Jump to content

Is It Depression Or Am I Losing Feelings For My Boyfriend?


Recommended Posts

How to I begin....

Last week, Friday, I stayed in with my boyfriend. I had the best time ever with him, he makes me laugh and I can really be myself with him. I remember thinking how lucky I am to be with him and how I felt like he could really be part of my future. He is perfectly made for me and supportive unlike many of my exes.

The next night, out of nowhere, I felt my head literally clicked off. And he stood in front of me and a thought crossed my head ..."am i losing feelings for him?” I quickly tried to shake off that thought because of course that not possible, it was just the day before where I felt like the luckiest girl ever and was so happy with him, with us.

I felt not myself after that day, and every day since it has gotten worse.

On Monday, a couple days after the initial thought, I had a panic attack. Before that panic attack happened I was thinking about "What if I lost feelings for him, then I would have to end it, and I would hurt him, and I don’t want to end it because I want him in my life, and how if I ended it I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else because he is the one I want and I will end up alone and he will have to start over" While all these thoughts crossed my head, my heart rate increased, I had a hard time breathing, I ended up getting a massive headache, my eyes began to hurt, I just could not relax. I though, imp just getting sick from something. But ever since that day things got worse for me.

Every day, all day I would have obsessive thoughts about what if I lost feelings for him and what would happen. I felt guilty for having those feelings so I would try to suppress it which I think gave me more anxieties. These obsessive thoughts give me headaches every time, the minute it crosses my head. Even when I am distracted with something, I would have this heavy feeling in my chest and my head and I would start thinking about what’s going through my head obsessively again. It’s like my mind and body wouldn’t let me forget that something wasn’t right with me or my situation. I would try to find reasons why I was not feeling myself anymore. I got obsessed with finding a reason to what was going on with me. I did not want to accept in my head that I had just simply didn’t feel for him anymore. And when I would try to convince myself that I just don’t feel him anywhere another thought in my head would fight it. And so I would end up with two conflicting ideas and I would just feel crazy and tired.

Other changes vie noticed since the panic attack was that I was always tired, but had a hard time sleeping, I have random aches and pains, lack of sex drive, I feel nothing or anxious nothing else, I get a grossed out feeling when I think about my dad and my boyfriend, I don’t want to see my family, I don’t want to hang with my friends, I avoid my neighbors so I don’t have to have small talk,. I don’t want to have to talk to people and be pleasant; I want to kind of be alone BUT at the same time I feeling lonely all the time even when people are with me. I feel like I have to force myself to enjoy what imp doing or enjoying people. Even at times when I am having a good time and I am laughing my mind quickly reminds me that I’m not feeling right.

I am convinced that I am depressed. I’ve been before. But my concern is am I depressed because I’m worried to lose feelings for my boyfriends, or am I depressed and it’s causing me to lose feelings for my boyfriend.

It’s been a week since I’ve dealt with this. I’m confused my issues obviously circle around the fear of losing feelings for my boyfriend and not having him in my life anymore, but I always miss him, and I look at him and have fond loving feelings for him. I crave his attention and affection (not sexually). I think about how awesome everything was before my mind turned off and I miss those days. I’ve told him what’s been going on, and he has never dealt or known anyone who has dealt with depression. He is confused because our relationship was going so well then out of nowhere I changed and seem unhappy. He is usually very supportive but he is withdrawing from me I assume b.c this is hard for him too and it’s difficult to give me the attention I need when he has to help himself too. It makes me sad that I am doing this to him.

I love him, I know I do, I want a future with him and he is what I want in my life. But I am afraid of a couple things- 1... That my depression is causing me to have delusional thoughts about how I feel about him 2... That how I feel about him is what actually caused the depression 3. That maybe I really don’t feel for him and im just trying to fight what im really feeling (but this doesn’t make sense because I was the happiest I’ve ever been the day before my mind turned off) 4- that I will always feel like this no matter who I’m with

If anyone here has experiences this before please let me know. Tell me, for you was it just depression and it did cause irrational thoughts, or did you get depressed because you did stop feeling for them and you were just fighting it, did the issue get resolved and how?

I need insight, this is the first time I’ve ever joined and posted on one of these things. I’m looking for any answers. Really feel like I’m going crazy and so desperate for answers. It’s like my mind wont rest till I find an alternative answer that doesn’t involve me ending it with the man I love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((redwillow)))

This is a pretty common thing for those of us suffering from mental illness. For me, my anxiety makes me lose a lot of joy in my life. That includes hobbies, friends, family, and even my wife. The more anxious I am, the more I start to question my true feelings and sometimes I even feel distant. My wife notices this too, and she will let me know if she feels like I'm starting to isolate. She feels the same way at times due to her depression. Since anxiety and depression can become so consuming to our thoughts, it's almost like we end up going numb and we can't feel deeply about much of anything at all in our lives.

