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chumly

How Should I Handle This Rude Response??

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I am just wondering if this would bother other people on here and how you would handle this situation;

My x boyfriends stepsister got married just recently. My x boyfriend is not close with her at all (he actually does not really even know her very well and I do not know her very well either)..In fact, from the little he knows of her he does not actually like her and I don't think she likes him very much either but they are on each others friend list on facebook.

Anyway, she is not on my FB friend list but I thought that I would do what I thought was a nice thing and send her a congratulations message but she never bothered to thank me for it. It has been over a month since I sent it to her and since she got married. She has since been on FB posting trivial things about her life but yet has never taken the time to simply thank me for writing to her. In fact, my x boyfriend even wrote on her FB wall asking her if she ever got my message and she has completely ignored him and just continues to write about her life on FB and it only takes but a second to thank someone. It is almost as if she is going out of her way not to thank me.

I know this may seem trivial but this is really bothering me. I guess I feel like she is almost saying fu** you to me by not thanking me. I am so sorry now that I ever even wrote to her now because I feel so bad and angry and it makes me not want to be friendly to people anymore. I guess. just like everyone out there, I do not like rejection. It does not feel nice. Even if she does not like my x boyfriend there is no reason to snub me.

Anyway, I am just wondering how others would respond to this? Would it bother you to have this happen to you? Am I being too sensitive?? Would you say something to her if you were me? even though she probably won't respond.

For some reason I have been almost obsessing over it. Always checking my mail..anticipating a response and hoping for a response and not getting one and wishing she would get hurt out of retaliation. I just want to stop feeling so angry. I HATE feeling this way. i know I may sound like I am overreacting but I can not help my feeling or at least I do not feel like I can.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

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Dear chumly,

I understand exactly how you feel, and I am sorry to say that you are overreacting. I do feel the same way when certain people don't respond to me. However, what we have to understand is that people who don't reply to us and don't really know us are not rejecting us. How can she reject or abuse you when she does not even know you?

May be there are some issues between your x boyfriend and his sister, hence she doesn't want to associate with anybody who knows him. It means she does not want him to be part of her life. In no way, does it reflect her opinion of you. Until we are in her shoes, we cannot really say what she is doing is right or wrong. So please relax. There are billions of people in the world and not all of them will be nice to you, so enjoy the company of people who admire you for who you are and don't bother about people who ignore you. I hope you understand that I am not being hard on you ,because I have the same problem as yours and nowadays I try to control these feelings. If I find any CBT material to help with these feelings, I will forward it to you.

My best wishes and prayers will be with you.

NAruto

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I think naruto has made some very good comments as to why you didn't get a response.

In MHO this person has no manners or etiquette. Even though she doesn't know you, she should have sent a simple thank you within a few days of your message. I wonder if she sent thank you notes to people who gave wedding presents. If not, she is very rude. Personally, I'd drop this, take her off your FB friends list and get on with your life. You don't need to have people like this around you

Sheepwoman

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Hi chumly

I would probably react similar to you at first. But facebook is a very hypocritical site and you shouldn't bother about anything that does or does not happen there. I would try to forget about her. She really isn't worth the worries. It may be difficult to stop, but I'm sure you can do it. :console:

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I defenately know how you feel about this, I get the same way sometimes. But, I've been on her side to, and sometimes I get a lot of messages on facebook, and just can't or forget to reply. Honestly, don't worry about what she thinks! You should never worry about what anyone else thinks. You did the good thing! If she doesn't want to see that, then thats her bad. But eventually, the good people always win.

I have a bad way of getting too upset over what may or may not be. Try to just let it go, forget it. TRUST me on this, you'll feel better in the end. And don't stop being nice to people! One bad response shouldn't be enough for that. Theres a much bigger place in this world for caring people like yourself then immature people!

