Jump to content

Do You Hate Yourself?


abyssal

  

526 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you hate yourself?

    • Yes
      253
    • No
      74
    • Sometimes
      177
    • Maybe/ Not sure
      22


Recommended Posts

Oh , how I despise myself . It took me 50 years to get to know myself ( well, my depression made me search for my personality.) , and now that I think I know , I wish I could still live my previously ignorant life.

Edited by imaman
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate lots of the decisions I've made, and the fact that other people were complicit in some of those decisions has made me very world-weary.

I dislike things about myself that can't be changed, and things about the world that can't be changed and seem to be getting worse

Edited by spider and i
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't hate myself so much as I regret being who I am, which is quietly toxic. I know it and spent years in therapy and counseling fighting it, but when push comes to shove, it is, all too often, the most "satisfying" (in a logical way) explanation for how I, and things in my life, turned out. I hate the two most elementary self-identifiers-- my face and my name-- but because my face wasn't truly disfigured, just a very peculiar mashup of strange individual features, and I was discouraged from changing my name until it became too late to do so (for professional reasons), I feel stuck with both-- and while I have developed compensating strategies for both (I work very hard to keep my weight down because I know from experience that my face looks even dumber when it is-- I am-- chubby, and I present a genial aspect when people ask me questions about my name or have trouble saying it), I'm now at a position where I look back and wonder what not being afraid of roll calls, of not being mocked for either my name or my appearance (and I was)-- in other words, not being ashamed of being me-- would have been like, and how my life would have been different.

It led me to hide, both literally and figuratively, to hide myself from the world for fear of mockery and to avoid unpleasant situations. Not everyone overcomes the "boy named Sue" problem-- it defeats some of us. And the fact that it defeated me, and that in other ways I didn't sufficiently overcome these things (after all, I was reminded,others overcome much worse!) has led me to question my character-- am I more of a coward than those others, than most others, than almost all others? Is cowardice a character trait that will follow me to death? Am I really a coward, or are we all cowards? At about this point, it just wears me out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't hate myself so much as I regret being who I am, which is quietly toxic. I know it and spent years in therapy and counseling fighting it, but when push comes to shove, it is, all too often, the most "satisfying" (in a logical way) explanation for how I, and things in my life, turned out. I hate the two most elementary self-identifiers-- my face and my name-- but because my face wasn't truly disfigured, just a very peculiar mashup of strange individual features, and I was discouraged from changing my name until it became too late to do so (for professional reasons), I feel stuck with both-- and while I have developed compensating strategies for both (I work very hard to keep my weight down because I know from experience that my face looks even dumber when it is-- I am-- chubby, and I present a genial aspect when people ask me questions about my name or have trouble saying it), I'm now at a position where I look back and wonder what not being afraid of roll calls, of not being mocked for either my name or my appearance (and I was)-- in other words, not being ashamed of being me-- would have been like, and how my life would have been different.

It led me to hide, both literally and figuratively, to hide myself from the world for fear of mockery and to avoid unpleasant situations. Not everyone overcomes the "boy named Sue" problem-- it defeats some of us. And the fact that it defeated me, and that in other ways I didn't sufficiently overcome these things (after all, I was reminded,others overcome much worse!) has led me to question my character-- am I more of a coward than those others, than most others, than almost all others? Is cowardice a character trait that will follow me to death? Am I really a coward, or are we all cowards? At about this point, it just wears me out.

I am the girl who made them laugh instead of letting them laugh at me. I have never been the girl who got to be herself. Way to risky. Reading your post made me think of how that was/is my coping . I chatter, be cute and funny, talk about my own faults and insecurities. I don't hate that girl so much as I wish she was me? Make sense?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate myself at the moment I hate how I handle things how I think .... how i find it a battle to do any university work..... how I cant think straight at the moment I get confused.....

I hate how I keep wishing for things that seem far off and I hate how I dont know who I am at the moment.... I dont know what I want or where I am going ..... I keep thinking that I can confirm my identity by being a mother and keep thinking if me and my other half would accidental get pregnant before we planned I would be happier as I would be a mother and maybe thats what I want and thats what I am meant to be but then I think were not ready and of course it wouldnt solve everything the only thing working for us is our relationship everything else seems to go wrong weve been together over 4 years...