I think the best thing you can do is get yourself some help. I truly believe once you treat the underlying cause (the depression) you'll find that those feelings you want will come back. At any rate, don't make any major decisions right now, because if you're not mentally well, it's one of the worst times to make these kind of choices. Get yourself well first, and then decide where to go from there. It's pretty amazing how much depression can really take away from us. We don't notice it usually until we start to recover and then it becomes clear. I hope that's what will happen in your case. It sounds to me like it should, because there was no other factors to really cause you to "fall out of love" with your boyfriend.

Just remember we are always here to talk, so if you need some support you've got it. Like you said, it's hard for anyone who hasn't been through this to understand it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the reply. Hearing that others out there feel this too makes me feel calmer and less frantic about trying to do something to ease this discomfort in my head. I actually have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow then to a counselor to get started on recovering. I miss how I use to be and I'm so determined to get back to me. I refuse to accept that this is just how I am now. Anyways thanks for your advice

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have had previous experience with depression, specifically having depressive episodes while in a relationship. Because everything you're thinking feels so real, it's hard to differentiate between what you're experiencing while dealing with depression and what you'd be experiencing if you never had depression in the first place. Even in the relationship I'm in now, while I know I'm over the moon for him sometimes my mood shifts and it's hard to control feelings of pointlessness. That he'll just break up with me eventually or that I don't feel anything for him, when more specifically it's that I don't feel like I enjoy anything because of being depressed.

It's good that you're going to see your doctor and a counselor - take care of yourself first and foremost! Whatever will happen with your relationship, you'll be better off for it in the long run. Best of luck~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi.. I would get help as soon as possible... I started off with anxiety attacks and fear that I would loose my Girlfriend back in October. Since then Depression started to take its hold from the end of october and thats when i started to get exactly the same feelings as you.... My GP was a bit useless and i never got any propper help untill the end of December when i was put on medication and CBT so after dealing with this for 3-4 months I have only been on the medication for just over 3 weeks and it is starting to help but I'm sure the CBT will work wonders.

I Got a lot worse than you and the irrational thoughts started to grow arms and legs so it is really good that you are realising what this is and getting help ASAP.

Good luck with everything and I hope we both get our normal heads back soon.... Keep me posted :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi redwillow,

Yes, I have defnitely had very similar experiences of being in a relationship. Most of my love relationships have driven me round the bend and I have spent day after day (years in fact) incessantly debating whether or not I should be in a relationsip with someone.

I think I have had the exact same thought processes as you also.... wondering why I feel like I do, do I still love my BF etc, round and round in my head.

It's been extra difficult because my friends have never really understood why I have found being in a relationship so all-consuming and why it has seemed to cause me more pain than happiness but I guess that's been my bag for a long time....

Most things people seem to find pleasurable bring out in me the opposite;;;I just feel the pressure of the situation....the pressure to be happy and relaxed when I am not. The pressure to be happy in a relationship when I am not. The pressure to be all the things I think I should be and am not.

WOW, I feel very grumpy writng all that. Still, hope that being able to relate helps :Coopdessert: A book I have found helpful which specifically relates to this is called Women Who Love Too Much and it's all about co-dependant relationships of which I feel I've had many. Good luck with your counsellor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jonathanrichie...... Between October and when you finally did something about it how did your relationship go? Did you end up breaking up, did you lose feeling but it would come back here and there? How did she take it? Were there certain things you could do to enjoy the relationship again? ...

I recently noticed last night that I still laugh alot when im with him, like i use to before, but i also noticed that I can laugh but not feel joy or enjoy the moment I'm in.

I'm still trying to find reason to convince myself that it is just depression causing me to close off to him and not thT I'm just not into him anymore.

For instance I've lost interest insulting indate before 3 weeks into but stayed for another 4 weeks with him. And I could not stand the kid during the time, everything he did annoyed me. And I didn't go the extra mile for him. When I wasn't hanging with him I still has a normal happy life with family and friends. I know that's how i get when lose interest in someone. So that fact kinda helps cause it makes me think that my depression is choosing things for me right now and it's not actually me.

I'm going to get ready to go to my doctors appt now. I hope I get prescribed something. I just can't stand like this.

Thanks again everyone for your responses. It incredible how much of a releif it is to hear other ppls experiences. Honestly it's the only thing that has helped

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been through this myself, and I hated it! My feelings just switched off, and I felt nothing... dead! I was pretty sure it was depression, because there was no specific trigger for this, and everything had been going very well. I also realized that not only did I not feel anything for my g/f, but I did not feel anything for anyone in my life, including myself. Knowing that didn't make me feel better, but it confirmed for me that this was caused by my depression and it would pass. It did, but it took several weeks to come out of it... a very painful time. I felt like I would hate myself forever if I hurt her..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been through this myself, and I hated it! My feelings just switched off, and I felt nothing... dead! I was pretty sure it was depression, because there was no specific trigger for this, and everything had been going very well. I also realized that not only did I not feel anything for my g/f, but I did not feel anything for anyone in my life, including myself. Knowing that didn't make me feel better, but it confirmed for me that this was caused by my depression and it would pass. It did, but it took several weeks to come out of it... a very painful time. I felt like I would hate myself forever if I hurt her..

