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Just Need Support.


jigglehammer

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I am a 19 year old male, i dropped out of college after 1 year due to anxiety from being around all those cool kids, my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my buddies from high school. i lashed out at everyone i knew, i dont really have any friends and also i have a mild case of scoliosis which was just diagnosed which causes me to havve a phobia of being in public due to paranoia that everyone is staring at my back. my parents and other family members stack pressure on me to find a job or a career, which i already know i need to do but i can't because i am void of energy, and quite intimidated by being in public for 8hrs a day. i have essentially been playing video games in my room since around august. It is now febuary. I dont talk to anybody about being depressed because of a stupid thing called pride. I used to have such high expectations for myself and i used to feel ok in my skin, Now the best time of the day is sleeping, even while having nightmares its still an escape from my life. I cant hold a conversation with someone because the first topic they come up with is "how was your day?" or something along those lines, I typically have to lie and elaborate upon my day because typically the biggest trip i make is like once a week to the gas station to buy some sodas and stuff from the 30 dollars a month my mother sends for me. I feel like i am going to end up a Hobo, and i cant do anything about it.. I just need some support. :verysad3:

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Hi jigglehammer

You'll definitely get support here! You must be so isolated and alone and that really feeds depression, so I am glad that you are reaching out here and you do not have to wear your mask here. You can just be you. I am not a professional, but it does sound like you are struggling with social anxiety. There are a fair few topics on it in The Anxiety Room, they may be helpful to you. You are not a derelict, you are struggling with depression/anxiety and with the right help and support you can manage your life.

Trace

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Hi Jigglehammer (I like your username. It is very creative),

Welcome to the depression forums! I hope you enjoy using the forums =).

I agree with Trace, in that, you might have social anxiety. One way to cope with the fear of being judged is to think of paralympians. Many paralympians have amputated legs, arms and some don't even have any arms or legs at all. Some ride in wheelchairs etc. Yet, paralympians still compete in front of the public and on television for everyone see. In fact, many paralympians are admired for the inspirational achievements in spite of their disability. They are not ridiculed or criticized. People who ridicule those who have a disability or disfigurement of some sort, are the ones who have a problem.

Also, with social anxiety, one way to cope is to categorize people into significant and insignificant people in your life. Insignificant people who you don't know well and aren't important in your life, so, what they think of you is irrelevant. Even if they think negatively of you, it makes no difference in your life, because these people are insignificant.

Also, keep in mind, that there is no one you can prevent people think negatively of you. Everyone, including the world's nicest people, who have people who dislike them. This is the way the world works. You have to live with the fact, that you will appeal to some people and not appeal to others. This is true for everyone.

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Hello Jigglehammer,

Welcome to DF. You have found the right place here. I have only just joined a couple of days ago, and I have found that this is a place where you can talk about all your worries and get serious helpful advice without being judged or mocked. There is understanding and help here.

Have you had any medication or counselling for the way you feel?

I hope you find the help you want here. Good luck.

Meirionne

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Hi jigglehammer and Welcome to DF,

I am sorry to hear about your problems at such a young age. It seem to me that you have lost your self-confidence, self-esteem and feelings of self-worth and you now in a quandry. It can be very difficult to manage social situation when you feel so low and perhaps.

But there is a great deal that you can do to get of out of this vicious cycle of negativity and poor self esteem. What you are feeling about yourself , other people and your current situation is all bound up in this cycle of unreality. Why unreality? well what you are now thinking and feeling is only what your current state of mind gets you to believe.

The reality is: what you really and deeply think about becomes your reality, but even deeper down is your true self buired under all of the negativity. People with depression, GAD and panic attacks have the same problem because the neurotransmitters that bring those feelings of joy and happiness are depleted. And if you believe that things are so bad, for so long tends to be the world you live in, what you believe (mistakenly) is this is true everyday life when it is not.

When you start to change your beliefs , see life in a different perspective you get to feel differently, so your act differently (positivity) and your whole worlds starts to feel better and much easier.

You need to see your Doctor to get a professional diagnosis that you have depression and then you can start to make plans to make the necessary changes to break out of the depression and depressive cycle. This may mean taking some medication to get your depreated neurotransmitters replaced and when you start to feel better, perhaps a course of CBT to work on your thinhing style and distorted beliefs about yourself.

You can then build up your social skills , relationships and love life from a totally positive perspective and you will feel great about yourself.

You have had a raw deal up to now, but from this moment on vow to make changes, whatever it takes to get yourself out of this cycle of negativity.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

Edited by jimbow15
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Thank-you all for the warm greetings, its nice to be able to vent things that I have never talked to anyone about. I had seen a therapist around 2 years ago but I only went for two sessions. I stopped showing up because everything seemed so recycled and so fresh out of a psychology book. I figured I would manage on my own, I also took anti depressants but that was only for about a week and half because I didn't have high hopes for the stuff. I also was fearful of side effects from taking meds. I Dwell on the mistakes i have made in my life ALOT. Other people often catch me squinching up my face or muttering random swear words under my breath. They ask, "What was that?" or "Whats wrong?". Not realizing that when i am around other people if i am not being shy, i am often zoning out and dwelling on things that increase the hold depression has on me. I just want to turn all this around and get my life in a place where i can begin to progress. I really appreciate all of you replying to this aswell.

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Hey, dude. When I read this, I honestly considered the fact that I'd posted it myself, and forgotten. I too am 19, and going through things similar to what you described. It is hell. The only thing I can reccomend is continuing with therapy, though I can completely agree with the fact that some therapists have no idea what they are saying, and lack the ability to empathise, and most importantly, that they cannot fathom what a depressed young person is going through. It's messed up. If you need anyone to talk to, existing in a comparable context, feel free to pm me, dude.

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