I am on the pill and will not purposely get pregnant till we are where we want to be and it has to be for the right reasons which right now it is not the right reasons.... I hate myself for thinking this way I think I just want to love something and be loved on that level as mother and child . Me and my other half want children but want to do other things before that happens... I hate myself for sometimes wanting it now because i know how sad it would make him because he want things out of life before that happens so do i really. things are messing with my head at the moment and I hate myself for it.

i probably wouldnt make a good mother as I am at the moment anyway....

we want to get married before we have children etc.. sigh....

I hate how I cant do anything right at the moment.... I keep screwing things up even simple things.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't hate myself now, but I used to, many years ago. However, I know that other people hate me, or at least dislike me. I don't know why I have this feeling, I just do.

I'm a writer and have recently self-published but I am so upset by the lack of support from my friends and other writer friends online. I've helped these writer friends and supported them when they got published, and promoted them, etc. I'm deeply disappointed that they haven't done the same. I can't get this out of my head and it's making me anxious.

I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. I've always had this feeling that no one likes me. I suppose it stems from my schooldays as I was bullied.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I absolutely loathe myself. I had such a bright future when I was younger, was too stupid to see it, and squandered all the intelligence and opportunities that came my way. I have done so many horrible things and have become everything I said I would never be. The kind of person I used to look down on. I am ashamed of what I have become and feel I have failed at everything. I think if I hadn't been such a straight A student growing up, this wouldn't be such a hard thing for me to swallow. But I was incredibly smart and gifted and should be somewhere or doing something. And I'm not. I'm a pretty sad, pathetic person and this is about as good as life is gonna get for me. I know this is my fault and my mental state will not let me change that. I have always hated myself.

Get out of my head!

Hate update... Currently beating myself up for reasons very similar to those above. Am certain I am much more to blame than SyntheticSmile, though. I can see, so clearly, what my life should have been, could have been, if I hadn't been so *relentlessly* weak and stupid. I suspect one of the reasons my depression is so firmly entrenched is that I think I deserve it. I disgust myself.

Sometimes when my self-criticism gets too personal I like to imagine myself as a child. There's no way I could hate a child who is scared and in pain. There's absolutely no way I would tell them they are worthless or some of the other things I used to tell myself.

Unfortunately, this doesn't work in my case. I am incredibly frustrated and dissatisfied with Child Me as well, who made things so much harder for herself than they needed to be, and laid such unfavourable social and emotional foundations for Adult Me. I have some powerful hatin' going on.

Edited by abyssal
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like this font better. In response to the topic, I think I hate myself. I definitely strongly dislike myself on a daily basis, though. I do remember thinking many times that I hate myself in the recent past. A few responses up or so, I feel like them. In high school - straight A's, barely had to study for anything, and now I feel so stupid in college, I study a lot and I don't have as good of grades as I like( well for half my classes this semester, at least). Just now before I wrote this post, I realized that I have no idea what it is like to actually just hang out with people. I have, in the past 2 years here, almost only ever hung out with the track team during practice, meets, and for dinner. I have not hung out with anyone of the opposite gender in about as long, outside of the previously mentioned hanging out with the track team. I am definitely socially awkward, because I almost never talk, and when I do talk, I say the wrong thing, or something completely idiotic. Actually, the last time I have hung out with someone outside of track practice, and dinner after practice, is getting pretty near to a couple of months. This font makes me feel organized, even though I know this paragraph is totally disorganized. Now for the reasons I hate myself, on most days I have no idea exactly why. I can guess, but I am so bad at having reasons, I just guess about it. I disgust myself with my lack of social skills, and my lack of self confidence and self esteem. I often imagine myself sitting in a frozen, dark, wasteland, with old, thin, clothes, just sitting there freezing. That is what i feel like my emotional state is. Or something like that. Perhaps another reason why I might hate myself is that I am extremely wimpy. Meaning that I am very scared of change and doing things that are new that require me to have a certain set of skills or require a lot of interaction with people. I am sure I will think of all of the other ones as soon as i post this but oh well. My brain feels too foggy right now for me to think straight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I strongly dislike my situation. After being hospitalized last summer, I was supposed to come home and prove I could return to college by passing a community college class. Anyways, the class turned out to be an accelerated class so I couldn't handle it. But life goes on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't hate myself. Not now, at least. In the throes of a deep depression I do.

