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My Friend Has Depression


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My best friend has recently started showing all the signs of depression. I know she's seen a doctor and is on medication but I don't know what to do for her. Any time I try to call her she either ignores the call or tells me she is having a difficult time with life right now and that she just needs to be alone. I have tried to give her space but I don't know what is best for her... Please help.

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Its wonderful your friend has you as a friend standing by to help her. Unfortunately, many time those who are depressed will isolate from the very people there to help get them through the tough times. You can continue via email, text, voicemail, and let her know you are there for her when she is ready to talk, encourage her to continue to see her doctor for a meds review and see a therapist. Basically that is all you can do if she refuses to see you. I wish the best for both of you.

Lindahurt

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Thank you so much!

Definitely follow LindaHurt's advice. Just make sure your friend always knows that you care about her. Sometimes you can get into a funk and think no one cares about you. Know that there are many times, you might have to remind her that you do. When she's ready to talk about it, she'll let you in closer to her issues.

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I am most appreciative of my friends who just listen without trying to "solve" things. Not only are things not always solvable, in a depressed state a symptom is hopelessness so trying to give solutions can just end up making it seem worse ( for me). Also helps when my supporters pick up some practical tasks for me. Even the smallest chore can seem like climbing mt. Everest...you are already being supportive by seeking information and advice which is wonderful!! I'd recommend...be there, available, supportive with unconditional love and you will be helping. Wishing you and your friend all the best xx

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Hi Lia9,

My daughter has depression, and I know what you mean. When first diagnosed, she wouldn't / couldn't communicate with me. She wasn't trying to hurt me, and your friend isn't trying to hurt you either. She is hurting already. Your friend may just not be able to cope with ëxtra pressures"at the moment.

Best advice I can give, is the same as everyone else. Keep in touch with her and let her know when she is ready to talk, you will be there for her. It can take weeks for depresion medications to take effect, and even then it is trial and error with dosage etc. She may be feeling a little unwell, or have side effects you don't know about.

Perhaps, occasionally see if she wants to see a movie, but don't be offended if she doesn't. My daughter has been on meds for 18months, and has a few close friends, but still needs space to unwind. The constant hype of teenager years is exhausting, before you add an exhausting mental illness on top of it.

You are a good friend to be concerned, and want to help. Check occasionally that she is taking her meds and seeing her therapist ...and then wait. It's hard, for both of you...but she is very lucky to have you. She may not feel worthy of your friendship at the moment, but hang in there. That is the depression talking. and not her..

Underneath the depression, she is your old friend. Always remember that

Leebux

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I am most appreciative of my friends who just listen without trying to "solve" things. Not only are things not always solvable, in a depressed state a symptom is hopelessness so trying to give solutions can just end up making it seem worse ( for me). Also helps when my supporters pick up some practical tasks for me. Even the smallest chore can seem like climbing mt. Everest...you are already being supportive by seeking information and advice which is wonderful!! I'd recommend...be there, available, supportive with unconditional love and you will be helping. Wishing you and your friend all the best xx

I completely support you about that. I hate when people give me advice about my problems. As if It never occurred to me that I might be vitamin deprived. Well I'm not. Of course it is always good to ask questions and give suggestions. Often others opinions are important.

I also rely on friends to do essential things like shopping. I can't make myself go out and do stuff but If i have a meeting with a friend and we go shopping I'll do it. It's of great help to me. I also need to see her for a coffee and have a laugh sometimes, so it is good to try to take your friend out, but if they refuse just accept it. As Leebux says just don't take it personal.

The other thing I noticed is my friend always ask me 'if I feel like it' (going out). I'm trying to explain to her that I never feel like it but I know it will be god for me that is why I do it. If I don't want to, I will say NO. Usually when I go out I manage to distract myself and feel a little bit better, but sometimes I just pretend for my friends sake and it's even more exhausting.

Another thing with me is that I get angry if people don't understand me, but I also get angry if they treat me differently because I'm ill. So the moods of a depressed person not always make logic! I think it must be very difficult to be a friend of a depressed person. I have no idea how would I deal with it. #

I want to say you a great person and you need to give yourself a lot of credit about taking such a good care of you friend. Also take care of yourself.

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So would it be annoying to her if I call or text a couple days a week to see if she's doing ok, or would thateven be beneficial? Also, i don't really know how to let her know I'm here for her if she ever needs someone without her thinking I'm suffocating her... suggestions?

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I find it most beneficial when I cut to the point. Just say what you've said here: ''i don't really know how to let her know I'm here for her if she ever needs someone without her thinking I'm suffocating her''. She is probably scared or feels guilty to bother you. Anyway you will not know if you don't ask her. Try to talk with her. Say what you think about it and what are your concerns. It's not only about her. Say to her how much you care and how you're ready to help, from there you should not be careful on every step, because you can't really know what it is going on with her and what is her mood. You will just make yourself too worried. And don't let her push you away. Text as much as you want until she decides it's too much. Later text again. The truth is she has to heel by herself and you can give her the support she needs but she needs to tell YOU how to help. So talk to her. Wait for the moment when you are together and in private and have that talk that will bring tears in both of your eyes and will make you feel even closer.

Good luck and take care.

Edit: Sometimes I text with friends a lot. It helps me to take things off my mind. I'll text even something casual like - good morning, just making my coffee.

Edited by absent
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Just keep doing what you're doing. Show support but don't be pushy. None of my friends know what I'm dealing with and i hardly see them anymore but would be nice to hang out with them. Problem is they live so far away. Anyway, never give up on them ok..

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