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Violet31

Gratitude - Mention At Least Three Things You

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Posted (edited)

I only have two labs left. One of my lab partners has become annoying again. Not just annoying, but triggering. As @sober4life would say, I'm a monster magnet. I love the work, but I should have listened to my intuition early in the semester and moved to a different table. Nothing I've tried has worked on her. I guess I should have talked more about this. I clam up when I don't want something to be true, I think. I may never see her again, and she's at least a year and a half ahead in the program. We're not likely to have another class together. But now I know I need to turn off the empath even more. I already feel too spiky, but we do what we have to. At least I have this forum and therapy and a couple of friends with whom I can be real.

My client makes me feel like I'm going in the right direction. He and his family really trust me, and apparently, he's been a lot less depressed since I've been working with him. It feels really, really good. I'm fighting through a lot of triggers with him. I think it's been good for me to a point. Free exposure therapy. Last night was no exception. We talk about history a lot, and I look things up on the Internet. Last night, it was Joan of Arc. Something that happened with my ex. Another long day in the sun. I had heat exhaustion and couldn't escort him to a fireworks show that night, because I was nauseated and dizzy. So, I was Joan of Arc for a couple of weeks after that. That was actually during the better part of our relationship, when I was still completely delusional about my circumstances. Somehow he made me feel proud of myself for being able to endure so much hostility.

Love. 🙂 

 

Edited by moodyjuniper

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Posted (edited)

I can manage a shift tonight in spite of the still-present pain because of where it is. Thankfully. My roommate springs reminders that my time here has an expiration date when I call in to work. Last night, it was particularly hurtful. Part physical pain, part depression. It just adds to the problem, but I understand why she does it. Bad mix for me right now. I can't let myself sink that low again today, even though I'm not done grieving. No time. I've told her what my plans are. That's all I can do. And apply to school programs in areas that have bus routes. I'd be better off. I have two major metro areas somewhat near me, and after visiting my cousin, might have another option, although it's out of state. Worst case scenerio, I just use my current training to find a better job and put off school. I'll be... unhappy... if I have to do that, but...

Beautiful morning.

Love. ❤️ 

 

 

Edited by moodyjuniper

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Grateful that my filter started working again, just a couple of minutes ago. I was worried I'd have to take my fish back to the shop, but now they have clean water and I can think of building up a fish community again. So happy, first ounce of good news for a while. 

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Let's see:

I'm grateful for my job because I love working with animals and it's a joy to see them find their forever homes.

I'm thankful for this forum- I've gotten a lot better since I joined, thanks to all the advice and help

I'm thankful for my wonderful and supportive family

And I'm thankful for all of my pets/foster pets because of the light they bring

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I haven't ruminated about my lab partner in days. She's just a drop in the bucket. 🙂 

Work went well last night. I was able to sit quite a bit after the first few hours, so the pain didn't bother me so much. Less pain this morning, too.

I'm familiar with most of the people coming today for brunch.

I've decided to delay my application for the school program by one semester to give me more time to study for the entrance exam and work a lot to save money so I can move sooner. And apply to three more programs. One of them is bound to tolerate me. 🙂  I don't know why I get so nervous when I think about living on my own again. I did it before. I had a particularly good setup then, too, though, where I could walk pretty much anywhere and shopped with a friend on the rare occasion that I needed more than my legs and two groceries bags. Maybe it's PTSD. I also made more money then. That'll improve next year.

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Grateful that i’m still here. Living through another horrible empty day. But somehow, It’s still possible for me to get out of this rut. Whether I believe it or not. Logically there is still the chance that life can get better as long as I keep going

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