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I use to get angry with people when I would send congrat's and brief messages for whatever reason through the messageing system on Facebook, but then I found out that we can set the security on our profiles to only allow messages from our friends list. Whether or not it was done for a reason is anyones guess but I have sent messages to pass co-workers and such and the message never got through for this reason. As soon as they edited their security for messages we were able to communicate, not saying this is the case but some people use facebook to display a "wonderful life and everything rosey" type of profile for everyone to see but since I live close to 2 of my "friends", not actually the case, they are customers of mine and I know that both live two different lives, one on facebook and one reality. If all this is not the case I wouldn't worry and consider the fact that some people are so caught up in their "clicks" or "circles" that no one else matters. I think you were right by sending the congrat's but I would move on because you may never know the real reason until you are face to face with her.

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While I do understand how you feel, I think that if you're sending someone a congratulations with the hope or expectation of getting a response, then maybe that's not the ideal motivation for doing it? I think it's better, where possible, to do those sort of things for the sake of being nice, and making someone else happy, without any need to get a thank you back....

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Hey all,

I have to agree with americadownunder, you shouldnt expect a response for a wee congratulation note.

To be fair, her facebook was probably inundated with little messages like yours and I know I wouldn't bother to reply to everyone individually.

She probably put out a general 'thanks to everyone for the lovely messages' and you're maybe not on the friend list to see that update.

As sheepwoman said, just remove her from your facebook, she's your ex-boyfriends step-sister, you don't need this stress.

I understand how you feel, you're not overreacting, it's just a tiny thing that your head will keep shouting at you about, but it won't get any better by worrying about it.

I appreciate it's not nice to think that someone out there doesn't like you, but if she doesn't even really know you, and you her, then just leave it. I would advise against messaging her again, you don't want your ex on the phone saying 'what are you doing giving my sister a hard time over facebook'.

Just relax, put it down to the fact that some people are just rude, forgetful or just plain dumb.

Take it easy now.

Munk.

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I just wanted to quickly send out a quick thankyou to everyone who has responded to my post. I will write more back to people when I have a little more time but I just wanted to make sure you all know how much I really appreciate everyone taking the time out to respond to me.

i has all really helped me to feel a whole lot better!! I can not thankyou all enough. I will write more soon but in the meantime please know that I am truly grateful to you all! :smilingteeth::smilingteeth:

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But facebook is a very hypocritical site and you shouldn't bother about anything that does or does not happen there.

You mean the people there are hypocritical? That includes a good chunk of everybody on the planet right now!

But I agree with the others - you shouldn't respond to this. If she doesn't wish to respond, that is her choice. I don't necessarily consider it rude, because nobody here knows what his going through her head or what her circumstances are.

I have had circumstances where people emailed me and I didn't bother responding.

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But facebook is a very hypocritical site and you shouldn't bother about anything that does or does not happen there.

You mean the people there are hypocritical? That includes a good chunk of everybody on the planet right now!

What I mean is that everybody pretends to have a perfect life and are "friends" when they don't even know (or like) each other. That includes me as well, so no offence intended.

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for things like facebook and forum when you arent happy with something you always have to think

"its the internet"

people usually act completely different on the net......

you shouldnt take offence to things or get upset because at the end of the day you dont have to see these people

and if its someone you know whos upset you txt, phone or speak to them next time you see them a lot of the time in cases like these people dont realise they have upset you

its so easy to forget to respond to someone no facebook or forget to thank them message them etc..

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What I mean is that everybody pretends to have a perfect life and are "friends" when they don't even know (or like) each other. That includes me as well, so no offence intended.

True. When I joined a few years ago, I had nearly all of my cousins send me friend requests. I hadn't seen any of them in over 10 years, and have never been close to my extended family, so I wasn't sure why they were suddenly now interested.

But then I realized, it's much easier to send someone a friend request online than to pick up the phone and call them, or even to email them and ask how they are. People on FB want to inflate their friend count to feed their own ego, which means tracking down every single person you have ever met or known, even if you have no intention of talking to the person.

I never understood the appeal. Granted, I'm not the most social person in the world, but I simply don't get a thrill off of having 300+ "friends" on my FB page.

Edited by tremblingblustar

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I just wanted to thank everyone again for adding some terrific advice and input about this situation as well as the new input that has been added since my last post. Everyone has really been so nice and helpful!!