Yes. That's how I would describe this. There was no trigger. I don't care to see my friends or my family. I stopped taking care of my self too... like didn't have the energy to shower, or was my face, or where something nicer than sweatpants.

Just saw my doctor and she is prescribing me anti depressants with anxiety stuff and a low dosage of benzo for when I feel a panic attack. Ack I hope this changes me back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

#7 redwillowtree14........ I lost feeling but there were times when it was there more than ever... We are still together but I am still struggling as my meds have only been 3 weeks or so.... I'm deffinatelly seeing an improvement... I have some good days and bad days....

She has struggled with it but is really supportive and is hoping everything will be ok.

My Phsyc assures me that as soon as my depression symptoms start to go down I will start feeling better about it but the first thing she said to me when i saw her was "Do not make any life changing decisions at the moment while you are in depression as 99.999% of the time they are not the way you really feel...

I often question if it is the depression or if it is just us but to be honest and realistic I love her more than anything and the fact that I've went through 3-4 months of hell when i could have just ended it is reason enough to make me realise that its worth fighting for and I want everything to be back as it was before this all started..

I have lost interest in a lot of things.... I keep getting enormous guilt for the stupidest of things that I have done over my entire lifetime and I constantly feel that I am a waste of time so this tells me that there is deffinatelly more going on and that it is the depression talking.

I hope this can help you and I hope you get better soon...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All day I have pretty much felt nothing bad a terrible headache. Very disconnected from what's around me. I just looked at a photo of my boyfriend and all of a sudden I has a sinking feeling in my chest and my mind told me it's bc u don't feel for him and that's okay. I use to look at him and have fond feelings. I guess im seeing if any of you experienced that before, like when you look at them or see a picture? I'm really hoping it's just depression but I also feel like my mind is trying to convince me I don't feel for him anymore and that's why I'm depressed. Like if I just ended all of this would go away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear that you're still having a bad day. I'm sure that headache isn't helping at all. Like I said, definitely try not to make any major decisions while your depression is bad. You could very well regret it once you're feeling better. Plus, when it comes to depression it can, and likely will, latch on to anything in your life. Even if you ended it with him, you'd just find something else to be depressed about, and the cycle goes on and on.

What you should do right now is give the meds time to work. AD's can take a while to work well, usually around 6-8 weeks. The anxiety meds should help very quickly, and can be used during the start up of the AD's to help ease the side effects and the anxiety for now. Once the AD kicks in, you should notice that you need them less and less. That's when you can begin to recover and then your feelings should be returning back to a more normal state.

Can I ask you this... Has there been anything else in your life that you feel is affected by all this? Chances are if you think about it you'll find that it's not just your feelings for your boyfriend alone. If there are other things that you notice you've lost joy in, or feel hopeless about, then there's a very good chance this is depression related. That might help you put things into perspective.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Darcness...

Thanks for the advice on the meds, my doctor wasn't to specific about it. And yes i have lost so much joy in my life, i use to talk To my family everyday and I haven't talked to them since last week. I feel like in to put so much energy to go and hang with a friend not just my boyfriend. If I logically think about the symptoms I'm having I am hit depressed and it's causing me to detach to everyone. But I have anxieties and feel more depressed that my thoughts just circle around my boyfriend. I guess it makes sense since he it the closest one to me. This all feel unreal to me

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's to be expected redwillow. When my mental health isn't in check I have all kinds of strange feelings. I'll often start to ponder things like the meaning of life, if I'm really happy, and what will happen when I pass on. Things that I normally don't even really give a second though to seem to dominate my thoughts. I get into those unreal moods and usually that's a symptom of my anxiety. It's called derealization, when it feels like things aren't real, almost like you're living in a dream state.

All the things you're describing definitely sound like you've got some depression and anxiety going on. Give the meds time to work and they should start to alleviate these feelings. In time you should start to feel much like your old self again. Keep us posted on how you're doing, but remember to be patient.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((redwillow)))

I have actually become amazed at how common this is, I also suffer from relationship anxiety, I am with a great guy and I question everything when I'm down, especially the things that are most important to me and a big part of my life, like him, friends, family etc.

I question how I feel just because I haven't been thinking about him at that particular moment or when I'm enjoying time to myself or with friends, I obsess whether I'm excited to see him even though when he's here it's the best thing in the world and I hate it when he leaves. I sometimes feel as though any guy I never cared about like this was smooth sailing, now I'm in love I'm being tested!

