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Does Anyone Get Jealous Over Other People Accomplishments


guitarfan1977

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I don't really get jealous, but I think jealousy would be better than what I feel. For example, if I see someone being successful or getting what they want or just feeling really happy or something, I feel genuinely happy for them and their accomplishments but simultaneously I feel MUCH worse about myself. Like someone's success is further proof of my failings, large (career-wise) and small (that they can feel so happy with themselves and lately I just don't).

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I mainly get jealous of the fact that everyone seems to have someone who utterly loves them, whether it be a good friend or a partner. But, no one gives a $HIT about me. I'm not very close to my family either. I am absolutely p***** off with jealousy, and it's the one thing that I'm too prideful to admit to anybody else.

Edited by katsueren
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I do get jealous and mad but it's getting better, I found that by asking every time 'why am I getting jealous/mad at this?' it helps me to really search deep down and see what I'm about. Now I'm actually almost like 'good for you' kinda thing but some things still tick me off, it's nice when you change like this and I think anyone can do it too

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I do, I feel exactly like that. You know what depresses me even further? Seeing people younger than me accomplish things. Me? I'm a high school dropout (heh I was at a point where I was so depressed and suicidal that it was either that or I was going to **** myself, I didn't even care about my school work any more - heh not the best decision, my depression didn't go away) and that was years ago and seeing people younger than me accomplish great things upsets me. On a lot of websites I go to a lot of people are much younger than me and going to uni/college or have great lives and so I'll check their profiles for their date of births (what is wrong with me? God) and when I'm feeling really low, I'll look for old classmates from school. I was on facebook yesterday and saw that a couple of them were married, and some of them had kids. Meanwhile I'm living at home with my parents and will be in my mid 20s soon enough. A lot of them were my bullies and now have great lives and lots of friends, and I don't have a single friend in real life and don't really have a life at all. So yes, I get mad, angry, sad and it eats me up inside. I don't know why I do this to myself.

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  • 1 year later...
  • 2 years later...

dear GuitarFan1977,  In answer to your question, if anyone gets jealous when they hear of other's good news, well, I do...I've tried to not let it bother me, and, just when I feel like I've conquered this malady, it creeps its' ugly head up again...Just a few hours ago, my good friend, who is presently far away right now, told me of his daughter's wanting to get married...I found myself with the same feelings of 'why can't it be me'...it seems that other people always appear happier, or more well-adjusted, or they have good jobs, nice houses, go on vacations, buy new cars and travel...meanwhile, I seem to stay in the same place; so, the answer to your question is, yes, for me I do...i'm working on trying to be happy for myself, and find what makes me happy, instead of caring what others are/might be doing. so, I wish you peace and happiness in your journey to self-fulfillment.  i'm working on mine. :bestwishes:

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I tend to get very angry seeing people become "successful" in the fact that they are way ahead of me as far as how life seems to go. I had my music career really at its best in 2009 then because of my family it fell like the roman empire. Sure, I still am friends with plenty in the business but I wanted to make it grow because it was always a goal ever since it all began. Now though because of everything falling apart I can't stand seeing friends getting non-stop support or likes on facebook or what really hits me... Relationships. Not that I'm not happy for them but its everywhere. Why do relationships bother me so much? Because I miss what I once had when I was with Natalie. Really without her I wouldn't have even had a career in music because she was the one who really believed in me. Now though she and my whole entire family hate me. Here's to my fellow music friends... Middle finger to you all. I am so sick of being left out from everything. Middle finger number 2 going up to my family for the same s***.

 

Really it all comes down to lack of the respect I deserve.

Edited by roadking02
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I don't really do facebook, I might look at the newsfeeds but looking at other people's profiles just does my head in. But I think it is a false image. Everyone posts their happy snaps or good news, like someone else said they don't post about the bad stuff usually. Maybe there is none, or maybe there is.

 

I woke up today feeling severely depressed (it was one of those days where it seemed much worse than usual). The bedroom window was open and I could hear my neighbours sitting out on their balcony laughing with friends. Gah, it sometimes feels like the world is rubbing your face in your misery, but I know it's just the depression talking.

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There was a whole other thread (maybe more recent than this years-old one?) about jealousy too...

 

Yes and no. I'm jealous of my entire age cohort (i.e. my age group), but not on an individual level. It doesn't happen in the compared person's presence, like someone else mentioned earlier. If they're telling me in person about their accomplishment I'm usually just happy for them while perhaps feeling a vague sadness that I haven't been able to realize my potential (which can often come later). I'll even ask questions out of interest and encourage them to talk about it further. It's more of a collective "feeling left out" and knowing-I'm-not-considered-worthy-by-a-society-that-doesn't-value-the-basic-dignity-and-lived-experience-of-all-human-beings ...kind of thing.

