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Hello everyone:

My name is D, and I am 33 years old, father of two children ages 12 and 9, and recently seperated after almost 13 years of marriage to my highschool sweetheart. I have been on anti-depressants since age 21 due to panic attacks that started for no particular reason, Dr's have said it was likely stress. At the time I was the father of a 2 yr old son,working for my college degree, and had 2 full time jobs and a part time job bagging groceries. God blessed our family and I graduated as did my wife and we had such a wonderful life as it seemed atleast. In Oct. 2008, I came home from work on a Wed. and my wife told me she was in love with another man and wanted a divorce. I asked her to please hold off on the relationship until the divorce was final but she refused. I moved out voluntarily and waited for the divorce papers to come while staying with my mother. My wife's new love interest didnt work out and after a very short time, he was gone, and I was welcomed back home. Over the past three years I tried to reinvent myself and do whatever it took to make my wife happy, but nothing worked. I later discovered of 2 more affairs with different men, and I started sleeping on our couch in the living room-major depression-feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, self hatred and blame, self loathing and pity, the inability to concentrate and do my job all came at once and over a three year period has destroyed my relationships. I have tried every angle possible from pschiatry, counseling, changing meds, reinventing my personality. It all made me more depressed. I quit participating in family activities. I quit caring about anything, I slept or didnt sleep and began to medicate more and more. My kids were watching the entire time, and I didnt even see what I had done to them by my selfishness. On Dec 08th an incident got out of control and I called law enforcement because of agression from my wife. To make a long story short in the past year I lost control of just about every juncuture in my own personal life. I had several affairs myself thinking it would make me happy-all it did was make me hate myself more. I begged for a divorce, and continued to try and be a "good Dad". After the incident when the police came out my wife took my children and moved out of our home. My 12 year old wont speak to me. My 9 year old daughter is so nervous around me I start to cry when I see her, I am only allowed 2-3 hr a week and due to my depression and battles with substance abuse. I moved out of our home and my wife filed for seperation, I have no custodial rights and feel like I have nothing left to live for, My 12 yr old son is so angry he wont speak to me. I told my wife and begged that I needed to be more involved in their day to day life, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I am living with my brother, and do nothing but work and sleep in my free time. I feel like everything that was good in my life is gone-regardless of fault. I dont care what happens to me professionally or personally. I just want the pain to stop. Please someone help me

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Hang in there dude. Don't do anything drastic that will hurt your kids even more than what they've already been through.You do have a lot to live for-reestablishing a relationship with your kids in the future for example.

Just take it day by day- if you're not seeing a counselor- to talk things over with- you probably should try that again. Also try writing about what you're going through- that sometimes helps- at least you're not just bottling things up that way. Permanent solutions for temporary problems are not the answer.

Its rough, but you can start by caring about yourself. You hit bottom- only thing left is to start climbing back up.

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Hi clarkd28 and Welcome to DF,

Well I was really sorry to hear about how bad things have got for you in all aspects of your life and I can honestly empathise with you.

At this stage you can and will move on to better things. Because you can change what you want if you are passionate enough, determined enough and make clear plans on how you are going to get there.

The past is gone, you have not got tomorrow, just this moment. So start to turn your life around and be the most loving , caring person to yourself, yes love yourself unconditionally. Do this for yourself only at the moment.

Once you start to feel better on your effective medication start positively making plans to be passionate about the rest of your life being the nicest, caring and loving person towards others. Get rid of all the Babbage , just accept it and then let it go . Just let the past be the past and see yourself in a totally positive perspective. - positively.

Now start a new chapter in you life and devote your time to making your children happy and contented children by being the loving, caring and passionate person you want to be. Make genuine changes and permanent ones,

From that point onwards what ever happens with be only the best because that is your new approach/ By being a caring and loving person you will change the people who are close to you.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

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Hello, D., and welcome...

Please, stop hating you.

I know it is easy to say... But you deserve to be as happy as anyone else. You deserve to live a balanced and cheerful life.

When I am deeply depressed I have got into the habit of telling myself that it wouldn't last because there is always a reason to hope. When we are depressed, this reason seems very fine and very hard to distinguish. But it exists. Your aim is to find this reason to hope and to hang on it.

When you are low, your best chance not to feel overwhelmed is to be as down-to-earth as you can be. Try to make things clear to yourself: take your problems one after another (no-one can manage everything at the same time!). I know it looks odd, but you can make a list: the most serious and urgent problems first, then the others. Then you can show your list to someone you trust and discuss the most logical ways to solve the first problem on your list. You can do the same for each problem, one after another. With your friend's help, try to write down the goal you want to reach for each problem, step by step, in a very concrete way. It is always easier to remain objective when someone else helps us: we can have another point of view and stand back. Finally you can start to put what you wrote into practice (but don't try to do everything in once!).

I find remarkable and courageous all the efforts you've made to get better till now: please, don't give up hope. There is always a solution.

Moreover there are plenty of friendly people here you can relate. You can share your problems with all of us: be sure we will lend an attentive ear to you.

Don't be afraid, D. and don't despair: you are not alone. :smile:

Take care.

Edited by Le Renard
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