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abyssal

How Do You Feel About Happy People?

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Depression, by its very nature, involves emotions we would rather not have. We have to deal with these, and with the fact that the condition may be widely misunderstood, marginalised or mocked. However, even amongst other depressives, there are feelings that are easier to admit to than others. I have little problem expressing my vicious self-loathing, regret, despair or apathy. I have a harder time 'fessing up to the uncharitable feelings I have for others.

I don't explicitly and exclusively hate happy people. But in my low periods (which are constant these days) I *may* experience degrees of dislike or disconnection. The most severe of these are for people whose happiness has been directly, knowingly built on the unhappiness of others (including me, and the rest of the downtrodden and dumped-upon). There are also the people who use the high ground of their own good fortune or untroubled mental health to pass judgement on the confused and distressed.

Then there are those who simply cannot imagine what it might be like not to feel that life is worth living, or that one's needs are not important. These people may be staggeringly tactless or kind and well-meaning - but they inhabit a land that I don't recognise. Then there are the happy happy couples - openly showing affection and no doubt completely unaware of the knife to my heart.

For me, there are also the friends I made through shared experience of severe depression who have made great strides in their recoveries and may now be living completely altered lives. Of course I don't hate them, and on some levels, *of course* I am happy for their change in circumstance. But shamefully, they also make me so very, very sad. They don't seem to know what to say to me anymore, and I don't know what to say to them.

Where people use their own happiness as the basis for bad or cruel behaviour, I think this is a legitimate cause for anger. But I am also aware that much of the above involves envy. David L Conroy (in his excellent book Out of the Nightmare) identifies envy as one of the key components of suicidal depression and notes the fact that suicide rates rise in spring and summer (when many people are happier and that happiness is more evident). He also reports several completed suicides he knew in which the precipitating factor was the marriage of a sibling or close friend - increased pain caused not by personal loss but by the gain of someone else.

Envy is not exactly an edifying or empowering emotion. I am aware that on some level I am jealous of everyone in the world simply for not being me, but it is harder to admit to specific envies or to be openly Grinchy about levels of bliss in the world. Even when people hurt you, you am supposed to rise above this and wish them well (rather than unimaginable suffering). I sometimes feel like the only person on this forum who experiences negative emotions towards others - and I understand why discussion of these may be discouraged - but I was wondering if anyone else had a perspective on other people's positive emotions interacting badly with their own depression.

I don't even know if I should post this. I am aware that I may be the only one who feels this way or the only one who wants to talk about it. If so, I will be over there in the corner and you can all throw pointy rocks at me.

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You are not the only one at all!! I definitly feel envious of other people especially when I am in the worst of places. I often compare myself to other people whether they be family, friends, or strangers because they have all the things I want but I will seemingly never get (atleast not yet). I feel terrible afterwards esspecially since I feel relief when some of these people fall down a little bit. I know it is truly awful to think about those things and I would never ever really want anything bad to happen to people I just sometimes feel relief when the when something goes wrong for the happy folk because it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one who had]s lost things. I am really a horrible person for thinking that way. In fact I probably deserve to have pointy rocks thrown at me too! But no you are not the only one. I hope that can give you come comfort.:flowers:

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To be honest, I hardly feel envious, and i'm around happy/ well-balanced people all the time. Actually, I feel guilty that I may be bringing them down. But note that these are usually family members, people that I care about, etc. I suppose it may be different with strangers, I don't know, I haven't been out of the house lately...

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So i have to say that i LOVE this post!!!

For me, there is conflict. Part of me is p***** off/sad that others are so happy. I tend to withdrawl from these people when I can, but where I work, I have to encounter some of them. And it drives me MAD that 1. they can't understand what i am going through and 2. they are so freaking happy!!!!!!!

But then, part of me feels absolutely horrible that I am so sad and depressed all the time. I feel guilty because as we all know, misery loves company, and i find myself trying to bring others down so that i'm not the only one feeling like crap.

It's crazy sometimes how i feel about people who aren't like me. I know that everyone fights their own battles, but it's so unfair when i'm so low and they are so high!!!!!!

P.s, thanks for letting me rant. That felt good!