 

Since learning of Dr. Kristin Neff's work about self compassion (highly recommended!), I am very aware of the difference between the "self esteem treadmill" (always needing to be better than somebody) that most people operate on, and positive self compassion (the knowledge you're good and worthy enough as you are), which also encourages empathy toward others. On the collective/society-level stage though, her work hasn't done anything for me so far (but I haven't delved that deeply yet). I know that my disappointment/disillusionment I feel in society is tied into childhood trauma.

 

-- TL/DR? Stop here --

 

For example, if a mother is telling me about how proud she is of her adult child's accomplishments (happens a lot due to my current situation), that taps into and resurfaces my childhood trauma of not being "good enough" for my emotionally abusive mother. In such cases I have to remind myself it doesn't matter whether it was an intentional slight or not (lest I fixate on fruitless attempts to figure that out). I also have to be mindful not to get tense or defensive. (The childhood me gets angry and wants to come out shouting that I AM worthy of the parental love and emotional support I was denied as a child.) Being mindful of the present moment, the best I can do is freeze while attempting to quell the emotional storm inside, listen politely, make some compliment or another, and leave the interaction as soon as I can (without appearing to rush away).

 

In these instances, though, I'm still not really jealous of these people's accomplishments. I'm jealous of what *appears* to be an indication of these mothers' love for their kids, while simultaneously being triggered into traumatic pain from childhood of my mother berating me with "Why can't you be more like (other kid's name)!" or scolding me for literally no reason in front of other people, because she thought it would make her look good.

Edited by sabishikunaru
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All the time, though I try very hard not to.

 

(BTW, regarding the Facebook thing... I always tell myself that people only tend to put the good or outstanding things about their lives on there.  Nobody will probably ever update their FB status that they wet the bed the night before!)

 

Life is unfair, and I just really need to accept it.  Went to a friends' son's high school graduation last weekend.  My friend and his wife had a small party beforehand with decorations, cake, ice cream, and several of my friend's friends in attendance.  I thought to myself "how very nice!  my parents wouldn't have thought to do this in a million years".  This wasn't even a big deal, but this kid had a great evening and night, all for him.  I've never had a birthday party.  While the rest of my HS class attended graduation, I was in the hospital, having been hit by a car a week earlier.

 

Anyway, I could gripe on for pages.  Yes, I'm envious of people who do things, earn things, fight for things, have things done for them, and are celebrated.  That ain't me, and I'm jealous.

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Only when I have a SO.  It's a turn off for a lot of guys, so that's one reason why I don't have one!

 

Everything else is relative, and I've never been competitive.  Everyone has a different idea of happiness and sense of accomplishment, it's not my way to compare myself to my neighbor.  You can't take it with you, and the grass is not always greener.  

 

I've got my individual "bucket list"  ;)

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All the time, though I try very hard not to.

 

(BTW, regarding the Facebook thing... I always tell myself that people only tend to put the good or outstanding things about their lives on there.  Nobody will probably ever update their FB status that they wet the bed the night before!)

 

Life is unfair, and I just really need to accept it.  Went to a friends' son's high school graduation last weekend.  My friend and his wife had a small party beforehand with decorations, cake, ice cream, and several of my friend's friends in attendance.  I thought to myself "how very nice!  my parents wouldn't have thought to do this in a million years".  This wasn't even a big deal, but this kid had a great evening and night, all for him.  I've never had a birthday party.  While the rest of my HS class attended graduation, I was in the hospital, having been hit by a car a week earlier.

 

Anyway, I could gripe on for pages.  Yes, I'm envious of people who do things, earn things, fight for things, have things done for them, and are celebrated.  That ain't me, and I'm jealous.

I get it.  What strikes me is the no birthday celebration.  I don't care if it's religion, ignorance, lack of resources.. whatever,  every child deserves to be celebrated and you don't need money to do it.   :birfdayCake:     <------    For what it's worth

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Many thanks!

 

Y'know, the Rat family homestead was pretty toxic; I've blanked out a TON of my life pre-teens or so.  And after that, it just really didn't seem to matter, y'know?  My dad was drunk all the time, kids bullied me at school... why was one day/year supposed to be special in some way?

 

After that, when I got out on my own and worked, I shunned those things at work, too.  As well, when I was in my twenties I worked as hourly in hotels and volunteered for every holiday shift I could.  Not only did those occasions mean WAY more to others than they did to me, but I always got time-and-a-half pay for it - and the work was usually easier.

 

I DO remember being pleasantly surprised by my wife on a couple of nice occasions, but together we could only manage to keep things together for four-and-a-half years.  (One birthday she got us tickets to Hordefest - Blues Traveler and the Allmann Brothers under the stars!)

 

Hey - it is what it is!

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Only when I have a SO.  It's a turn off for a lot of guys, so that's one reason why I don't have one!

 

Everything else is relative, and I've never been competitive.  Everyone has a different idea of happiness and sense of accomplishment, it's not my way to compare myself to my neighbor.  You can't take it with you, and the grass is not always greener.  

