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Want To Explore My Gay Side, But Don't Know How To Tell My Wife!


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Hi all,

I am bi-sexual. Have been since i was younger. I have only ever had 3 boyfriends, but the last guy broke my heart. I want to re-experience my gay side, but i don't know how.

Firstly no guy is gonna accept that i am a bi-sexual and that i am married. and secondly i have no sexual relationship with my wife right now, so she will be upset if i go off with a guy.

I don't know what to do verysad3.gif

Please give me advice.

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Hi all,

I am bi-sexual. Have been since i was younger. I have only ever had 3 boyfriends, but the last guy broke my heart. I want to re-experience my gay side, but i don't know how.

Firstly no guy is gonna accept that i am a bi-sexual and that i am married. and secondly i have no sexual relationship with my wife right now, so she will be upset if i go off with a guy.

I don't know what to do verysad3.gif

Please give me advice.

So what are you actually wanting to do? Are you wanting to have an open relationship? Does your wife know that? Does she know you are bi? Did you discuss non-monogamy when you got married? There are various ways relationships can be, open, poly, swingers, monogamous, celibate, whatever, but whatever you do I feel that you have made a commitment to your wife so whatever you do, you should discuss it with her. If she's not OK with you seeing men too, what would you do then? What if she wants to see other people too? what about the risks? Physical risks (like STDs) but also emotional, would your relationship stand up to it? Honesty is the best policy here. I don't understand why you write that because you and your wife are not having sex right now, therefore it would upset her if you went with a man. If you were having sex would it be fine? Are you sure? Have you heard of Dan Savage? He is a columnist and broadcaster who is in a poly relationship himself, I would suggest looking up his podcasts and listening to some.

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Hi, Ghost81:

I'm pretty much with Worrier999.

If you don't mind me being a bit blunt, it seems to me that you've not communicated your sexuality and your current issues with your wife. So, communicating now feels difficult, awkward, even scary.

The bedrock of relationships must be communication. As we grow as people, our needs change and so our relationship must grow. This is true whether the issue is a new job, going back to college, or having sexual experience with another. It is a partnership.

In all fairness to your wife, you need to discuss why the two of you aren't having sex. Has she withdrawn? Why? Have you been feeling less attracted to her? If so, she'll know and perhaps even feel unattractive. Or there may be other emotional or physiological issues with your wife.

I'm kind of surprised you would say, "no guy is gonna accept that i am a bi-sexual and that i am married." There are other married bisexual men, too. There are unmarried bisexual men. And there are gay men who are okay with a relationship with a married bi man. The bottom line, though, is from the get-go, you must tell him you are bisexual and married. When I was 18-19 years old and ridiculously romantic, several married bisexual men hooked up with me. I felt deeply hurt and betrayed.

Anyway, if she is upset by what you have to say, isn't that understandable? Perhaps she would feel threatened if you explore your gay side--that she would lose you. Perhaps you even feel that fear. Bisexuality is confusing to many people who think of the world in black and white, either/or terms.

Take a look at the questions Worrier999 raised and try to answer them. What do you actually specifically want? The discussion with your wife may actually clarify many things.

I am concerned that the longer you wait on this conversation, the more resentment you'll both feel toward each other. If you just find that you can't raise this issue, I think a marriage counselor would be helpful. A counselor can teach you both how to talk to each other in non-threatening ways and, just as importantly, how to listen without getting defensive.

Good luck. Hope I've said something helpful.

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Hey there,

My MacBook was on the fritz for a real days, so I apologize for me temporary radio silence and going a bit ghost. I just got a moment to read your topics, as well the posts, and (naturally~ but of course!) and glow with the heatfult, really empathetic and astute understanding, and helpful suggestions regarding the complexity of your situation. I does seem, as written primordial problem is with various forms of communication with your wife, both intimate and otherwise. It must not be easy to admit these emotions to others (let alone yourself) and want to thank you for having the courage to voice your concerns in our communities.I implore you not to begin sneaking around on your partner, as unethical mistruth certainly does not serve anyone—these conversations, which must occur. in a just, kind, loving, and essential matter. I know it will be painful and critically challenging, but it is starkly evident you have the brave, bona fide character to engage with loving radical truth.

I wish you all the best exploring this matter with yourself, your current partner, and to figure our work is helpful for each of you at this moment—being markedly honest and real even if it is deeply nerve-wracking and frightening. You can do it. I am not to add, as so much if already on the table, but feel free to come by and us let know you're being. I care in, toto. You will never be alone here.

Thanks for sharing. I hope it has been helpful! Feel free to check in on this—and anything else you want! It is a pleasure to have you.

Most sincerely,

Liliah

Edited by Liliah
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Being gay I know full will the lure of the male body. However some things to think about.

Are you willing to risk your marriage for that. If you are then you might be more gay than you think.

One you open that door it can't be shut. You are essentially starting the process of coming out of the closet.

You can be sure your wife will tell members of her family and maybe your friends.

If it goes badly and you have kids, this may have a bearing on your custody or visitation rights

You can kiss condless sex good bye. Just because you arent having sex doesnt mean you wont later.

And even with a condon you risk getting crabs, herpies etc

Are you comfortable with be used to get off, while it is fun, one night stands are just that two people using each other to get off.

It really come down to what you feel your marriage is at. It it hopeless Can it be fixed.

And please dont think about not telling her. I know a few cases where the wife gets that call from a stranger telling them about the husbands late night activities.

Now as to how you tell her:

Start with how you feel about her, how important she is to you. Right away she will suspect something is up:)

Then say "I want to ask your permission to do something and if agree we will talk about how I will do it. If you don't, then I won't do it and I wont bring this up again. (And be prepared to mean what you say)

Tell her about your prior life and be honest you have an inkling for it.

But honestly very very few women want to share thier spouse. So be prepared to either 100 percent faithful or 100 percent divorced.

Good luck

I hope things work out for you

Roche Runo

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