There has been some very interesting points made here as well that I will definelty address when I have more time to do so. There is a possibility that I will be going out of town for about a week but I will certainly get back to everyone when I get back and even sooner if I do not wind up going out of town.

In the meantime I want to make sure everyone knows how grateful I am for all the help and terrific advice. It has actually really helped me out ALOT!!! Thanks again!!!

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I just wanted to once again say how thankful I am to everyone here who has taken the time to respond. Everyone has given me just so much good food for thought. Normally I try to respond to everyones post individually but since there is so many wonderful post from everyone I hope a general thankyou to all will be sufficient.

I still get angry at times about how this woman handled it especially since she proclaims to be a christian who is going to heaven and constantly asks people to pray for her for different things. But when I do get angry I try and remember all the great advice that everyone on here has given me. I also consider the possibility that she may have never gotten the reponse as Sewmind has pointed out. That is a very interesting possibility. Of course it still would not explain why she did not at least acknowledge my x boyfriends message that he left on her wall asking if she got my message. She most certainly would have gotten that but she totally ignored his message too.

I did have an opportunity to let my feeling be known on the matter. My x boyfriend wrote on his wall an angry jibe directed at her about how simple manners are turning out to be alot to ask for in life and I in turn "liked" his status and followed up with my own thoughts on the subject. I felt better after I did this too. Of course I still get mad from time to time but I try to keep reminding myself of the advice people on here gave me.

Thanks again everyone for the help. I truly appreciate everyone taking the time out as they have. :smilingteeth::smilingteeth:

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I am just wondering if this would bother other people on here and how you would handle this situation;

My x boyfriends stepsister got married just recently. My x boyfriend is not close with her at all (he actually does not really even know her very well and I do not know her very well either)..In fact, from the little he knows of her he does not actually like her and I don't think she likes him very much either but they are on each others friend list on facebook.

Anyway, she is not on my FB friend list but I thought that I would do what I thought was a nice thing and send her a congratulations message but she never bothered to thank me for it. It has been over a month since I sent it to her and since she got married. She has since been on FB posting trivial things about her life but yet has never taken the time to simply thank me for writing to her. In fact, my x boyfriend even wrote on her FB wall asking her if she ever got my message and she has completely ignored him and just continues to write about her life on FB and it only takes but a second to thank someone. It is almost as if she is going out of her way not to thank me.

I know this may seem trivial but this is really bothering me. I guess I feel like she is almost saying fu** you to me by not thanking me. I am so sorry now that I ever even wrote to her now because I feel so bad and angry and it makes me not want to be friendly to people anymore. I guess. just like everyone out there, I do not like rejection. It does not feel nice. Even if she does not like my x boyfriend there is no reason to snub me.

Anyway, I am just wondering how others would respond to this? Would it bother you to have this happen to you? Am I being too sensitive?? Would you say something to her if you were me? even though she probably won't respond.

For some reason I have been almost obsessing over it. Always checking my mail..anticipating a response and hoping for a response and not getting one and wishing she would get hurt out of retaliation. I just want to stop feeling so angry. I HATE feeling this way. i know I may sound like I am overreacting but I can not help my feeling or at least I do not feel like I can.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

This type of thing is exactly why I hate facebook and all social networking sites. I stopped using them last spring, and never looked back. Been a lot happier and healthier since because it became just a relentless huge mass of triggers for me. If I were you, I'd (mentally) tell her to f off, and try to forget about her rudeness completely.

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What I mean is that everybody pretends to have a perfect life and are "friends" when they don't even know (or like) each other. That includes me as well, so no offence intended.

True. When I joined a few years ago, I had nearly all of my cousins send me friend requests. I hadn't seen any of them in over 10 years, and have never been close to my extended family, so I wasn't sure why they were suddenly now interested.

But then I realized, it's much easier to send someone a friend request online than to pick up the phone and call them, or even to email them and ask how they are. People on FB want to inflate their friend count to feed their own ego, which means tracking down every single person you have ever met or known, even if you have no intention of talking to the person.

I never understood the appeal. Granted, I'm not the most social person in the world, but I simply don't get a thrill off of having 300+ "friends" on my FB page.