 

I've got my individual "bucket list"  ;)

 

I think you're misunderstanding at least some of us. If you listen to people here, it's not that they just want money. In my case too, I certainly don't need more than a reasonable amount to live on. If wanting to be "rich and famous" was the definition, I'd never consider myself jealous either. It's that they were able to achieve steps toward their personal dreams (whatever they may be) yet we are either struggling or facing severe barriers to *our* dreams. For a lot of people that means things like having romantic partners or families. You can't take those with you either, but I don't think you can blame people for wanting to have a partner &/or children-- it's instinct for most.

 

Personally I've accepted being single, but I wish I could at least be working right now and I wish I had close friends to talk to. That's it. I have a university degree but I'd honestly be happy to work at a McDonald's, as long as it was stable and full-time.

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I never get jealous when someone accomplish something that they work hard at it and finally they accomplish their goal, I have to admit that I'm a little bit jealous of peoples that succeed at things with minimum effort yep! that p***** me off actually.  I do feel very frustrated when at work other peoples are taking all the credits for a job that other peoples accomplish on their behalf.  Yep! especially when am the one doing all the hard work and get zero credit for it.

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Just really, in the last week or so, I have noticed changes in myself.  I find myself getting jealous, less and less now.  Just a few days ago I posted my first response on here.  I was always jealous, always envious, because I have struggled with mental issues, depression, bi-polar, and other issues throughout my life.  I can't explain what has happened to me, but I'm freer now, and care less what other people are doing, saying, etc.  I find myself caring less about peoples actions/reactions.  All I want in my life now is peace, after years of drama, abuse, some self=inflicted.  When I made a decision a few days ago, to end a relationship the way it was (too controlling, possessive, etc_), I'm happy now with who I am.  Don't care if everbody "likes" me, I like myself, and those who love me, and that's all that matters.  A lot of  stuff you hear is a lot of hype, media, exaggeration, about their exploits, careers, mass amounts of money (supposedly); the "love" in their live, their kids, houses, cars, etc.  Who cares?  Find yourself.  Be yourself, and, most of all, love yourself so you can love others...you don't have to like them or agree with everybody.  I used to be a people pleaser, always trying to pretend to be somebody other than who I truly am. Somebody somewhere along the line made me feel like I wasn't sufficient, or thin enough, tall enough, rich enough, educated enough or whatever.  I know who I am, so does God whom I believe in, so what does the other stuff matter/  Be good to yourself.

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Facebook is the worst thing for me. So many people make themselves look so perfect, and posts all their accomplishements making some people like me feel like they have it all. I rarely look at my wall for that reason. There's enough things that makes me feel depressed already. I don't need one more!

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I never had a facebook till I was 21,ive been using it for 3 years and I just deleted it because the website seems to be just a bunch of people trying to one up each other,I cant belive how popular it is I have never had the desire to show off my life,it seems nuts to me that people are so obessed with it.Its funny when I walk around I see all these people on there smart phones oblivious to there environment waiting to get there next hit to feed there egos.I just can,t understand why people need to be constantly validated on facebook.my friends were like that I didn,t even like talking to them because that's all they would talk about,they never even made eye contact with each other,they would just stand in a group glued to there phones talking about peoples photos on facebook.

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Only when I have a SO.  It's a turn off for a lot of guys, so that's one reason why I don't have one!

 

Everything else is relative, and I've never been competitive.  Everyone has a different idea of happiness and sense of accomplishment, it's not my way to compare myself to my neighbor.  You can't take it with you, and the grass is not always greener.  

 

I've got my individual "bucket list"  ;)

 

I think you're misunderstanding at least some of us. If you listen to people here, it's not that they just want money. In my case too, I certainly don't need more than a reasonable amount to live on. If wanting to be "rich and famous" was the definition, I'd never consider myself jealous either. It's that they were able to achieve steps toward their personal dreams (whatever they may be) yet we are either struggling or facing severe barriers to *our* dreams. For a lot of people that means things like having romantic partners or families. You can't take those with you either, but I don't think you can blame people for wanting to have a partner &/or children-- it's instinct for most.

 

Personally I've accepted being single, but I wish I could at least be working right now and I wish I had close friends to talk to. That's it. I have a university degree but I'd honestly be happy to work at a McDonald's, as long as it was stable and full-time.

 

I think I understand the question and most of the responses.  

I guess my simple answer is no, I don't get jealous of other people's accomplishments.  But yes, in romantic relationships, I do get jealous.  I don't feel that having a relationship is an accomplishment for me, though.  It happens or it doesn't.  

Celebrity or monetary wealth in others doesn't  really matter to me, so maybe that part of your post I didn't understand.  

I can see how social media can effect emotions, including jealously.  On a level I think everyone at some point suffers.  If my friends wanna post on FB or whatever about something they've accomplished, or made them happy,  more power to them.   

 

BTW, I hope you're hanging in there, guitar1977!  Just noticed this was posted almost three years ago.

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