Its impossible to be in the moment when you are questioning and analyzing every part of that moment, you'll find that when your enjoying life your not questioning the way you feel at the time, your just being.

I know that I am battling depression and I am unwilling to make any big decisions while I am like this, especially when I know deep down that the negative thoughts are irrational.

I think when the AD's start to work efficiently you'll probably notice that hours or even days have gone by that you haven't even thought or obsessed during your time in your relationship, time will become fun again, naturally.. I'm working towards this too so empathize with you :console:

I'm grabbing a book tomorrow called "The power of now" By Eckhart Tolle, It's been recommended to me several times and apparently very good for this kind of thing, It may help.

I wish you the best, look forward to feeling better :)

Best wishes

Leila

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I started taking lorazepam and citalopram since Tuesday and it certainly has helped a bit with the anxieties and some depression symptoms. I still have nagging negative thought about my boyfriend but they aren't as severe. Sometimes i even feel back to normal with him. I made an appointment with a counselor for Wednesday. I've been hearing slot about relationship OCD lately. Not sure if it's a real thing but if it is I may have it. I'm tired of always wondering if I feel anything like I check in to see if I feel for him now . It's obsessive. And tiring

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've read a lot about ROCD latelly and it would appear that if it is real that I deffinatelly have it but at the same time I'm not sure just how real it is... the constant doubting etc certianly backs it up... and it sounds like you are going through the exact same thing. I just hope that I may get a propper diagnosis and see what can be done about it.

I hope you feel better soon..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know exactly how you feel. I too have moments where I look at my boyfriend and feel absolutely nothing for him. Its just a blank slate. What made me realize it was my Depression and Anxiety was when I looked at my friends. I realized I felt nothing for them and it felt blank as well. Just like with my boyfriend. Its really hard to fight the Depression. Especially when it starts making you think your boyfriend will break up with you, or you don't know if you still have feelings for him or if your relationship is pointless. There is also so much doubt. I get that. When I feel down I will constantly ask him questions about how he feels towards me and how if he feels everything is okay in our relationship. Its tough. Now I'm getting some help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
  • 6 years later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Very happy I found this thread even though it’s 7 years old, kinda unfortunate it hasn’t updated with peoples stories of recovery but that’s also understandable. I’ve been dealing with pretty much everything everyone has posted about on here, mine came about after I had gotten my period and I thought it was a hormonal thing but it stayed with me for about 2 months now. I was in school at the time and was stressing myself way out dealing with a final and a certification exam that I was going to be dealing with soon. I thought maybe after the exams everything was going to be okay. Passed both and still found myself not jazzed about either when I should have been over the moon especially from all the stress I put myself through. After it all it left me feeling empty and now questioning if I’ll ever feel normal again, feel the love that I once did for my incredibly supportive boyfriend through all this. I’m talking with a psychiatrist NP next week and hopefully getting put on something to bring me back to where I was and better. The week after that me and my boyfriend as going away on a vacation which I’ve been worrying about because I don’t want to ruin anything. I just want to feel normal again, I haven’t slept well in over 2 months, I’m constantly tired and can’t stay asleep, my memory of all happiness has left me and I’m just left to stew in my negative thoughts. I’ll update as I go along for anyone who finds this thread, I was reassuring to me that I wasn’t going crazy or a bad person, just someone who needed help. 

 

Keep well everyone 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 9 months later...

I know this is very old but I’m im so happy I’ve found this to try to ease my thoughts. I have a severe anxiety disorder that I’m already on medication for. I’m in a relationship with a guy that I love very much he’s my everything but at dinner with my family the other night I was talking about how I could see a big future with my boyfriend. My dad said that boys comes and go and that I’ll have tons of boyfriends before I found the one but I’m my head I already found the one. In the days that followed even when I hung out with him I suddenly felt like I was losing feelings even though the days before I was completely in love with him. If anyone had any updates then please let me know!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/19/2020 at 2:11 PM, Plantlover said:

I know this is very old but I’m im so happy I’ve found this to try to ease my thoughts. I have a severe anxiety disorder that I’m already on medication for. I’m in a relationship with a guy that I love very much he’s my everything but at dinner with my family the other night I was talking about how I could see a big future with my boyfriend. My dad said that boys comes and go and that I’ll have tons of boyfriends before I found the one but I’m my head I already found the one. In the days that followed even when I hung out with him I suddenly felt like I was losing feelings even though the days before I was completely in love with him. If anyone had any updates then please let me know!

Emotions and feelings flucuate from time to time. I think you should just wait and see without making hasty decisions as long as you are being treated well and respected. After some time you will probably be more sure of your feelings to decide.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...