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Newto The Forum And Depression!!


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Hi All,

If you read my topic you probably think that I have recently fallen into depression, seems not - seems like I have had it for quite a while now and have always just surpressed it thinking how could someone as strong and intelligent as myself "allow" themselves to get depressed. I've always been sarcastic and pessimistic but just accepted this as being a realist and that everyone else lived in a fantasy land and I was the one who had to bring them back down to earth!! I just assumed this was me, even though this was the new me since about 5 years ago - before that I was bubbly, outgoing (not saying I am a recluse now) and generally didn't care what anybody thought about how I acted. Looking back I suppose it started when I couldn't get out of bed for college, I would sleep all day and cry all night - I put it down to my recent break up and that it would pass. It didn't and I dropped out of college - I then went on kind of a rampage, getting drunk and crashing my car, things like that! I got really drunk one night and threw everyone out of my house and injured myself - I didnt cause any damage except a mark on each which still kind of shows today. I put it down to being drunk and foolish and again a relapse of the break up! Time went on and I never got excited about ANYTHING!

There is alot more to this but just wondering if anybody would like to talk about there experiences and I will go on and share mine..

Thanks, xxx

Edited by DarkRain
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I've dealt with my depression for years but it seemed to go into remission when my son was born 11 years ago (single mom) , then it reared it's ugly head about a year ago. I was hospitalized in 2008 for 2 weeks after nearly dying of legionnaire's disease, spent 5 days in a coma, had to have dialysis, etc. I'm on disability now and not being able to work doesn't help, since I have short term memory loss from loss of oxygen when they had to put me on the ventilator. I have a lot of physical pain issues also from the illness and back pain from an accident in 1993. I was doing well after a slow recovery, my son and I bought our first home last year, then I started having stomach problems and dropped 40 lbs in 2 months and ended up in the hospital last year right before X-mas. They did a bunch of tests but found nothing and wrote it off as stress. After I got out of the hospital is when I sank into my depression again and have severe anxiety and stress. My pdoc thinks I have PTSD from my hospitalization and coma in 2008 and being in the hospital last year triggered it. I have terrible insomnia and only sleep an hour or two at a time because sometimes I feel I'm sinking back into a coma (I had some weird dreams while I was there and knew I couldn't wake myself up). I hold it together for my son because his dad is a worthless jerk who only thinks of him as a financial burden and is trying every trick in the book to get out of child support. He has my son every Sun. but ignores him while he's there. He forces him to stay overnight (court ordered) even though it traumatizes my son and my son has begged his dad to let him out of the overnights (he wasn't even interested in his son until he was 9 when I went for my first and only ever increase in child support). Anyway, that about rounds it up. I come here to vent, write in a journal, I'm even writing my experiences with my legionnaire's and coma in a "book". I walk my dog every day and do what has to be done but my main inspiration is my son because I feel he deserves at least one parent who is 100% there for him.

Hang in there, as you can tell by the many members here, you are not alone!

Edited by taysmom1016
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(((good2talk)))

I can assure you that you'll find many, many people here on DF who will talk to you about your experiences. That's what we do best here after all! :happy:

That's the great thing about DF. We all understand because we've all been through it. Here you will only find understanding and support. We are always here when you need to talk.

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Hi and welcome! Sometimes you don't have a choice in the matter as far as depression goes. You will have it no matter how positive or upbeat you try to be. Not everyone is like that, but some are. Sometimes it can make us severely unmotivated and angry. I'd hate to see anyone get in trouble with the law or make serious life-changing decisions "under the influence" of depression. Thanks for sharing. You are always free to come here and share anything you'd like.

I've had depression/anxiety off and on since puberty. I've spent more time off meds than on. I am currently on meds to deal with things. I am a single mom. It can be really hard to deal with everything sometimes. I just try to do the best I can. Most of my motivation comes from wanting the best for my daughter.

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Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for listening! Wow I cant even begin to imagine how hard it would be if I had a child but in some ways I can sometimes find myself falling in to the thoughts that if I had one I would have to be storinger for it and get on with life, (dont worry the thought isn't that strong to make me purposly have one) ! That's one of the factors that I think is one of the reasons to my anger and constant mood swings - its very personal but I was pregnant before but I don't have a child now so its pretty obvious. I don't want to go into details in case I upset or offend anyone so I think that's all Ill say, Again, none of my family knows so they don't know the loss I feel, again its only my boyfriend. I try to be strong for my family - I had to move home to help out, although of course didnt tell them thats why as don't want to upset them.

I'm feeling pretty good today, I just feel like I always need to be there for my family and I worry alot about everyone but myself which hinders me from making plans for myself to make me happy! Someone on the forum suggested I keep a mood chart - have you guys ever done this?? Would it be more helpful to keep a mood diary??

xxxx

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