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golden29

I Can't Believe No Matter How Hard I Try

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I was raised in the Catholic Church, my grandma is an ex-nun, and my mom teaches at a private Catholic School. Needless to say, I have been raised in a religious household and both of my parents are very loving. When I was in the fifth grade, my dad went to Iraq. When he came back a little over a year later, he seemed different. He stopped going to church, and when my mom wasn't around, he would talk about how the Catholics worship idols (ie praying to Mary). Growing up, my faith had never been strong. I never liked going to Church or praying before meals. But I think deep down, I did know God was there. When I started my junior year of high school, everything changed. Its been almost a year now and its only getting worse. I just stopped believing all together. I don't know why or how, but its like all meaning in my life is GONE and I just want to die. Or, not even die, I just want to cease to exist. I'd never **** myself, cause I don't have enough passion. I feel nothing. No joy, excitement, anger, or even sadness. More than anything, I want to believe. I've tried going back to Church with my grandma, and although it makes me feel better, it only lasts about an hour, and it doesn't help me believe. I don't want to talk to any members of my Church because no one understands, and the ones that do are way too understanding... if that makes any sense. I dont want people to feel sorry for me or give me "reasons" to believe. I just want to believe. On my own. So, if anyone here was able to find God, please tell me how. Im so ******* tired of feeling like dying every day. Without God there is no point to life AT ALL (for me, anyway). Please, any people who don't believe in God, don't post on this unless you have something encouraging. I respect your views entirely, please respect mine.

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Hi and Welcome golden29

There are so many ways to find yourself and find faith and belief. I believe that God lives in everything and is in everyone and it is my thought, that the best place to find your belief is within you. If you go outside and look at the tree's and nature and everything that is around you, the wind, the rain, everything seems to be alive. It helps me.

Trace

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I think it is always good to belive that there is some one out there very powerful who is supporting me.

Billions of people throught the history belive in God because they get back some kind of healing as a return for the investment.

but how to get convinced that there is God is something I guess no one can answer because it is by product of each person experiance and back-ground

I am 53 and I have been in and out all my life, and the older I get the longer the outs than the ins.

I think the answer to your question is to try harder and focus on the possitive side of God

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Are you in His Word everyday? Also try "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Also, to find God, you just have to look inside oneself. Depending on your type religion, if you accept His Son and what He did for us, the Holy Spirit will be in you to help you. Psalm 91. His love for us is much stronger than our anxiety, our OCD, our worries or our depression. God bless.

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I've struggled for a long time in my beliefs about God and spirituality, religion, etc. What I feel now is that I love spirituality, not so much religion. The rules, the rituals, the judgmental aspects of it don't appeal to me... the message of love and eternal life does.

When I read "The Language of God" by Francis Collins (he helped discover the human genome), I came to a more satisfied place. The message of the book is that science and faith can co-exist. A lot of people need physical proof of God, yet God is non-physical. Yet, you can see subtle evidence everywhere. I believe when you get chills or goose bumps on hearing a beautiful song or voice singing, that is God. That feeling of awe and inspiration you get when looking at beautiful mountain ranges or flowing rivers and glaciers, that is God's whisper. When a person runs into a burning house to save a baby and knows he/she might die, but does it anyway - that is evidence of God. People all over the world, in completely different cultures, people that have had no access to our media, books, belief systems still search for God and have moral codes. What drives them to seek these things out, everywhere? In my view, it is the subtle aspects of God manifesting in our physical world.

Sometimes it's not enough, but I am further than I was. Sometimes I get comfort in that.

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Hi Golden:

I think the literature recommendations provided for you are excellent.

During our spiritual journeys we often experience a variety of seasons. I don't know exactly all the things that are going on inside of you, but I've found that when I'm feeling depressed that my faith is not as strong as when I'm feeling well. I don't know whether that is good or bad, but it is true.

Please be patient with the matters of faith unresolved in your heart. I do believe God has a way of working with us on these things.

It does take time.

Wishing you the best,

Tim

Edited by Tim 52

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Golden

Don't worry about whether or not you believe right now. Just open your heart and reach out. Even those who are crying out to God struggle with unbelief.

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for one who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

Start to read the bible a little every day; I like the gospels. You will connect; God is never far away.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Blessings

Kai

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My belief in God has waxed and waned over the years, as I've been more or less hopeful about my depression. But I made the biggest discovery when I stopped trying to force myself to believe in the God of Sunday School, and started asking myself, "What do you believe about God?" The answers that I got weren't what I was expecting, but they fit me much better than the standard Christian theology. So maybe the difficulty you have believing in God shows that the Christian model doesn't fit you any more - maybe you would get some relief if you explored other concepts of the Deity. You might start with the Quakers, or with the Unitarians since both churches accept a wide range of beliefs, and encourage you to find the relationship to God that best fits you and your life. Friends tell me that Buddhism is similarly flexible, but I don't know enough about it to comment.

