Relationship Poll #2

[Brokenme]

single and content I guess. not that anyone has ever loved me before..

[Tholomyes]

Single, and unsatisfied, but I lack the confidence and social skills to do anything about it. Never been in a relationship, and I've only ever tried asking someone out once, after about 8 months of arguing with myself on whether I should. It was a complete failure.

[ghosttotheworld]

Single for my whole life so far (I'm almost 25) and not satisfied. Just wish someone would like me back. It gets hard sometimes being alone. I feel like an outcast never having a girlfriend.

[NeedLobotomy]

This Poll shows that Widowed people have the lowest %.

I'm married and not happy with my relationship so I see the results as showing that the low % of Widowed people using a Depression Forum means that they have experienced marriage and on release from their commitment don't feel depressed anymore?

Or are they following Widow/Widower Forums instead?

[NeedLobotomy]

Married and I love my wife, but life is very difficult with her right now as she's in the "Close her eyes until my issues go away" Phase which basically has been ongoing since the start...

I'm in the same situation and I think there's nothing as lonely as being with someone and still feeling alone and lonely and without support.

[NeedLobotomy]

I'm single for 5+ years now, relationships are overrated. It gets me down, often and more than anything else. But those are the breaks.

I agree with you! A relationship is not the 'cure-all' that single people think it will be. I'd love to be single, I just can't find the energy to do it.

[NeedLobotomy]

I've been happily married for almost a year now.

My husband is really my everything... He knows how bad my depression gets, he's the only one who I'll reveal myself when I'm at my lowest point, and he still 110% supports and loves me. Sometimes he's the only thing keeping me going. He knows what's up when I need to ask for a hug, he'll hold me until I calm down. I feel extremely fortunate to have him.

You are so lucky. I am happy for you.

[Mortbane]

I've been living with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I've been engaged twice before, but never married. I'd never been really interested in marriage and there was always something sort of keeping me from it. The first time, I will admit I was settling because I thought that's what I was supposed to do (nobody knows that experience like my current boyfriend who actually went through with a marriage he didn't want). The date was up in the air but set for "sometime when we're both out of school." He'd graduated and I had dropped out, but panic hit me that I was still way too interested in other people and hadn't really explored my options. I started exploring my options while we were still in a relationship, and I told him about it. It was "okay" for a while, but it really highlighted the problems we were already having. We split.

The next time I was engaged was kind of by accident. Apparently I'm the one who proposed and he accepted. He'd said from the beginning that he didn't want to get married because it's all a bunch of stupid paperwork and totally not necessary. After an argument one night (we'd only been together for a few months), we were making up and working things out and I asked him "if it weren't for all the stupid legal crap, would you marry me?" He took this to mean "Will you marry me?" and accepted. I was sort of caught off-guard about what to say. I had only been curious as to how serious he thought our relationship was, and while I loved him and had no intention of leaving him any time soon, that was really not what I meant. I figured rather than break his heart by telling him that he'd misunderstood, I would just let this happen, because we didn't have to set a date yet, and someday it might be what I wanted. And that was fine for almost 6 years. Except that we were really bad for each other. We both let the other one's bad habits get out of control, because who were we to judge with our own problems. It was a fool's paradise.

But I'm happy with my boyfriend now. I'm not proud of how we got together, and all the things we went through to get here were absolutely deserved. I would have it no other way.

[Tiggerluvr]

I am married and sometimes happy with it, sometimes not. It depends on what he does wrong that day ;)

[UMustang]

The second question is a little odd for me. I'm married and answered "sometimes".

I love my wife dearly. There have been many positive things that she has brought into my life. She is the only woman who has ever accepted me for who I am, clinical depression and all. When we were engaged and I disassociated myself with my parents (because they rejected her), she was a tremendous support for me.

The issue is her schitzoaffective disorder, and more accurately her inability to accept and treat it effectively. She never told me about her illness when we got married (she categorized it as depression). When we got married, she unilaterally stopped taking her medication because we wanted to have children. Since then, it's been a real struggle, fighting with her to both accept the diagnosis and treat it through medication, therapy, and other methods. She rejects the diagnosis, believing she has depression, and refuses to take antipsychotics (which have proven to work in the past). When her illness gets really bad, our marriage really takes a hit, and that's when I'm unhappy.

Right now I'm really unhappy. She's been hospitalized for five weeks now without treatment and, depending on the outcome of her hearing yesterday, could be hospitalized wihtout treatment even longer! She threatens me on an almost daily basis with divorce when I visit her.

[eternaloptimist]

I've been married close to one year, so still pretty new, but I am very happy with it. My husband loves and supports me more than anyone else ever has. He understands my depression and doesn't expect me to perform to a certain level.

My family growing up was very performance-based, and so it was never ok to be in a bind or to take breaks from things, like school or work. I was never allowed to simply exist, except for when I was a young child. The problem was that my mom suffered from depression and didn't try to work on it and consequently spent years eating and watching tv. So I think the life pressure were to not be that. And now sometimes I'm afraid that I am that. I'm afraid that like my dad, my husband may get tired of me being depressed, may feel dissatisfied and let down, and may feel that I didn't help him out enough. While I do have rough days where I can't motivate myself to do household work, I do think I do a good job most of the time and I'm good at picking up and dropping off my husband.

So, while I'm worried about my husband not accepting me at times, it's probably only me projecting my issues in accepting myself. I have an extremely difficult time accepting myself, imperfections and all. Because I don't do as much as I'm physically, mentally, and socially capable of, I feel inferior. I guess I need to define a new normal. I just realized that those are old family expectations that I need to toss out. I fully believe that if I continue to let myself feel inferior, undeserving, not hard working enough, and not worthy of love, that could sabotage our relationship. So I'm working on me for me, but also for us and for our future children. I want them to have an available, healthy mother. That's my hope.