This is really true. But also, I think 99% of the people on my friends list didn't or barely know who I am, and if they sent me happy birthday or something, I would be like you never talked to me in person before, or you were a complete arse to me...and so it meant nothing to me. Also, facebook explicitly tells others when birthdays and things like that are, so it's not like the person actually took the time to remember it. And furthermore, if I didn't tell some people happy birthday on fb, but talked to them in real life about it or called them about it, they'd be p***** off at me. I've always been under the impression that the more personal a conversation is, the more meaningful it is. A lot of facebook members have it backwards because they prefer padded impersonal accolades from people they've never met, so much that it becomes more important than a geniune message, and all sense of geniune-ness and what really matters gets lost for pettiness. To me, social networking sites are popularity contests, why else would people send mass friend requests to everyone on their friend's friends list?

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I am just wondering if this would bother other people on here and how you would handle this situation;

My x boyfriends stepsister got married just recently. My x boyfriend is not close with her at all (he actually does not really even know her very well and I do not know her very well either)..In fact, from the little he knows of her he does not actually like her and I don't think she likes him very much either but they are on each others friend list on facebook.

Anyway, she is not on my FB friend list but I thought that I would do what I thought was a nice thing and send her a congratulations message but she never bothered to thank me for it. It has been over a month since I sent it to her and since she got married. She has since been on FB posting trivial things about her life but yet has never taken the time to simply thank me for writing to her. In fact, my x boyfriend even wrote on her FB wall asking her if she ever got my message and she has completely ignored him and just continues to write about her life on FB and it only takes but a second to thank someone. It is almost as if she is going out of her way not to thank me.

I know this may seem trivial but this is really bothering me. I guess I feel like she is almost saying fu** you to me by not thanking me. I am so sorry now that I ever even wrote to her now because I feel so bad and angry and it makes me not want to be friendly to people anymore. I guess. just like everyone out there, I do not like rejection. It does not feel nice. Even if she does not like my x boyfriend there is no reason to snub me.

Anyway, I am just wondering how others would respond to this? Would it bother you to have this happen to you? Am I being too sensitive?? Would you say something to her if you were me? even though she probably won't respond.

For some reason I have been almost obsessing over it. Always checking my mail..anticipating a response and hoping for a response and not getting one and wishing she would get hurt out of retaliation. I just want to stop feeling so angry. I HATE feeling this way. i know I may sound like I am overreacting but I can not help my feeling or at least I do not feel like I can.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

This type of thing is exactly why I hate facebook and all social networking sites. I stopped using them last spring, and never looked back. Been a lot happier and healthier since because it became just a relentless huge mass of triggers for me. If I were you, I'd (mentally) tell her to f off, and try to forget about her rudeness completely.

Thanks for your added insight and advice. I am also glad that you have gotten away from FB and other such sites since they have caused you alot of stress. I think that you make alot of good points with what you have said.

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I am just wondering if this would bother other people on here and how you would handle this situation;

My x boyfriends stepsister got married just recently. My x boyfriend is not close with her at all (he actually does not really even know her very well and I do not know her very well either)..In fact, from the little he knows of her he does not actually like her and I don't think she likes him very much either but they are on each others friend list on facebook.

Anyway, she is not on my FB friend list but I thought that I would do what I thought was a nice thing and send her a congratulations message but she never bothered to thank me for it. It has been over a month since I sent it to her and since she got married. She has since been on FB posting trivial things about her life but yet has never taken the time to simply thank me for writing to her. In fact, my x boyfriend even wrote on her FB wall asking her if she ever got my message and she has completely ignored him and just continues to write about her life on FB and it only takes but a second to thank someone. It is almost as if she is going out of her way not to thank me.

I know this may seem trivial but this is really bothering me. I guess I feel like she is almost saying fu** you to me by not thanking me. I am so sorry now that I ever even wrote to her now because I feel so bad and angry and it makes me not want to be friendly to people anymore. I guess. just like everyone out there, I do not like rejection. It does not feel nice. Even if she does not like my x boyfriend there is no reason to snub me.