I've settled into the Stoic concept of God as the animating spirit of the universe, motivating and pervading every person, thing, and action. God has plans for the best outcome for the universe, but not necessarily for its individual components like you or me. So my depression, miserable though it is, is part of a larger plan that leads to a more perfect universe. That provides some degree of comfort, and doesn't leave me feeling, "Why has God abandoned me?"

Not a perfect relationship, and certainly not what I was taught all those decades ago, but it feels right to me.

Best of luck on your own voyage.

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On 6/11/2011 at 8:36 PM, Rincewind said:

I've settled into the Stoic concept of God as the animating spirit of the universe, motivating and pervading every person, thing, and action. God has plans for the best outcome for the universe, but not necessarily for its individual components like you or me. So my depression, miserable though it is, is part of a larger plan that leads to a more perfect universe. That provides some degree of comfort, and doesn't leave me feeling, "Why has God abandoned me?"

Not a perfect relationship, and certainly not what I was taught all those decades ago, but it feels right to me.

I wrote this six years ago, and it's interesting to see how I've changed since then. As you can see, I was a pretty hard-core Stoic, because that's a good philosophy when you're just trying to manage the pain.

But God has become a lot more personal to me over the years, mostly because I've started to feel the Spirit's presence in me. I'm still a Quaker, and wouldn't be comfortable in more doctrinaire churches, but now at least i know what a Baptist means by "Accept Christ into your life."

Depression still sucks, but I'm starting to get little boosts from outside myself.

YAY!

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If you want to know God, you have to pray. Prayer is the main channel of communication between us and Him. There are 3 keys to effective prayer:

1. pray persistently (pray every day whether you feel like it or not);

2. pray with humility (always remember that you are the creation, and He is the creator, and submit to His will, not yours); and

3. pray with confidence (find the small grain of faith that exists in all of us, and know that He hears you).

Then keep an open heart and open mind to hear His response, which can come in many different ways. 

Fight the tendency to doubt and disbelieve. This will block His voice. Beware of the world, which will bombard you with messages and images and teachings designed to drive you away from Him. 

Never forget who is the ruler of this world. Jesus told us unequivocally. You know who it is, right?

Why do bad things happen in this world? Because man is fallen, and we are stuck here with the ruler of this world and his huge army of fallen angels, whose only mission is to prevent you from returning to God. They hate you because you can be saved, but they cannot be saved.

Never for a minute doubt the reality of the spiritual world and spiritual creatures (angels and fallen angels, aka demons). You may not believe in them, but they certainly believe in you. The fallen ones use your ignorance of them and your disbelief against you. It makes you easy prey.

Be careful of the arguments of atheists, agnostics, and pagans. They will try to intellectually rationalize why God cannot exist (“bad things happen”, “a good God would not allow this,” etc.), or they will invent their own version of God or gods based on their own wishful thinking (eg. every “new age” or happy-sappy spiritualist philosophy). Faith is beyond the rationalizations of the human mind.

Do not let the tragedies and troubles of this world break your spirit. Remember it is all temporary and will pass. God allows you to suffer for a reason. Your faith, hope, love, and perseverance are all being put to the test.

A big secret that many do not understand is that your suffering is a gift. You are now able to place it at the foot of the cross, join it with the suffering of Jesus, and offer it as a sacrifice to God in reparation for your sins, for the praise and glory of His name, for the forgiveness of sinners, and for the salvation of souls. 

None of this is easy. We are not put on this earth to have an easy, happy life. Anybody frequenting the Depression Forums should understand this. True Christianity is a hard way of life. There is a reason that Jesus told us clearly that His way is the narrow way. 

Everything I am telling you is true. To arrive here took me many years of spiritually searching, going down many spiritual paths, much study and research, much prayer, and much discernment. I took my spiritual quest very seriously, and so must you.

I was also very fortunate to have been blessed with direct private revelations, visions, and visitations. God is beyond all human imagining. He is an infinite love that is indescribable.  But you must seek Him. If you do, He will certainly reach out to you. Pray. Pray. Pray!

Why did God set up the world and our lives the way He did? Well, remember that He is the creator and you are the creation. He has reasons that are beyond our knowing. If we get to heaven, we can ask Him. :)

Meanwhile, do everything possible to get there! There are many obstacles - the world, the flesh, and the evil one are all conspiring against you. It may not seem fair, but that’s the way it is. If you overcome those obstacles, an eternity in paradise is waiting for you.

Do you believe? You must start with faith and proceed with courage and persistance. It only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to start. It is in you. Look for it. 

Edited by One More Red Nightmare

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