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morph

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I live all alone and it's really getting to me. I went over to my parents house tonight and my own brother yelled at me for coming over. My brother called me tonight and then 2 hours later I went over there and he flipped out on me for some reason. He was actually standing outside on the porch with his hands on his hips and started yelling at me as I approached the house even though we had a completely pleasant conversation a couple hours prior. We are both in our 30s. We've had our ups and downs but this is like one of the worst things he's done because he knows how mentally damaged I am right now. What he did tonight was like refusing a thirsty man water in the desert.

Anyway, I've been depressed on and off. I get better and then I get bad again. I hope it gets better again. I'm unemployed but I tried to get some fresh air today. What do you guys do to help yourselves feel better? Do you just try to be with your family more? What am I going to do if my parents die? Oh no. They are all I have. Anyway, tell me what you do to make yourselves feel better....I really need it.

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The nature of depression is make you isolate yourself, which only increases it even more. As much as you probably don't want to, being around friends, even briefly is best. I use to work in a store so I dropped by and talked with friends who still work them. Did wonders.

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I agree. I just wondered if there is anything that I can do by myself because I live alone. My brother wont even give me 2 minutes on the phone sometimes. And sometimes I like to call at like 1 am in the morning because it's at night that it really gets to me. It's so quiet at night and lonely. Maybe I could find someone on here who stays up all night like I do.

Edited by morph
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Hi, Morph.

Loneliness is a killer, and it really helps to feel connected to someone, even if it is online. I agree 100% that posting positive things makes us feel better, AND there are many people "up all night" though there are just as many of us insomniacs doing anything to sleep at night. Anyhow, there is a live chat on here somewhere, I've never been, but maybe you try that?

As far as what to do with yourself in all the alone time, do you have any hobbies or interests? What about journaling: you could write in your journal all the things you would tell someone sitting with you in your living room. Or, take up drawing or painting, or read a book. When I read, I become so lost that I actually feel like I am living in the story, having the same experiences as the characters. Of course, I am highly suggestible, always willing to suspend disbelief.

Maybe finding an interest would lead you to friends and acquaintances that might give you a greater social circle than your parents and brother (who doesn't sound very nice, I'm sorry). Troll the internet to see what kinds of things look fun, or that you might like to do. Just don't become a shopaholic....:smilingteeth:

I hope you are feeling a bit better after the family confrontation, take care, M of P

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I am feeling better. Thank you mommy.(saying that made me laugh)...I think everything is going to be okay. Sometimes when I'm feeling bad like that, I feel like I'm never going to get out of the hole.

I take this medicine that give me vertigo. So yesterday, I laid down to sleep and the room was spinning. I instantly sat back up and the room spinned again. Oh, it was a nightmare and I could not sleep. It was the worst feeling ever. And I was feeling depressed too. It was awful. I never want to experience that ever again.

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Dear morph,

The vertigo is a side effect of a medication you take? Have you experienced it before? Maybe you should talk to your doctor about it?

Feeling physically bad can trigger you depression even more.

I know it sounds stupid but try to hang on to good moments. I try to write down the good memories and keep them in a box.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today

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Writing definitely helps! And I just joined this board a few days ago and it's already been an immense help! I suffered a bad case of Legionnaires disease in 2008 (in a coma 5 days, very weird coma dreams, on a respirator, kidney failure, near death) and my doctors believe I have post traumatic stress. I decided to start writing a "book" about my experience and add to it almost every day. I'm still dealing with my depression on a daily basis and the insomnia is horrible (I feel like I'm slipping back into a coma that I won't be able to wake up from) but writing here and in my "book" is very therapeutic! If I ever get it published, I'll let y'all know so you can buy it and I can become a best selling author and be rich and famous......maybe that will help with my depression, or at least my fininancial stress! :) Good thoughts sent to all of you!

Marcia

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(I just lost the whole message...)

Ok, well, I worked today. Then I came back and installed headlights and tail lights on my car. I got some brighter head lights now and I can't wait to try them out. After that, I went out to eat with my mom. There was this young 4 year old girl there that made me laugh. She was being a little terror for her grandmother. And she was wanting to sit at another table. Her grandma had to literally pick her up and bring her back to the table. It made me laugh because it looks like she's getting too big to be picked up like that. And she was obviously very smart and was causing lots of problems for her grandmother. I shouldn't have laughed but it was so funny. It was kind of innocent kind of problem making. Well, I guess from my perspective, it was innocent since I have no kids.

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I sometimes forget that I have PTSD. Maybe I'm in denial or just thought it was depression or anxiety but I really think it's PTSD because it takes a long time, sometimes weeks or months to go away. I got it to go away last time but it's back. Last night wasn't too bad. Tonight is friday. The only thing I have planned for tomorrow is doing some yard work (which means being alone some more). What do you to help your PTSD? I don't think movies are going to help me. Maybe I'll call my family again tonight. Last night, like I said, my brother flipped out on me. And unfortunately, we got in another fight today about a small thing at work.

Maybe I'll clean up the house tonight. (:

Edited by morph
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Good to hear you're finding joy in the little daily things :) That sounds like a pretty full day too. It's good that you're keeping busy. I know it helps to force yourself to do things but I've let myself slip more and more into just computer/tv time. So yeah, that's what I did today :(

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When I feel very depress, like now.

I cried (not that I can really control), then in result I am having a bad headache now.

So I am going to sleep.

Usually when I am down, but didn't cry. I still go to sleep, in hoping to let my mind to rest a while in this way.

Or I read a book.

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