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Hi guys,

I'm new here. I've suffered from major depression for years but was doing okay (have tried every medication available, I think). In 2008 I contracted Legionnaire's Disease and nearly died. I was in a coma for 5 days on a respirator, total kidney failure, sepsis, etc. and woke up when my dreams in the coma gave me a glimpse into my son's (who was 7 at the time) future if I died. I'm a single mom, 46, and my son's dad only came back into the picture when I asked for a raise (first ever) in my child support when my son was 9. He has since been trying to manipulate half custody to get out of paying and traumatizing my son by forcing him to stay overnight (court ordered) against his will. My son is now 11 and still cries every time he has to go to his father's for an overnight. My physchiatrist believes the stress of all this, plus post traumatic stress from my coma and near death experience triggered my current severe depression and anxiety which kicked in again in full force about a year ago. I can't sleep more than an hour at a time, my heart races for no reason, I feel depressed almost all of the time and worry about EVERYTHING! I never used to be this bad or feel this hopless, like this feelilng will never go away. I spent 4 days in the hospital last winter because I couldn't eat and lost 40 lbs in 2 months. The doctors found nothing wrong and wrote it off as stress. I'm currently on mirtazipine and clonazepam with little relief. I recently bought the book, "The Depression Cure" and have been trying to follow its tips including taking Omega 3 supplements. Has anyone else tried this, how much do you take, have you had any success, and have you tried anything else that works? I'm currently writing a "memoire" type book on my experience with my Legionnaire's hoping it will help. I also walk at least an hour every day with my dog and try not to "ruminate" or think about bad thoughts all the time but it's tough. I would give anything if I could get my life back and sleep through the night again without waking in terror and feeling panicked (has anyone else experienced this symptom?).

Thanks for listening to my rambling and although I'm sorry you are all going through the same hell I am, I'm glad to have found this support group. Email me any time!

Marcia

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(((Marcia)))

I'm so sorry I couldn't get to this sooner. I wanted to reply last night but simply ran out of time in my day. :verysad3:

That feeling you're talking about, waking up in a panic with fear, yes I know it well. Oddly enough it happened to me last night. I kept waking up after dreaming that I was late for work, and was a mess. Heart racing, trying to catch my breath and then realize that it was early in the morning and I had hours left before my shift. It doesn't happen to me too often anymore, but it scares the crap out of me when it does. I'm very sorry that you're feeling this on a nightly basis and do hope you can find relief some way soon.

I know about the weight loss too. I lost a bunch of weight when I had my breakdown 3 years ago. I've since gained it back, but I was skinnier than I have ever been in my life at that point and I had absolutely no appetite. It's amazing how much anxiety can affect your body. The physical symptoms alone are enough to cause concern, let alone all the thoughts that go racing through our heads.

My whole breakdown started with a traumatic event. I'm not sure if I have GAD, PTSD, or anything for that matter. I just know how I feel and I know it's not right. I did spend some time on AD's and now take Xanax as needed to keep my mental health in check. Whatever you can do that works for you, definitely go for it. I think the book is an amazing idea. Also, going on the walks helps many of us. If we can keep our minds distracted, it helps to keep those thoughts from becoming overwhelming. It's hard though because when the anxiety is bad, it seems that nothing will drown it out.

I do wish I had some profound advice to give you, but I'm still suffering myself. I can only tell you that what I did was take EVERY bit of support I could get. I got on meds, saw a therapist, prayed, leaned on my family and friends, and tried to make positive changes in my life. I've come a long way since my breakdown and I'm happy again and feel like my old self most of the time. When it comes to traumatic events in our lives, it can take a very long time to process them and then move on and heal. I think time helps, but also keeping ourselves as well as we can mentally is important.

As far as the supplements go, I don't have knowledge of them myself. I'm sure some other members can offer more advice about it. If you don't get an answer here perhaps try some of the other rooms and see if they can help. I do know that you have to watch for interactions between pmeds and some supplements. Make sure that you discuss with your doctor if/when you're taking pmeds and using the supplements.

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Thank you so much for your post, you have no idea how much it helps knowing that you've gone through this and have come out on the other side and feel happy again because at times It feels that happiness is gone for good. It gives me hope that it's still out there! I keep it together day by day by telling myself my son needs me. His dad is doing everything he can right now to try to force him to stay at his house more and more and since he was virutally nonexistant the first 9 years of his life, I know his only motive is to try to get his child support lowered or eliminated. My son PANICS every time he has to go to his house overnight so I'm hoping if we do end up in court again, the court psychologist will see how much mental damage his father is doing and the judge won't let him have anymore overnights than the 2 Sundays a month he already stresses over. I should mention too that his dad plays in a very popular band in the area and is GONE virtually every Fri. and Sat. night so he wouldn't even BE there on the nights he wants my son there. Anyway, I keep it together because I know if I break down, my son's dad would use it against me and my son would be FORCED to live with him and I'd rather die than let that happen. I guess that's why I don't talk about my depression with anyone around here, it's a small town and I don't want it to get back to him so it was a Godsend to find this board.

Best of luck to you, I hope you keep feeling better and thanks again for starting this thread for me. As much as I hate the idea of anyone else (except maybe my son's father and stepmother ; ) ) going through this hell, it is a comfort knowing I'm not alone in this crazy hell.

Keep in touch,

Marcia

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Marcia

I'm glad you have your son to keep you going. Sometimes all we need is a reason to never give up. Use that motivation to keep yourself as well as you can and get through this. You CAN do it.

I would bring up with the court what you are talking about here. Tell whoever is there to listen (not familiar with this myself). If they understand that your son isn't happy going to his fathers then maybe they will sit down with your son and talk to him about it. I'm not sure how the laws work, but I would think his feelings should be taken into consideration.

As for coming out the other end and being happy, you can do it too. There's times in our lives, especially with MI throw in, that we feel like we can't go on. Those times WILL pass though and you'll find a way. Remember that you're doing this not only for you, but for your family too. Best of luck and do keep us posted on how you're doing and what happens with the court.

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