Anyway, I am just wondering how others would respond to this? Would it bother you to have this happen to you? Am I being too sensitive?? Would you say something to her if you were me? even though she probably won't respond.

For some reason I have been almost obsessing over it. Always checking my mail..anticipating a response and hoping for a response and not getting one and wishing she would get hurt out of retaliation. I just want to stop feeling so angry. I HATE feeling this way. i know I may sound like I am overreacting but I can not help my feeling or at least I do not feel like I can.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

This type of thing is exactly why I hate facebook and all social networking sites. I stopped using them last spring, and never looked back. Been a lot happier and healthier since because it became just a relentless huge mass of triggers for me. If I were you, I'd (mentally) tell her to f off, and try to forget about her rudeness completely.

Thanks for your added insight and advice. I am also glad that you have gotten away from FB and other such sites since they have caused you alot of stress. I think that you make alot of good points with what you have said.

Thanks. Glad to be of help. And to clarify, I think facebook and social networking sites are great tools if used correctly, I just know that I can't trust myself to use them correctly right now or at least in a way that would be constructive towards my overall well-being. And I know if I feel that way about it, surely there must be other people out there like me, no? I'm only saying this because I feel so strongly about social-networking sites, and so post here a lot about them. I wouldn't want another person to cut it out of their lives if they are getting some enjoyment out of it. On the other hand, if facebook is causing you or anyone else nothing but misery, then like me, it clearly needs to be removed from their lives.

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I am just wondering if this would bother other people on here and how you would handle this situation;

My x boyfriends stepsister got married just recently. My x boyfriend is not close with her at all (he actually does not really even know her very well and I do not know her very well either)..In fact, from the little he knows of her he does not actually like her and I don't think she likes him very much either but they are on each others friend list on facebook.

Anyway, she is not on my FB friend list but I thought that I would do what I thought was a nice thing and send her a congratulations message but she never bothered to thank me for it. It has been over a month since I sent it to her and since she got married. She has since been on FB posting trivial things about her life but yet has never taken the time to simply thank me for writing to her. In fact, my x boyfriend even wrote on her FB wall asking her if she ever got my message and she has completely ignored him and just continues to write about her life on FB and it only takes but a second to thank someone. It is almost as if she is going out of her way not to thank me.

I know this may seem trivial but this is really bothering me. I guess I feel like she is almost saying fu** you to me by not thanking me. I am so sorry now that I ever even wrote to her now because I feel so bad and angry and it makes me not want to be friendly to people anymore. I guess. just like everyone out there, I do not like rejection. It does not feel nice. Even if she does not like my x boyfriend there is no reason to snub me.

Anyway, I am just wondering how others would respond to this? Would it bother you to have this happen to you? Am I being too sensitive?? Would you say something to her if you were me? even though she probably won't respond.

For some reason I have been almost obsessing over it. Always checking my mail..anticipating a response and hoping for a response and not getting one and wishing she would get hurt out of retaliation. I just want to stop feeling so angry. I HATE feeling this way. i know I may sound like I am overreacting but I can not help my feeling or at least I do not feel like I can.

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much in advance.

This type of thing is exactly why I hate facebook and all social networking sites. I stopped using them last spring, and never looked back. Been a lot happier and healthier since because it became just a relentless huge mass of triggers for me. If I were you, I'd (mentally) tell her to f off, and try to forget about her rudeness completely.

Thanks for your added insight and advice. I am also glad that you have gotten away from FB and other such sites since they have caused you alot of stress. I think that you make alot of good points with what you have said.

Thanks. Glad to be of help. And to clarify, I think facebook and social networking sites are great tools if used correctly, I just know that I can't trust myself to use them correctly right now or at least in a way that would be constructive towards my overall well-being. And I know if I feel that way about it, surely there must be other people out there like me, no? I'm only saying this because I feel so strongly about social-networking sites, and so post here a lot about them. I wouldn't want another person to cut it out of their lives if they are getting some enjoyment out of it. On the other hand, if facebook is causing you or anyone else nothing but misery, then like me, it clearly needs to be removed from their lives.

totally agreed and very well said!! :smilingteeth:

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