, I don't see why you couldn't go to your GP. Especially if you feel more comfortable talking to him than the other two. And, I think the idea of writing down all your concerns and questions is a great idea! Have you talked to your Mom about this? What does she think?

Please let us know how your appointment goes. We are all rooting for you here on the DF!

((((Benjabby))))

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