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I feel the same way about happy people, not all of the time, but usually when I'm at my lowest turmoil. I get really agitated and annoyed with them. During those times I do envy them, greatly. But I always envy happy, healthy people, wondering how can they just live life like everything is great and dandy? After being around them I always tend to imagine my life without depression ever being in it. I just can't do it. It's impossible. It's all I've ever known. So you, of course, are not the only one who feels this way about happy people. I must admit sometimes they do help me feel better. Just by being around them can help lift my spirits. Their happiness can be contagious. They let me know that happiness does exist and it is possible, which gives me hope.

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To be honest, I hardly feel envious, and i'm around happy/ well-balanced people all the time. Actually, I feel guilty that I may be bringing them down. But note that these are usually family members, people that I care about, etc. I suppose it may be different with strangers, I don't know, I haven't been out of the house lately...

I know what you mean. I hate being down when I am with people I care about. Unfortunatly I can't hide how I feel as well as I used to so they say and try things to make me feel better. Except depression is not something they can fix. I feel guilty that I can't be happy for them. And I feel guilty about how much my unhappiness dissapoints them or brings them down. I sometimes believe everything would be better off if I was never part of a family to begin with. I hate depression so much but the worst thing about it is having to see my family suffer along with me. I wish I could be happy for me and for them so they would all not have to worry anymore. My parents especially my mom would be able to finally focus on her life alone. My dad wouldn't be wasting his money, and maybe my sister won't feel so left out.

*My Christmas Wish: To be okay again or atleast feel okay again* You got that Santa?

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it's not so much envy as jealously for me. Sometimes I feel like I would rather they were as sad as me, rather than me as happy as them. It's often hard for me to separate my feelings in those types of situations. I just know that it makes me unbearably angry to be around them, and being angry for no reason makes me spiral into an even deeper depression. I get vindictive about it, I wish people the worst, and most times I don't even have the decency to feel bad about it.

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Just from the title I had to LOL. I have two thoughts about them usually - I hate them and I think they're morons. When I'm being generous I also think how great for them but boy does it suck for me because they have no clue and they think I'm the ****ed up one...

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I feel the same way about happy people, not all of the time, but usually when I'm at my lowest turmoil. I get really agitated and annoyed with them. During those times I do envy them, greatly. But I always envy happy, healthy people, wondering how can they just live life like everything is great and dandy? After being around them I always tend to imagine my life without depression ever being in it. I just can't do it. It's impossible. It's all I've ever known. So you, of course, are not the only one who feels this way about happy people. I must admit sometimes they do help me feel better. Just by being around them can help lift my spirits. Their happiness can be contagious. They let me know that happiness does exist and it is possible, which gives me hope.

I like what you said but you are making one crucial mistake here, they aren't healthy just happy. No one who who is truly healthy would be happy about the life humanity lives on this planet. It is insane so being well-adjusted to that means that you are also insane. In this case you might be happy but you aren't healthy. Being p***** off and depressed about life on this planet is healthy, it's the sane response to an insane way of life...

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Have to say:

1) I'm sad that they don't understand me, but that's not their or my fault so I just live with it.

2) I am envious that they can be so carefree

3) I don't wish anything 'bad to happen so they could understand' either.

ho hum it's just what i've been dealt.

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Have to say:

1) I'm sad that they don't understand me, but that's not their or my fault so I just live with it.

2) I am envious that they can be so carefree

3) I don't wish anything 'bad to happen so they could understand' either.

ho hum it's just what i've been dealt.

A generous attitude. You are not alone in watching the parade of life, the floats, the fire engines, the marching bands and thinking, Who the hell are these people and where did they come from? To become like them seems an easy choice but it's not because to become one of them means to lose a part of yourself. Unless your depression is a short and unnatural thing for you, often fixed by a few months of drugs or time or a life change, then becoming one of those happy people would be a serious alteration in who you are. Pick one of them you like and see if you'd change places with them, become them, trade your life for their life and I bet the answer in your heart is no. That's because we hang on to who we are even when there are easier ways to live. Our lives may be difficult and our fights with depression great, but they are still ours and we usually wouldn't trade them away.

My depression is part of me, attached to the core, yours might be the same, and I sometimes wonder if that's why I never quite get rid of it, ever. If I did, I'd be ******* an old friend, not a good friend, but an old friend and happy people scare the crap out of me so to become one of them would be to become something I hate. That pretty much sets the course I think and for 30 plus years that's proven true.

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Hi,

I am glad that you shared this post.

At times, I look at people and wonder what it is like to go through the day and not constantly feel so low. I envy them,

I have feelings towards people who are patronising at the moment.

