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Ex-Boyfriend's Views


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Something has bothered me recently regarding my ex-boyfriend's religious "conversion" -- yeah, he broke it off with me last summer after finding that he cannot reconcile being gay with rediscovering his Christianity. I saw on facebook the other day that he had answered a poll asking if you support gay rights, and he answered "no." His religious path is basically fundamentalist -- i.e., what the Bible says is what goes, period. I am honestly well past feeling bad about our breakup, but as his friend I am struggling. Honestly, I don't usually give a darn what someone's views are, even with GLBT issues. But I feel like he has still disrespected me and anyone else in the GLBT community. He doesn't have anything else on his profile or posts that even touches on the subject, and he certainly keeps his religious stuff positive, but that one poll answer just bugs me :( Another reason for that is I have always hoped that he is happy, that this religious path he is on doesn't cause him to hate himself, but I feel like he wouldn't want me to be happy should I find a new boyfriend or partner.....

Similar to issues discussed in the previous thread in this forum about fathers accepting their sons' sexuality, I'm stuck wondering if I should continue to be friends with my ex....I always try to accept people's views, but I don't condone bigotry, which I feel like he has expressed by saying he doesn't support gay rights. Perhaps I will decide to let it be what it is, and just focus on things we still have in common....but any feedback would be welcome :)

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If you do decide to break off the frendship, do so slowly, so you can be mentally prepared. Everything you wrote about makes a lot of sense, except the part when you said he might not want you to be happy should you find another boyfriend. Seriously, that is none of his concern. If you are willing to accept his (yes, drastic) religious view, then he must accept your sexuality and any new partners you might choose. Quid pro quo. You give, he gives. Acceptance is only worth it when it goes both ways.

It is very big of you to be so tolerant of his religion when he is apparently less than tolerant of your sexual orientation ... I admire your selflessness.

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If you do decide to break off the frendship, do so slowly, so you can be mentally prepared. Everything you wrote about makes a lot of sense, except the part when you said he might not want you to be happy should you find another boyfriend. Seriously, that is none of his concern. If you are willing to accept his (yes, drastic) religious view, then he must accept your sexuality and any new partners you might choose. Quid pro quo. You give, he gives. Acceptance is only worth it when it goes both ways.

It is very big of you to be so tolerant of his religion when he is apparently less than tolerant of your sexual orientation ... I admire your selflessness.

Thank you for sharing that, ellymerryweather :D I think you're right on

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Hi, Rypdx27:

I'm a bit confused about the expression of you and your ex's "friendship." Dinner, movies, phone calls?

In any event, if I were in your situation, I'd ask, "What am I getting out of this relationship?" It is noble that you want him to be happy, but what about you? You deserve to have a relationship (with a boyfriend and friends)that is supportive, loving, enriching, and comfortable.

Hasn't he already moved on from your relationship? Maybe it's time to move on too.

(This is just my two-cents worth.)

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First off, it may be a case of him putting NO in order to show his new relegious friends that he has indeed changed. It may not be how he feels at all. If you are friends then you need simply sit down for a conversation on how you felt when you saw that. And take it from there.

Asking what does supporting rights to people who been denied them got to with what the bible says about being gay.

Tell him if he wants your support for turning religious, could he not a least support your basic human rights.

He is most likely haveing trouble dealing with his own orientation.

And in time he mostly will change is mind and rejoing the gay community.

One of my children, who also found religion, once told she was sad that I wasnt going to share heaven with her. A few later I teased her about that and she "Dad, I was 17 at the time. What did I know?"

I hope things work out for you

Roche Runo

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Okay, listen. I just have to say that according to the tenets of fundamentalist Christianity, homosexuality is a sin because of how they interpret two passages in The Book of Leviticus. Someone who holds tight to that world view is not going to agree that a bunch of sinners should have the right to marry, which is one of seven sacraments. It doesn't matter that it's you. In fact, he probably prays for you that you will get "better" because you are a wonderful person. I have a roommate (for one more month thankfully!) who is a fundy, and man: some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth. She "prays" for me not to have "urges for woman" anymore, and honestly thinks I can think myself not bisexual (she calls "think" "finding god" instead). I told her it was interesting for professing such a love for Jesus, her ideals and moral structure come from the Old Testament, not from the New, where Jesus was absolutely not down with bigotry and hypocrisy. And guess what? She came out to me! Even said she had a crush on me, which was BEYOND shocking. And for a while was feeling less repressed, and just generally happier, and we grew much friendlier (I am 0% attracted to her). And then boom: she comes home and tells me that Jesus told her she can no longer be "social friends" (phrase verbatim) with me, and now is trying to move out. See ya! I know your friend will be more reasonable.

And the truth is, he cares about your well being. But now, it may mean, to him, that he will be a friend to you, but pray for you to not to go to hell. If his beliefs are fundamentalist (you did not say what sect), that's pretty much how they roll. Can you have a conversation with him about this? Maybe he breaks some of the rules. I don't know. I see these super religious Christians eating selfish all the time! I hate when people cherry pick the Bible unless it is to teach some of its beautiful lessons, not hatred. I wish you a lot of luck, and hope you let us know what happens, if you're comfortable.

I did not mean to be offensive, but that is indeed my experience (and understanding, as I've read her church's literature. Holy smokes...). I know it will be better with an established friend, but hard. I want you to be okay. We're here for you, always.

Sincerely,

Liliah

Edited by Liliah
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