Thanks for letting me get that out. I wish everyone else health and love in their own relationships.

[shio]

I know for me it doesn't matter if i am in a relationship or not - the depression is still there. But I do admit that there are times when i wish i had a bf to hang out with and to just give me a hug when i need one.

Having a dog makes being single easier for me.

[taney]

I'm single and mostly content. I'm recently out of a bad 2 year relationship. We had some good times but the bad times were really bad. Between my depression and insecurities and his gambling, depression and lying, it was a disaster waiting to happen. The more I gave, the more he wanted, but it was never reciprocated. In the end, I found out that he had been on dating sites the entire time I was with him. And the last straw was when I was diagnosed with genital herpes. I accused him of giving it to me, but in reality, it could have been any of the guys I had been with. I do miss the affection and cuddling, but don't miss the drama.

[NorthernStar]

I'm single and usually happy with that, though I must admit a like-minded partner would be very welcome too. However, as I'm a bit of a non-conformist it's not always that easy even to make friends, and besides my past experiences in dating taught me some tough but valuable lessons. The guys were not in love with Me, but merely an idealized and unrealistic image they created about me. I never felt truly loved or respected and felt really bad about myself most of the time. Having a history of school bullying it was easy to fall in love with the idea of someone fancying me, but I noticed pretty quickly these relationships were more or less toxic and decided to break up. During the last half a decade, I've concentrated on working on my own self-esteem and now I feel I'm finally coming to the point where I wouldn't say "no" to dating if I met someone with whom I click with. Still, being single isn't an illness to me and I don't need a partner to make myself complete. Better healthy singledom than an unhealthy relationship.

[Rhop]

Divorced, I was married when my depression started, and it caused too many complications for us to continue. Relationships can be ten times more work with severe major depression.

[YogaMomOf4]

Been married for 20 years. Had our ups and downs, and there have been times in the past when I would have answered that I'm NOT satisfied; but currently, yes, I am.

[amberm]

In a relationship with my bf for 7 months now. We had an amzing honeymoon period for about 2 months, then slowly I just started feeling different. In a fog almost, distant and didnt know what was wrong. I thought I was falling out of love with my bf and it took me about 2 months to realise I most likely suffering from depression. It didnt just start then, I beleive i've been depressed for just over 2 years (I just didnt know it). My family has a history of depression, my mums mum, my uncle and my sister as well. I also feel I denied it to myself for such a long time.
My bf has been incredibly supportive and tries so hard to help me, we are learning as we go to deal with it and I have only recently gone to the doctors to deal with this. He has a hard time knowing how to support me and dealing with his feelings of my distance and me being emotionaless at time. We do talk a lot about it, always open with our communication so I really think that helps.

It can get really hard seeing as we both still live at home (seperate homes) and dont see each other as much as we did in the beggining which from day dot was every day (i used to live 10 mins away form him, now 1 hour).

At the end of the day i do know i can count on him for support, he is such a help. I love him to bits.

Of course you dont wish depression on anyone and the pressure it can put on a relationship is huge. Day by day is sometimes what it takes.

Glad i have someone there like him to support him, I wish everyone with a mental illness had someone who would stick by them and support them. Its not easy but neither is life :)

[blau]

I'm single and usually okay with it. Sometimes I get lonely, but I think it's better to be single than in a bad relationship. Most of the couples I've met have serious problems, while only a few seem to actually love and respect each other, so I guess I'm just jaded. I don't have much energy either, thanks to depression, so usually I'm relieved that I can come home and not have to deal with a husband or screaming kids.

[avatar576]

I have been single my entire life. I don't think it is because of any social awkwardness on my part, but I just have never figured out the whole dating thing. To most people it is fun and exciting, but I hate it. I can't have fun at all when I feel like I am being judged on everything I say and do. The few dates I have been on were always one-way conversations. It sucks trying to make a connection with someone who has no interest in reciprocating. It really sucks when it happens over and over and over again.

Edited December 14, 2013 by avatar576

[SpiralingMind]

Single and ok with it.

[flasquish]

Hi Trace,

I've been in an fantastic relationship for almost 20 years. My partner has been very supportive of me and is glad that I finally am on sertraline and making great progress. Emotional support is priceless.

[JD4010]

Married, but not happily.

Earlier this year, I ran into somebody and we both fell for each other, badly. Then I did something stupid and royally p!ssed her off. She kicked me in the @ss and sent me out the door. I'm still wallowing in the dirt because of it.

So, yeah...not OK with it.

[BlueWeepingRose]

Haven't told many people as of lately cause they never asked me, but I'm currently in a serious relationship with someone and I'm happy with him. He's supporting me getting through the abuse that I've been through, I met him out of the blue and didn't expect that I'd meet him at all. I love him I must say and he's a great listener. Probably the best boyfriend I've ever had cause he's always there for me and willing to listen to me whenever I'm upset.

[Licorice]

Single. I guess I'm not too upset about it, but I'd feel better if the alternative of trying to find someone of like mind who'd be a healthy match wasn't so difficult and I just wasn't dating due to a lack of interest.

[graycoyote]

Hi, I've been happily married to my best friend, confidant, supporter, and lover for a great 37 years now. She had deppresion as the children were born, worked her way out of it. She completely understands how it is to feel this way. I have had chronic severe depression for 20 years now.

I am much better now after getting on the right combo of meds for me, learning all the coping techniques of CBT and EBT. Yes, I am not the man she married but she is not the same woman I married. We both have changed for what I believe is the better.