I am very angry with a 'friend' who pretends to understand mental illness when in fact she has no clue. ( rant over)

When I think of people that I used to know in my last country of residence I am full of envy and sometimes jelousy that they lead such carefree lives.

Or so it seems.

I don't like Christmas either as it reminds me of what a failure I am.

Some people go through life making other people miserable in their quest to satisfy their own egos. This type of person really bothers me.

Just wanted to add to your post as I am feeling angry towards some people today.

Georgie

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I've always believed happy people are one of (or perhaps a combination of) three things:

1. Too stupid to understand how the world is

2. Completely naive about how the world is (in which case it will probably smack them upside the head eventually)

3. Too selfish to care about the suffering all around them.

I don't want to be selfish or stupid, and naivete once lost can never be reclaimed, so I'll never be happy. And that's okay with me. I just want the thoughts of death and destruction to abate enough that I can do the things I care about (reading and writing) without them interfering.

I'm not jealous of happy people at all. Like I said, I don't want to be stupid, selfish, or naive. The stupid and selfish ones pi** me off and I pity the naive ones.

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I don't like people who look down on people who are in distress and feel good about it, but next to that, happy people are basically my inspiration, because I want to feel that way too.

I've overcome so many mental problems in my life, but depression is just such a difficult beast that comes and goes. Nonetheless, happy people are like a sort of model for me.

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Sometimes I feel like I get some good energy from happy people. Other time's I feel like I have no clue of getting to the point of being happy like them. I think also sometimes happy people are so wrapped up in themselves, they dont like to think about the reality of what others are going through. I just don't understand how people can see other's suffering,and in no way it effects their mood.

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I envy them. Increasingly I've found that I feel a strong feeling of hate towards people. Not just random people walking around with that stupid ******* smile on their faces, but my closest friends too. I haven't told anyone this before. Maybe that's part of the reason I began avoiding them so much in the first place, because I don't want people to notice.

Depression has made me something of a misanthrope.

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I don't subscribe to absolute labels for a broad swath of the populace, like "happy" people, "angry" people, "sad" people, etc. And comparing how I feel on the inside to how another person appears on the outside is an exercise in futility. I'm not a mind-reader (nor, I suspect, are any of the rest of us), and it is disingenuous and unfair for me to assume that just because a person is all "sunshine and sugar" on the outside, that they don't have worries, concerns, or yes, even depression that they are keeping well-concealed on the inside.

In any event, adopting a negative posture/attitude towards "happy" people serves me no constructive purpose whatsoever. It only fortifies the very depression I am trying to remedy. So no, I don't have a beef of any sort towards "happy" people.

Edited by LonelyHiker

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I don't believe that it is normal to be happy all of the time. Nothing against them, I'm just not completely sold on the" happy all of the time" theory. On the other hand, I do believe that someone can be generally satisfied with their life. Is that the same thing as happiness?

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This is a very interesting topic!,

For me when I am down and I am around happy people eventually it rubs off on me and lightens my feelings. Please note that this only happens if I let it. Join in on what is going on. Join in on the conversations, jokes, or whatever may be happening. I guess sometimes the down feelings we have cannot be controlled and happy people around would just annoy us but this is not always the case. Again this is just my experience. For me hiding from happy people, even if I really want to, only makes my feelings worse as I am running away from the inevitable (being around happy people). I work as a salesperson in a large retailer so everyday I have to deal with happy (and unhappy lol) people. Take some of their joy and make it your own.

Best wishes everybody! Have a happy Christmas,

Adrian

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I don't hate "happy" people, but I don't like them either...they remind me that my own life is far from perfect.

But I'm thankful that you brought up this subject. You're definitely not alone. I do believe that some people hide their pain with smiles, though...they seem to be happy on the surface but inside they're crying.

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I hate to admit it, but I hate them. Especially when I go on facebook and they constantly brag about their perfect lives and how happy they are. It's like, thanks for rubbing it in.

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I don't believe in labels and I don't like putting in a box. Everyone is unique and different. People are not always as they appear on the outside. Millions of people walk around everyday wearing masks. They may seem perfectly fine and even 'happy' on the outside, their lives may appear perfect, but on the inside they could be hiding grief, torment, insecurities and a lot of pain.

Trace

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It's a little numbing but you could have been writing about me. You are not alone in this. When at my lowest I can't comprehend happiness or any level above the level I am currently at so I isolate myself from the world as much as possible which is almost impossible in my family. Thank you for your post.

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