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Hesitated To Reply To Other Posts


LibraryLady

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Hi everyone. I have not been on the forums since before Christmas. Then, when I started reading posts this morning, I didn't feel like I could post. I feel like such a worthless person that no-one would want me to reply to them, and that I have nothing worthwhile to contribute.

I stopped seeing my psychologist. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with her. I'd been seeing her for a year and a half and I'm still where I was when I started. Still struggling with depression, eating disorder, etc. Still weigh the same. Still eating unhealthy foods and hating myself. Still wish I was dead. So, I stopped.

Physically, I am in pain most of the time. Partly because of the arthritis and partly because of the weight. I'm dragging around about 80 lbs of extra fat that I don't need. I'm tired most of the time. I can't bend over and pick up stuff off the floor. I can't trim my toenails without feeling like I'm suffocating.

I could go on and on. The depression goes on and on. And on and on and on...on...on.

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Hi LibraryLady,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Every once in a while, I log into DF and realize that I am not in a mood that will benefit others, so I merely browse around. There's no need to feel bad about this; offering support does take effort, and you have to be in the right mindset to do it. At least you are visiting the site and doing your best. I'm also sorry to hear about your psychologist. Are you seeing a doctor and taking medication? If not, you may want to consider doing so, considering your symptoms are clearly affecting your life negatively. Further, just because you did not benefit from your last psychologist does not mean that you will not benefit from therapy in general. It may be wise to look into getting a new therapist; medication or not, therapy is extremely helpful with depression and eating disorders.

I wish you the very best of luck. Be sure to keep us posted!

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Thanks PoeticProse,

I am taking medication. I've been taking 60 mg of Cymbalta for about 6 years now. Since well before I started with this psychologist I just left. One thing I did realize with her is that some of my depression is caused by my physical pain. I think some of my suicidal thoughts are caused by the pain too. I just want it to stop. I don't really want to die, I want the pain to die.

I probably will look for another therapist. This past one was making me angry, for some reason. She seemed very preachy and condescending to me. I went to her because she says on her website that she specializes in eating disorders. However, she never told me anything that I did not already know. I have spent years trying to help myself, and have read and studied extensively. I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with her, just rehashing what I already knew, and paying through the nose for it. Sigh.

Thanks for your concern. I think just talking to people helps. I know what I need to do to help myself, it's DOING it that is the problem! :-)

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Yo!

Am a whopping guy.

And am not with a therapist. But I had a good one - we just reached a couple of impasses... please keep looking.

Umm... exercise DOES help the attitude, I've found. A short walk during lunch at work. Some little weights for wrists/arms. ANYTHING that will help you circulate some oxygen in your bloodstream.

We ALL - OK, MOST of us have those feelings of helplessness, or we wouldn't be here. And the truth is, we're all just as valuable to our communities as we let ourselves be. We may not be big economic movers and shakers, but we share things, all of us. We can work and pay taxes and participate in volunteer organizations. Most of us have at least some rudimentary education - PLUS our life experiences to guide us - we can share those.

Best of luck... please work to get better and join everybody in participating in life! We need you, too!

:smile:

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(((LibraryLady)))

I definitely think you should look for a new therapist. There's aboslutely nothing wrong with leaving your last one if you felt like you weren't getting anywhere. When it comes to therapy I truly believe that we have to build a relationship with our therapist. We have to learn to trust that person more than most other people in our lives. We also have to connect with them on a level that we feel both comfortable and receptive to learn. If you can't find those things, then it's time to move on, as you did. Just don't give up because you can find some wonderful therapists if you keep looking. You'll know when you've found a good one, that much I can assure you.

I know you're in a tough place right now, and I understand that. Dealing with the physical pain AND the mental pain is so hard. Try to focus on getting your mental health managed for now, and then work on the other stuff once you're feeling mentally well enough to.

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I know how you feel, some days I don't know if I'm in more pain because I'm depressed or if I'm depressed because my pain is worse. It's a vicious circle. I try to walk a little every day even if it means bundling up like an eskimo (I have a dog who doesn't CARE if it's snowing, blowing and freezing out). I suffer with chronic back pain from a car accident and chronic headaches and nerve pain from neurological damage I got from Legionnaires. It's really hard not to get a "why me?" attitude sometimes even though I know in my head there are others much worse off, my heart doesn't feel it.

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Hey Taysmom,

I really relate to what you said. I do get sort of whiney and feel sorry for myself sometimes! And, I know there are others out there with much worse situations than me. But, it doesn't negate my feelings.

Like RatBoy said, I do need to get out and walk, no matter how painful it is. I need to get out of the house and breath some fresh air!

Today I'm off at 4:00 p.m. and it's a nice sunny day, in the mid 50's. I will get my walking stick out and try to walk down the street to the mail boxes, which are about a block away.

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I think it's a great idea to get out for a walk! I wish I could say the same about our weather. It's 20's and snowing here in the mitten (Michigan). Definitely enjoy the sun because it always helps me to feel better. Sometimes just getting a bit of exercise can improve our moods too. I know for me it's good for burning off that anxious energy.

Enjoy your walk and I hope it helps! :Coopwink:

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As PoeticProse says, you don't need to feel bad about the times you're just feeling too low to offer support. I think probably we're all in that situation at times. Respond when you're able to, and don't worry about it when you aren't. Also, when you are able to respond, don't feel like your response has to be brilliant or perfect or anything like that. Sometimes I think to myself that since I can't solve the person's problem, what's the point in me saying anything? But then I remember that when I am feeling bad and I post about it, it helps me when people respond just to say that they understand how I feel, that they care, and I'm not alone.

I hope things get better for you soon.

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One thing I did realize with her is that some of my depression is caused by my physical pain. I think some of my suicidal thoughts are caused by the pain too. I just want it to stop. I don't really want to die, I want the pain to die.

I have chronic, continual pain....pretty severe most days.....anyway, there is a definite connection to my mental state and the amount of pain I feel (and the reverse is also true)....what has worked best for me in the past is to treat ALL aspects of my health for the best result......Please dont give up looking for a therapist/doc that will be able to help you with your needs!

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Thanks everyone! You are all so nice! :-)

I will think about finding a new therapist. I became sort of disillusioned with the one I had.

It's in the 70's this week! I'm in Texas and it has been really weird weather, even for here! Unfortunately, even though the temps are great, the Cedar is extremely high and I'm suffering from migraines. Sigh.

I'm still here though, and I'm putting one foot in front of the other. That's all I can do right now.

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As PoeticProse says, you don't need to feel bad about the times you're just feeling too low to offer support. I think probably we're all in that situation at times. Respond when you're able to, and don't worry about it when you aren't. Also, when you are able to respond, don't feel like your response has to be brilliant or perfect or anything like that. Sometimes I think to myself that since I can't solve the person's problem, what's the point in me saying anything? But then I remember that when I am feeling bad and I post about it, it helps me when people respond just to say that they understand how I feel, that they care, and I'm not alone.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Terrific comment! Also I hope you're able to get that help LibraryLady, God speed to you.

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