I'd like to know where my deep-seated anger is rooted.

Recently I've come to think that it's an amplification of the disrespect I feel for and show to myself. Each day I commit petty crimes against my better sensibilities. From time to time the charge is more serious. The cumulative effect grates me.

Perhaps the lack of self-respect comes from an implicit knowledge that I am living my life far below my potential. Rather than face the realities of failure and rejection - they come to all those who try - I would rather disparage myself to the point where I can rationalize my shortcomings. Instead of actually trying, and possibly failing, I'd sooner call it quits before I even get started. Or possibly I do this to hide from a greater fear - knowing what my potential actually is and realizing that I'm human.

I do not respect the self-pity I wallow in; the self-pity that has somehow become a source of hollow comfort; the self-pity that falsely shields me from the responsibilities I know I have to myself and to others.

But I don't hate myself. I'm tired of hating myself.

I need to learn to accept myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes.

Because I feel worthless.

I left school at 17 because of my social phobia/anxiety attacks. I disappointed my mom, who to this day said it took her over a year to come to terms about me leaving school.

I have very low self esteem. I think I'm fat when everyone says I am skinny, even the doctors have but i just don't believe them.

I have went for help. I am seeing a counsellor & attending a 'mental health centre' but because of the waiting list i won't get my CBT for months or maybe even a year no.gif .. Ive even attended an interview to go back to school next year.. but I have doubt about them picking me.

Even after all this i still doubt myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes most definitely. It runs so true the saying "you have to love yourself before loving others". Only those that love themselves lead the happiest of lives. But how can I love myself? Please take no offense but it seems to me that the majority of people I meet who are lacking in the intelligent department or awareness (maybe?) are the happiest. My family are very bright yet we are a miserable bunch. I wish I could say "who gives a D*** about the rise and fall of the sun what shall I eat today?" but it's not so simple....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I voted No.

I don't hate myself, I just hate what my life has become and what my future looks like. No matter how hard I try there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. There's this constant feeling that I'm wasting my life away in my current situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd have to know myself in order to hate myself. I've spent so many years bending myself all out of shape trying to be something just to please others, I've lost who I am along the way. When I find me, I'll let you know how I feel.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, i hate myself.

I think i have a great personality, and a lot to offer, but i feel like i'm stuck inside a fat ugly body which won't ever afford me the same oppurtuinites, or enjoyment of life, afforded to others. Even if i lose weight, i'll still have ugly skin, stretch marks, and etc. So yeah, i might like my personality/what's on the inside, but i detest how i look.......and am pretty depressed and lonely because of it, so i hate that.......therefore, hate myself. I often view myself as a waste of space...........i see no real point of my existence other than to make my mum smile..........which for me, luckily, is enough.....i'd never have the balls to commit suicide, because of my mum. But i still feel like a waste, who will never find anyone she finds even a LITTLE attractive to love her, which pi**es me off..........and leads to self-loathing. o_o But i have o friends, and can't bother my mom with this she's stressed enough, so yeah........i'm attempting to get over it myself..........and have been failing for 8 years in most regards, but i'm hoping starting college in a couple of weeks will turn things around.........even though im extremely nervous about having to being around people my age........who often think are a bit harsh to fat ugly chicks. [yeah, i'm a pessimist, sue me lol........i think i'm doing semi-alright though for have absolutely zero friends...........i could be worse off.]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[I hate myself so much its ridiculous. I hate how I converse with people, I hate the thoughts that float in my head, I hate how doubtful I am. I hate how I expect the worse and most negative outcomes in people and situations. I hate how I feel all the time and I hate myself for not being able to stop. I really hate myself.

Edited by VictorianGoth
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...